I am an expert in awkward situations. When I first meet people, more often than not, I leave a horrible first impression. I am similarly awkward in my attempts to be a part of the dating scene.

Just last week, a coworker exclaimed, “Kathryn, you have no game. Your entire approach is off!” Yes, this is true. But somehow, I still get some action, which is why she followed her (rather harsh) declaration with the question, “How do you do it?”

Still, no matter how many times I’ve immediately wished I could retract the bizarre statement that just came out of my mouth, I’ve also been with, or had friends who have been with, equally hopeless guys.

Reviewing my own traumatic events, as well as some of my friends’ bizarre sexual encounters, I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst things to say during sex. Because I’m a woman, they are written from a female perspective, but each of these can be just as cringe-worthy coming from a guy.

1. “Ohhhh, Michael… I mean… Dan?”

Make sure you know the name of the person you’re inviting past the pearly gates. Calling someone by another name will at once crush your partner’s ego and make you look sleazy. Once, I was hooking up with a guy and he proceeded to pour out his feelings for another girl… and try to get my advice on how to go about courting her. That really sucked, and he was pissed when I cut our session short. Read More »

Gone are the days of dainty purses and miniscule wallets. They’re fine for special events, sure, but for everyday use, it looks like women are turning to real bags. Huge bags. The kind of bag into which you fit half your life- and then never find it again. Giant black holes slung on our shoulders sucking in every stray business card, matchbook, and penny that cross their paths.

At one time Big Bags were strictly for use by mommies, to carry Bandaids and nail clippers and tissues and lip balm and the million-and-one other things that kids may require on a daily basis.

Now my own Big Bag is stocked with Bandaids and nail clippers and tissues and lip balm, and I definitely have zero children in tow. The bottom is littered with old receipts, seven pens and gum wrappers. My Metrocards are slipping between the pages of my three notepads and my laptop is a constant companion. There’s even a hardcover copy of The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen somewhere in there. My iPod headphones are tangled up in my cell phone charger. Every credit card I’ve ever owned is jammed into my wallet that contains no cash. Three lipsticks are rolling around stuck inside of the lining.

Sound familiar? Read More »

With the economy in a serious downturn (thanks to the Wall Street Hangover, apparently), smart college women like ourselves know better than to hit the malls and stock up on the latest fashion. We have to save! We have to buy gas! We have to invest in our futures!

But, there are just some things out there that are worth a little splurge. Sure, you may not be able to buy corn products next week, but who cares? You have yourself one of these babies:

1. An iPod.

I’m sure half of you already have iPods, but I’m also sure there are a few of you out there who are like me… unwilling to fork over the dough because you’re cheap and/or poor. Well, let me tell you, investing in an iPod is the way to go. After forking over the dough for something REALLY huge (a new computer), I got a free iPod touch, and wow. Just wow. The future is here. I can’t even fathom getting to access the Internet for free on a device that also plays music and lets me take notes, get the weather, and watch movies… it’s so awesome.

2. A new computer.

After eight years (serious) of lugging around an outdated Mac laptop, I took a deep breath and hit the “purchase” button last week for a new MacBook Pro. My old computer was still working… it was like a tortoise in terms of speed, though, and it wasn’t really capable of streaming video. Oh, yeah, and the total hard drive capacity was 9 GB. My new computer, I am already convinced, is the best investment I’ve ever made. I can Skype! I can load Web pages in under the amount of time it takes me to make a sandwich! I can listen to podcasts! With my old Mac, podcasts were something strange and exotic that I had heard about but never experienced. If you too are toiling away on an ancient computer, GET A NEW ONE! It is sooooo worth it! Read More »

On the new iPhone you can call your friends, listen to the new Beck album, send emails, Google ex-boyfriends, and even navigate your way to the closest coffee shop for a caffeine fix. The days of finding a payphone and then realizing that you’re out of quarters are long, looooong gone. Even announcements about turning off cell phones and pagers make us snicker.

I’d like to take this opportunity (5:30pm on a Tuesday sitting in a Starbucks…) to thank the techie gods for these five technological innovations I can’t imagine my life without:

1) The Laptop – I wouldn’t even be here, sitting in this Starbucks at 5:30pm on a Tuesday if it weren’t for the laptop. Mine is a black MacBook. It’s light, sleek, fast, and now that I’ve got a new battery, it holds a five-hour charge. As a writer I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to have to write papers, even novels, on typewriters. Writing a page and then realizing that there was a spelling error? The horror! Being stuck in a home office or computer lab in order to use a desktop computer? Never again! Read More »

I know you’re reading this on your computer right now.

I’m not trying to be a creepy stalker. But, I mean, really; I don’t know a single student – or person, really – on my campus or even enrolled in my school who doesn’t have their own computer. Whether it’s a chunky tank of a desktop or a sleek and sexy notebook, everyone at school has their own computer. It’s not even a luxury anymore; yes, libraries all have computers for your use, but who really solely depends on the library for computer use? No one I know.

Trouble is – and this is the trouble now-a-days with everything – computers are EXPENSIVE. Even the proverbial cost of an arm and a leg will probably only get you a second-hand Dell off of craigslist. Mind you, I’m not knocking the second-hand craigslist computer; I’m typing this up on one of them right now. But if you’re looking for a new compy that can keep up with you, you can expect to be in the hole about $700. Right?

Ladies (and that one gent), let me introduce you to a new friend of mine: computer shows. Read More »

Andy Rooney, a super old guy who used to make movies and now just sits in an office and lets 60 Minutes totally take advantage of his oldness, recently ranted about how Americans are carrying “more stuff than they used to”.

The Duhness factor of his rant notwithstanding (I mean, what did people carry around in his day? Keys to a car they powered with their feet?), I decided to take a cue from Jezebel and go through my own purse to see if all the crap shoved inside was stuff I actually needed.

(This is a day when my bag is not splitting at the seems from carrying my giant, heavy laptop.)

1) Burt’s Bees hand cream: Totally needed. Since I can’t ever hold onto a pair of gloves longer than a week, my hands take a beating every winter. Unless I want the skin to rip off, I gotta moisturize at least twice a day.

2) Three tubes of Chapstick: Okay. Three might be an excessive number…but sometimes I want my lips fruity, other times I want serious moisture action, and every once in a while, a little instant caffeine. Read More »