So I was listening to the (justifiably) uber-controversial extended mix of “Birthday Cake” by Rihanna and Chris Brown today. Luckily, a Breezy-free remix has been floating around Tumblr for the last day, so I am mostly able to enjoy this delightfully raunchy tune for what it is – a celebration of a lady receiving oral sex. Of course I can support this. However, I ended up being distracted by one line in particular – “Put a candle on my back, baby, blow it.” In other words, she wants someone to blow her back out, one of the most popular euphemisms for aggressive sex. This joins a list of other terms — such as “smash”, “bang”, “hit it”, “pound”, and a slew of others — as acceptable ways to describe intercourse.

I admit,  I am no stranger to playfully talking about hitting it (and then quitting it) with friends, and usually, I can hear these things and not even give it a second thought. But in the last few days, especially in light of the Chris Brown circlejerks and the subsequent backlash, violence, and our society’s perception and reaction to it has been on my mind. To keep it as succinct as possible – the way that violent language has been normalized by society is a direct reflection and constant reaffirmation of our society’s cavalier response to violence against women. No, I don’t think that just because someone says they want to smash means they condone beating up a woman, but no one lives in a vacuum. The fact that such phrases have caught on en masse and are used so casually is the problem.

I’m not against aggressive, consensual sex by any stretch of the imagination, but it makes me uncomfortable that in some ways, this has become our default way of talking about sex. It’s such a crass and un-nuanced way to express one’s desire, and while there is a time and a place for that, I don’t think it should dominate the discourse. There’s something to be said about talking about your sexual interest with someone using terms that indicate that you acknowledge the other person is more than just an orifice designed just for your pleasure, that you understand that sex is a two-way street, and using words that don’t make you sound like a reject Jersey Shore cast-member.

[Lead image via Yuri Arcurs/Shutterstock]

I like words.

That may sound like a strange statement but it’s true. I like words. I like reading them. I like writing them. I like speaking them. I love how words often sound like their meaning. How certain ones flow off the tongue effortlessly and others are succinct little chirps. I love the differing number of syllables and how some are spelled phonetically and others have no rhyme or reason to their spelling whatsoever. I love silent letters and multiple meanings. But mostly I just love words.

I like them all, but I do have my favorites, the ones I use over and over again, the ones I probably use too often. There’s really no explaining why I love these particular words. They’re not the most difficult or the most eloquent sounding. They’re just my favorites. And if you know me in real life, or even if you frequently read my stuff here on CollegeCandy, you’ll know that these words are, in fact, a very big part of my everyday vernacular.

Ooh vernacular, now that’s a good word…

10. Legit. A shorthanded slang for legitimately. Often used by me for statements that are far from legitimate. But using the shortened version, “legit,” instead of “legitimately” makes the hyperbole okay somehow. At least for me.

9. Quip. A witty comeback. A short statement. I think I love using the word quip so much because I like to quip. A lot. So if I refer to other people’s comments as quips than maybe they’ll refer to my comments in the same way. Plus I like the alliteration of “quick quip.”

8. Simultaneously. A very, very pretty word that, let’s face it, sounds a hell of a lot more eloquent than “at the same time.”

7.  Quintessential. Not really a word you hear in everyday language, but I use it all the time. And probably more often than is appropriate. But I can’t help myself. It’s one of those words that just flows off the tongue. The “s” sound makes it sound so pretty.

6. Touché. This is a favorite of mine mostly because it allows you to still sound like you have the upper-hand even when admitting that your opponent actually has a point. Like, sure, you may have won the argument, but do you know how to bow out gracefully with words that require an accent? I do.

5. Repartee. More often than not when I used this word it’s preceded by the word witty. Because really, what’s the point of having a repartee if it’s not a witty repartee?

4. Pretentious. I’ve described more people than I care to admit using this word. It’s great because it allows you to sound important and intelligent and sure of yourself while making it sound like a bad thing when someone else behaves in the exact same way.

3. Adorable. Perfect for describing a puppy or a pair or shoes. Very few words are as adaptable as the word adorable. So make the most of it, why don’t you.

2. Absurd. A word my brother knows well. Mostly because it’s how I describe every one of his statements/actions/decisions since I was old enough to learn the word.

1. Fabulous.  Blame it on Carrie Bradshaw or Coco Chanel. Or whoever you please, but fabulous will pretty much always be my favorite word in the English dictionary. And you know why? Because it’s fabulous.

I know I’m not the only lover of language out there. What are your favorite words? 

To make matters worse, other finalists for the word of the year included: sexting, intexticated, tramp stamp and deleb. For those not as in the loop as the New Oxford word of the year panel, deleb is defined as a dead celebrity. I, for one, have never heard the word ‘deleb’ used in everyday conversation, but what do I know? I’m still over here thinking the correct term was to ‘defriend.’ Embarrassing.

While these words are culturally clever and all, I can guarantee word-enthusiasts all over the world are groaning right now. I’m just wondering how long it takes before ‘WTF,’ ‘LOL’ and ‘UR2GR82B4GOT10’ get their moment of glory. Also wondering how long it will take my spell check to realize ‘unfriend’ is legit now. Seriously, what is this proto-language and where do we come up with it?

Texting: we all do it. A lot.

It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s especially useful when making a phone call isn’t an option (like at work or in class where you technically shouldn’t be using your phone…or when you want to flirt with a guy without being too committal.).  It’s convenience is part of the reason  it’s become so popular over the last several years.

However, not everyone (Read: crotchety old people) thinks it’s so great – many critics claim that texting is contributing to the deterioration of the English language. Critics worry that the common practice of using abbreviations and shorthand in text messages will cause people begin to speaking in shorthand, too. They also claim that students are turning in papers riddled with text-message slang.

WTF are they talking about? I don’t know where they get that idea from. OK, so maybe I have been known to throw a “BRB,” “LOL,” or “OMG,” into conversation, but whatev. I can still read and write!

And some other people agree! There doesn’t seem to be any proof behind these claims, as writer David Crystal discovered when he studied the effects of text messaging on society for his book, Txtng: The Gr8 Db8.  None of the teachers he surveyed could provide him with examples of “textisms” in students’ work, and students who were asked about using texting slang in essays stated, “That would be stupid.”

See?

In fact, research has shown that texting actually improves grades.  Text messaging provides practice in both reading and writing that many people wouldn’t have otherwise. Frequent texters, therefore, have better literacy scores, are better writers, and do better in school overall. That means that we’re all actually getting smarter the more we text!

Take that, crotchety old people! Texting is saving the english language!

What do you guys think?  Is the worry over text messaging ruining the language legit?