Gawker recently reported that 85% of people wash their hands after doing their business… but 96% of people claim they do. That’s nearly a 10% discrepancy… meaning that you probably shouldn’t let 10% of the people you know feed you or touch your face or stick their fingers in your mouth.

All this makes me wonder – if people can lie about something so fundamental (and hygienic), what else are they fibbing about?  The honest truth: everything.

Here are some of the most common:

“I go to the laundromat once a week”
Bullsh*t. I’ve smelled your sheets (from the other side of the room) and let me tell you, they did not smell of Snuggle fabric softener. That being said, I don’t judge anyone that doesn’t wash their jeans after every wear. I don’t either – they get all crunchy and then you have to do lunges and they don’t fit the same way for weeks. I think it’s time we all own up to it.

“I’ve only slept with two guys in my entire life” or “Yeah, I banged her…and her best friend…and her sister…”
Yes, it still counts no matter how many Patron shots preceded it.  And no, it doesn’t count if it only happened in your imagination.

“No, those jeans don’t give you muffin top. They look HOT.”
If your BFF feels super slammin’ in her outfit, who are you to bring her down?

“Hi, my name is Chandelier and I’m an exchange student from Tanzania.  It’s my twenty-first birthday!  Also, I’ll be starring in a movie that’ll be out later this year.”
Come on, those creepsters giving you the creepy eye at the bar are totally asking for it.

“I floss every day.  Twice a day, actually!”
Trust me, the dentist isn’t buying that one for a second.

“Aww, I would LOVE to have dinner with you tonight!  But I totally have to study.”
And by “study” I mean “go out with other people who I’d rather spend time with but I have no idea how to tell you that without offending you or being forced to invite you.”

What lies to you tell most? Even more, what lies do you hear most?

There are some unwritten rules of friendship we all know: Thou shalt hold her hair back when she is praying to the porcelain god after a long Friday night. Thou shalt never date her ex-boyfriend, brother or best male friend. Thou shalt never have to watch Say Yes to the Dress alone. Thou shalt risk your life to satisfy the drunken cravings of your BFF.

But that’s where the clear-cut rules end and where the giant friendship gray area begins.

How can you tell if you are in a toxic friendship? Do you know how to tell if your friends are talking about you behind your back? And that friend who always compliments a terrible outfit choice or lets you date jerk after jerk – does she understand that, despite your feelings, honesty is the best policy? That there are certain moments between friends that always require the truth?

And how do you know if you’re the toxic one in the relationship?  Think back to the last fight you had with your boyfriend, your mom, your boss, whoever – did every little detail end up on your newsfeed? Did you give them the ol’ “talk to the hand cuz the face ain’t listening”? Yeah, probably not the best course of action, right?

Friendship is sacred so don’t take advantage of the good friends you’ve got, and definitely don’t give your loyalty out to the girls who don’t deserve it. Pause, evaluate and move forward with your worthy BFFs.

вопрос? Pregunta?

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I am currently in a long-distance relationship for 7 months. We dated for nearly 2 months before we flew home to our separate cities, and are keeping our relationship steady by phone calls, IMs and emails.

However, something has been bugging me a lot. I met my current BF on study abroad, and before we got together I was cheating on my then-BF with another guy. I made excuses to justify my cheating on my ex with this guy: he made me feel attractive in ways my ex never did, the excitement and rush of doing something wrong, and loneliness of being away from home. After all, he did pursue me aggressively, but I eventually broke down. I did not initiate the affair. Soon enough, I realized what I did, and was utterly disgusted with myself.

At that point, my current BF and I were starting to become more than just good friends. He’s different from the any guy I’ve met before because he is genuine about having a relationship and he took things really slowly. I was starting to have real feelings for him, and began to seriously reconsider what the hell I have been doing all this time with the cheating. I called it off with the guy I was cheating with and swore to myself that never again will I go back to him.

Several months have lapsed now. I am happy in my current relationship. My current BF never found out about this guy (even though the two guys have met before). But somehow I have this nagging feeling that I should let my BF know about this. I learned from my mistake and swore never to return to that again. But now that I’m again in a long-distance relationship I’m afraid that my current BF might cheat on me. I know there is no reason to think this way because I trust him more than anything and we have both flown more than 20 hours both ways to visit each other over the past 3 months. I’m afraid of karma. I’m hoping that by telling him it will relieve me of the burden of holding this secret inside me, and make me less guilty for what I did. Also, when my ex finally returns, I will also apologize to him in person, and hope to bury the past behind me.

Tuffy Luv, what should I do?
– Reformed but afraid of karma

Dear “Reformed,”
Girl, you should be afraid of karma because you got a whole lotta shiz coming to you for what you did.

Okay, first, before I unleash the Wrath of Tuffy, let me just say that I want to commend you on trying to make amends. It is admirable that you’re going to apologize to your ex, since you don’t really gain anything from that. So I give you credit for that.

But that’s about where my sympathies end.

To be honest with you, I don’t believe that you wouldn’t cheat again. First of all, it’s only been a little over half a year. You haven’t exactly been sober for long. I hope you continue on this path, because it sounds to me like you really do mean well, but so far you haven’t proven anything. So don’t go giving yourself a halo for 7 months of being cheat-free.

My advice to you would be to, yes, tell your boyfriend what happened. But, please, do it over the phone. Don’t do it in an email, where it’s easiest and most hurtful. And don’t wait till he flies 20 hours to see you. Frankly, he deserves to know this before he flies the 20 hours.

You haven’t done anything wrong to him. So, like, you don’t have to feel guilty for that. But you did start the relationship off on a very dishonest note, especially since he knows the other guy.

And, frankly, your “justifications” for cheating are lame. So I wouldn’t mention that to him at all.

If you want to try to keep this guy without entirely losing his trust, I suggest you come completely clean to him. But also tell him how much you care about him and that you would never cheat on him.

Of course, history speaks volumes, so whether or not he chooses to believe you is his choice.

Maybe I’m being too hard on you. After all, you know what you did was wrong and you’re trying to do something to right it. And really, I applaud you for that. But it’s this little line that really grates my cheese: “I’m afraid of karma. I’m hoping that by telling him it will relieve me of the burden of holding this secret inside me, and make me less guilty for what I did.”

Repeat after me: You will always be guilty for what you did, because you did it. Cheating is not the worst crime in the world, but it certainly doesn’t show great character. Learn from your mistake and don’t do it again, come clean to your boyfriend, and apologize to your ex–these are good things to do, and I’m proud of you for knowing that and for doing them. But please, don’t think it undoes anything. Everything has consequences.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

One weekend, I went to a mixer at one of the best frats at my school. They had a huge party coming up and the only way to avoid waiting on long lines is knowing a brother very well, if you know what I mean.

Four (…or five or six) drinks later, I found myself chatting with a slightly creepy and indisputably not-cute guy who claimed to be roommates with one of the coolest, hottest members his pledge class. I figured he was my “in,” my protection from shivering in a line for two hours while my buzz drifted slowly away. So I turned on the charm, laughed at his jokes, touched his arm.

Yet even in my state of inebriation, my creep-dar started bleeping. Something was off about this kid and I couldn’t quite figure out what it was.  I decided to ask him some questions to verify his so-called brotherhood.  Our conversation:

Me: So, you pledged here two years ago?
PB (Pseudo Brother): Oh yeah, you have no idea. Worst year of my life.
Me: What chapter are you guys?
PB: Oh, we’re the Alpha chapter. Totally.
Me: Really? The Alpha chapter? Wow, that’s impressive. What year were you founded?
PB: 1889, baby! Brothers for life!
Me: What college are you in here?
PB: Oh, you know, the one that starts with a C.
Me: The College of Arts and Sciences, the College of Engineering, the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences…
PB: Yeah, yeah, the last one.
Me: What’s your major?
PB: Business.

And it continued from there.  A number of red flags popped up, including the fact that pledging takes place over only one semester at my school, not a year; all the colleges start with a C, and there is no business major in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences; along with other glaring inconsistencies. However, based on his impressive chapter stats I decided to spend the night with him anyway, images of VIP entry to the upcoming party swimming in my head the entire time.

Early the next morning, I ran to the bathroom and looked him up on Facebook via my Blackberry. To my surprise, he wasn’t mutual friends with any of my friends in his frat. Upon closer inspection, I realized he didn’t have ANY friends at my school, and he wasn’t registered under its network—or any college network! Incredibly skeeved out, I snuck downstairs without waking him up and called a cab.

I sat on a bench (surrounded by empty Natty Light cans) in the fraternity house foyer and waited for my chariot. Looking around I realized I was sitting in the same spot he was sitting in during our conversation the night before, and right in my line of vision was placed a giant plaque that read “Alpha Chapter, Founded 1889.”

So much for impressive chapter stats!

The real kicker? He still texted me about ten times that day, seemingly oblivious that I figured out how creepy he was and ditched him. After I finally answered with a very terse, “Look, I know you don’t go here and I don’t want to see you,” he had the nerve to get mad at ME for “only hooking up with him because I thought he was in a good frat.”

And then he called me a Slore.

I guess I gotta give him some props for pulling that insult out in a serious conversation. Yeah, he’s still the creepiest guy I’ve ever…known, but at least he made me laugh.

[You got a a good "Morning After" story to share? Send it to over and we'll post it (anonymously, of course)! Do it! It can't be worse than crossing borders for booty....]

We all lie, in some form or another. We lie to our parents (it’s not a hangover; it’s a stomach bug), our teachers (I’m late because the bus was delayed, not because I forgot to set my alarm), our employers (it’s my mom’s birthday, not some girl in my hall’s 21^st) and our sexual partners (you’re the best I’ve ever had!).

Lying to someone you’re sleeping with is dangerous territory, though. By lying to them, you could be endangering their physical (or mental) health. Which lies are OK to tell, and what things do we have to fess up too?

Lie: I’ve never worn this lingerie for anyone else.

Verdict: OK. We all have a favorite pair of lingerie, and we’ve probably worn it with more than one partner. After all, good lingerie is expensive, and we shouldn’t have to throw it out just because a relationship ends. But your partner probably doesn’t want to know what you wore last time you canoodled with someone else, so it’s okay to keep that information to yourself, or fib a little if it comes up.

Lie: I never slept with [insert friend here].

Verdict: BAD. The truth will come out eventually, and it will not be pretty. How would you feel if you found out one of your partner’s close friends was actually someone they used to sleep with? It’s best to have this information up front.

Lie: Your family/friends are so much fun.

Verdict: OK. You might hate the way his best friend burps or her crazy uncle that gets way too competitive playing volleyball, but your partner doesn’t need to be privy to this information. These people are going to be in their life for a while, so you best learn to deal with them, or at least act like you have.

Lie: I don’t have a crush on my chem professor.

Verdict: OK. You don’t have to fess up to every little crush you have, as long as there is no chance of the crush leading to anything real. Although, if you do fess up to it, you can probably convince your partner to role-play it with you.

Lie: I’ve always used condoms.

Verdict: BAD. Lying about your sexual health is never OK. If you have had unprotected sex, fess up and get tested, to keep you both healthy.

Lie: I came.

Verdict: BAD. Faking orgasms only hurts your sex life. When you say you like something, you encourage your partner to do it more often. If you lie about having orgasms, your partner will keep doing what they think works, and you’ll suffer the consequences.

What are some lies you’ve told to a sexual partner?

What?! But everything was going so well!

“I’m sorry,” he explains. “I just got out of a bad relationship, and I don’t want to get involved.” Read: he was tainted by a crazy chick.

Since the beginning of time, bad boys have been toying with women’s emotions – playing us, and hurting us. Well, guess what ladies — this isn’t the suffrage era, and some girls out there think they have the power to level the playing field. Unfortunately, these crazy girls ruin the perfectly nice boys for the rest of us perfectly nice girls.

You might think you’re in the clear, but are you? Read on to make sure you don’t fall into the “Crazy Ex Girfriend” category. And if you do, thanks; you’re the reason I’ve been single for so long. Well, at least part of the reason.

The Cheater

This ex-girlfriend broke the guy’s heart, maybe more than once. Perhaps they were together for years, and he walked in on her and his friend one night. Maybe she had multiple “flings,” and confessed them all, in tears, and he forgave her time and again. No matter what, cheating hurts for girls and guys. This girl probably made your guy weary of being cuckolded again and wore down his trust in women. He thinks you’ll cheat, and he’s not ready to be played for a fool again.

The Bitch

This is the girl who takes out her frustrations on her man, picks fights in public, and reprimands him for the little details. He buys her a thoughtful Valentine’s day present; she throws a temper tantrum because he didn’t spring for a pair of earrings from Tiffany’s. He makes a joke at dinner, and she storms away from the table, leaving him alone and waiting for the check, embarrassed. Yet, for whatever reason, he put up with it for months, or even years. (Maybe it was the make-up sex.) Mean guys get a bad rap for being “emotionally abusive,” but these mean girls often slip under the radar because their behavior is chalked up to being a high-maintenance diva. Now that your crush is finally single, free, and thinking for himself, he likes it, and he’s not sure if he emotionally or financially ready for the drama he associates with being in a relationship.

The Clinger

We’ve seen these girls parodied in movies– see Wedding Crashers‘ term, “Stage-Five Clinger.” The clinger might not have even been a long-term girlfriend: even a one-night stand turned Fatal Attraction vixen can make the guy cautious of returning a girls’ affection. If it was a long-term relationship, the Clinger behaves like Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, except she’s not putting on an act to win a bet, she really is that clingy. After either having a casual hook up try to plan a wedding or going for months without being able to have a day with the boys over football on Sundays, the guy is now so happy to make his own plans that he’s willing to choose freedom over sex.

The Girl Who Went Psycho After the Breakup

Everything was going well for the guy, until he gently tried to break it off with his girlfriend. She snapped, and may have turned into The Clinger post-breakup. He tried to date again, and she was waiting to scare his new prospects away every time. This girl is personified by Miranda Lambert in her song “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Thanks to her, he’s not only afraid to commit to a potential nutcase, but he fears that getting close to you will instigate another confrontation and that she’ll scare you away and ruin his chances anyway.

The False Alarm Liar

As the relationship begins to fizzle out, this girl takes drastic measures to keep the guy. What does she do? She lies about getting pregnant. It’s the perfect way to keep a guy, right? Wrong! Eventually, she has to come clean, and the trauma from thinking he’s going to be a father followed by the news that he’s been had is going to keep him off the market for a while.

Any of these girls can ruin a perfectly good guy for the rest of us. Why do girls behave this way? There’s a million answers for that. But the bottom line is, ladies, treat your man the way you would want to be treated. Don’t ruin him for the rest of us!

Last time

Morning: everyone is back at the house quietly eating breakfast. Destiney isn’t wearing make up and she looks fantastic without it. Big John comes in with three buckets for them to clean the house because someone they know is coming. Daisy is cleaning in a half shirt. Of course she is.

Doorbell rings and it’s parent time. Ambre’s dad is the first to arrive and they hug like she’s coming home from war. Bret got his hair blown out and flat ironed and he desperately needs a bandana. At least a real parent showed up for her this time.

Destiney’s parents come. She’s wearing a pink hat but no make up so I’ll forgive the stupid hat.

Daisy’s been on her own since she was 15 so instead of parents, Stephanie, Daisy’s ex-boyfriend’s sister, shows up for her. Are you kidding? Bret is clearly not thrilled.

They all hit the bar and Bret tries to serve up Destiney’s dad who can’t drink because he has liver cancer. He’s been given less than six months to live and Destiney’s awesome biker dad with the tattoo on his forehead makes her seem very human to me. Before this she was just a big bag of siliconed eyeliner crazy.

BBQ – Bret asks Ambre’s dad about all of his children. Ambre’s 37. Bret, don’t act like you really thought that she was really 32.

After eating, Bret shows everyone a clip from a show and Destiney got up to do a groupie dance. In front of her parents. Bret holds Ambre’s hand during her freak dance because he’s worried that Destiney won’t love Bret Michaels off stage.

Bret’s going to take everyone out separately. Daisy and her “ex” boyfriend’s sister are first.

They go to the Rainbow Bar. Daisy’s never been there, to the Viper Room or Whiskey – riiiight. Bret asks about Charles. Spill it, Stephanie. Charles cheated on Daisy and Daisy’s “life is black and white not color.” Bret and I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Stephanie says that the Charles relationship is over. “You’re seeing this like a guy.” Um, so I guess that I am, too. Stephanie has mastered English, though, so Bret’s getting some clarity on the situation – but not enough.

Next day: For the Destiney family date, Bret got a bike for Destiney’s parents to ride – that’s a really nice gesture. And he leads them to a tattoo parlor so that Destiney can get a tattoo. She wants the “Rock of Love” logo on the back of her neck but without the words. Is Bret disappointed that she won’t add the words to the tattoo? She’s putting it right where Heather did.

For Ambre’s date, they go for sushi and the age lie comes up. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I lied to Bret.” You said UM before you told him your age. Don’t cry, Liar. She has a career in which she needs to be younger so she told the girls that she’s 32. But she’s fallen in love with Bret – she says it in front of her dad which is kind of creepy to me.

So the date ends and back at the house, Bret thanks the families and the ex-boyfriend’s sister for coming out. Destiney’s mom is wearing an awful hat – I see where it comes from. I really hope that Destiney’s dad can somehow beat his cancer.

There was little drama in this episode but…no, I spoke spoke too soon. Ambre wants to air out some stuff. Are you gonna tell them that you’re 37? She says to Destiney: “I wasn’t sure if you’d completely given your heart to Bret.”

Destiney: “It’s hard for me to give myself 100% if I don’t know if it’s being returned.”

How is Destiney the voice of reason here? Ambre says that she feels like she’s in love with Bret. You ARE vulnerable and stupid. Speaking of stupid, Daisy says that she’s in love with Bret, too.

Elimination time – I have NO idea who’s going home.

Bret tells each of the girls what he loves about them and what their downsides are. He loves the way Daisy sings? And she has a walk-in garage of skeletons. At least he knows that he’s too old to pick through it.

Daisy tells Bret that Destiney’s not 100% in love with him. Destiney says, “I’m not in love with you but I have feelings for you.” But it doesn’t save her; he calls down Destiney and she’s going home for loving the experience and not loving Bret.

So the woman who was nearly eliminated on the first episode is in the finals with Daisy. Well, at least I can say I called one of the final two.

Next time: SEASON FINALE!!!! In the mean time, on Thursday night they’re gonna air lost moments. Like it’s some brilliant show a la Seinfeld and we need to see that…