Even if, at the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I came to develop a passion (shared with me by my grandmother and father) for late night. I’ve seen dozens of episodes of Johnny Carson, while my peers barely know his name, and hundreds upon hundreds of episodes of Letterman. They were beloved figures in my household. As I grew up, I became partial to Conan during high school. I would stay up past my bedtime with my sister, skimming right over Leno to catch me some Conan O’Brien.

As time went on, the natural progression of things began to unfold. Leno’s time was coming to a close and he turned the coveted 11:35 spot over to Conan. However, instead of bowing out gracefully, NBC decided to cut their high-budget dramas at 10:00 and replace it with “The Leno Show.” Um, okay…?

And now, after only giving Conan a few months in this new time slot and after altering the nighttime lineup, they’re making an executive decision to move “The Jay Leno Show” to 11:35 and bump “The Tonight Show” to 12:05.

And this is pissing a lot of people off. Namely, ME.

First of all, “The Tonight Show” does not belong in that time slot and never has. It’s always been at 11:35 and shouldn’t be moved just to appease some old guy with a big chin. And let’s take a moment to note that Conan was never even given a fair chance with his “Tonight Show” gig due to the nighttime lineup changing to FIT LENO AT A 10 PM TIMESLOT. Leno should’ve retired and truly handed the reins to Conan. Who does he think he is? Brett Favre?

Leno and NBC both have screwed up the natural progression of the “Tonight Show.” The whole thing is so effed at this point that perhaps it would be better to focus on Letterman’s “Late Show” which is better anyway. Conan can leave NBC, collect his cool 50 million and in a few years, Letterman does what is right and passes the “Late Show” onto Conan while Leno crashes and burns when all his fans kick it due to health complications after all the KFC and Domino’s they’ve been eating in their trailer parks (or wherever Leno fans exist… I’m a little unclear on this).

[Breathe]

Last night I was venting my frustrations to one of my best friends. She doesn’t even own a television and cringes whenever I bring up Jersey Shore or any other pop culture phenomenons. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around it all, particularly NBC’s loyalty to Leno. So I explained it to her the only way I knew how. By relating it all to relationships, sex and some mild alcohol abuse.

NBC falls into a relationship (“Tonight Show”) with Leno. Perhaps Leno wooed NBC with his chin or fancy cars, but whatever the case may be, NBC and Leno are a pretty serious item. Years later Leno and NBC break up and NBC starts a relationship with Conan O’Brien, that lovable awkward redhead. However, NBC is still sleeping with their ex on the side. You know, maybe Leno’s getting drunk and feeding NBC lines like, “I love you and I love BEING with you, I just really don’t want a relationship right now.” NBC keeps dating Conan, but, hark, overhears that Leno might want a relationship AGAIN, if given a second chance (“Oh babe, we can try and make this work!”). And NBC goes back to him, thus leaving Conan alone to eat brownie batter out of a bowl while watching The Notebook.

Hitting a little closer to home to anyone?

It’s sad to think that the “Tonight Show” has been to reduced to “The Jay Leno and Corporate NBC Show” and subsequently lost all the credibility that Carson gave to it. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen now (rumor has it even Jay is gonna bounce on NBC. Boo hoo), but I know for sure that no matter what happens, I would rather watch reruns of Real World on MTV than get my late night fix from Jimmy Fallon.

Lady Gaga’s peeps think so…

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Britney Spears shares her aliases with the world. Smooth move.

Michael Jordan needs a big house. A really big house.

An 11-year-old’s drunken police chase.

This guy is everywhere! And hilarious.

SNL wants you, Robert Pattinson!

How to do a one night stand the right way.

It’s official: we hate Chloe Sevigny.

Every girl needs a pair of nude heels.

Poor Jessica Simpson. We feel so bad!

10. Last Call- 3:30 AM.
This means you have plenty of time to dance on bars. If time is money, then take that money and spend it on shots of Patron.

9. The boys are BANGIN’
Is there anything hotter than an NYC boy? From the Columbia law students (hi, yum, slamshows) to the prepster Upper East Siders (hi, Chuck Bass), the city has a gaggle of gorgeous gentlemen. Beware of guidos.

8. SHOPPING.
Sample Sales, Saks and SHOES SHOES & MORE SHOES. Aughhhh! I want it all!

7. Celebs, celebs, celebs!
Okay, so every day after work I walk past Rockefeller Center, desperately looking for Alec Baldwin. Come out wherever you are, Jack Donaghy!

6. Slamming Nightlife
The hot, trendy bars (like the one we’ll be partying at); more clubs than you can think of; bars with crazy themes… there’s something for everyone in this here city.

5. Yummy foods
Magnolia, Serendipity, Dylan’s Candy Bar, Crumbs… and that’s just dessert! 24/7 diners for all your drunk munchie needs and New York pizza? Need I say more?

4. The Sports
Kidding. Screw the Yankees, most overrated team ever. Not to mention the travesty that is the Mets. But, both the new stadiums are worth checking out. Particularly if they’re playing the Cleveland Indians.

3. Central Park
In the middle of the craziest city that never sleeps, you have one of the most peaceful, beautiful parks around. Did I mention all the DOGGIES everywhere?! AHHHHH so cute!

2. The Culture
The MoMa has free entry on Fridays from 4-8, not to mention the Met, Lincoln Center, Guggenheim… After coming to NYC, you’ll practically be an art historian.

1. It’s just the freaking best city in the world.
I mean, really. NYC is what it’s all about. The coolest little Island that packs a punch. Sex and the City, Seinfeld, SNL, David Letterman, How I Met Your Mother, Friends and now Conan all agree: New York City rocks.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Inspired by the feud and by Letterman’s classic “Top Ten” format, I’ve decided to do a Weekly Ten on whatever the presses and our readers are buzzing about. Late Night, CollegeCandy style. Now even though Palin jokes are so last fall, as a tribute to both Dave and Ms. Palin, I’m going to kick off the “Weekly Ten” with the Top Ten reasons I wish Sarah Palin was my Mommy. Apologies to my own mommy, the cougar version of Barack Girl. Still love you, mom!

10. Never ending shades of lipstick to borrow!
Warning: even with perfect application, these cosmetics may still make you a pig.

9. MILF!
And GILF! Maybe she can give pointers on how to age gracefully. Provided you don’t care about anything other than looking fly in glasses and a red skirt suit.

8. Exotic digs.
I mean, this is just a gimme: she can see Russia from her house.

7. Homegirl can bust a rhyme
Oh wait, that’s Amy Poehler. Another point for cool SNL moms.

6. Never ending supply of skirt suits!
Also a bonus if you want to be a flight attendant. Notice how I didn’t say slutty. Take note, David.

5. You’d get to hang out with the McCains.
Screw the Republican party – try the McCain party. You betcha that family just knows how to party, even if John McCain can’t exactly put his hands in the air and wave them around like he just don’t care anymore.

4. People might mistake her for Tina Fey.
Who’d actually be a cool mom. Plus, maybe a connection to Jimmy Fallon? Yum.

3. She’s an expert on the “bump-it”
Really, she’s only second to Winehouse. Does anyone actually own one of these things?

2. Totally relaxed about birth control methods.
Thanks Bristol, but I’ll be making the boyf squeeze into Trojans.

1. Fresh Moose Stew!
Sure beats meatloaf.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Paris Hilton is single. Again.

Add a zipper for instant punkification.

We totally heart Jordin Sparks and her new video.

Celebrity odd couples.

Does a hot teacher make learning easier? Harder? Sexier?