Whatever happened to “no glove, no love”?

These days, forgoing condoms is practically considered proof of love … but intentionally unprotected sex isn’t merely a practice exclusive to the betrothed or married. “Forget ‘sex without condoms is the new engagement ring’,”writes journalist Rachel Hills in this month’s edition of Australian women’s mag, Cleo. “For a lot of people, it seems, sex without condoms is the new ‘going steady’.”

I see where Rachel is going with this one, but I’d even take it one step further and say that condomless sex (the non-accidental variety) isn’t even limited to those in love.

In my post-high school romances, the sexual exclusivity (A.K.A. “Who else are you sleeping with cuz I’d like to ditch the condoms”) talk has always preceded the relationship talk, but I’ve also discussed the issue with guys who I never had an interest in seriously dating. The subject has been broached with f**k buddies, casual interests, and boyfriends alike. What I’ve learned is that the nature of the relationship — whether it’s a serious romance or a sexual fling — matters less than how well I know and trust my partner. I might go out on regular dates with a new guy for a couple months and never suggest giving up condoms, but will bring it up after a just few short weeks of sleeping with a trusted male friend.

That doesn’t mean I approach unprotected sex with a flippant attitude. Rather, I bring up sexual exclusivity not so I can secure a regular hook-up, but as part of a larger conversation about responsible practices. Unfortunately, the only thing more awkward than officially defining a relationship is initiating a conversation about sexual exclusivity. You may be concerned about appearing presumptuous, especially if you’re sleeping with someone who you’re not dating and don’t want to send the wrong romantic signals. But uncomfortable as the conversation might be, you can’t skip that step altogether if you’re thinking of losing the glove (nor should you be having sex if you’d rather cross your fingers than actually communicate about these issues). Read More »

If it’s one thing we’ve learned here at CC, it’s that all people are fascinating (Yes, even your econ professor). Let’s face it – people love to glimpse into the lives of other people. Disagree? Then please explain why you’re currently looking at your friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s cousin’s photos on Facebook. Or reading about the latest Amy Winehouse dramz in this weeks’ tabloids. Yeah we thought so.

Fact is we connect to others by learning about them. And everyone has something to share (even if it is a story about that time they fell down the stairs in the middle of lecture).

So to give you yet another reason to procrastinate, we started ‘The Five Questions We Ask Everyone’ (plus five for that special someone) because we know whether we’re schmoozing with an A- list celeb or your local bartender, you’ll be equally entertained.

Lena is the author of SexandtheIvy.com, a blog about sex and dating at Harvard University. She started blogging back in 2006, sparking immediate controversy on campus and off. Lena received lots of attention for her saucy ways and has since been featured as a commentator on college sexuality in The New York Times, Newsweek, The Boston Globe, Salon, and Playboy Radio. She currently blogs at TheChicktionary.com.  Read More »