No one's getting booty in this room. Trust.

It’s the Scout Motto: Always be prepared. But I don’t think my Girl Scout troop leader was referring to booty calls when she ingrained that piece of advice into my head.

On a college campus you never know who you’re going to meet… and then want to take back to your room… to get to know each other better. The last thing you want is to bring a suitor home one night and have them leave the next morning without their wallet because it’s lost in a sea of your dirty laundry (true story). Or worse, bring them home and have them remember they have “somewhere to be” (at 3 a.m.) after spotting your My Little Pony collection on your nightstand.

Being prepared for spontaneity may be an oxymoron, but it has safely guarded my dignity and late night encounters thus far. Here are a few life tips I have adapted in my quest to divide and conquer, without letting those boys see my Spanx. Read More »

"Mom! Can you bring me some ice cream??"

It’s your last class of the week and it’s creeping by even more slowly than usual. You flip through your stack of Power Point slides. Twelve pages to go and only twenty minutes left in the class. There’s no way you’ll get out of here on time thanks to that ass in the front row who raises his hand every 3 minutes.

You aren’t paying much attention to the prof (why should you? You’ve got the entire lecture printed out in front of you) and instead are counting down the minutes until you’re back home for the weekend eating your mom’s famous burgers and showering without flip flops.

Class finally ends and you run back to the dorm. You only have an hour to pack before you need to hit the road. You dig your suitcase out from under your bed (“That’s where my round brush went!”) and throw it open. You don’t need a lot for your two day retreat; you don’t plan on doing much besides lay around on your parents’ couch and raid the pantry. You toss in a few pairs of sweats, one nice outfit (because your mom has made it clear that she didn’t buy you all those nice jeans to have them sit in the closet) and some very basic toiletries. You’ll just use mom’s shampoo/ conditioner/ hair dryer/ makeup… if the need arises.

There is still plenty of room left in your bag so you drag your laundry bag out of your closet and start filling up the suitcase with your dirties. You’re sure your mother’s empty-nest syndrome will be alleviated with a few loads of your laundry. And if nothing else, at least you’ll be able to do it for free.

Once your bag is zipped – which required a lot of pushing and a gallon of sweat – you change into something that won’t leave your mom yelling at you for looking like a hobo, dab on a little makeup, throw the necessary books/laptop into your messenger bag and head out. Read More »

Your closet door won’t close around the bulging mass that is your laundry basket. The same basket that you have been rifling through for the past week to find something that isn’t too dirty to wear to class. This morning, as you stand in a towel that belongs to your roommate, you reach in and pull out a t-shirt. You sniff it and decide that with a few sprays of Burberry Brit, you can get by.

But the t-shirt sitch seems to be the least of your problems. As you open your underwear drawer you discover that just like your sock drawer, your tank drawer, and your jeans drawer, you are running on empty. Yes, even though you bought 35 pairs of underwear so you could do your laundry only once a month.

You are left with two choices: going commando and risking a Britney situation, or pulling on some bikini bottoms and risking a major wedgie day. (There is also choice #3 – wearing a pair of undies inside-out – but that is only for extreme circumstances… like living in the jungle.) Begrudgingly, you opt for #2, but only because #1 would mean you’d have to wash that last pair of sweats at the end of the day, leaving you with literally nothing to wear to the laundry room. Read More »

Paris Hilton speaks out….against The Hills.

Britney Spears is still a mess.

Spend less on laundry.

Where does Sonia Sotomayor stand on abortion?

We totally heart print dresses.

And the best foreplay toy is….

The only thing harder than saying goodbye to your roommate for the summer is packing up your dorm… and mopping all of the dried beer of the floor.  And scrubbing your desk where pizza sauce has been encrusted for months. And figuring out how to pack it all into your two-door.  Yeah, moving out sucks.  But moving IN with your parents again… well, let’s face it.  It rocks.

Here are my top ten faves about crashing with Mom and Dad for three months.  What are yours?

1.  You can live with your parents without looking like a deadbeat loser.

You have an excuse: You’re still in college and the dorms closed.  If you were 35 and working at the Venus Club and living with the ‘rents… you might belong on Jerry Springer.  But there’s nothing shameful about going back to your teenage years and living under their roof for one more summer.

2.  You’re a legal adult now.

Maybe your parents tried to force some strict rules on you in high school, and you vowed to move out asap.  But now, you’re an adult.  So even if they try to enforce a curfew, you at least have the “I’m a grown up” argument, which can be bolstered with “I just made Dean’s List,” or “In college, you aren’t keeping tabs on me and I made it home alive, didn’t I?” Plus, a lot of parents won’t even pick that fight, because they realize that you are an adult, you are a responsible collegiate, and they don’t want to know what happens on spring break. Read More »

2009 is just around the corner. I don’t know what your year was like, but I am looking forward to saying goodbye to some of my ‘08 mishaps and start anew in ‘09. Of course, I say that every year. Some years, I make resolutions, and some years, I know that I’m not going to stick to them, so I don’t bother.

However, there are several things I should consider pledging as the ball drops. Whether you’re stuck on your own resolution, or just need a fresh start with the new year, the following are some resolutions that many of us should consider.

1. I will go to the gym regularly.

When 2008 struck, I was on a regular gym regime, and resolved to keep at it and lose ten more pounds. I did. Then summer hit, and I found that poolside cocktails and outdoor keg parties were taking their toll on my thighs. The fact that this semester has been excruciating contributes to my lack of gym time, and isn’t helping my quest to tone up. Losing weight and getting in shape is one of the most common New Years resolutions, but it’s also one of the hardest to keep. Still, if you have taken to wearing sweats to class every day because you can’t zip up the skinny jeans you bought in August, you may want to give the gym a go next year. Read More »

College life is great. Where else are sweatpants acceptable attire…anywhere? Where else can you crack a beer at 11 am and instead of being criticized, you’ll most likely be asked to pass one down. Come home at 3 am on a Tuesday and need pizza? You got it. Feel like blowing off class to go to the pool? No prob.

So it’s understandable why the anticipation of a trip home for the weekend (like this coming holiday weekend) can inspire a little anxiety, but once you cross the threshold of Home Sweet Home, you’ll remember just why it’s so sweet.

1. Home cookin’.

After a daily diet of fast food, dining hall “cuisine” and failed attempts at domesticity (and a pasta based backup plan) it is amazing to come home to fresh and delicious food. You want your childhood favorite? Mom and Dad will happily oblige. For one glorious weekend you get to come home to a hot meal every night, no stress required. And in those situations when someone just doesn’t feel like cooking, bring on the restaurants. When the closest thing to a gourmet meal you can afford is Olive Garden, nosh that’s a little more your parents’ taste leaves you feeling like you ate dinner at Buckingham Palace.

2. Retail Affection.

The initial bone crushing hugs and sporadic wistful looks followed by hugs that you’ll get all weekend are nothing compared to what you’ll score if you can get Mom to the mall. Her poor baby has been living in poverty at school as far as she’s concerned (and for the most part she’d be pretty accurate), so she’s more than willing to splurge on necessities like warm winter clothes (yes, everyone at school has 7 different coats, obv.), “comfortable” shoes for walking around campus (easily expandable into high heel territory) and any other array of daily wear that you have no access to at school. After all, Mom and Dad can’t expect you to shop at the bookstore for University brand gear every time you need a new outfit. And don’t forget the back to school care package you’ll probably get as you’re packing up. Take advantage and stock up on toiletries, hard to find makeup, laundry detergent, and any groceries you can bring back with you. Read More »

[I used to think I knew everything...until I found myself stranded in the middle of adulthood with no map and no one to guide me when I got lost. I have learned a lot since then - from how to balance a checkbook to how to sew on a button - and will share my wisdom with you. Every Monday I will be back to teach you how to do something useful, even if it also happens to be completely random. Because, hey, you never know when you just might need to know how to change a tire...or mix a perfect martini.]

It happens—you’re out to dinner (most likely with someone you find attractive), you order some sweet-potato fries, and suddenly the glob of grease that was on its way to your mouth is blossoming all over your new white sweater/ blouse/ pants/ tank/ beautiful item of clothing. You might have to keep that glob around for the night (and swear to god that it is the only thing attractive boy is looking at), but you can get it out. Yes, even without mom’s help.

The first rule of thumb for getting rid of (embarassing) grease stains is more of a don’t than a do: don’t toss that sucker in the laundry basket when you get home and “deal with it later.” Detergent and water will NOT remove grease stains, so you’re going to have to get tough.

Now onto the do…

Perhaps the easiest thing to try is a stain-removal spray. You can find them in any store right by the detergents, and if you spray them on stains pre-wash and rub them in, they’re supposed to take any spots right out. I say “supposed to” because my spray is a little full of itself and doesn’t work quite as advertised.

If that doesn’t work, this page will totally bail you out. This person has compiled dozens of tips featuring numerous household items that will likely be able to save you in a pinch.

Most successful for me have been the following: Read More »

[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

Excited, rushing conversation, behind a closed door:

“And then this guy… he just, like, whipped out a trombone! And then some other guy just pulled out a harmonica! And then… and then someone had to do his laundry!”

A girl, holding up a bottle of vodka: “It’s my dildo! The best kind – the kind that has alcohol in it.”

Two girls arguing at a party:

“I’m gonna punch your cock off!”

“I don’t have a cock!”

“I wish you did – so I could punch it off!”

A dude walks into an apartment, carrying a keg.

“Wait,” asks another guy. “Is that, like, for drinking?”

“Nah, I think I’m gonna bathe in it, first. Hey, is that pizza? Maybe I’ll rub that all over my body while I’m at it.”

A girl at the library, in the stacks, as loudly as possible: “Listen. So then I talked to my doctor, and then my gynecologist, and he put me on birth control – but he says I still need to use condoms when I’m f***ing my boyfriend, because I might get syphilis! I know, right?” Read More »

I was home for Fall Break for four days, and I realized that maybe adapting to college was easier than I expected. When I entered my house Friday night, I didn’t see a place where I had numerous study sessions, birthday parties and mental health days. I saw a place to do laundry for free, watch some mindless television and sleep for awhile.

Sure, it was nice to be home. But I kept feeling like I had to go back to school, like this was more of a temporary sleepover than a homecoming. While the weekend kept me busy from noticing that my house was not exactly home, it also uncovered a new strangeness which college created—meeting up with high school friends.

Most of my high school friends, all of whom I have known for years, go to college within two hours of my hometown. So when a few of us come home for the weekend, we all come home for the weekend. And while I loved being around people who never need an explanation for my random songs or not-funny jokes, it was also startling to see how just a few months have changed us.

I left my friends for the entire summer, and I noticed little change when I came back. But now my friends are not just sitting around their houses or working at the local Dunkin’ Donuts; they’re making friends, testing their boundaries and (some of them) are becoming people who I never would have talked to in high school. When it’s just the few of us watching a movie or walking around town, I can’t entirely ignore the college sweatshirts, new belly-button rings and anecdotes starring new best friends. I can’t pretend that this is last June, when we all just graduated and were ready for something new. Read More »