Boyfriends. Best friends. Homesickness. They’re all reasons to abandon dorm life for the greener pastures of your childhood home, but is it the right move for you? Sure, lazy weekend mornings spooning with the BF while your mom does your laundry may sound like the dream, but nursing a hangover and nommin’ on some cafeteria grub with the gals can be pretty great, too.

This week, Marysa addresses one reader’s concerns about moving out of the dorms. Wresting with this issue yourself? Have you dealt with it in the past? Leave your own insights in the comments below.

To submit a question of your own for Marysa to answer, email us at editor [at] collegecandy [dot] com with “Ask A Roommate” in the subject. Read More »

Hey there Dude,

(Sorry my email is so damn long)

I wrote to CC earlier this year and got a lovely reply from Tuffy Luv.

I am now writing to you because my current question definitely needs a dude’s advice. How do I convince my man to move in with me when he’s not on tour? Except I’m asking in terms of what can I do to better myself and my life so that my man looks at me and goes, “My girlfriend has something I want that’s missing in my current awesome life, and I want to be with her every second that I’m not on tour.”

First, a bit more background situation. Our long distance relationship has been working out really well. I have no more worries (usually!) about if we’re going to make it or not. My concern now is how we are when we’re together for a long time. Read More »

I’m not exactly proud of it. Not exactly. But I will proudly say that it’s the best decision I ever made. Now before you start calling me names and reciting the seventh commandment in my ear, hear me out. Cheating on my boyfriend may not have been right, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t necessary.

Like most freshmen, I came to college with relics celebrating my high school life. Picture frames of my friends cluttered my desk while my best-guy-friend-turned-boyfriend stayed stitched into my heart: we had started dating weeks before our senior prom, and I felt like I had been living in a fairy tale ever since. He was funny, romantic, encouraging and close to his family, he was everything I ever wanted. And even though my parents didn’t approve and we were accepted to different universities, we decided to continue our relationship into college. I mean, he was only a hundred miles away, a distance easily diminished by a weekend train ride.

It worked out wonderfully. He drove down on Friday afternoons for dates that lasted until Monday mornings; he got along with all my new friends and we all frequented my college town’s hotspots together. We were both glued to our phones throughout the weekdays and we Skype’d at night while we fell asleep alongside our laptops. Against so many external odds, I was successfully maintaining a long-distance relationship. It was “perfect,” and I couldn’t remember a time when I was happier. Read More »

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
What’s up!? I love your column; I always find myself in line with your advice and generally agreeing.  Well, now I have my own situation and I have never been good at giving myself advice or seeing my own situation clearly so here goes. Tell it to me like it is:

Ten months ago I met the best guy I have ever been with. After a first “date” and a visit from him, he asked me out.  We started dating and did the LDR thing (2 hrs away) for eight months; we fell in love and he told me he loved me after three months of dating.

Which brings me to now.  We just broke up and it has been so hard.  It was somewhat mutual; two weeks ago we were talking on the phone and he brought up something I wrote in his Valentine’s Day card, which was: I can’t wait till we grow up and get to see each other more.  Something along those lines.  He thought I meant forever but I hadn’t been thinking that far ahead and I just meant when I graduated (two months) and wasn’t working two jobs.  Then he said something about how he wants to move across the country eventually and how we probably wouldn’t be together forever. I responded, What’s the point of dating now, then, if you know at some point you don’t want to be with me/break up with me?  He got really emotional and I think he was crying and said he didn’t want to break up with me and he loves me.

Fast forward a week later: he breaks up with me for not having enough time for me, which I understand. He has a lot on his plate – full course load, involved in a lot at school, internship.  He said he felt selfish but just doesn’t have the time.  It’s been a few days now since the break-up and I asked him if we would ever get back together again in the future and he said he can’t answer that; he just doesn’t know what will happen.  It’s been really tough and I just don’t know what to do.  He said he wants to stay friends.  Should I bother?  Should I  not text him?  The days after the break up I did the typical thing of texting him and asking if there was any solution, blah blah blah, to which he just says he doesn’t have time for a relationship and it’s bad timing.  Did I blow it by texting him? Right now I’m trying to not contact him to “make” him miss me.

The thing that sucks is he dumped me a week away from my birthday and I know he bought me a present, so it seems to me he hadn’t been thinking this for a long time.  Anyways what do I do? Is there something I’m not seeing?  Do you think he met someone else? I just want to be with him.  Do I keep in contact or will that just hurt more?

I’m afraid if we get back in the future I won’t be able to forgive him for doing this so close to my birthday or if he sleeps with someone else, I would be devastated.

Sincerely,
I Thought Love Conquered All? Read More »

Question?! TOO BAD. No, only kidding. Mostly. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m suffering from heartbreak. My boyfriend is leaving me. Sort of. But only after I left him. Sort of…

Here is my situation: I have the much coveted/dreaded position of broke but oh so sexy older musician’s girlfriend. (He’s 26, I’m 20). My man is a drummer, and a very talented one at that. Before I met him, he toured with a band for a few months around Europe. When I started dating him a year and a half ago, he was (and still is) in a local garage band with a couple friends, playing local shows recording a demo, and not really going anywhere besides that. In other words, he was always broke from spending money on music (which is totally fine), always in and out of jobs and musical prospects, and most importantly, always available to spend time with me!

Fast forward into a year of our relationship and I got into an amazing absolutely time/life-sucking nursing program 7 hours away from where I was living. With my boyfriend’s 100% support, I moved, and since then we’ve been in a very successful long distance relationship for the past 6 months. But it hasn’t been without its difficulties. When I first moved, I was all by myself in a completely new city without my man or any of my girl friends and I couldn’t stop bawling everyday for the first week. (Which was bizarre for me because I am definitely not a crier!) By now I’ve gotten used to not seeing him, but man.. that first week was so bad. And I still get really depressed about only seeing him for 48 hours at a time once a month.

The thing is, we are both extremely supportive of each other when opportunities pop up. I went to Germany to visit my mom (who was military deployed) instead of spending Christmas/New Years with my man, and he didn’t once make me feel bad. We make trips to see each other about every 3 weeks, which is more difficult for me since I have more time constraints, and he never complains. And at the start of this year, he auditioned (and is now playing) for another band where he would get paid to tour with them a couple months at a time, and he told me the times that he wasn’t touring, he wanted to move in with me! Which I was totally ecstatic about, since it would be a good trial run of living together all the
time. But then….of course… another freaking opportunity popped up with another freaking (even more famous/successful) band, except this time, he would be touring (and leaving me!) for an entire year, country hopping, playing awesome festivals, getting paid, partying every night, making memories, meeting people, and most importantly, not being with me on a Saturday night loving me, making me dinner, taking me out, etc etc.

I’m so excited for him, I want him to go, I would go if anything ever popped up like this for me. In fact, I may even get to see him for a month during the summer. But I don’t want to be sitting alone in my apartment with my cats for months at a time crying my eyes out wondering what Brazillian or European girls are making googly eyes at him. And since I’m still fairly newish to the area I moved to for school, I don’t have any really close girl friends to call up on the weekends asking if they want to eat pints of Ben and Jerry’s with me.

I love him so so much, and although this email doesn’t sound like it, I actually am an independent, strong woman, but I still have my needs. It sucks only having real intimacy once a month, and to go from my man potentially moving in part time to leaving for an entire year spelunking across the world scares me. Our lives are pulling in opposite directions more and more and I’m beginning to feel left behind, as I’m sure he felt when I first moved away.. I need help coping, maybe I need a therapist, ugh. I need my man in my life.

Sincerely,
Musician’s Girlfriend Read More »

So it seems CollegeCandy’s Dude is the most popular guy, like, ever. You ladies just can’t get enough. You’d think he was Bradley Cooper! (Maybe he is….that’s one secret we’ll never tell.) Luckily, this guy’s a giver (even more reason to love him) and he’s gonna bring you even more of his wisdom. Only instead of answering specific questions, he’s telling us what we all want to know and never had the balls to ask. (Like what guys are thinking when we’re goin’ at it.) Don’t worry, he’ll still be back every Wednesday for Ask a Dude!

They say that 60% of all men cheat and 70% of the women who’re being cheated on pretend it’s not happening. Well, I’m not sure if I believe in statistics (or that Justin Bieber’s got testicles) but I have known me some men who’ve crossed the fidelity line. Why? What lead them astray? What could possibly compel them to? Should you forgive him?

Ladies, we’re going for a ride inside 11 (anybody can do 10!) cheatin’ causes.  Let me make this clear: I’m here to offer you reasons for why he cheats, not excuses he gives you after you’ve caught him cheating.

1. Revenge f**k!
This is purely out of spite. You got caught and he took the opportunity to stick it to you by sticking into another woman. It ain’t mature and gets messy as Hell. Which is worse, the first offense or the last?

2. You haven’t seen each other in 6 months
Absence could make the heart grow fonder but also the pee-pee wander.  You can almost track your connection slipping away across the map on your iPhone’s GPS. Soon, each day you feel yourself growing apart from one another and then an opportunity arises, an oasis in the desert of uncertainty and isolation. So, he takes a drink. Don’t let anyone fool ya, the LDR ain’t for the weak willed. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I need the perspective of a man. Please help. My boyfriend and I have in a LDR for the past year because he’s studying abroad. Four months ago, I broke up with him for stupid reasons and I thought he would never take me back so I got drunk out of my mind and ended up hooking up with his best friend. I know, that’s the most horrible thing I could do and I felt like sh*t.

My boyfriend did try to get back together with me, however, we’re now going through a rough patch because he says he can’t get over the fact that I hooked up with his friend. I told him that it wasn’t because I liked his best friend – I was drunk and I emotionally messed up. I told him that I did it because I regretted breaking up with him and that I tried to fill that void by giving pleasure to someone else, and that it was a mistake. He said it didn’t matter; I hooked up with his best friend and he doesn’t know if he can ever get over it.

Dude, I don’t know what to do. I can’t take back what I did, and no reason I give my boyfriend will make him feel better. I love him and I know that if it wasn’t his best friend, he wouldn’t feel this hurt and I wouldn’t regret it so much. My boyfriend says he loves me and wants to stay together but doesn’t believe we can work out because it haunts him. Is there any hope for us?

Please help,
- Losing Hope Read More »

Dear Dude,

My long distance 3-year boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been dating from his sophomore year in college until now; I had stayed home and he went to school 3 hours away. I would visit whenever I could, and he would come home for breaks. We became really close and honestly the relationship was really easy. He never cheated and he always called and texted. And I thought waiting for him to come home was right. Yet, 3 years later, we are both 10 min away from each other and he decided to break up with me 7 days before V-Day.  He said he was sorry because he should be feeling more confident about our relationship. He doesn’t think he’s ready for the seriousness that a 3-year relationship means. I am his second girlfriend, and he feels that he cannot become more serious until he dates other people.

Now my question is, if he broke up with me to date other people then WHY is he still acting like we did when we were dating? Instead of going out on a Thursday night with his guy friends and picking up chicks he is at my house watching TV. He texts me constantly, and is writing on my Facebook more now than he did when we were dating.

I confronted him today and asked him what was going on but all he could say is that he was so sorry and he didn’t know what he wants. I cut him off from my Facebook, and deleted him from my phone but something just doesn’t feel right. This is the first guy I have ever been with that I wanted to fight for, but I don’t see how that is going to help. I don’t know what my next steps are from here, and being out of school and stuck at home I have no rebound to consider. DO I try and be friends with him? Or cut him off and just move on?

Help me,
Confused

Dear Confused,

3 years, s’long time to be a champion girlfriend (first person who gets that reference, write in and I will personally send you a prize).

A long distance relationship for that amount of time can sometimes be seen as more of the CZ or Splenda to the real deal. A lot of people use long distance over a long period of time as a safety net from putting themselves out there. It becomes a protective bubble. This avoids the possibility of getting hurt and dealing with the complexities/intricacies/intimacies of a face-to-face relationship.  Then, when the distance disappears, the bubble bursts.

I’m not saying all long distance relationships are BS. Not in the least. I’ve known plenty where the two people involved came back together and re-discovered each other. They also discovered that how they’d grown while apart didn’t exclude them from growing together from that moment of reunion. However, I’ve known a bunch that was more like the ones described in the paragraph above. Based on what you’ve told me, yours seems to fall into the “category” of the former.

The old saying that girls mature faster than guys, well, it’s true. There’s this idea put into a guy’s head, or so it seems, that if he doesn’t have sex with at least a half dozen women or is involved in less than five relationships then there’s no possible way he can be ready to settle down into something meaningful. Now that is BS.

When you find the right person, been together for years, grown together for years, fill voids, and challenge each other into becoming the best version of yourself you’ve ever known yourself to be, then it’s right. I don’t care if that’s your first girlfriend or your hundredth. But your boy seems to have drunk the convoluted “manswer” Kool-Aid.

I think you’re on a good path. You can’t sit idly by and twiddle your thumbs while he figures out what he wants. You’ve got to determine for yourself what you want. If that is him, then by all means fight for him. If he’s not worth the crap he’s making you go through, then move on.

I’m a believer in having and making choices. No matter the situation, one’s always there. Just because right now you feel like you don’t have a rebound and you might be depressed about being back with your folks after school (which millions of college kids are doing these days, so don’t feel ashamed about that) doesn’t mean you have to take him back.

It can feel like your options are limited. It can seem like there’re only two paths and neither is appealing. It might be the reality or it might, in part, be your own judging of yourself. But you can still choose. Don’t choose out of default or feeling trapped. That will limit your possibilities and that will take away your confidence in being able to make decisions for your life.

So I say reevaluate your options, come at it from a fresh place with as fresh a perspective as you can. It sounds like you’ve already taken great steps to get there. Once you’re there, make the choice. My choice would be to move on. But only you are you. So only you can make the best choice for you.

Letting it bleed,
Dude Jagger

[He's good, right? Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

You know you go to college when…

How to read in college

A quick lesson for job seekers

How to cope with an LDR

What college students need to know about managing money

Essentials for a college night in

7 things you don’t need in your dorm room

Here’s why college classes are awesome

Four Loko doesn’t kill people…people kill people

How to stay sane when your parents visit

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@CollegeCandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently graduated from college and moved back home because I got a job offer. Around the time college was ending, I was casually seeing this new guy. We currently live about three hours away from each other and are in very different situations; I have moved back in with my parents and have a serious job, whereas he still lives with roommates and works hard but parties a lot harder.

The status of our relationship is very unclear. At first, I just wanted things to be casual…a sort of “I’ll see ya when I see ya and we’ll do it” type of deal. But now we talk every day and he’ll say things like “I miss you,” which are not very casual activities. Every time I try to pull out of the situation he insists that “I’m his girl” and we should just see where it goes. I know where it’s going….nowhere!! We live too far and I’m afraid that his party boy ways are just too much for me to handle. I’m constantly worrying that he’s going to find another girl and is just keeping me on the back burner.

How do I tell him that he needs to commit or let me go? He says we don’t know each other well enough to commit but doesn’t want to let me go because he insists we’re building a new relationship. Am I just being played for a fool?

— Not So Casual Read More »