I’ll be honest – if I didn’t read CollegeCandy, I never would have known about MTV’s new show, House of Jazmin. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t bother with the dribble on MTV, but the real reason is because I get so engrossed in the drama on MTV shows that I am forced to fast-forward straight through the commercials and miss everything that is comin’ up.

So I watched this new show, AKA MTV’s answer to the loss of Lauren Conrad. MTV’s attempt at another show that might possibly gross as much money for the network as The Hills. MTV’s response to people who complained about how scripted/fake/annoying The Hills is.

And what did we get?
A real girl who is driven and talented and adorable.

And boring! Read More »

Ok, now correct me if I’m wrong, but Brody did come out of his hotel room in Hawaii and tell all the boys that he cheated on Jayde, right? (And what the hell kind of stripper name is Jayde, really?!) Does Brody consider sitting up all night talking about his GF with another girl cheating or was he just trying to impress his friends by telling them that he cheated?

Because this week we learn that he didn’t hook up with Audrina at all and they just slept – yes, slept – in the same bed. Being an adult woman, I do consider that inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but I wouldn’t call that cheating. And if it were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t get my trashy, Playmate entourage to stick their fake press-on nails in that poor girl’s face.

It’s not that big a deal. And my friends don’t wear fake nails. Read More »

Even though I know full and well that The Hills is all a crock of reality sh*t, I still spend a good chunk of each episode pulling out the proof. For example, if the show were real, then there would be no way Lauren would get to take time off from her internship last minute to jet-set to Hawaii.  And if the show were real, that Bible in Spencer’s hand would have been real….and would have burned at his touch.

Because there is no way the devil can hold the word of God in his hands and walk away unscathed, right?

All that aside, though, I have never been as entertained by this show as I was when watching Speidi hold bible study in their den of sin with Heidi’s ex boyfriend and his current tranny girlfriend. I know, I know; those two Crested Butte kids are good people and I shouldn’t hate, but when that girl walked into dinner, I really thought she was a man. In an old man’s Hawaiian shirt. Read More »

So this is why Justin loves her.

The Craigslist killer: A BU student!

LC will be on Family Guy!?

Go Green…in the bedroom.

What is your Beer Google prescription?

Ew, Amy Winehouse. Ew.

Puppies! Enjoy.

Mmmm March Madness.

Robin Williams is doin’ A-OK.

Myth or fact: you can repair split ends.

Make a 25 before 25 list!

Zac Efron out of Footloose?

Obama to speak at Notre Dame commencement!

Cure for the dreaded bikini wax?!

LC’s love life heats up.

Would you wanna smell like Avril?

Flava Flav is 50?!

The Obamas are getting a Portuguese Water Dog. Adorable.

How is this whole American Idol “Wild Card” thing going to work, anyway?

Your music taste reveals how smart you are.

Britney sure knows how to pick em.

Nicky Hilton’s IHOP run-in.

People are giving up Facebook for lent?!

Virus tricks Google users.

Brian Austin Green is officially single.

Did Beyonce have a nipple slip at the Oscars?

Lauren Conrad is leaving The Hills. We weep.

Avoid dry hair.

Translating John Mayer’s mumbo jumbo.

Dear Whitney,

I have watched you since the first season of The Hills and now on The City, so it’s kinda safe to say that I know you, or at least the parts of your life that are shown on MTV. I was there for the big transition to life in NYC and it looks like have navigated life in the big city pretty well so far: you’ve found your dream apartment, you have your dream job, and, of course, you got your “dream boy.”

Well, that’s why I’m writing. As a loyal and caring fan, I would like to give you the guy advice that Lauren would have given you if you hadn’t left her to get your own show work for DVF. Only I won’t be as harsh or bitchy as her. And my mascara won’t run all over my face when we start crying and hugging and loving each other again.

You are being naive, Whit. Or maybe you are just so in love with Jay that you’re blind. I understand that he is cute, he dedicates songs to you (awww) and has an Australian accent; I would probably melt too. So whats the problem, you may ask.

See, the thing is, dear, Jay seems to be playing you. (Ok, he’s TOTALLY playing you.) He’s seeing other girls apart from you. But it’s not like you didn’t know this already from Alex, that model guy you met but ditched for Jay (who I will gladly take for my very own). Yes, I get that you may not believe Alex because you may think that he’s trying to ruin it for you after you unceremoniously ignored him when Jay came around. But trust him this time. Then pass him my number. Read More »

Did Jesus help the Gators win the National Championship?

Cindy Crawford is not a Miley Cyrus fan.

What LC and Lo look like when The Hills is not taping.

Lisa Bonet – that chick from the Cosby show – had a baby. And gave it a weird-ass name.

How much coffee is too much coffee?

Want to go to the Inauguration? Got $100,000?

Polaroid 2.0 - coolest thing ever.

Things you never knew about your weight.

Fix your own pants, instead of paying the tailor to do it for you.

10 TV shows that were ripped off by other shows.

(We’re back with another weekly installment of G.W.W.E. [Guys We Wanna Eff]. What better way to close the books on 2008 than with a man who’s coming out on top…with a new show, that is. Here’s to hoping Brody Jenner will be coming out on top of us someday soon! )

Shameful, I know, but I can’t help but salivate (and have naughty dreams) when Brody Jenner is around. Just a quick glance at his pedigree should have any hot-blooded female’s heart racing: he’s the son of Olympic decathalon champion Bruce and stepbrother of smokin’ Hollywood siblings, the Kardashians. Which means there’s no mystery where that rock-hard bod comes from… and you know he can keep his cool in the company of ladies. The dude has, like, 12 step-sisters.

Our film-fanatic friends might say, “two thumbs up!” But as yours truly says, “Eff me!”

While his dad and stepsisters strut their stuff with their own reality television show, Brody has achieved reality stardom in his own right. He made his first reality whoring appearance on the Princes of Malibu. (Yes, that show actually existed. Yes, I actually watched it. Yes, he looked effable.)

Then, obviously, he made his way to The Hills, where he dated Queen Bee LC for a spell. I can’t say I was dismayed when that ended. (Note to Ms. Conrad: You’re much more fun to watch when you’re just wearing hot clothes and sunbathing all the time. Once you start dating guys I wanna eff, I turn off my TV in disgust. Capisce?) Read More »

So, tonight’s episode kinda sucked. (Almost as bad as that picture to the left. Fo realz.) The best part of it was the hummus I scarfed down while watching. I can’t totally blame the people over at MTV, though; that episode of Gossip Girl was pretty hard to follow.

But, still – the episode actually opened up a lot more questions than it answered. Questions like:

1) What is the point of the whole Stephanie/Cameron relationship? I mean, really, why did this story line ever exist? Was it to show us that boys like Stephanie? Did MTV hope for it to cause more tension than it did? Maybe a bar brawl between Cameron, Brody and his Bromancers? Was it to bring Steph and Spencer together, or maybe tear them apart? Why?!

The love story lasted for like 5 minutes over the span of 6 episodes, so why are we supposed to care that they broke up? I just don’t understand. Enlighten me, people. (Speaking of Cameron, did anyone else notice when he tried to kiss Heidi hello and he totally got the back of her head? Awkward!)

2) Did MTV force Lauren’s parents out of their house? Lauren’s epiphanies about moving on and growing up seem a bit too…er…advanced for her to have come up with on her own, which leads me to believe that this was yet another scripted moment by the folks at MTV. Does that mean, then, that they forced her parents to move out of their mansion so they could create this moment? That’s a lot of packing for one crappy episode. Read More »