Law and Order gets the axe. My Saturdays are ruined.

Serena Williams has a BF. And he’s in loooove.

The government says: more toilets for the ladies!

Ke$ha’s got a new vid. Not surprisingly, it’s weird.

10 food secrets you didn’t know.

Is Elizabeth Banks doin’ the nasty with Chris Pine ?

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past 8 months, Chris Brown was arrested and charged for assaulting his former girlfriend, Rihanna. Now, in an interview with old-man interviewer Larry King, Mr. Brown is saying that he can’t really believe it happened, as if he magically left his body and wasn’t there when the entire brawl went down.

Based on my experience watching Law and Order marathons, I am well aware that people sometimes have fits of rage where they do crazy ish and don’t remember. But seeing that Chris Brown has been on YouTube apologizing to Rihanna and fans (and never once mentioning this out of body experience), I’m pretty sure that night is etched into his brain foreverrrr (sorry, just had to do it).

You don’t fool me for one second, Chris Brown. You’re talking to the queen of  “That happened? I did that? Wow, I don’t remember!” I know it’s hard to admit to your wrongdoings sometimes and it’s so. much. easier to pretend you blacked it all out (“I did what with the bouncer?!”), but man up! While it’s an effective tactic, Chistopher, it only works for little things. You know, the ones that don’t involve plea bargains and jail times.

Allow me to demonstrate. Read More »

There’s certain things in life that you really don’t wanna know, but you kinda, sorta do wanna know. You know what I’m talking about.

Take the calories in a delicious slice of Adam’s Peanut Butter Cup Fudge Ripple Cheesecake (talk about a mouthful) from The Cheesecake Factory. You know the second the cute waiter tells you that you have just consumed 930 calories of cheesecakey goodness, you are gonna wanna stab your hand with a butter knife. But you know you have to know, so you can calculate how long you’re gonna in the gym tomorrow.

Or what that guy you’re dating is telling his friends about you…and your abilities…when you’re not around. You wanna know, but you really don’t wanna know…but you really want to know.

Well here’s something I still haven’t decided if I want to know: when and how I’m going to die. Read More »

Sure, I’m glad that the semester is more than half over. Sure, I’m happy that the holidays are fast approaching. Sure, I’m glad that it’s my favorite season. But with all the awesome things that this time of the year brings along, there’s something that I just can’t stand, something that always comes around, and I sure as hell don’t mean the premiere of Redemption Song or the Law and Order marathon.

I mean being sick.

Not just “being sick,” though. Not just having a little cough or a small sniffle. No, I mean being sick as a dog. Having bronchitis. Having a box of tissues in one hand and pockets full of throat lozenges. When you’re on a small campus, one person’s cold is everyone else’s cold. Being stressed doesn’t help matters, either, so of course there are tons of other people in the boat with me – and not just seniors. And call me sadistic, but watching everyone suffer makes me feel a little less awful.

But my loss is your gain, folks. From my week-late thesis chapter, paper due on Friday that I still haven’t written, and a few other delayed things, I’ve learned some pretty awesome techniques to combatting exhaustion, delirium, sickness, and even lack of alcohol. Read More »

What is it about politics that makes men think they can get away with being total scumbags?

I’m so incredibly sick of these scandals that make the gossip-ridden mags like US Weekly and OK! seem blasé.

The New York Times broke the original story yesterday. A wiretapping investigation identified New York Governor Eliot Spitzer as “Client 9” of the Emperor’s Club, a New Jersey prostitution ring. It seems he met with a variety of call girls at 7 or 8 times over the past few months.

According to the ABC news blog, Temeka Rachelle Lewis, remarked to the call girl involved with Spitzer (code name “Client-9”) the night before VALENTINE’S DAY (cough…scumbag…cough) that she had heard that,

“[Client-9] would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe – you know – I mean that . . . very basic things.”

I’m not sure what “very basic things” she refers to but it sounds fairly kinky…Nice one, Gov. Read More »

For most of my life, I’ve somehow escaped getting pulled into prime-time dramas. It’s probably because I’m ususally too busy doing other things during prime time to care about Joey + Dawson, those crazy kids in the OC, Buffy, or even (on a slightly less teeny-boppery note) anything that happens on Law+Order--that goes for SVU too.

But all that changed for me the summer of 2006. I was spending the summer abroad in England, and countless phone calls to my then boyfriend back in the states would go like this:

Me :”I miss you honey!”

Him: “Me too, Babe!”

Me: “So how are you!?”

“I’m gr–Oh babe, gotta go–the guys are about to watch LOST,”

“But-”

“I love you! I miss you! Bye!” Read More »

As evidenced by the disgusting amount of re-runs and sh*tty reality shows (well, except for Supernanny. Kids making their parents cry will always be entertainment to me) the writer’s strike is still going strong. While individual companies are attempting to make deals, the cooperate conglomerate as a whole are still being greedy little bitches, their obsession with the Benjamins creating TV havoc for the rest of us.

Even though many of the writers involved in the strike are losing thousands of dollars a week, they still seem to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. This sense of humor provides countless hours of YouTube fun, including a gem entitled “Murder Unscripted”.

Who knew B.D Wong could be hilarious?

“I need you to call my phone in twenty minutes,” my friend said, putting things in her pocketbook and looking out the door like the Law and Order people were standing outside. “Just start talking. Don’t get freaked out if I don’t make sense.”

“What’s going on?” I asked, worried I knew someone in the witness protection program.

“I’m going out to lunch with this girl…and she might hate me. I’m not sure yet, but just in case she’s as crazy as I remember…I need your phone call to help me leave.”

Who hasn’t used a fake phone call to get out of an uncomfortable situation? Sprint felt your pain—and the annoyance from your friends every time you begged them for help—and has launched Mobile Faker. Read More »