Last night, Gawker threw up the red flags on a dating disaster. Since the hot topic features the timeless men versus women debacle, I thought it would only be polite to share our feminine two cents.

If I’ve piqued your interest, bring your nose a little bit closer to the screen. Before you read the article (or if you’re too lazy to), here’s the gist of what’s going on: in a long, elaborate e-mail (where this guy searched his distressed lady friend, “Lauren”, to find out her personal info), he accuses “Lauren” of sending deeply mixed and confusing signals on their first date. He then goes on to exemplify all of the reasons that they should be together and how he will be patiently waiting underneath his Christmas tree for her forced, uh.. sincere apology.

Because I find this both totally outrageous and completely understandable (its the classic I’m just not that into you vs. how come he didn’t return my calls?), I wanted to break down just what, exactly, he is so bitter about and whether or not he’s got an honest point.

He Says: On their date, “Lauren” played with her hair a lot and any woman playing with her hair for more than .13345 seconds when in the presence of a man is obviously flirting. To make matters worse, “Lauren” held eye contact on her date with him. She kept looking at him when he was talking. On a “per-minute basis”, He has never shared that much eye contact with another girl. Another obvious giveaway that she has feelings for him. Between scarfing down an appetizer, entree and dessert, they shared a nice, steady flow of conversation. At the conclusion of their whirlwind first date, “Lauren” committed the ultimate date-hate by telling he, ‘it was nice to meet you.’ Because in 2011, any walking and talking human with manners is obviously the worst kind of individual. The awful icing in the cake is that ”Lauren” never returned any of his calls or texts following what he felt was the most incredible date of 2k11.

We Say: We’re girls. We touch our hair. When we’re nervous, when we’re bored, when we’re not sure where to place our hands. Maybe we do it when we’re flirting but it is NOT a dead giveaway that we’re head-over-heels for you. And why are you watching my hair so closely anyway? Eye contact is something that usually makes us comfortable. We’re talking TO you so it obviously makes sense to look at you, right? One + one makes two. It would also be really rude of us to share an entire meal with someone from start to finish and not make any attempt to talk to you (even if we’re not interested in you, not all females are heartless). If we don’t return your calls, your texts, or respond to your creepy emails…. take the hint: we’re just not that into you, guy. And you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, right? Right.

Women of the world (okay, fine… men of the world, too), what do you think? Is this letter over the top or does he kind of have a point? Make sure you tell us in the comments and then head over to the Frisky for their take (spoiler alert: it’s different than ours).

And as I sat down to revel in their renditions of Michael Jackson and Katy Perry’s greatest hits, I was glad to see that the writers had kept Lauren Zizes around even after sectionals. And even more so, I was glad to see that she had a pretty large part in this past Tuesday’s episode.

Here at CollegeCandy we love Glee not just for its cute but oh so dumb boys and awesome musical numbers, but also for what’s at the heart of the show: being true to one’s self. Embracing who you are, strengths and weaknesses, the good and the bad, and taking pride in that. These characters are all underdogs in one way or another but being in Glee helps them to remember who they are, and to be okay with that.

But Lauren Zizes doesn’t need Glee club to help her break out of her shell. She’s a confident, independent, strong, badass woman, and she owns that. And that’s why Puck is crushing on her.

And it’s why we are too.

Because Lauren Zizes isn’t the type of character you encounter on TV every day. Yes, we see strong women, and yes we see “fat girls.” But what we don’t see is a “fat girl” who knows exactly who she is and what she wants, who’s not riddled with insecurities, and afraid to speak her mind. A girl who is confident enough in her body and in herself to not settle for just anyone or anything. She tells Puck, “I’m not desperate so if you really want this you best come correct ’cause I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S. And I need to be wooed. You understand me? Wooed.”

She’s not going to fall at his feet just because he’s suddenly decided to look her way. He has to earn it, and if he doesn’t want to, she’s okay with that too. And that’s awesome. She likes Puck but she’s also confident enough to know she wants a real relationship and she’s not going to settle for anything less. So they can take it slow, or not at all, and that’s fine with her, because she’s not afraid of being alone.

Which is more than what can be said about Rachel who’s too concerned with Finn to remember she’s a star all on her own, and Quinn who can’t figure out who she is or what she wants if she’s not the Queen B with the star quarterback on her arm. Or even Santana who can’t seem to fathom the idea of being alone on Valentine’s Day. In fact, the only girl on Glee who might rival Lauren in self confidence is Mercedes, who spends the majority of the episode reminding Rachel and Kurt that they don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.

So thanks, Glee. For providing us with a unique, new, and interesting female character. For reminding us what your show is really about. And for remembering that even though “being a part of something special makes you special” you can still be special all on your own.

Even though I know full and well that The Hills is all a crock of reality sh*t, I still spend a good chunk of each episode pulling out the proof. For example, if the show were real, then there would be no way Lauren would get to take time off from her internship last minute to jet-set to Hawaii.  And if the show were real, that Bible in Spencer’s hand would have been real….and would have burned at his touch.

Because there is no way the devil can hold the word of God in his hands and walk away unscathed, right?

All that aside, though, I have never been as entertained by this show as I was when watching Speidi hold bible study in their den of sin with Heidi’s ex boyfriend and his current tranny girlfriend. I know, I know; those two Crested Butte kids are good people and I shouldn’t hate, but when that girl walked into dinner, I really thought she was a man. In an old man’s Hawaiian shirt.

But I did warm up to her pretty quickly; the “girl” had me at, “you look so different. You don’t even look like the same person.”

Thank you for saying what everyone else on earth has ignored for 5 seasons, Christian Tranny! Everyone else seems to ignore the 412 plastic surgery/Botox injections Heidi has had, which, I might add, only prove that she didn’t like the way God made her and took matters into her own hands. Where are those Christian values, Heids?

Not everyone spent their week talking to Jesus (though I imagine Brody and Audrina spoke to him at some point during their trip. Ayooooo); on an island across the ocean, LC, Lo, Stephanie and Audrina decided to surprise the boys in Hawaii. Because showing up where you aren’t invited is always a good idea. While there, the girls hold a secret contest to see who can wear the biggest sunglasses. My congrats go out to Stephanie Pratt for covering nearly 2/3rds of that Pratt Mug with her oversized choice.

But that wasn’t enough for Steph; she also needed to create some un-needed drama by pushing Audrina to hook up with Brody. Now, I know there was some serious sexual tension there (the dude nearly humped her in her monokini), and I know what it’s like to want to get back at an ex, but Brody has a girlfriend. A girlfriend they all know. No matter how horny you are, there has got to be boundaries, women! Respect! SOMETHING.

Not that it matters. Things heat up, people get drunk and Brody finds Audrina on his bed talking to dirty boy, JB.

They talk, she bats her eyelashes and he says, “And if we decide to one night – nobody around, late night… – feelings are feelings.”

Swoon. I’m pretty sure he’s the only dude who can come up with that line and not come across as a skeezy d-bag. In fact, I went to be last night hoping he’d show up in my bedroom and say the same thing. And then do a little strip tease….

Sorry, got lost in my thoughts for a moment. Anyways, no one knows what really happened in that bungalow of love…. oh wait; yes they do. Because Brody saunters out in the morning and announces it to the cameras. Still, he doesn’t want it getting back to Jade and trusts Audrina  is not going to tell anyone about it.

Pfft. Yeah right, Brodes. You think you know women?  Even if Audrina wanted to keep this little hump sesh hush hush, she wouldn’t have a chance. When she walks out of her bedroom she’s walking into a pit with hungry (yet slighty rexi) lions who won’t let her out until they take in every. last. juicy. detail.

That sh*t will be back in LA before they land. And Lord knows I can’t wait. In fact, last night, inspired by Spencer’s newfound love for Jesus, I whipped out my bible and prayed for it.

Please let me take a moment to apologize for a lack of recap on last week’s season premier. I left DVRing up to my mother while I watched MSU get slaughtered in the NCAA championship…. And then came home to find out she doesn’t know how to DVR. (She then backed into my car in the driveway the next morning, which is why I am no longer coming home for Passover. Ruin my life once, shame on me. Ruin my life twice… well, you know the rest.)

The double feature was amazing (the boat party, the trip to Crystal Butte, Spencer throwin’ punches) and I am super grateful that MTV likes to show everything 42 times in a week.  Though I still do not forgive my mother.

Anyways, last night’s episode – while not quite as action packed as last week – was also pretty, pretty good. I always love an awkward interaction and boy did we get it when Stephanie applied for a job with People’s Revolution. Granted, I would be crapping my pants if I had to interview with Kelly Cutrone (her teeth are scarier than her ‘tude), but I would also make sure my resume was perfection before I walked through the door. I would also probably learn the difference between “professional attire” and doing my hair like a meth addict.

But that’s just me.

Kelly took one look at Steph, then chewed her up with those fangs and spit her out.  She doesn’t like Steph, but I think that’s why she hired her. That bitch loves to cut people up, and I can’t wait to see what she does to poor Ms. Pratt.  Although, it can’t be worse than dealing with Spence, right?

Speaking of Spencer, the other major dramz in the episode was with Speidi. Heidi returns to LA from visiting Mama Pratt and immediately starts fighting with the Bearded Spencer. I have to ask: does anyone else notice that when Heidi leaves town Spencer grows a beard? Do you think maybe shaving his face is a couples activity? Ew.

So, Heidi’s back and the couple starts fighting and Spencer acts like a baby. He leaves and decides to “hit the clubs” with his mustached, 40-year-old-looking friend…and the bartender. Heidi and Steph decide to do a little recon work and go to every bar in the city that might be cool that night. Weird! They found him on the first try!

“Oh my gosh, you’re right. He’s here.” Best acting ever, Heidi. So, there is confrontation and name calling (“slut,” “crazy,” “home-wrecker”), but much to my dismay, there is no platinum-weave-pulling.

Heidi spends the night on Steph’s couch and wakes up really distraught about the whole thing….with a lot of perfect makeup on. Now, I’ve slept in my makeup post bar hundreds of times, so I know what that’s like, but I wake up with mascara smeared down my cheek and the bar stamp from my hand rubbed off on my chin. Her hair does look a little like a hot mess, though, so there’s that.

Steph tells Heidi to try therapy. Heidi, who told Spencer never to call her again, meets him for some grub and tells him again never to call her again before she teeters off into the distance with her after-sex hair and way-too-tall heels.

And curtain!
Whew! What an episode! I had lost faith in MTV not-so-reality shows after The City premiered, but, DAYUM, The Hills is so good. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, MTV. Never again.

Last night’s episode of The Hills made me realize three things:

1. I hate Lauren. Ok, hate is a strong word, but I am a little peeved. This girl has like zero talent, yet Us Weekly names her the Celeb Designer of the year and she gets to move into this fabulous new pad? With a pool and a guest house?
2. Watching the show on a regular TV versus my HD makes Heidi look much less scary. The less sharp the picture the better.
3. Stephanie Pratt’s hair gets bigger each episode

So, obviously, the main event last night was the big move for Lauren, Lo and Audrina. And obviously, Audrina gets shunned to the guest house out in the backyard. That’s not awkward or uncomfortable at all. I guess it works out well for her, though, so she can sneak shady JB in and out without Mama Conrad finding out.

To celebrate the new digs the girls throw a mansion warming party and everyone who is anyone is there. Brody comes with his boobtacular new lady (and a juicer!), Stephen comes with a bag of Jelly Bellys and JB comes with a new ‘do. And I have to admit: he looked really cute…until I noticed the 80’s style cut off denim vest he was sporting. Baby steps, I guess. Baby steps.

Stephanie Pratt was invited, but couldn’t make it after being guilt tripped by her bro (who frequents Central Perk, apparently) and Heidi. Both interactions really make me question Ms. Pratt’s mental state. I have to ask again: does she really think that everyone is going to be ok with her being friends with LC? She acts so surprised every time she is confronted and I just don’t get it. This girl really needs a mental evaluation. Or maybe I, like everyone else involved, have just been totally duped by Her Pratt-ness and this is all part of some big evil plan. I can almost hear her cackling in the back of my head.

After reuniting at the soiree, LC and Stephen hit the town for dinner. Lauren in a formal dress and Stephen in jeans and a sweatshirt. That should have been an obvious sign that these two were expecting something different from the evening. And Stephen solidifies that when he tells Lauren that the dinner is simply platonic. It seems that even after all this time nothing has changed with these two (except the curfew thing). He probably went right to Kristin’s after dropping her off.

Lauren then does what any normal, heartbroken girl would do: she returns to her million dollar mansion and eats ice cream with her best friend. Oh and makes the friend believe that she didn’t really want anything from the night anyway. I guess we’re not so different after all; poor girl may have a guest house, but we are all just looking for love.

I guess I really can’t hate her. (Note: retract lesson #1 in list above. Keep all the rest.)

Last night was overwhelming; between the return of Gossip Girl and another episode of The Hills I just couldn’t stop trembling with excitement. Luckily, the shows weren’t back to back and I had some time between to make some pizza matzoh. Delish.

While I chomped away on my Passover snack, I watched an unusually high amount of drama unfold. Even for this group of girls. The entire episode made me feel uncomfortable; like watching Meet the Parents, or The Office when Michael and Jan had the dinner party. It felt like every possible weird combo of people possible in L.A. happened. The only thing that would have been worse was if Jason showed up with his weird post-rehab wife. And then started making out with Heidi.

I mean, how awkward is it that Audrina is friends with Heidi who is friends with Stephanie who is friends with Lauren? And, as we all know, Stephanie also happens to be the sister/roommate of Spencer. She really is at the center of the drama and, somehow, has gotten everyone to trust her. Lauren wants her as a friend; Heidi wants her as her boyfriend-bashing confidant; and Spencer wants her to clean up after him.

How is it that knowing she is mixing with all parties, everyone seems to keen on trusting her/confiding in her/not questioning her shady motives? Especially Heidi! Is it normal to not only stay best friends with your ex’s (or that guy you are currently on a relationship vacation with’s) sister, but to also talk so much crap about him to her? They do live together, Heidi.

Anyways, even more awkward is the return of Justin Bobby. And the fact that everyone calls him Justin Bobby…even to Audrina’s face. How amazing? I was quite excited when he was spotted at the bar and even more ecstatic when he plopped himself down between Heidi and Audrina…while Lauren was two seats down! Does it really get any better than that?

Lauren, naturally, is not a fan of JB. But after Audrina returns from their “not date” she explains all the ways he has changed. He moved! He stopped drinking! He is no longer sporting the crocheted hats (that, ironically, Lauren is now donning)! HE DIDN’T BURP! Wow, a total 180. How can Lauren not support this?

I am sure Audrina is still smitten with this boy – why, I will never understand – but part of me feels like she is really doing it all as a rebellion. Just like how she is now hanging out with Heidi. Lauren is like the mean mommy giving Audrina all these rules. It is obvious that one day little baby Audrina is going to grow up, rebel and come home with a biker boyfriend, a drug habit and some freaky tattoos. Or Lauren’s enemy and a dirty boy-toy.

But, even though Audrina is bringing home all the trash, LC and Lo decide to ask her to move into a house with them. Which also happened to be quite awkward. Instead of just saying, “Hey, the lease is up why don’t we move to a house so Lo can move in too?” Lauren basically says, “Lo is my best friend and we are really close, so it may be weird for you because you will be the third wheel but we have been looking for a house and you happen to be eating with us at the moment so maybe you should move in too?” I cringed.

The house warming party next week is looking pretty freaking sweet. JB is coming. And, obviously, The Pratt-ette. And, not-so-obviously, Stephen!? I hope cocktails will be served…and some sort of brawl breaks out. Rarrrr.

Last night’s episode of The Hills was a total snoozer. Seriously; I fell asleep during that dumb Alicia Key’s during-the-commercial show. Poor Alica; you have such a beautiful voice, but your acting skills are so…well…stick to singing, my dear.

Anyways, I really had to force myself to stay awake. Which was especially difficult considering the fact that I need at least 2 glasses of wine to ease my anxiety so Heidi’s face, and attempts at showing emotion, don’t give me nightmares.

The show started with Heidi and Audrina meeting up for lunch. That sneaky little lady; she tells Lauren that she would never be friends with Heidi again and there she goes snacking on a sandwich and chatting it up with her behind Lauren’s back. Then she agrees to meet up with Heidi for “Ladies Night,” after making a really weird “I am not sure I want to do this/I can’t handle those lips, Heidi” face.

Ladies Night ends up being a huge debacle – or total success, in terms of adding a little excitement to the episode – as Spencer decides to go out to the same freaking bar like a little pansy and flirt with girls to make Heidi jealous. But Heidi isn’t really mad until she finds out he’s taking shots with the ladies. SHOTS?!? SHOTS!! I am not sure why shots are a bigger deal than if Spencer bought those girls any other cocktail on the menu, but it was enough to make Heidi shake with anger. And talk about it non stop with anyone who would listen (or, like Audrina, were forced to listen).

Spence and Heidi meet up the next day to talk things out…in Spencer’s car. Well, Spencer doesn’t really get to do much talking, but he is there to take the verbal beating from Barbie. I sort of felt bad for the kid. How is it fair that Heidi gets to dictate the parameters of the relationship and Spencer’s life? How can she go out with the girls and make him sit home and wait for her to be ready to be back with him again? The kid is clearly depressed – he’s living with his sister who is totally stuck in the 80’s and eating turkey sandwiches while his ex hits the town. It is natural that he want some answers, and we all know we’ve resorted to similar immature tactics (like flirting with other guys at the bar to make someone jealous) before.

In the end I just want to see them get back together so A) we don’t have to watch them fight anymore, B) because they are the only people on earth who would want one another and C) so they can make more fine music together.

And that pretty much covers all the interesting stuff that happened; besides Lauren helping out at People’s Revolution and behind the scenes at a fashion show. Which makes me wonder: are these models that dumb that they can’t seem to stay in line or know who is supposed to be walking before them? Is it really necessary to have both Lauren and Whitney back there?

And is yelling at models and telling them to go that difficult that it would really knock Cutrone’s socks off? I knew how to get in line in 1st grade. Why am I still working at a boring office job? Enjoy your fabulous life, Lauren. I think I may sort of be starting to hate you.

Make sure you watch next week, friends; Justin Bobby is making his return. Ugly hats, facial hair and inappropriate gas emissions included.

[Yes, LC, we realize this Hills update is late. No need to make that "holding corn chips incredulously" move of yours. This week sucked for your dear editor. I apologize. Now, on to the awesomeness...]

Yesterday I had a serious case of the Mondays. Even the Boston Creme donut I had didn’t make me feel any better. Or the giant sale on Bloomingdales.com (but I may not feel the good vibes from that until my brand new jacket arrives in the mail!). I was ready to retire to bed with a cup of tea and a good book until I remembered something awesome: The Hills is back. I have gotten so used to Mondays without my blonde and super tan frenemies that I nearly forgot. I turned on the TV and was blessed with even more good news: TWO EPISODES!

It was like the clouds parted and the sun began to shine.

Two full episodes means there is a lot of ground to cover. I took three pages of notes! Sure, a lot of that includes, “What the hell is Stephanie wearing on her head?” and, “Heidi looks like she wants to cry right now – she is trying so hard – but her face just…won’t….move.” But so much happened!

There is no way I can really discuss everything I want to – like Heidi and Spencer’s fight over who paid for which super-sized flat screen – so here is a brief rundown of the happenings on episodes dos and tres of The Hills. Sort of a Cliff’s Notes guide to last night’s drama.

Whitney decides to leave Teen Vogue and take up an opportunity working for People’s Revolution. Her first interview with Kelly Cutrone made me realize that that Devil does not wear Prada – the Devil wears black and doesn’t wash her hair. Cutrone is constantly reminding Whitney of the hellish life she has gotten herself into, which makes me wonder if Whitney looks just like some bitch that made Cutrone’s high school experience a nightmare. And now she’s getting her back.

Lauren is all sad about her pending long distance relationship with Whitney, so she decides to hit Les Deux (because it is the only club in LA, apparently) with Audrina. Obviously, Brody shows up. Obviously, there is drama because they both read Us Weekly and heard about each others’ trysts while apart. Not-so-obviously, Frankie has some weird 1988 fade going on with his hair. Lauren and Brody both act like children because they refuse to tell each other their feelings and that is the end of that. To which I say to you, Lauren: stop being such a brat and talk to the kid. No one finds this charming.

Speidi begins the separation of their things. Each gets to take what is theirs and go their separate ways – except for Stephanie. She is settling quite nicely in the middle. Heidi tells her she just wants space but doesn’t consider this whole thing a break up. Meanwhile, Spencer is all about playing the field (which he will quickly see is empty for a mid-twenties kid with no job and horrible facial hair who spends his days crying on his little sister’s couch).

Stephanie is a manipulative bitch who is trying to get herself in just about anywhere she can. I don’t trust her. Lo (my new BFF) doesn’t trust her. Even Spencer doesn’t trust her. So why does LC seem to keen on being her friend? This girl’s brother spread those sex tape rumors; hasn’t Lauren learned that you have to be careful about who you trust? Also, since when is Lauren back in school? And why does her teacher sound like she just flew in from the Bronx?

Whew. That was a lot. Back to back episodes of this show provide me with plenty of drama to get through the week. It’s like living in two sorority houses at once. Yet, I still want more.

I will just have to wait until next week to see if Heidi’s post-Spencer-extra-closet-space is still getting her through the break-up. Or if Lauren and Whitney get offered any other one-in-a-million jobs with no experience.

Or, maybe, if Audrina plays any sort of important role in any of this.

Last night was the season premiere of The Hills and all I can say is, wow. I have been counting down to this moment for a long time. I even had a party to celebrate it. But even I couldn’t have anticipated just how spectacular the whole event was going to be.

A pre-show.

Mariah Carey.

An hour-long episode (with commercial breaks that seemed a lot shorter than normal).

It was fantastic.

As you all know, last night’s episode picked up where last season abruptly ended some three months ago: Lauren and Whitney arrive in Paris, while Heidi and Spencer work through the many failings of their overly public relationship. I am ashamed to say this, but after watching I was extremely disappointed with Lauren and (gulp) actually kinda respected Heidi.

Before you throw tomatoes at your computer screen, hear me out.

I love Lauren. I loved her on Laguna and I was always pulling for her in the whole Speidi drama. If there were a Kitson in Michigan, I would have definitely made the “Team Lauren” t-shirt purchase. But tonight she just pissed me off again and again. Here is a girl who is given a dream internship at Teen Vogue for not one, but two years – something totally unheard of in the media industry. Then she is given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work in Paris, which she turns down to spend the summer with a drug addict, only to be offered it again!

Obviously, she would realize how lucky she is and work her ass off to prove to Lisa Love that she is worth it, right? Wrong.

First she lands in Paris and decides it is more important to dress herself than dress the debutantes she was assigned to (strike 1). Then she decides to take a personal call while doing the 10 minutes of work she has to do the entire week she is in Paris (strike 2). Then, she decides it is of utmost importance to go out to the bars in Paris with some bearded old man and takes the couture dress loaned to her and pins it up to wear out on the town. We all watch and wait for someone to spill red wine on the dress and breathe a sigh of relief when Lauren and Whitney make it home, dress intact. But, wait! Fifteen minutes before the ladies are supposed to be at the ball, Lauren realizes she has burned the dress with her curling iron (strike 3).

Naturally, the designer just hands over another gorgeous dress – that fits perfectly – and Cinderella makes it to the ball. After doing another 10 minutes of work asking some girl where she is from (while Whitney fixes a sleeve), Lauren runs off on Mr. Beard’s Vespa…in her second couture dress of the evening (strike 4). I know nothing actually happened to that dress, but was that really the best idea when you have already ruined one?

I know my anger stems from jealousy at Lauren’s Oh-So-Glamorous life, but give me a break. People with talent and common sense are dying for a job like that, and this girl can f*#k up that many times and still get offered an unnecessary yet totally freaking awesome opportunity to go to Paris? What the hell!?

::Breathe::

Ok. Moving on to something that causes a little less anxiety: Spencer and Heidi. As the episode begins we find Spencer looking totally disheveled – beard is all furry, hair is out of control, he is doing the dishes – due to the lack of Heidi in his life. He decides that while Heidi told him she needed time to do her own thing, he would hop in a Jeep and surprise her in Crested Butte (tee hee).

Well, let’s just say that Heidi was less than thrilled to see him. It was hard to tell since she has lost the ability to move her face due to numerous plastic surgeries and Botox injections, but while dining with Spencer and her parents, Heidi made it pretty clear that she didn’t want him there. Like, during her toast when she expressed her love for her parents…and totally ignored Spencer’s presence. Or when she pretty much ripped him a new one while her mom and step-dad looked on.

It was amazing. Nothing brings two people together like a common enemy, and Spencer has definitely brought me closer to Heidi. I still don’t like her – or her awful attempts at making it as a musical artist – but I do have much respect for a woman who is going to put the spawn of Satan in his place. Then I remember these photos I found yesterday and realize that it is only a matter of time until these two get back together and I feel that familiar overwhelming urge to punch them both in the face.

If the rest of the season is anything like last night’s episode, we are all in for some serious dramaaa. It is going to be good. Rumor has it Justin Bobby is back and I can’t wait to see how infrequently he showers this time around. Until next week…..

Is it just me, or was last night’s episode of The Hills kinda boring? Not 3-hour-lecture boring; more like this-could-totally-be-a-day-in-my-life boring. From Lauren and Brody’s gray area to Audrina’s first date with the new boy, to Lauren and Audrina’s Halloween party (that included Pabst and beer pong!), watching it felt watching my own life!

It was almost as if MTV realized just how unbelievable the show was getting so they scaled it back to remind people that Lauren and her fabulous friends are just like the rest of us.

But mixed in with all that normal-ness was a small drama side dish a la Heidi and Spencer. Oh, and Sister Pratt. And to be honest I can’t really tell who in this situation bothered me more:

Was it Heidi for being a moron and telling Spencer’s totally bitchy and conniving sister a secret that she claimed she didn’t want getting back to the Spence?

Or was it Spencer for approaching Heidi like a little pussy and totally throwing his sister under the bus and then mocking Heidi by mimicking her in what should have been a very adult conversation?

Or, and this is the one I am really pulling for here, could it be Sister Pratt Attack for lying to Heidi and saying she could trust her before immediately turning around and sticking her ugly nose where it didn’t belong?

I just don’t know. I mean, Heidi was dumb for trusting the sister, but maybe she wanted all that to get back to Spencer. Maybe she was afraid to bring it up on her own (knowing how immature and bratty he acts when he doesn’t get his way) and wanted some other way to break the news to him. Maybe Heidi finally realizes that she has given up everything – friends, family, fans, dignity – for Spencer and it isn’t all she had hoped it would be.

Or maybe she really is dumb enough to believe that his sister wouldn’t tell him. That is a tough call, people; a toughie indeed.

But enough about those fools.

Let us move on to the ultra cuteness that was Brody and Lauren’s dinner at the end of the episode. How adorable was it when he was trying to not-so-obviously ask Lauren if she likes him and wants to be with him? Did your heart not totally melt when Lauren acted dumb and Brody backed off, that look of rejection on his face? It was one of the realest things I have seen on this show and really made me pull for the two of them to end up together.

Which I guess we will find out about on the season finale next week! I can’t wait to see how everything goes down. Until then, I am on team Lauren and Brody. Even if he did look like a chemo patient in that oversized baseball cap.