I used to think Teen Vogue was the best shit on the stands. All that high-class style and gossip for two bucks a pop? I signed up for a five – year subscription. I found the haughty content amusingly hilarious and would crave my monthly society updates on things like Bunny Von Hartzelcarter – Markstein’s cotillion and the eating habits and bedroom – decorating abilities of obscure young porcelain actresses.

Unlike its mother, the almighty Vogue, Teen Vogue featured fashions that were young, cool and almost affordable. A girl can dream, and I’d rather dream about a $300 Philip Lim denim trapeze dress than a $4000 quilted leather jacket by Alexander McQueen.

But this month’s issue is a little ridiculous. Plaguing the cover are the perpetual interns, LC of the OC and her sidekick, Whitey. I mean Whitney. It’s Whitney! Seriously, though, when are their internships going to end? Read More »

Today, my friends, is a monumental day– Heidi from The Hills has been spotted frolicking on the beaches of Malibu, revealing her new chest and nose to the world. And how does it look? Well, she looks elated, her chest looks inflated, her nose looks the same and her boyfriend is still ugly.

I suppose it’s the “she just looks so happy” part that gets me. Obviously, that happiness will fade and her boobs will start to sag and she’ll be considering a chin lift in no time.

Or will she? Getting plastic surgery today is easier than your local section of Bio for Nonmajors. You’re in, a little nip here, tuck there, you’re out. In New York City, two plastic surgeons are opening a “Botox-on-the-go” store for women who want some body modification on their lunch hour.

I have little things I do to keep myself happy– why else would I have spent $75 on nail polishes this year?– but plastic surgery still stands in scary territory. After having four children, the writer Ayelet Waldman considered a tummy tuck after her plastic-surgeon friend told her she could fix her portruding stomach. She considered the surgery, but eventually decided that she “didn’t want to be remembered as the woman who was so vain she died on the operating table, leaving four motherless babies but a really nice-looking corpse.”

I may not have children, but I take her point seriously. And why spend thousands for new boobs when you can paint your own nails for free, and live to tell about it?

Would you go under the knife for beauty? 

Well, surprise surprise. It’s happened again. Yet another Laguna Beacher has made a boo-boo behind the wheel.

Remember Jessica Smith? In Season 1, she was Dieter’s gf, kind of a background player. But in Season 2, she was brought to the forefront, when she dated Jason, broke up with Jason, kissed Jason while he was dating Alex AND while he was dating Lauren “LC” Conrad, and then dated Cameron in Season 3. Yea. She got around.

Anyway, TMZ.com reports that Jessica was arrested on Monday for drunk driving. She was driving her Beetle, crashed into an Acura, and really hurt the people in both cars. Her bail was set at $100,000, which I’m sure was no problem for her family to handle. She’ll be back on the roads in no time.

And, to top it all off, she’s only 19.

Hmmm. If I remember correctly, the same thing happened to Jason, (who, in my opinion, lacked any sort of personality and wit for a reality TV character) and if I also remember correctly, it happened on more than one intoxicated occasion. I don’t know what’s going here, but when these lucky lads and lassies sign their “Laguna Beach” contracts, they should also sign away their rights to ever get behind a wheel. Ever. They’re always drunk, anyway.

I can’t wait to find out who gets the next DUI. Maybe it’ll be a kid from “The Hills.” Oh, the suspense!