Q: So,  I’ve had a boyfriend for over 6 months now. I really love him and find him sexy, but for some reason I have zero sex drive right now. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I think he’s getting a little mad that I never want to do anything. I will sometimes hook up with him because I feel that I should want to and that maybe I’ll get more in the mood, but it’s never good. I’ve been on the same pill for 2 years, so I don’t think it’s that. Is there a reason why I have this change or any ideas on how to fix it?!

A: Sex drive in women is a complex beast. While men may need little more than a pretty smile to get them in the mood, most women require more.  Factors that can contribute to decreased libido include  (among others):

- Feeling tired or stressed
- Side effects from medications such as birth control pills/patch/ring or anti-depressants
- Feeling unsafe or unloved in your relationship
- Hormonal imbalance
- History of sexual abuse or trauma
- Chronic medical conditions, such as diabetes Read More »

The week is officially over people, and I have to say that brings a sigh of relief from my end of the computer.  I’m not sure what made this week such a doozy, but it’s over now and I can start planning my date with icy, fruity alcoholic-filled drinks (watermelon soju = best summer drink ever).   Now that I know how many delicious Mai Tai’s will kill me, I can plan my night accordingly.

August is here and with it (I’m hoping) comes some consistent summer weather.  I didn’t really plan my summer wardrobe well enough to include the necessary rain accessories for the monsoon season we’ve been having.  Therefore I’ve been staying inside a lot…and cabin fever has definitely set in.  Not only have I packed on a couple pounds from avoiding the rain-soaked jog to the gym, I’ve also started acting a bit more wild than usual.  It turns out that working out may not actually make me thinner anyway, so I guess I’m stuck inside eating Cheetos and watching Hulu.

Another effect of the incredibly rainy/wickedly hot first week of August is that my libido has gone into overdrive (I think it must be confused by all the weather changes).  That cute guy at the bar I’ve been creepin’ on all night?  I think we might end up getting engaged…for a few hours (if not purely to end my rainy-day boredom).  Then again, if we’ve been at the bar for awhile, he might need a little “pick me up”, such as a deliciously covert piece of gum. Let’s just hope we can avoid any bedroom weirdness…

Finally, because it’s August, I can look forward to going back to college.  There are so many things I’m excited about and topping the list would be my group of school friends (in addition to massive amounts of drink specials and late-night library fun).  Let the countdown to Welcome Week begin, ladies!

Maintaining a healthy diet and working out obviously has beneficial effects for our body and well-being. But need another reason to trade in the fries for some fruits and vegetables? Need extra motivation to get yourself to the gym?

Well, here you go:  These things may also have an effect on our sex life.

And not in a “eating carrots means a hotter bod” sorta way. There are tons of  healthy foods out there that actually pump up that libido of yours.  And although most of us probably are at that age where we don’t exactly need an extra boost, we might as well take one anyways! Can’t have too much of a good thing, right? Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W…

…well, sort of.

I’ve got a healthy libido and a short attention span, so my celeb crush turnover rate is pretty high. But every once in a blue moon, my ever-wandering eye is caught by someone so despicable, so nasty, my sexual drive is dashed in an instant.  This week, let’s talk about a G.W.D.W.E. (Guy We Don’t Wanna Eff)–Phil Spector.

Phil’s career as a music producer is perhaps as illustrious as they come–he’s worked with The Ramones, The Righteous Brothers, and The Beatles.  But just last month, he was sentenced to 19 years to life for the murder of  Lana Clarkson.  Witnesses at his trial said he had a ghoulish habit of “bullying” women with guns.  Great songwriter? Maybe. Soulless, gun-wielding psycho? Definitely.

But the pièce de résistance of Spector’s uneffable resume is his God-awful  puffball hairdo. Seriously? Look at this thing! It looks like someone stuck his pecker in a socket and transplanted his putrid pubes onto his head. Looking at this photo for more than three consecutive seconds triggers my vom-in-my-mouth reflex. Yuck! And worst of all, the ‘do is a wig! Spector has been known over the years to fancy all sorts of alternative hairstyles, but this one takes the fashion-disaster cake. Who voluntarily chooses to look like that?

Philly, shame on you for your nasty updo. Double shame on you for murdering an innocent woman. Triple shame on you for wasting your legendary talent. Don’t expect any conjugal visits from me.

This month, Cosmo was especially recession conscious (there were, like, 6 whole articles!), featured a slightly disappointing interview with Leighton Meester (she’s just not as bitchy as Blair Waldorf) and their first ever scratch-n-sniff! But, by far the most…interesting article I read was “The Sex Detective is in!”

Now, the woman-in-trench-coat-peeping-through-blinds picture that accompanied the headline immediately got me excited for the juicy confessions of some private investigator. Boy was I wrong. Instead, Dr. Harry Fisch, author of Size Matters, decoded what size, shape, texture and taste (!!) mean when it comes to a guy’s libido. So, read on to find out what it means if…

…He’s Trim Around the Middle.

Cosmo Says: If the guy’s got a spare tire, all that extra fat will break down testosterone much faster than lean muscle, and “testosterone is the gas that drives the car. If it’s low…he’ll be tired, he’s not going to be able to exercise very much, he’s less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower.”

Kari Says: Interesting. I didn’t know a little extra padding could be so detrimental to a guy’s sex life. I mean, a huge potbelly is definitely going to lower a guy’s chances of getting laid, but I had no clue it would affect his performance/ potency when he eventually does bed someone. Testosterone must be pretty damn important.

…He’s Got Guns.

Cosmo Says: Yes, Kari, testosterone is pretty damn important. If you want to have great sex, find a guy who’s “trim and jacked” because all those muscles mean more testosterone. Also, tall, thin guys with bodies like noodles don’t produce as much, and some guys won’t produce a lot no matter how much they workout, those hopeless wimps.

Kari Says: Ugh, it’s nice to look at all those fake baked guidos glistening while they spot each other at the gym, but it’s another thing entirely to want to sleep with them. Even if they are producing mucho testosterone (and I’m not sure how black market steroids affect that hormone post-cycle), I think I might rather sleep with noodle boy and have mediocre sex than get my bump and grind on while jamming to house music. Just sayin’. Read More »

So we’ve debated whether or not we would date someone who weighed less than us (twice), but what about dating a guy with a lower sex drive?

The stereotype is that it’s always the guy who initiates sex and the girl who turns him down. Well, contrary to popular belief, not every college guy is looking for some sexy time. [Yes, these mythical beings do exist and, as luck would have it, I got stuck with one.] Seriously, my boyfriend has the nerve to call me a “hornball” for all my honest efforts to get him laid.

Case and point: Everyone knows that home movie nights are the best times to get a little groping action going on, but my attempts at playful fondling always end with a humiliating, “Why don’t you ever just want to cuddle and watch the movie?”

I do want to watch the movie, you idiot. It’s called multi-tasking.

I just don’t get it, it’s not like he’s gay. He’s not a prude either. We’ve done it in a public park, for goodness sakes (a story for another time). And he definitely isn’t saving himself – a little too late for that one, bucko. So I’m forced to chalk it up to a lower sex drive, which seriously sucks for me and my libido. Read More »

Britney kicks off her world tour tonight!

Worried about those spring break hook ups? Check out these do’s and don’ts.

Did politics kill Meghan McCain’s libido?

Jesse McCartney is looking pretty hot in this just-released video.

Looks like mama Lohan is finally starting to worry.

What do you think, is Angelina a better blonde or brunette?

Sharon Osbourne is being sued for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress.

Nerds vs. Geeks: its all in the definition.

How far would you go for a Nintendo DS.

Danielle Lloyd talks domestic Violence.

You’ve been compared to Angelina Jolie. He’s more of a Steve Carell. Should you take him up on his lunch-date offer?

This is the dilemma I have often faced during my college years (aside from the part about looking like Angie), and I faced it once again last Thursday.

I was pre-gaming with some guy friends, their friends, and the friends of those friends, when one of them (unfortunately not the Abercrombie model look-alike with whom I’d been flirting) came up to me and asked, “Do you remember when you turned me down at Shooters (a local club)?” My face turned strawberry red as I mumbled, “uh…no…”

I felt embarrassed, awkward, and most of all, shallow (yes, of course, I remembered). I ended up apologizing, blaming it on stupidity, and agreeing to dance with him that night to make up for it. I attempted to seem interested, but as hard as I tried to look past his sub-average looks, the shallow part inside me was screaming “you deserve someone cuter!”

I know, I know. I’m a horrible person. Looks are sooooo unimportant. But really, are they? Can you honestly say that you wouldn’t rather share a kiss with George Clooney than Jack Black? Exactly.

But what if the former was a jerk and the latter a sweetheart? How much attraction-at-first-site must you give up for a magnetic personality? I decided to test the waters, and see if this guy’s character alone was enough to lure me in. Read More »

Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex. Read More »

Q: My sex drive is through the roof, and I can easily have sex twice a day, every day…but my boyfriend is a different story. He’s fine only having sex once or twice a week. We’ve been together for almost a year, but we’ve been fighting about this more and more lately, usually after he brushes me off if I’m trying to “seduce” him, at which point I usually make passive aggressive statements about how I should find someone who DOES want to have sex with me. I feel bad for saying it, but I’m also starting to believe it! Aren’t guys supposed to dream of having a girlfriend that wants to have sex all the time? What should I do?

A: I can sympathize–I’m also the sex fiend in my relationship, and it can be really frustrating. Here’s the thing, though — I don’t think twice weekly sex is really a problem, at least not in the way that once-every-3-months sex would be a problem. Seems to me that’s it’s just a preference and not indicative of how attractive and sexy he finds you. Only you know for yourself if it’s a dealbreaker or not.

I think a lot of the frustration might actually be coming from how the situation is handled, and less so the frequency of sex. Start by changing how you fight. I completely understand your passive-aggressive reaction (and I’ve so been there), but it’s only making him more defensive and not open to talking about it. Try bringing it up during a neutral time–not before, during, or after sex (or the rejection of sex)–and explain it to him in “I” statements: “I don’t feel good about myself when you brush off my advances.” Read More »