You know what they say about a big shofar....

Every single January 1^st, I swear that I’m going to start regularly exercising and watching less TV. But somewhere around January 3^rd, I always find myself back on the couch, eating kettle chips by the handful and staring slack-jawed at yet another Top Model marathon.

Of course, I’m not alone. Research shows that a full third of all New Year’s resolutions are broken during the first week of January. Luckily, I’m going to get another chance to make a fresh start tonight.

Today is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. When the sun goes down, other Members of the Tribe and I will be drinking wine, eating apples and honey, and making a second set of promises about how we intend to act in the year 5770.

Here’s my preliminary list of Jewish New Year’s Resolutions. I’m going to keep them this year. I swear: Read More »

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I was out at a classy lounge the other night (I can legit say this now that I have entered legality), when a nice young gentleman started to make passes at me. Like any normal girl, I was wary of speaking to a stranger with a receding hairline but, thanks to a slightly humorous opener, I kept talking to him long enough to find out that he was an attorney. I practically humped his leg like an excited dog. And not because I’m a gold digger who thinks that an attorney can buy her lots of Gucci and Botox.

It’s because for the last three months I have been cooped up in my room under a hot desk lamp studying non-stop for the LSAT. And in my “drunken haze” (I had one beer, which got me tipsy…what? I’ve been studying!) it seemed that there was nothing more exciting than finding someone who had also studied for the LSAT.

Yup, that’s right – my life had been reduced to excitement over someone having filled out similar bubbles on a similar standardized test. Read More »

Hey, remember Trapped in the Closet? You know, R. Kelly’s AMAZING twenty-three part R&B soap opera chronicling the twists and turns in the life of protagonist Sylvester (R. Kelly) and about ten million secondary characters who are all tangled in the same sexy web of lies and interconnected boot-knockin’? Well R. Kelly’s Trial Debating Whether Or Not I Am In Fact A Huge Creep That Pisses On Underage Girls On Video is like Trapped in the Closet, but so so so much more kick ass.

To give you a little background, it all started in 2002 when music critic Jim DeRogatis was given a video by a currently unnamed source featuring what appeared to be R. Kelly giving an allegedly underage girl money, then getting a BJ from her, having sex with her, and pissing on her. DeRogatis broke the story in the Chicago Sun-Times, and shortly thereafter R. Kelly was charged with soliciting a minor for child pornography, seven counts of videotaping the acts, and seven counts of producing child pornography. Now, six years after the initial indictment, the trial has begun and it’s like the sexy remix of the O.J. Simpson trial. Read More »

When I was in high school I made my teacher cry. It wasn’t my fault she was in her first year of teaching and couldn’t keep her sh*t together. It’s not like I spit at her or called her names; I simply disagreed with her argument that Cyrano de Bergerac was the best book ever written. And it was a Literary Criticism course! If you can’t handle a difference of opinion, then maybe you should consider teaching Kindergarten.

Had I known then that I could have been sued for such a disagreement, I probably would have thrown independent thought out the window and nodded my head in agreement like the rest of the class.

Thankfully, my teacher just excused herself to cry alone in the bathroom, unlike one Dartmouth lecturer who took it to a much more serious level: by seeking legal counsel.

I actually got my degree in education, so I can say from experience that teaching is a very difficult and thankless profession. You spend 16-18 hours a day either with the students, preparing for the students, or grading their crappy work. Then you come into the classroom where they are disrespectful and often times annoying. It is a job that drives you to drink countless glasses of wine and wonder why you ever wanted to do it in the first place. (Note: It is also incredibly rewarding!)

But, that is all part of the job and something you surely expect getting into a profession that deals with ungrateful children. (Don’t hate; you know you made your teachers’ lives hell back in the day.) Surely this woman cannot be naïve enough to think that Dartmouth kids would be any different? Read More »

Ladies Night!

At any good bar on any given night, you might see these magical words. Maybe it’s a small sign in the window, maybe it’s scrawled on a sandwich board in chalk, or maybe it’s on that drink ticket the giant bouncer with a head the size of your torso just gave you. Whatever the case, if you go out, you understand the distinct pull of such an announcement.

Unless you’re New York Lawyer Ron Den Hollander. If you’re him, you think it’s a horrible crime. Read More »