I always love Maxim during Halloween because they write and feature the craziest stuff possible. Need proof? The first two headlines I laid eyes on for October’s cover were: ‘A Polar Bear Ate My Head,’ and ‘Secrets of Lesbian Sex: How to Get in on the Action.’

No wonder I grabbed the last issue on the newsstand. Men want them some gore and girl on girl.

As silly as Maxim can be, they do have some pretty funny one-liners littering their pages. And speaking of lesbians –  see case A: this distant birthday wish. Maxim says, “My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex, I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.”  Giggles. I can’t lie, that’s funny.

As for the hawt women dressed in lace for October, I couldn’t help they all had old lady names. Agnes…Yvonne…Regina…is there a cougar jaguar fantasy that I don’t know about?! One thing I do not know for sure, is how all of these hot chicks are getting by eating creme puffs and In-N-Out burgers all the time.

Beyond creme puffs and greased up lady-thighs, I ran past a few articles featuring bad ass weapons and a few man movie reviews. I barely made it through the ‘Polar Bear Ate My Head!’ article after the second page featured an actual picture of the dude’s mauled head.  Seriously, google it or something. Suddenly you won’t want that creme puff anymore…

Then, I landed on the page every man scrambled too before they could even get out of the magazine section of the gas station (and ended up in the bathroom alone); ‘The Superhot Secrets of Lesbian Sex.’  It’s cute how every man thinks they can casually sandwich themselves in a lesbian experience. Doesn’t anyone watch Jersey Shore anymore!?! Read More »

Imagine going through your life as a heterosexual female. You’ve crushed on men, you’ve been attracted to men, you’ve dated men and had relationships with men…there’s was never a question: you dug dudes. End of story.

But then say one day you meet someone who is just so generous toward you. Someone who seems to care so greatly about you, who you care about in return. And that someone is a woman.

What do you do? Does that make you bisexual? A lesbian? Huh!? Well, read as one woman discusses her journey into — and out of — lesbianism. Read More »

Rejection makes people more attractive

Sex terms you should know

Laughing baby gets me every time

Nastiest tattoo ever

Who is Hollywood’s best dressed man?

Lesbians make more money than straight women

How women talk in commercials

ikea is for lovers

No offense to you, James Cameron. I love what you did with Titanic. It was a cinematic masterpiece that will remain close to my heart.  But I do not think I can say the same for your new movie, Avatar.  It may be the culmination of your life’s work, but honestly, the blue animated people look plain stupid. And it baffles me that every time the trailer comes on, every male in a 10-foot radius immediately goes from 6 to midnight. December 18^th can’t come soon enough for them, and I just don’t get it.

The mind of a man is one of life’s greatest mysteries. And the weird obsessions of those men… well, I’ll just never understand:

Fantasy Sports: I’ve never seen more passion in a man’s eyes as when he is watching his fantasy football team take the lead. Perhaps it makes watching football more fun, but does it really get any better than drinking beers, eating junk food and reclining in a La-Z-Boy for an entire day? One time I joined a celebrity fantasy league in hopes to understand the obsession. But even I, the celeb stalker and supporter of all things muscle-y that I am, found it to be just mundane. Read More »

How many times have you been walking down the street with a girl friend only to have some guy scream, “MAKEOUT!!!”? How many times have you been minding your own business when you see 2 girls making out at the bar for attention?How many times have you wondered why guys are so obsessed with the idea of 2 girls making out?

I know that guys tend to let their peens do all the thinking, but I still just never understand why guys are so willing to do just about anything if a girl will kiss another girl. What is the point? How does that benefit the guy? Why don’t they just try to kiss the girl themselves?! I turned to my favorite male to give me the answers. Read More »

For a college in stereotypical Smalltown USA, I always thought that good ol’ WAC was a good progressive college, accepting of just about anybody. True, I’m in the VAST black minority in my school, even if they’re attempting to up the number of enrolled black students. But no one really seemed to ever judge me (and if they did, they did an awfully good job at hiding it), and it’s part of why I love my campus.

But I’ve noticed something that has become so frequent that it happens at least twice a week. I don’t know if it’s because we have such a large freshman class that doesn’t know me as well as the rest of the upperclassmen, or if it’s something else, but while I’m walking to lunch, at a club meeting, or in a popular hang-out spot with my girlfriend, whether we’re just holding hands, play-flirting, or giving goodbye kisses, I’ve been catching several looks. And most of them are of utter confusion and/or disgust.

After well over a year of being with my girlfriend, it’s not exactly breaking news that we’re going out. We’ve gotten looks from some upperclassmen before, sure, but it was never so frequent or so extreme as it is now. And I’m certain that these looks aren’t being given to other heterosexual couples, or even other interracial couples (which, unless they are well-hidden, I have seen none of).

It’s bad enough that when I’m home, I can barely bring my girlfriend up in conversation without feeling awkward. But to be on campus, walking down the street and holding her hand and being gawked at like we’re some kind of traveling freak show? Read More »

I have a subscription to New York Magazine. I like to read it because the cover articles tend to be edgy and intelligent, and the publication as a whole tends to be more pop culture friendly than their slightly stuffy counter-periodical, The New Yorker. If you don’t live in NYC or around it, you might not have heard about NY Mag, which is fine. It’s a little inside-jokey. A little self-referential — cultivating a between-the-lines feeling that the New York publishing world is the center of the universe.

But like that slightly snotty friend who turns around and buys everyone a round of drinks at the bar, I just can’t seem to break up with NY Mag and read my weekly copy faithfully. There’s only one thing about the periodical that really bothers me, and it usually can be skipped over quite readily…unless of course, you’re me, reading it last night.

You see, yesterday I had a long day. The bus ride back from work was so packed it induced claustrophobia, and two people decided to get into a screaming match that included gems such as “SHUT UP, RETARD!!”, “YOU’RE THE RETARD!!”, “ON YOUR MOM!!”, “ON YOURS, MINE’S DEAD!!”. When I got home, my internet and cable were still not working…a problem left over from the weekend, and it was probably around 105 F in my apartment. Pouring myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down and decided to spend the evening reading, and my new copy of New York Magazine was the first thing I got my exhausted hands on. Read More »

Both the Huffington Post and the New York Times have recently gotten really interested in girl-on-girl action (but don’t worry, this has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson. Absolutely nothing. Seriously. Nothing). They’ve gotten so interested, in fact, that they’ve dedicated whole columns to trying to figure out why it seems like chicks dig other chicks.

Let me break it down for them (and you, if you really don’t know): chicks dig chicks because we’ve been taught to dig chicks.

Why do women seem to have a more fluid sexuality than men – at least that anyone will admit? Because since we came shrieking out of the womb, we’ve seen images of women in every stage of undress – including naked. Advertisements for razors with long, leisurely shots of legs. TV shows that have a mandatory wardrobe of tight clothes and short skirts. A bajillion movies where tits and ass flash across the screen so often that we eventually forget guys even have body parts. Music videos full of bling and boob. Reality TV where hot tubs are as mandatory as microphones. Porn (who could forget porn?). I mean, it’s not an old argument that the media is saturated with the female form.

So why are we all puzzled that girls get a little aroused when they see other naked or semi-naked girls? Read More »

Katherin Heigl backlash. To the MAX

Men everywhere are a little disappointed that the first lesbians to get married in LA aren’t Megan Fox lookalikes

Paul Janka. From pick-up artist douche to date rape a**hole

MTV starts their own Sex Blog. Here’s hoping Dr. Drew drops in to talk about Herpes…

This would definitely cut down on the Dunkin Donuts runs…

Lesbian Chic is the new black

Some televised man bashing

Amy Winehouse (probably) OD’s again. Which is great for her image.

Chaka Khan likes to cover herself in rubber.

No one wanted to be on Gossip Girl…at least no one in the Hamptons

So, have you ever broken up with someone, and sworn to stay friends with him or her? Have you ever fallen out of touch with that someone, and decided to catch up on his or her life by looking at Flickr? When you found that person’s Flickr, did you happen to see several drugged-up hipster burlesque girls licking each others’ necks?

No? That’s what makes my exes special.

When I saw that my former beau was posting pictures of sexually adventurous Brooklynites, I had to call him up.

“Those ladies sure do like to lick each other,” I said. “Why is that? Are they tasty? Are they all covered in nacho cheese?”

“Girls do this,” he said. “Every time I get out the camera, they start making out with each other. I take picture one, they’re friends, picture two, they’re friends, picture three, they’re sucking face. I just stand there, like, ‘I didn’t ask for this! This is all on you two!’”

Kissing girls, to be honest, is trendy. Right now, one of the biggest songs out there is called “I Kissed A Girl.” It’s by Katy Perry, and it’s got all the right props: drinking (“I got so brave, drink in hand”), a Lolita vibe of horny-yet-so-far-untouched experimentation (“It’s not what, I’m used to / Just wanna try you on / I’m curious for you”), and, most depressingly, a boyfriend lurking just out of sight, reassuring us that this girl isn’t really a lesbian (“I kissed a girl just to try it / I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it”). Read More »