While I have had many moments in my long and tumultuous relationship with The Hills where I found myself angry, disturbed or just plain annoyed with what was happening in these Botoxed/bleached/rich for no reason peoples’ lives, I can count on one hand the times I’ve laughed.

One finger, actually. And it was the time that Lauren was talking to crying Audrina at the beach over, you guessed it, Justin Bobby. And what did Lauren say? “Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach.”

LOL.
ZOMG.
ROTFL.

But last night it happened again. There I was eating Fiber 1 Frosted Mini Wheats (which, by the way, are amazing) when Speidi goes to a party with Sister Montag and she gets trashed and does this weird arm wave drunky dance against the window. It was one of the finest moments of TV I’ve seen all week. Although that’s not saying much, because I watch shows like “Bridezillas” and “The Biggest Loser.” Read More »

Okay girls, The Hills premiere is almost here! (September 29 at 10 pm, to be exact). I’m totally freaking out! I can barely contain my excitement. Yes, I know it is extremely embarrassing that I’m counting down the hours, but who’s with me?

Tomorrow night we can finally resume our  weekly ritual of guilty pleasures. For me it’ll be nachos, a glass of cheap wine and a drama packed half hour of catty girl fights in gorgeous outfits.

All the hype of Kristen replacing LC had me reminiscing of high school nights when I would crowd around the TV with my girlfriends to watch the Stephen-Colletti-tug-of-war on Laguna Beach. So, I sat down this weekend for a little revisit to the beginnings of this cash cow of a reality show that’s spitting out celebrities at an Octomom rate.

I’m not going to lie, taking this little trip down memory lane had me a bit melancholy, as I revisited the cast when they still used to consume solid food, had hair that didn’t scream bleach bottle, and sported an authentic California tan instead of layers of cakey makeup.

I’m a sucker for the drama of the new Hills season, but I’ll always miss the natural innocence of the girls that charmed us in the beginning.

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I remember the day I discovered my first girl crush: I must have been 8 or 9 years old, and I had just embarked on a rite of passage that would help to define my teeny-bopping years. I had been to my first Spice Girls concert, and in addition to falling in love with the classics like “Wannabe” and “Say You’ll Be There,” I fell in love with Victoria Adams. Yes, Adams; she was not yet Mrs. Beckham and still had some meat on her bones. These days she won’t even eat a cookie.

I continued to hone in on my celebrity girl crushes, admiring them from afar; I went through a Britney Spears phase (who didn’t?), fell in love with a random contestant on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge, declared my love for Jessica Alba, Sloan from Entourage, Kristin Cavalleri from Laguna Beach, Charlize Theron, and the entire female cast of Gossip Girl, and obsessed over Giada de Laurentiis from The Food Network. Anyone that can whip up eggplant parmigiana and chocolate hazelnut brownies five days a week and still wear a size two is totally hot in my book.

The one girl (or woman, I should say) that continually I refused to crush on was Penelope Cruz. Maybe it’s because my first serious boyfriend was in love with her and I was jealous, or maybe it’s because she speaks English with a sexy Spanish accent that I have always coveted. Either way, I always argued with people who insisted that she was the hottest celebrity. That is, until I had a revelation just a couple of weeks ago. Read More »

You know how you used to love reading books? And then you got to college and if you never had to read another book as long as you lived it will be too soon.

Yeah, that’s how I feel about The City.

I used to totally live for the MTV reality shows: Laguna Beach, The Hills, hell, even Bromance. But The City totally killed it all for me and watching it every week is like sticking a Christian Louboutin heel in my eye. Except minus the glamour and excitement of having a Louboutin to shove in my cornea.

This show is terrible. TERRIBLE.  The characters are all extremely dense and boring and I just cannot muster up an feelings for any of them. I take notes during the episode and this is what I had at the end of the show: Read More »

Comedian Katt Williams is missing…

Rumer Willis is a whack job!

The best things come in small packages…lookin’ good when you’re not 5′11”

He may be a little weird…but TomKat made a damn cute kitten!

So, I know the election’s over, but Sarah Palin continues to amuse me.

Tips on going vintage…

Baby animals are sooo cute!!

Amazingness…get Hilary Duff’s look for under $100!!!

Get ready, ladies (and some gents), Black Friday is right around the corner…

LC’s ex is back in the news…

Being that I have a giant obsession with The Hills, I have forced a lot of my friends to watch it over the years. Obviously, they had no choice if they happened to be anywhere near my house on a Monday night; but it also happens to be the only thing I talk about/reference, so most of my friends felt it necessary to watch in order to understand me when I refer to their new bangs as totally Pratt-Tastic. Or if I refer to someone’s lame ass BF as a Poor (wo)Man’s Justin Bobby.

But just because they watch it doesn’t mean they love it like I do. In fact, as last nights season finale was coming to a dramatic close, I received this text from a friend:

“The Hills is the suckiest sucky show ever. I want to shove forks into my eyes.”

Clearly, this friend doesn’t see the show for the super fantastic hot mess that it really is. And that makes me sad. Read More »

Last night was the season premiere of The Hills and all I can say is, wow. I have been counting down to this moment for a long time. I even had a party to celebrate it. But even I couldn’t have anticipated just how spectacular the whole event was going to be.

A pre-show.

Mariah Carey.

An hour-long episode (with commercial breaks that seemed a lot shorter than normal).

It was fantastic.

As you all know, last night’s episode picked up where last season abruptly ended some three months ago: Lauren and Whitney arrive in Paris, while Heidi and Spencer work through the many failings of their overly public relationship. I am ashamed to say this, but after watching I was extremely disappointed with Lauren and (gulp) actually kinda respected Heidi.

Before you throw tomatoes at your computer screen, hear me out. Read More »

Much like Heidi’s face and body, The Hills isn’t real.

The self-described Queen of all Media recently broke the story most of us already knew to be true when he reported that episodes of The Hills are about to shown in the UK with a pre-show disclaimer: “The following programme may contain scenes that have been created purely for entertainment purposes.”

The only news to me is that people didn’t know that The Hills wasn’t real in the first place. It’s not totally fake, but come on. How could you not know the scenes were set up?

I mean, it spun off from “Laguna Beach,” which asked its season two “stars”, Jessica and Jason, to recreate the break up that they’d had on a weeknight, since MTV only filmed the show from Thursday through Sunday.

We also had this fantastic account from Gavin the Model about the fakery and insipidness that is Lauren, Spencer, and Heidi (and the potential coolness of Brody Jenner).

Is the ‘news’ in this story that The Hills creators are being up front with the British audience while in the States we’ve had it revealed to us through the likes of Perez Hilton and other bloggers? Read More »

Someone needs to swear to me this isn’t true.

Spencer Pratt, the shudder-inducing bitchy straight guy from The Hills, might be trying to sell his own sex tape!

Reportedly, Pratt has been trying to sell his tape under the radar, hoping to make it seem like it was leaked without his knowledge.

While it’s not clear who exactly is featured on the tape, it was apparently made in Brazil three years ago, before MTV brought the nauseating duo of Heidi and Spencer together on it’s scripted reality series.

Commenting on the scandal in US Weekly (and no doubt loving the attention) Pratt claimed “there is no sex tape” and maintained that even though he did go to Brazil three years ago, he “was never on camera.”

Normally, I totally love it when celebrity sex tapes come out (I mean, how stupid can you be to lose a homemade porno?), but when it comes to the possibility of Spencer Sex Tape, I hope against hope that there’s no such thing. Read More »

Last night was difficult for me. Not only did I have to work late, do my laundry and pay some bills (ew!), but I had to figure out a way to watch The Hills while also watching a friend from college compete on The Bachelor! So much drama, so little time.

Well, in the end The Hills won out (though I did manage to see my old friend fold herself into a pretzel to woo the bachelor…what!?) and it was one jam packed episode! Who knew so many things could go down in 23 minutes?!

I don’t even know where to begin.

Perhaps we could discuss the Whitney work debacle where she was so hungover from partying with the band that she couldn’t seem to convince one of the guys to change his pants.

Or Heidi and Spencer’s wedding woes; she spends her days shopping for dresses, registering for uber expensive things she’s never going to need (because they are always eating at that crappy Mexican place) and picking out the perfect wedding location.

Spencer spends his days not telling his parents he gave his anorexic girlfriend a fake engagement ring and pretending the whole engagement never really happened. Read More »