"Oh god. I gotta go, guys. Like, really go. #2."

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming)—the myth.

If you go to college, chances are you’ve eaten at a dining hall. You’ve experienced gourmet menu items such as “liquid mashed potatoes,” “Sahara-dry chicken” and “green jell-o with mysteriously hard parts around the edges.” And as delightful as your dining experience was, chances are you felt the results of that extra serving of corn a short time later as you were flooring it for the communal bathroom. And if you were just lucky enough to have a meal-plan (like I was my freshman year), you got to experience the joy of this routine three times a day. Every day. For a year.

I remember wondering what the hell was wrong with me; I’d never spent so much money on toilet paper and air freshener before in my life. Did college trigger an internal mechanism that doomed me to poop all the time for the rest of my life? “No,” my roommate said, “The dining halls put baby laxatives in the food, duh.”

“OMG, why would they do that to us?!” I demanded of her.

“Because that way people get hungrier faster after they eat and go back for more; it helps the school make more money.” Read More »

After four years of attending a Big 10 school, I am now in big time debt.  I’ll be in even more debt after I return for yet another semester.  Do I have a job?  No.  Has my university made good on their promise to hook me up with sweet career options and internships?  No.  All jobs and internships that I have had were found on my own time and through my own devices (and only one of those actually had anything to do with my major).

So…what exactly am I paying for (besides education)??

Well, at least someone else is thinking along the same lines.  A Bronx woman is suing her college for $70,000 or roughly what she paid in tuition fees because the career center hasn’t given her any advice or career leads.  Read More »

[It's the first full week of December, and while the rest of the world gears up for The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I still need to take a break from the constant holiday cheer. The following is this week’s Pissed List, so if you’ve got to vent, too, just holla atcha girl!]

1. The Full House Remake

You weren’t a child of the ’90s unless you watched “Full House” (and if you didn’t, you seriously missed out on some major TGIF action). You knew the Tanner family. You still catch reruns when you stumble upon them flipping through the channels. You pause, you catch a Kimmy Gibbler cameo and laugh, and you remember how things were. And that’s how it should be. Now that John “Uncle Jesse” Stamos is proposing a Full House remake show, all our classic memories may be tainted. Seeing the aged DJ and Steph and the rest of the gang is just going to make me feel like an old fart. And the next thing you know, people are going to start making covers of good ’90s songs, and I’m going to start thinking to myself, “the original ‘Quit Playin Games With My Heart’ was so much better,” and then I will have turned into my mother, and this can’t happen during my 20s.

2. The Obama Citizenship Scandal

I don’t quite follow why this is happening (for all practical purposes, the presidential transition is already underway, and the last thing this country needs is more divisive action), but someone is suing Barack Obama, disputing his US citizenship and thus his claim to the presidency. For the record, Obama was born on August 4, 1961 in Hawaii, which became a member of the Union in 1959. Now what’s the problem? (And let’s not forget that former-rival John McCain was born in Panama on US-zoned territory). Read More »

Anyone who has ever been to New York City has most likely encountered Times Square’s Naked Cowboy. I never really understood the appeal of A) Times Square and its massive carbon footprint, or B) the appeal of a guitar-strumming man in his tightie whities (unless, of course, that man is John Mayer..mmmmm), but for some reason this dude is totally famous.

In Times Square, at least.

Well, now he’s taking his show on the road: to the New York City court system. As if being a naked cowboy wasn’t obnoxious enough, this dude is now suing the makers of M&M’s for stealing his “bit” in their latest ads in NYC.

His “bit” being taking off his clothes and playing the guitar for small children? Um…how is that not the issue here?!

But, poor guy has to hold onto something. I mean, this is all he has. Especially since his self confidence was totally shot when some 7th grade girls saw his…talent… and laughed in his face.

[Photo courtesy of AOL]

Let’s thank Hannah Montana for this one

OMG. THIS ELEPHANT. IS PAINTING. A SELF-PORTRAIT.

“The Hills” are alive…with legit life lessons

This just in: Paris Hilton wants to buy the world

Does this lawsuit match my bag?

You know, I’d rather sleep with Rob Lowe in his bed

Sometimes, you just crave some fried penis

Seriously, someone needs to take away their camera

Proof that Coldplay is really boring

I cannot stand getting sick. About a month ago, I caught a vicious flu bug and completely denied its existence in my system until I woke up one Sunday morning hallucinating and unable to stand.

Had I only taken more Airborne….my feverish mind reasoned as my roommate and I raced to the emergency room…I would be completely healthy right now…

Well, it turns out, I could have popped one hundred little Airborne tablets and it probably wouldn’t have made an ounce of difference (it also turns out that if you’re crazy sick and in an emergency room, crawling onto the floor and lying there gets you in to see a doctor way ahead of everyone else).

The makers of the popular take-it-and-you-won’t-get-sick tablet have recently settled a class-action lawsuit for $23.3 million, a lawsuit which claims that despite Airborne’s compelling advertising campaign, “There’s no credible evidence that what’s in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment”. Read More »

A couple months ago, we featured the creepiness that is Dov Charney, the owner of American Apparel.

Sure, the man looks like a serial killer and admits to getting it on with, like, every one of his employees, but he sure knows how to sell a product!

We’ve all seen the ads – the racy, half-naked and scantily clad models (think the HOT Abercrombie & Fitch ads meets younger-looking hipsters). There’s something raw about these ads, almost dirty – and that’s exactly what is getting younger-looking hipsters to buy into the brand.

According to AMNY, one of the store managers said, “This is the Lower East Side….I would be disappointed in the neighborhood if it was offended by this. It’s not pornographic. This is art.” Read More »

I remember that one exam I bombed.

Sauntering into the huge lecture room with confidence, I grabbed myself a blue book and 15-page questionnaire and found a seat. I had only spent a few hours studying the night before, but it was fine, because I was taking the class Pass/Fail, and had already secured enough good grades to keep me in the Pass range, no matter how I did on the final. Plus, it was Ancient Greek. Who does well on the final exam (which reviewed the entire year) in Ancient Greek? The coolness factor of learning a dead language wore off after the first couple of weeks, and by this exam, I was happy if I never say another Gamma or Delta in my life.

I proceeded to fail the final for three hours, and when finally satisfied with my poor memory and congregation skills, I passed the test in and walked out of the door. Who cares? I thought, practically skipping back to my dorm. No more Greek for the rest of my life!

The numbers came back, and I did indeed fail. Miserably. But as soon as I looked at my final grade, my nonchalance immediately disappeared. The Registrar didn’t have me down as P/F in Ancient Greek, they had me with a letter grade! A very horrible letter grade.

I was pissed, I was embarrassed, and most importantly, my workaholic status had been blemished. But what could I do? I had been an idiot. Twice. Once for never checking if the Registrar had my records in order, and twice for sitting in the back of the library and laughing with a friend instead of reviewing “Kronos and His Family”.

Little did I know, I could have sued. Read More »

The internet was the enabler behind most of my middle school drama.

The enigmatic anonymity that the web provides was a big green light for mean teenagers to harass other mean teenagers without the consequences of face-to-face confrontations. And it was this online shield that facilitated the worst culprit behind my pubescent angst: the fake screenname.

Fake screennames were the best way to tear your enemy (or popular best friend) apart incognito. You could lash out ruthlessly, ruin lives and then delete said screenname without being linked to any of the drama that would surely ensue.

I will never forget my most potent digital nemesis: ClawYourEyesOut. ClawYourEyesOut not only harassed me on a nightly basis with the unoriginal “slut,” “bitch” name-calling. He/she also IMed my adorable little boyfriend Brad and my bitchy, gullible friends and spread nasty rumors which quickly turned them against me.

And even though ClawYourEyesOut brutally defamed my reputation, there was nothing I could do about it. To this day, ClawYourEyesOut’s identity still eludes me.

But thanks to two female Yale Law School grads—who suffered a magnified version of my ClawYourEyesOut saga, online anonymity may not be such an impenetrable issue in the future.

The two women are trying to uncover the identity of 28 pseudonyms behind discussion board posts that spread rumors about their academic records, sexuality and even threatened rape. Read More »

Going to the movies now just makes me upset. I don’t know how it is around where you guys live, but movie tickets near me– $10.00! That seems like a lot of money to go see what normally ends up being a pretty mediocre show. So I don’t go to the movies that much anymore. I wait for DVD, or I hope that showstash.com has something on there that’s just been released to watch online.

But I sucked it up the other day, and went to see Knocked Up. I must say, that’s like the funniest movie I’ve seen since, well… 40 Year Old Virgin. I don’t think I stopped laughing— nor did the rest of the theatre—for the entire movie. I could have sat there and watched Seth Rogen for another hour. By the end of it, I was slightly in love with him, and his stoner, weirdo friends. I now also want Leslie Mann (the drunk, vomiter in 40 Year Old Virgin with a much bigger and funnier part in this) to be my best friend. She’s freaking hilarious!

So I was a little upset to read last week that writer Judd Apatow is being sued for ripping the whole thing off. Turns out Canadian writer Rebecca Eckler wrote a startlingly similar book a few years back. In Eckler’s 2004 book titled Knocked Up, an up-and-coming journalist gets pregnant after getting drunk at her engagement party. OK, Katie Heigl is a journalist too, but she’s not engaged…. Read More »