Yesterday I tripped up some stairs. Yes up. That’s okay, though, because it was still the best day ever. As I hobbled back home and onto my couch, the sweet sound of gossip news on E! informed me that my childhood love, Justin Timberlake was finally, and truly single. Score!

After jumping around shrieking for a few minutes, the whole sitch got me thinking: why are so many Hollywood hotties tied down? Seriously, what’s up with that? OK, I fully realize that I won’t ever meet anyone of these gorgeous gentlemen out at the grocery store and make them fall madly in love with me, but it makes it easier to have naked dreams about drool over them if I think I might possibly have a chance. I mean, it’s hard to get hot and bothered about J. Timberlake when you know he’s doin’ the horizontal mambo with someone far hotter than you else.

But not anymore!

So in the spirit of a happy Friday, here are our favorite not-single-celebrity crushes who need to take a hint from JTim and Ryan Reynolds and sever those relationship ties!

The fist-pumping “guidos” and “guidettes” of the overnight sensation Jersey Shore are demanding more money for a second season of GTL and hair-poufing.  But wait a sec! Is MTV actually threatening to replace them with new overly muscular guys and shiny orange girls?

The answer is yes. According to TMZ, the network has offered each star $10,000 per episode for the second season and it’s not enough for our favorite juice-heads. I can totally see why; not only are gym memberships and tanning packages expensive, but these kids made a lot of money for MTV and they know it. Now that they’re so big (even Leo DiCaprio knows what GTL is!), they are in a position of power and can demand a whole lot more.

Or so they think.
Rumor has it, if our little Guidos don’t agree to the deal MTV will be replacing them.

At first this news was upsetting to me; what would my life be without some Snooki in it? How could MTV betray me like that!? But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that maybe come next summer we’ll need a new batch of Guidos doin’ their thang at The Shore. A second summer with the same characters will probably get boring.  I mean, we already know that every night Ronnie will get in a fistfight, Pauly D will rock a blowout, the Situation will bring home “grenades,” and J-Woww may or may not cheat on her boyfriend.

Besides, the entire scenario will change now that everyone on the planet will know who these kids are. There was something real and authentic about this season of Jersey Shore; these were just your basic Guidos living it up for the summer. That will be lost when you bring back 8 kids who have spent their year getting paid (oodles of money) to party. With celebrities.

While it will be hard to see someone else gettin’ down with hippos in the hot tub, I have faith that a new Jersey Shore cast will be better than the original. It is MTV, after all. I’m sure they’ve received audition tapes from people more annoying and whiney than Sammi, more obnoxious than The Situation, and more of a mess than Snooki (okay, that one’s debatable).

I say out with the old, and in with the new!
What do you guys think?

In honor of tonight’s season finale, the best Jersey Shore video of all time.

10 things worth spending on.

The Kardashians are working Fashion Week?

Why isn’t this my Target?!

What does Jessica Alba think about her cellulite?

Will Kim and Reggie go all the way?

Although I am in sad lack of it, patience is a virtue that is greatly rewarded.  If you have patience with wine, it improves.  If you wait a bit with cheese, it tastes amazing (just not too long – that could get dangerous).  Even if you are patient with people, they usually get better. Well, some people. Not my ex-boyfriend.

The last is especially true with some child celebrities.   Sure, most child stars end up passed out in a gutter surrounded by VHS tapes of their glory days, but some – especially some pretty choice boy toys – turn out just right. Let’s take a look at some of our favorite young hotties who grew up, aged like a fine bottle of Boones Farm, and suddenly got super hot.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Yeah, I watched Third Rock From the Sun and was therefore super excited to see JGL starring in that am-AZING classic, 10 Things I Hate About You.  What a cutie, right?  Well, Joey totes grew up and I love him way more than my Skechers (…’cause I don’t have a Prada backpack).

Bow Wow (formerly Lil’ Bow Wow)

To a pre-teen white girl from the Midwest, Lil’ Bow Wow was as hood as it got.  My friends and I used to throw on his CD and pretend we were cooler than we actually were.  Fast forward a decade or so and we’re still doing that…but with iTunes.  And Lil’ Bow Wow has ditched the Lil and replaced it with some serious hotnessss.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo was the adorable kid next door (or homeless boy without a family) when he entered our lives via Growing Pains. We didn’t think he could get any hotter than his Titanic days, but it looks like someone just keeps getting better. And better. And better. Leo’s age has done wonders for him – he’s more brooding and handsome than ever. We can only imagine how smokin’ he’ll be when he hits the big 4-0.

Dante Basco

Almost the entire reason for watching Hook a thousand times over was for Rufio in his tights and cropped tank (it was Never Never Land, okay?!?).  Thank goodness Dante left the Land of Lost Boys and joined the World of the SMOKIN’ Hot Men. Seriously, who saw that coming?

Shia LeBeouf

Shia put the “geek” in “totally geeky” back in his Even Stevens days, but he was a master of the physical comedy, so I watched anyway.  Luckily, he grew into that face of his and now he’s playing the lead role in my Transformers-themed sexual fantasies. He is total hotness and has proved that it’s 100% possible to come out of an (long ass) awkward phase.