Dear Internet,

Happy (alleged) Birthday! I hope this letter finds you well and spyware free. It’s been 40 years since you first transferred data between computers and look how far you’ve come! Just this morning, I Googled “cat playing piano” and, within seconds, you provided me with a scintillating YouTube video that made me giggle and set the mood for the day.

I would like to take this time to tell you how much I cherish you, Internet. You have given me a place to unleash my inner-stalker, and you let me do it in the privacy of my own bedroom (which is much less shady than the white van I used to camp out in).  For this, my dignity and I thank you. I sleep peacefully at night knowing Facebook and Twitter will be there in the morning. It’s better (and at times more satisfying) than having a boyfriend.

Without you and Craigslist, I would never have bought that T.V. from a complete stranger. He later asked me on a date and, if things go well, I will name our first-born child after you. Even if it doesn’t end in an Interweb love child, you’ve thoughtfully provided me with a back-up plan. Online dating. You’ve made it so I can type in my criteria, and almost instantaneously I will find my soul’s perfect mate. If I could make it so, I would have you as the maid of honor at my eHarmony union.

Internet, you let me watch my favorite television shows online on those days when I’m just too lazy to leave my bed. And that happens often. When I do finally decide to come out of hibernation, you will tell me the exact weather so I can plan my outfit accordingly and then give me the directions to guide me on my way. You cater to my every whim both at home and on my phone, and there is nothing that will keep you from me (besides forgetting to pay my bill sometimes). Read More »

What do you get when you mix a bleached midwestern queen screaming under his bedsheet, with a monotonous, bouncing, electric piano line?

A whole lot of pain – chocolate pain. Here is our rendition of the newest YouTube crazy, Chris Crocker ranting over Tay Zonday’s viral classic, “Chocolate Rain”.

The end result ain’t pretty. We apologize in advance.

He’s EVERYWHERE! He’s a PHENOMENON! He’s THE NEXT BIG VIRAL VIDEO STAR!

You may not have heard the name Chris Crocker before yesterday, but thanks to Britney and her whore-endous VMA performance, his not-so-uncommon rants via YouTube are now, seriously, all over the Internet and he has the most watched Myspace pages of all.

But this southern 19-year-old, who on his Myspace page, calls himself “The New Christ” wants to meet the “man of his wet dreams” (don’t we all).

He only reveals his hometown as Real Bitch Island (I wonder if Americans can point out this gem on a map) has been viewed millions and millions of times before – he has just never had this much media attention.

The stars have finally aligned for Crocker and his…passion…for Britney and pink lipstick has catapulted his popularity overnight.

He has 66 YouTube videos, all bat sh*t crazy postings about everything from hair flipping to nose picking.

He also does characters! My fave is Earl Annie Edna, who will probably be in my nightmares tonight. But none are as in demand right now as “Leave Britney Alone,” which has gotten well over a million clicks and is simply addicting to watch. Read More »