I’ll be honest – if I didn’t read CollegeCandy, I never would have known about MTV’s new show, House of Jazmin. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t bother with the dribble on MTV, but the real reason is because I get so engrossed in the drama on MTV shows that I am forced to fast-forward straight through the commercials and miss everything that is comin’ up.

So I watched this new show, AKA MTV’s answer to the loss of Lauren Conrad. MTV’s attempt at another show that might possibly gross as much money for the network as The Hills. MTV’s response to people who complained about how scripted/fake/annoying The Hills is.

And what did we get?
A real girl who is driven and talented and adorable.

And boring! Read More »

So as I spent another long summer day mourning the loss of LC from my biggest guilty pleasure (yeah, I’m still not over it), a promo for a new MTV show, House of Jazmin, caught my eye. I don’t really get the spelling of her name, but Jaz is young, cute, and bound to have messy, dramatic hookups every week…

It’s no LC, but can Jazmin be the new reality superstar sent to fill the void The Hills has left in my heart?

Maybe we should first establish the fact that no one will ever be able to fill the very chic shoes of Lauren Conrad. As a reality star, she was God. Not too much of a pushover, but not too catty. A serial dater, providing endless opportunities for me to indulge my monogamous self in first date after first date with sexy, California men. And she chose perfect friends, as they gave her loyal friendship for just long enough to have me invested in the relationship… before completely betraying her and shattering both of our hearts.

I think you get the picture; I was basically living an imaginary life as Lauren Conrad’s best friend. (Cry during the Audrina/ LC fight scene with mascara tears…me? Noooo…) Read More »

A breastfeeding baby doll? Ew.

What does Lauren Conrad know about modeling?

Tim Tebow. Muscles. Sweat. Droooool.

Oklahoma really likes Angelina Jolie.

Is Penn State really the best party school?

Lay off the spray tan, Channing Tatum.

This month’s Cosmo was full of summer fun ideas and beat-the-heat ideas that sound like they might actually work (except for those “easy” summer time hairstyles. I think I’ll stick to CC’s how-to-video for that).  But July’s issue had it all: A woman with a PHD who analyzes Speidi PDA! Un-cheesy 4^th of July looks! Virgins! Lauren Conrad’s cleavage! A new advice column by Chelsea Handler!(!!)

And, of course, some semi-misguided advice…
This month’s “Get Him to Kiss and Makeup” bypassed the easiest ways to get your boyfriend to forgive you (lingerie, dinner, hypnotism) and found four surefire ways to earn redemption for anything short of “cheating on him with his brother in their parents’ bed while his dog watched.” For the most part, decent ideas, but Cosmo always finds a way to work in the darndest things…

Give Him Room

Cosmo Says: Even if you want to talk things out, let your man blow off some steam by going out with the guys. “That’s how guys multitask.”

Kari Says: Alright, I can understand this. Sometimes I just need a little time alone to sulk, scream, or commiserate with the girls, but watch the expiration date on that time apart. Allowing too much time to pass before apologizing and discussing can create tension, allow anger to steep, or at the very least will earn you some bad-mouthing to his friends. Give him some time to calm down, but don’t go to bed still angry. Read More »

If I ever got a tat, it would be this.

Pete Wentz uses spit to protect his family.

Check out the new iPhone.

Win some free mascara!

Is Lauren Conrad getting another show?

The 20 least feminist friendly TV characters.

OMG. So wrong. So, so wrong.

Anyone else forget that it was Monday yesterday? I spent my day BBQing with friends (or eating whatever they BBQed while I sat on the couch watching tv) only to come home, turn on my TV and realize I was halfway through The Hills. I was devastated (“SPENCER IS SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE TONIGHT!!”), but then I realized that MTV was showing the episode 12 more times over the course of the evening.

When I finally did get to watch it, though, I was a little disappointed. I’ve said this before, but I know this show isn’t really real. I think anyone with half a brain and access to Us Weekly would know that. But I hate when MTV is careless with their editing, making it completely impossible for viewers to suspend their common sense and believe that this all might be real.

Case in point: Heidi gets engaged one night and asks Steph (presumably the next day) to invite Lauren. At the same time, Audrina and Lo have already received actual invitations. One might say, “Well, Lauren, that could have been shot months later.” Well, other people, I call bullsh*t, because then they pan back to Heidi and Lauren both talking to Steph about losing her job like it was only yesterday. I don’t know much about weddings (beyond the fact that I probably won’t have one until I’m 40), but I do know that it takes months to plan one and invitations do not just come out the next day.

But whatever. That’s not the point of this post. Read More »

Upon meeting Heidi’s dad on last night’s episode of The Hills, I expected a little more from MTV. For instance, I expected a scene out of some sort of Western movie where Mr. Montag walks through swinging saloon doors, gives Spencer a look and then does some fancy moves with the gun in his holster as a tumbleweed blows by.

Instead I got some BS brunch at a Hollywood eatery where Spencer tripped over his words as he attempted to impress the Cowboy. Words that Heidi’s dad most definitely did not understand. So, Cowboy Montag, if you are reading this right now, I’d like to take this opportunity to translate that mumbo jumbo that came out of Pretty Boy Pratt’s mouth so maybe you can stop this wedding before it happens. Oh wait…. Well, at least you’ll know what he was talking about. Read More »

Pretty sure she had some help with this dribble.

Are you wasting your time at the gym?

Nikon is racist.

Is Audrina Partridge boning the hottie from Star Trek?

Britney spends a lot of money. Like, a LOT.

Jazzhands!

Are women pushovers when it comes to sex?

After watching some weird 80’s flashback episode of Gossip Girl, I was hoping for something a little more…er… modern entertaining when it came to The Hills last night. And besides that weird sequins headband thingy that Steph wore (and that I also wore in 1994 to a dance recital) MTV came through for me once again.

Unlike last week’s episode where nothing really happened, there was a whole lot of action last night. And everyone was at work! This is only the 2nd time we’ve seen anyone working this season. The cast has been too busy jet-setting to get anything done and I really sorta forgot that people in L.A. even have jobs. I figured they just celebrated birthday parties, went clubbing and stayed in fancy resorts in Hawaii year round.

Anyways, people were working. And people, lots of people, were getting the boot. Read More »

Even though I know full and well that The Hills is all a crock of reality sh*t, I still spend a good chunk of each episode pulling out the proof. For example, if the show were real, then there would be no way Lauren would get to take time off from her internship last minute to jet-set to Hawaii.  And if the show were real, that Bible in Spencer’s hand would have been real….and would have burned at his touch.

Because there is no way the devil can hold the word of God in his hands and walk away unscathed, right?

All that aside, though, I have never been as entertained by this show as I was when watching Speidi hold bible study in their den of sin with Heidi’s ex boyfriend and his current tranny girlfriend. I know, I know; those two Crested Butte kids are good people and I shouldn’t hate, but when that girl walked into dinner, I really thought she was a man. In an old man’s Hawaiian shirt. Read More »