Through the years, I’ve slept with a lot more people in my mind than I’ve slept with in the physical sense. Actually, the latter number would be zero, but that’s not the point. The point is…in my mind, I’ve been with some of Hollywood’s finest. And yeah, I’ve had my memorable moments, but let’s face it: if Indiana Jones forgets your name and is out of town 90% of the time, can you honestly say he’s boyfriend material?

Here’s the lowdown on all the hotties I’ve mentally massaged:

Indiana Jones: Indy makes his love much like you might describe him: rough and dirty. Holy cow, he sure is good in bed, but it’s a little weird that he never takes that fedora off. He also doesn’t seem to care much about protection (I think he fed me a line like, “Where do you think I’m going to get a condom? CVS?”), and he never calls in the morning… probably because he seems to think my name is “Veronica.”

Nick Carter: The baby face of the Backstreet Boys is pretty inexperienced, and it shows. When you’re sleeping with Nick, you smile because he’s just so darn cute, but there’s also a part of you that wants to hightail it out of there as soon as possible. Yeah, it always seems like a good idea at first, but most often I find myself snaking through the piles of video games to get out of his room at 5 in the morning. Read More »