Statistics show that 1 in 10 women over the age of 18 (which includes all of us college ladies) experience a decrease in libido.

Yeah, you read that right: a decrease.

Now, like you, I’m thinking that there must be some depressed, unemployed grads dragging down our reputation because most of us are ready to hop on it the minute we see some chiseled abs and bulging biceps. But that’s beside the point. The real story here is that in reaction to this statistic a new “desire drug” is being created to reawaken the sexual desire in women.

Researchers are arguing that a lack of sexual desire may not be caused by the fact that women aren’t attracted to their prospective partners (because men are never to blame for these sorts of things), but that it is a chemical problem in the brain. The drug, then, will work by lowering inhibition through triggering the release of Dopamine, which, among other things, helps stimulate desire.

Obviously, men are behind this little research project.
And even more obviously, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Is it just me or does this sound like some sort of new and improved date rape drug, without the whole “blacking out” component? This drug will alter chemicals in the brain and thus alter a woman’s actions. Leave that power in the wrong person’s hands and it could be incredibly dangerous.Soon Trekkies across the country will be slipping this thing into our drinks and – BAM – against our will (well, our will when we weren’t wearing desire-drug-goggles), we’ll be jumping their hairy, pudgy little bones like they’re a bunch of McDreamy look-a-likes.

And is this drug really even necessary? Is it possible that maybe the problem isn’t in our brains? Perhaps we just aren’t turned on by back hair and a beer gut. And maybe sometimes we just aren’t in the mood. That’s allowed, isn’t it?

Maybe instead of coming up some miracle pill to get women in the sack (Editor’s Note: Isn’t that what Jager is for??) men should head to the gym to make themselves more attractive. Oh and some romance wouldn’t hurt either. A nice dinner and an 8-pack is really all we need to get our Dopamine flowing.

Q: So,  I’ve had a boyfriend for over 6 months now. I really love him and find him sexy, but for some reason I have zero sex drive right now. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but I think he’s getting a little mad that I never want to do anything. I will sometimes hook up with him because I feel that I should want to and that maybe I’ll get more in the mood, but it’s never good. I’ve been on the same pill for 2 years, so I don’t think it’s that. Is there a reason why I have this change or any ideas on how to fix it?!

A: Sex drive in women is a complex beast. While men may need little more than a pretty smile to get them in the mood, most women require more.  Factors that can contribute to decreased libido include  (among others):

- Feeling tired or stressed
- Side effects from medications such as birth control pills/patch/ring or anti-depressants
- Feeling unsafe or unloved in your relationship
- Hormonal imbalance
- History of sexual abuse or trauma
- Chronic medical conditions, such as diabetes

Unlike men, who may pop a Viagra or put on a porn video to get in the mood, a woman’s libido is fussy.  Do you masturbate? Does that still feel sexy to you? Are you able to orgasm, either by yourself or with a partner? If masturbation is still fun and you’re able to orgasm, chances are that it’s more psychological than physical.

If decreased sexual arousal distresses you, talk to your doctor, who can investigate whether there’s a medical reason for your low libido. Ask your doctor whether switching the brand of your birth control pill or trying another form of contraception might help. If your doctor gives you the clean bill of health, here are a few tips you might try to give your libido a boost.

- Schedule intimate dates. If you’re waiting until 11pm to think about hooking up, your body might have other ideas. Plan morning dates or early evening dates to give your body the chance to feel stimulated.
- Try Laura Corn’s 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex (or Grrreat Romance, if you’re not as daring).  This book includes tear-out pages of fun seductions For Him or For Her. Some are pretty risqué, but all are sexy. Just the simple act of planning a seduction can be a turn on.
- Experiment with erotic film, books, or magazines. Keep an open mind and check out whether anything turns you on.
- Have a hey day at a sex toy store. You never know what might get you in the mood.
- Try erotic role-playing. Maybe you’ve always wanted to hook up with a cop. Perhaps your boyfriend would play along.
- Try sexual arousal aids, such as Zestra, a sexy botanical oil that may be just the trick for you.

Keep in mind that every woman in unique, so no one thing works for every individual. But the more you set the intention to spice up your sex life, the more likely you are to succeed. Do you want your sex drive to improve? Say so. Talk to your girlfriends. Write in your journal. Commit to it. Then, with an open mind, set forth. You just might be surprised.

You got a question for Dr. Lissa? She’ll answer anything – yes, even that – so leave your question in the comments or email it to us!

August is here and with it (I’m hoping) comes some consistent summer weather.  I didn’t really plan my summer wardrobe well enough to include the necessary rain accessories for the monsoon season we’ve been having.  Therefore I’ve been staying inside a lot…and cabin fever has definitely set in.  Not only have I packed on a couple pounds from avoiding the rain-soaked jog to the gym, I’ve also started acting a bit more wild than usual.  It turns out that working out may not actually make me thinner anyway, so I guess I’m stuck inside eating Cheetos and watching Hulu.

Another effect of the incredibly rainy/wickedly hot first week of August is that my libido has gone into overdrive (I think it must be confused by all the weather changes).  That cute guy at the bar I’ve been creepin’ on all night?  I think we might end up getting engaged…for a few hours (if not purely to end my rainy-day boredom).  Then again, if we’ve been at the bar for awhile, he might need a little “pick me up”, such as a deliciously covert piece of gum. Let’s just hope we can avoid any bedroom weirdness…

Finally, because it’s August, I can look forward to going back to college.  There are so many things I’m excited about and topping the list would be my group of school friends (in addition to massive amounts of drink specials and late-night library fun).  Let the countdown to Welcome Week begin, ladies!

Maintaining a healthy diet and working out obviously has beneficial effects for our body and well-being. But need another reason to trade in the fries for some fruits and vegetables? Need extra motivation to get yourself to the gym?

Well, here you go:  These things may also have an effect on our sex life.

And not in a “eating carrots means a hotter bod” sorta way. There are tons of  healthy foods out there that actually pump up that libido of yours.  And although most of us probably are at that age where we don’t exactly need an extra boost, we might as well take one anyways! Can’t have too much of a good thing, right?

Asparagus: Sure this stuff makes your pee smell, but as long as you’re not partaking in a golden shower, this veg is wonderful for your sex life. This long green stringy aphrodisiac happens to be very high in Vitamin E, which is also known as ‘the sex vitamin.’ Who knew there was such a thing? And why doesn’t it come in pill form? Anyways, just munch on this veggie for an instant libido booster.

Yoga: Yoga helps you become stronger and more flexible, meaning you can bend yourself into more fun positions and use that newfound strength to stay there a little longer.

Basil: Basil increases circulation, stimulating the sex drive. In fact, it was once used by Mediterranean prostitutes as a perfume to attract costumers. Put down the perfume and start working basil into your diet.

Bananas: Despite the suggestive shape of these fruits, the real libido boosting aspect is the fact that they are rich in potassium and B vitamins, which are vital for sex-hormone production.

Cardio: Cardio exercise releases endorphins, those feel-good neuro-chemicals that make you all warm, tingly and ready for a romp. It also builds your endurance, meaning you are good to go for a long time when the “opportunity” arises.

Garlic: This one is tricky, because although it does contain high levels of allicin, a compound that improves blood flow to the sexual organs, your partner may want to gag every time you breathe. I’d save this one if all else fails.

The sun: Spend more time outdoors! Natural sunlight suppresses the production of melatonin, which produces hormones that stop your body’s natural appetite for sex.  No wonder everyone’s more frisky in the summertime.

Maca: This cruciferous vegetable has been used in Peru for thousands of years. In fact, during the height of the Incan empire, legend has it that Incan soldiers were forbidden from using Maca….to protect the conquered women from their powerful sexual impulses. It contains a high level of minerals, enzymes and essential amino acids, all of which are essential for libido. Looks like we can thank the Incas for this one.

Pilates: Strengthening exercises that work your core and the deep lying pelvic floor muscles are well-known to be related to better orgasms.

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W…

…well, sort of.

I’ve got a healthy libido and a short attention span, so my celeb crush turnover rate is pretty high. But every once in a blue moon, my ever-wandering eye is caught by someone so despicable, so nasty, my sexual drive is dashed in an instant.  This week, let’s talk about a G.W.D.W.E. (Guy We Don’t Wanna Eff)–Phil Spector.

Phil’s career as a music producer is perhaps as illustrious as they come–he’s worked with The Ramones, The Righteous Brothers, and The Beatles.  But just last month, he was sentenced to 19 years to life for the murder of  Lana Clarkson.  Witnesses at his trial said he had a ghoulish habit of “bullying” women with guns.  Great songwriter? Maybe. Soulless, gun-wielding psycho? Definitely.

But the pièce de résistance of Spector’s uneffable resume is his God-awful  puffball hairdo. Seriously? Look at this thing! It looks like someone stuck his pecker in a socket and transplanted his putrid pubes onto his head. Looking at this photo for more than three consecutive seconds triggers my vom-in-my-mouth reflex. Yuck! And worst of all, the ‘do is a wig! Spector has been known over the years to fancy all sorts of alternative hairstyles, but this one takes the fashion-disaster cake. Who voluntarily chooses to look like that?

Philly, shame on you for your nasty updo. Double shame on you for murdering an innocent woman. Triple shame on you for wasting your legendary talent. Don’t expect any conjugal visits from me.

Now, the woman-in-trench-coat-peeping-through-blinds picture that accompanied the headline immediately got me excited for the juicy confessions of some private investigator. Boy was I wrong. Instead, Dr. Harry Fisch, author of Size Matters, decoded what size, shape, texture and taste (!!) mean when it comes to a guy’s libido. So, read on to find out what it means if…

…He’s Trim Around the Middle.

Cosmo Says: If the guy’s got a spare tire, all that extra fat will break down testosterone much faster than lean muscle, and “testosterone is the gas that drives the car. If it’s low…he’ll be tired, he’s not going to be able to exercise very much, he’s less likely to be in the mood, and his fertility will be lower.”

Kari Says: Interesting. I didn’t know a little extra padding could be so detrimental to a guy’s sex life. I mean, a huge potbelly is definitely going to lower a guy’s chances of getting laid, but I had no clue it would affect his performance/ potency when he eventually does bed someone. Testosterone must be pretty damn important.

…He’s Got Guns.

Cosmo Says: Yes, Kari, testosterone is pretty damn important. If you want to have great sex, find a guy who’s “trim and jacked” because all those muscles mean more testosterone. Also, tall, thin guys with bodies like noodles don’t produce as much, and some guys won’t produce a lot no matter how much they workout, those hopeless wimps.

Kari Says: Ugh, it’s nice to look at all those fake baked guidos glistening while they spot each other at the gym, but it’s another thing entirely to want to sleep with them. Even if they are producing mucho testosterone (and I’m not sure how black market steroids affect that hormone post-cycle), I think I might rather sleep with noodle boy and have mediocre sex than get my bump and grind on while jamming to house music. Just sayin’.

…He Parties Smart.

Cosmo Says: “Smoking and heavy drinking have the same effect on a guy’s mojo as a Rosie O’Donnell striptease.”

Kari Says: Poor Rosie, but ugh, vivid mental image. Anyways, Dr. Fisch explains that cigarettes constrict bloodflow to the penis, making erection a sometimes issue. But if a guy reeks of cigarette smoke, has yellow smokers’ teeth or has a red pleather Marlboro jacket (that he acquired by saving all those cigarette box tops), he’s gonna have issues wooing the ladies long before his junk doesn’t work. And the alcohol thing? Obviously, if a guy’s so toasted that I fear for the leather seats in my car, all he’s getting before bed is some ibuprofen and a bucket by the bed. But what if he’s still coherent and only slightly slurring? Well, as a victim of whiskey-dick syndrome, I can attest to the disappointment that comes along with alcohol-induced impotence. I agree with Dr. Fisch here.

…His Testicles are in Top Shape.

Cosmo Says: “Check out the size of his testicles, each should be the size of a walnut.” Also, check out the temperature, because if they’re running too hot, it might be because of a vein cluster called a varicocele. Find this by cupping his balls and running your thumb all over.

Kari Says: Cosmo, I’m beginning to be overwhelmed with all the testicular action you provide every month. You’ve taught me how to use them to enhance foreplay, control orgasm, and now determine future fertility risks. The uses for male reproductive organs will never end! The act of sneaking around his sack to find potential baby-making problems does seem kind of creepy, though; could you imagine if the guy noticed your facial expression was a little to concentrated? “Uh, what are you doing?” “Oh, nothing. Just exploring your reproductive value while pretending to pleasure you.” Awk.

…He Has Stellar Semen.

Cosmo Says: “You can glean a lot from the volume, clarity and taste of a man’s semen.”

Kari Says: No. Effing. Way. Cosmo, you have never shied from going into all the gritty details of all things sex, but there’s no way you would devote a column of an article to semen consistency, right? Wrong. Apparently, I’m supposed to measure out about half a teaspoon of jizz to determine if a) something is wrong or b) he masturbates a lot (I’m gonna go with b.) After that, I should check out how cloudy or clear it is—his ejaculate, not the weather—to see if he’ll have difficulty fathering my children. Finally, I should give it a good swish around my mouth to see if it’s salty (masturbates a lot) or sweet (hasn’t come for a while.) Pass. On all of the above.

…He Takes Just Long Enough

Cosmo Says: If he comes to fast, that sucks. If he takes too long, he could be masturbating too much, or he’s on anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds.

Kari Says: Well, I’m definitely not gonna argue with you on this one Cosmo and Dr. Fisch. But in the second scenario, if he is taking a little too long (and there is such a thing, gentlemen!), I’d probably chalk it up to the masturbating thing before demanding a list of his prescriptions.

So what do you think? Good tips for determining a guy’s sexual abilities and reproductive health? Would you ever use any of this advice?

The stereotype is that it’s always the guy who initiates sex and the girl who turns him down. Well, contrary to popular belief, not every college guy is looking for some sexy time. [Yes, these mythical beings do exist and, as luck would have it, I got stuck with one.] Seriously, my boyfriend has the nerve to call me a “hornball” for all my honest efforts to get him laid.

Case and point: Everyone knows that home movie nights are the best times to get a little groping action going on, but my attempts at playful fondling always end with a humiliating, “Why don’t you ever just want to cuddle and watch the movie?”

I do want to watch the movie, you idiot. It’s called multi-tasking.

I just don’t get it, it’s not like he’s gay. He’s not a prude either. We’ve done it in a public park, for goodness sakes (a story for another time). And he definitely isn’t saving himself – a little too late for that one, bucko. So I’m forced to chalk it up to a lower sex drive, which seriously sucks for me and my libido.

Plus, do you know how seriously damaging it is to your ego when you’re scantily clad in lingerie and your man turns you down? Talk about humiliating. I love him but, dammit, a girl’s got needs.

What about you? Would you date a guy with a lower sex drive? Is love (not the physical kind) enough to satisfy you?

[Photo courtesy of parduephotos.com]

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Phone sex. One of those taboos that’s so great, people are willing to pay $5.99 a minute just to get some. Of course, if you’re in a relationship, you can get it for free. But you haven’t, have you? Sure, phone sex might seem awkward at first, but under certain circusmtances, it can satisfy the carnal needs of you and your partner.What’s the big deal with phone sex, you ask. I mean, sure, I prefer a quality hump to a Cingular-shag, but sometimes, you’re horny and physical contact isn’t an option.

I lost my phone sex virginity when I was in a long-distance relationship. Actually, we were having phone sex long before we had actual intercourse, because my track record was a lot longer than my man’s and I was trying to be a “good girl” and take things slow, or some bullsh*t like that.

Anyway, you know all the fluff and butterflies that come when you have a new crush, or even better, a new boyfriend. I was really into this guy. I wanted him. Bad. But I was buried with school work, and wouldn’t be able to visit him for a week or two. One night, I called him, half in the bag and 100% horny. Obviously, the alcohol lowered my inhibitions, and I started talking dirty, telling him how much I wanted him…and the next thing I knew, BAM! Phone sex.

We started having phone sex on a fairly regular basis after that. I mean, we both wanted to be together, and this was the closest thing to “real” intimacy. AND it was satisfying! Without going TMI on you folks, I’d just like to tell you that there’s something really hot about knowing that you can get your partner off from hundreds of miles away. And there’s also something hot about hearing all the things he wants to do to you when he finally gets to wrap his arms around you.

Like I said, my phone sex relationship was long distance. Still, the phone sex brought us super close together, because there is a certain amount of trust (and an equally important amount of lust) required to be able to feel comfortable about breathing heavily into the phone.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, or if your mate has to travel, phone sex is awesome. Hell, even if you call him on his lunch break and tell him all the naughty thoughts going through your head, I’m pretty sure you’ll earn ten billion cool girlfriend points. Besides, it’s a great creative outlet. If you want to have good phone sex, you better come up with some freaky shit to whisper to your man. “I want you to get on top of me and do me missionary” is only hot for the five seconds it takes to spit the words out. But, if you get creative and detail-oriented, you will drive your man wild. And just thinking about all this raunchy stuff will do wonders for your own libido as well.

An added bonus? You can vividly describe sexual stuff so funky it would never work in real life…but you can live out any fantasy over the phone.

Q: My sex drive is through the roof, and I can easily have sex twice a day, every day…but my boyfriend is a different story. He’s fine only having sex once or twice a week. We’ve been together for almost a year, but we’ve been fighting about this more and more lately, usually after he brushes me off if I’m trying to “seduce” him, at which point I usually make passive aggressive statements about how I should find someone who DOES want to have sex with me. I feel bad for saying it, but I’m also starting to believe it! Aren’t guys supposed to dream of having a girlfriend that wants to have sex all the time? What should I do?

A: I can sympathize–I’m also the sex fiend in my relationship, and it can be really frustrating. Here’s the thing, though — I don’t think twice weekly sex is really a problem, at least not in the way that once-every-3-months sex would be a problem. Seems to me that’s it’s just a preference and not indicative of how attractive and sexy he finds you. Only you know for yourself if it’s a dealbreaker or not.

I think a lot of the frustration might actually be coming from how the situation is handled, and less so the frequency of sex. Start by changing how you fight. I completely understand your passive-aggressive reaction (and I’ve so been there), but it’s only making him more defensive and not open to talking about it. Try bringing it up during a neutral time–not before, during, or after sex (or the rejection of sex)–and explain it to him in “I” statements: “I don’t feel good about myself when you brush off my advances.”

Get his walls down and appeal to his sensitive side before you continue with questioning–ask him if his sex drive has always been like this with past girlfriends. Ask him why he turns down sex when he does–is he tired? Stressed? Does he prefer morning sex instead of nighttime nooky?” You might just need to shake up your routine a bit, like having sex in the morning before the stress of the day gets to him, or picking a weekend every month to stay in bed and mess around. The goal is to have a 100% honest conversation with both of you letting your guards down, so bite your tongue when you feel yourself getting frustrated and tempted to hit him where it hurts with a passive-aggressive comment.

If his sex drive has always been like this, if there are no medical issues, and if the sex is satisfying and lengthy enough when it does happen, you may just have to decide if you can live with it. Before you give up on this battle, though, think about whether there’s something bothering you besides just the frequency itself. Is it that you feel like you’re always doing the initiating? Tell him that you want him to be more aggressive with you. Is it that you want a little more excitement? See if he’s up for a trip to a sex toy store to pick up something you can use together.

And if none of that helps, or if he’s not willing to try to try anything you suggest, then you’ll need to make a decision. I can’t make it for you–only you know whether or not you can stand it forever. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, but it is important, and if what’s happening (or not happening) between the sheets is making you feel bad about yourself and making you resent your boyfriend, you might have to have the “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation.

Got a question for Pillow Talk ? Email it to pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com, and we’ll tackle it next time!

[Image via Daily Mail]