It’s not easy being gay. In a world where heterosexuality is the norm and homosexuality has often been seen as more than just a religious taboo throughout history—you know, when legitimately recognized at all, that is—the LGBT community has worked tirelessly to declare that sexual preference is not a “preference” at all; instead, the nature vs. nurture arguments now lean more toward a “I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way” mantra. However, is it necessarily a winner-takes-all conclusion in the homosexuality debate? According to Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon, maybe there’s more than one way to be gay. And ton of people are pissed off about it.

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There were so many things this week I could have written about. Anti-choice groups are increasing efforts to make accessing abortions more difficult without being illegal. A Senegalese organization is getting villages to agree to stop the practice of female genital mutilation.  But when I read about an elderly lesbian couple that staged a sit-in after being denied a marriage license in North Carolina, my topic was picked.

Coming across the We Do Campaign video, in which non-heterosexual couples go to apply for marriage licenses in North Carolina, a state in which gay marriage has not been legalized broke my heart. Writing about the divide in belief about same-sex marriage last week, brought up the point that there in some parts of the United States there isn’t a lot of support for legalization. Currently NC is waiting until May to vote on a proposed constitutional amendment that could ban both gay marriages and civil unions. Read More »

In high school, my sex ed was what you would call minimal. Since Texas firmly believes in abstinence-only education (which so doesn’t work – my high school had a day care program for crying out loud!), I consider myself very lucky that I had a very open-minded mother who taught me about sex. And now that I’m in college, by far my favorite class this semester is my human sexuality class where my professor is not only incredibly funny, but very insightful. All of this along with some personal experience leads me to the conclusion that, well, sex ed of all kinds suck.

Here’s what they should be teaching high schoolers in order to better prepare them.

1. Sex should be between two people, not two egos
The best piece of advice from my human sexuality professor so far this semester has been, “sex isn’t a show. You shouldn’t be getting performance anxiety because it’s not a performance, so stop making it one.” This is so true. Sex should be about enjoying yourself, not about how you look or how you’re doing or anything else that you’re anxious about. No one looks good during sex, and if you’re doing something your partner doesn’t like, chances are they’ll tell you in a non-offensive way. Sex is supposed to be fun, so relax!

2. It’s a sign of maturity to ask what your partner likes
No two people are exactly the same, so why should their sexual tastes be? It shouldn’t be embarrassing to talk about what you like in bed. No one knows what you like or what you don’t like better than you. We shouldn’t be turning to Cosmo or our friends for sex advice, we should be asking our partners.

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Question?! Answer. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have a dilemma. Currently I’m (only) 17 and a junior in high school, though I would like to think that I seem ‘beyond my years.’ At 5’11″, it is not uncommon for adults to think I am older, which can be fun when I’m out on the town with my girls and older guys spark up convos. Lately though, this whole maturity thing has seemed like more of a burden than a blessing. I’m tired of high school; the way teachers still view me as ‘a kid’, the petty drama, and as you can probably guess–the boys.

I have a great group of girl friends who I love so much, and we always manage to cook up some crazy nights out. When I go out with my friends to meet up with guys, they always expect me to get with whoever hits on me. This usually puts me in the awkward situation of being left alone with a Bieber look-alike, trying to form the best pickup line he can muster.

I know that I’m intimidating. I know that I am one of the ‘hot bitch girls who thinks she’s better than everyone.’ But the truth is that I feel so done with it. Most of the guys at my school seem so young, and aren’t very…intellectual. I really love to have actual conversations, no matter how wasted I am, which makes me seem stand-offish to guys who are trying to hook up. The guys who I find interesting are usually people I see being friends with, not hooking up with. At this point I just want to get to know older men, though I am seriously wondering if I might be gay, because I have no interest at all in the guys my age. I am so confused right now, so sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I just don’t see why my friends, who are gorgeous and intelligent, can be open to hooking up with tons of boys, whereas I have to be the one closed off to boys that don’t fit my ‘criteria.’ I would love to be the girl who left all inhibitions at the door, guy-wise. Advice would be great, or just reassurance that this is just a phase.

XOXO,
Men Not Boys Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. Sometimes with mean words. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like whether we date men like our dads!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

It’s no secret that getting admission to a college (especially big names like the Ivy League) is kind of a crap shoot. Sure, you need the grades, the activities, the involvement; but we all also know that sometimes you can give your application a little nudge that has nothing to do with academics. Your parents worked two jobs each to help take care of you and your three siblings and it taught you the value of responsibility and family — admissions gold. Or you spent half of your childhood in another country and had to learn the wonder and struggles of adapting your proud cultural heritage to life in the Midwest — brilliant. These kinds of things have been a leg-up in the admissions process for years and now, it turns out, there’s a brand new one that schools are actively seeking out — LGBT.

That’s right, when just a couple of decades ago many people couldn’t RISK coming out in college, now schools are trying to recruit applicants from the LGBT community and while I have no qualms about that, I gotta wonder if it’s fair.

I have a long-standing record on this column of being pro gay rights, and that’s not a streak I plan on breaking, but this is one area where I have some serious mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s great that schools are being active with the gay community and embracing their students’ sexualities as a part of who they are. It’s wonderful that they’re going to an effort to show students that they can be open, active and comfortable in their school and embracing that the challenges faced by many LGBT students are character shaping  and meaningful. Good job, colleges! It’s also not really affirmative action, so it’s not as though schools are trying to fill a certain quota; it’s just that if a good applicant comes along with the added twist of being LGBT, then it might give him or her a little boost.

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[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. Sometimes with mean words. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like flat rate tuition!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Last week, the Senate voted not to repeal the military’s ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy – a policy that’s essentially a band-aid for the absence of gay rights in the military. The policy, which was introduced in 1993, has essentially stood all of this time as a way of saying ‘you can be gay in the military, as long as nobody knows about it’. It looked close for a while there, but ultimately the policy stands – even though Obama actually campaigned on changing the policy and his administration is openly opposed to it – and I think it’s time we had OUR say.

As I’ve said before, I’m not unbiased on this issue, but regardless of my own personal moral compass being pro-gay rights, there are also some compelling reasons why the policy should be repealed. For starters, under this policy anyone who comes out or is outed in the military is given a dishonorable discharge, no matter how well they were actually doing their job. That means that we’re actively spending military budget on getting rid of military personnel regardless of the quality of their work or the necessity of their position, which, considering how much trouble there already is with military budgeting, seems like a massive waste. There’s also the very obvious fact that this is the AMERICAN military and if it were any other position, say, at an American business perhaps, a person could sue for being fired over their sexuality – because it’s freakin’ illegal! Read More »

Would you tell him if he has a small…thingy

She owes her plastic surgeon major moola

5 droolworthy bags

Does your number matter?

Not really digging this fashion challenge

What she learned dating women

Someone’s all grown up!

He continues to be a horrible person

Yesterday, two years after Prop 8 – a proposition to ban gay marriage in California – was passed, Federal Judge Vaugh Walker released a 136-page document deeming the proposition unconstitutional. To say it was a big day for the gay and lesbian community in this country is an understatement. In fact, to say it was a big day for this very straight woman is an understatement, too.

Having been raised in a liberal household before attending an extremely liberal college, I literally cannot understand the idea of banning gay marriage. Say what you will about the whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” thing, making it illegal for a gay couple to get married is unfair, unjust and in opposition to the morals and ideals this country was built on. Read More »

Question for Her Tuffness?! Ask it at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and Tuffy’ll try ‘n’ be nice. No promises.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m going to college in the fall, and my love life needs major help. I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for about 3 years now, and it’s been shaky at best. We started out the first year strong, always together, resolving to not care what others thought, the usual.

As time went on, we started to fight more, and it was always over little things. We hate each other’s friends (she goes to my old school, which is just right down the road), school work started getting heavy, she got a job, and we both fought to keep a social life while still seeing each other.  Throughout the 3 years, we’ve broken up numerous times, and only once for a good reason (she was fooling around with another woman and denied it!). The trust hasn’t ever returned since that incident, even though it never happened again.

Now college is starting, and she wants to live together next year, because our colleges are right down the road and neither of us are living on campus. The thing is, I don’t know if I even want to be with her anymore, let alone stay with her. College is supposed to be the best time of your life, but I feel like living- and continuing to see her- is seriously going to put a damper on that. Besides all that, I’m not even sure if I still love her; we never see each other anymore, and when we talk too much we usually argue.

But every time we break up, I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m not sure if it’s because my social life lately has sucked, because I actually want to be with her, or because I just want her to know that when she loses me, she is losing a great thing! I am smart, funny, and have big goals in life. Oh, and living alone next year would suck, because I’d have to pay all the bills alone (no one else is going to my college).  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Undecided Read More »

Before I graduated high school, my friends and I had an ongoing joke about the college life. More specifically, we would semi-kid about the drunken “lesbian experience” that the crazy nights of college parties would inevitably bring. As it turns out, many of my ideas about college life that I learned from Van Wilder and American Pie movies aren’t quite accurate. I don’t wake up in the morning and have a beer for breakfast, I’ve never woken up naked next to someone I don’t know (yet…  only kidding!), and I don’t live solely off of KD and hot dogs (although I would like to).  But I did prove the one stereotype correct – I did have that drunken “lesbian experience”, and to my surprise, I really liked it.

Sorry CollegeCandy readers, but I’m not sharing details. All I can say is it was a fun night that involved a lot of alcohol and a we-really-hope-she’s-sleeping roommate situation. Good times. Anyways, while this was something I was hoping to cross off of my bucket list, I never really realized that I was actually interested in women. Did this make me a lesbian? Was I bisexual? Pansexual? Bi-curious? The labels didn’t really matter to me. I just accepted that I like what I like, and that’s okay.

If you allow me to make some broad generalizations, here are my favorite and least favorite things about being with both guys and girls: Read More »