I have discovered the answer to ALL post grad problems. The post grad problems I’m talking about consist of: stress, finding jobs that make you happy, dating mature human beings, partying, being adventurous, finding yourself…you get the point. So, how are we supposed to conquer all of these grown up issues at such a young age? Be obsessed with yourself.

With every fiber in my body I know this works. When you focus on nothing but yourself, things start miraculously working out in your favor. Put a little playful selfishness into action! Of course you should care about others and do things for the community, but lets be honest — doing good things for others makes you feel good, too! And that only aids in being obsessed with your own well-being.

You will never again have an issue with dating if you focus on what makes you happy. True story: I recently cancelled a date with a guy merely because I was painting my nails Turks and Caicos by Essie and munching on banana bread. I wasn’t really feeling a date night and didn’t want to ruin it with my selfish attitude. I’d much rather go when I actually wanted to. In the end, the guy was totally fascinated by my non-apologetic drive to live my own life and things have been working out flawlessly since!

You will never again have an issue with your job if you focus on what you’ve been wanting out of the job world since the beginning. A job is essentially what you fill 80% of your life cup up with, so it might as well be something positive. If you become consumed by a job that you do not enjoy, say hello to the bumpy road of tress and eventual disheartening failure. Ask yourself, “How can I be selfish? What can I do to make my heart feel at ease?” Do you want to quit your job and start a blog or open a cupcake shop? Um, do it! Seriously. Success shines brightly in something you are passionate about.

You will never again have an issue with feeling guilty for going out too late vs. staying in and petting your cat while you read Glamour by the fire. Do you struggle with guilty-for-not-going-out syndrome? STOP. It’s a simple calculation. If you don’t feellike going out…stay home and count the sheet-rock speckles on the ceiling. If you feel like going CRAZY at a local dive bar…go out and take a red headed slut shot and wake up feeling guilty all over again in the morning. You are still young, after all, and doing what you want (since you don’t have a family, baby, puppy tying you down) is totally 20-something life decision couture.  Natural and beautiful.

You will never again baulk at spending money or time searching for happiness. Want to travel? Pin a map to the wall and throw a dart to see where it lands. Then save money and GO! If you want to by that vibrant orange lipstick because Glamour told you it was the “new red” go for it. And wear it to the grocery store, dammit!

At this age, life should be ALL about yourself. No one can stop you from doing what you want to do. As long as you’re not snorting a line of cocaine and building on fire on the coffee table, I think everything we really want for ourselves is pretty innocent.

Recently, I spontaneously flew to Los Angeles for a weekend to see some friends and ate as much fancy bakery goods, sushi and herbal lemonade as I could. I spent the extra money to buy something fringe so I fit in at The Grove in West Hollywood. In fact, I made out with a club promoter in the fancy new venue everyone was partying at on Hollywood Boulevard. Partially for the story, whole-heartedly for myself. Then, when I got home, I took a bath with eucalyptus bath salt I bought at Macy’s as a personal treat to myself. While listening to old country music on my iPod. And it was lovely.

Bottom line, do what you want for YOU. If you are a happy person, life will suddenly become so much brighter, clearer and exciting. And everyone will notice the vibrancy you’re putting off. Like a galaxy or bundle of fireworks exploding in a dark alley. You owe it to yourself to be there for no one else but the person you spend every minute with.

[Image via auremar/Shutterstock]

If I were to ever win a gold medal in the Olympics, it would be for over-thinking EVERYTHING. I guess I fit the typical girl stereotype. It’s totally like me to stand in the cosmetics aisle in Target for 80 hours trying to figure out which type of mascara I want. I’ll over-think a text I’m about to send to someone I’m dating. I’ll over-analyze a conversation I had with a friend and turn it into something it probably wasn’t in the first place. I’ll over-analyze a bedroom color if I’m painting. I’ll over-analyze…OK, you get it.

I also realize I probably made myself sound like a total freak in that last paragraph but, then again, I’m over-analyzing that too.

That being said, my new goal is to STOP. Stop over-analyzing every single little thing to a point of making up fake stories, wasting time and driving myself crazy. My philosophy has always been to have fun and leave the rest (the rest being all of those unfiltered thought process jumbled messes) so how hard can it really be? Life can’t be about wasting time freaking yourself out at the expense of everything that probably doesn’t matter anyway.

That guy that didn’t call you back? Who cares, you had FUN on the few dates you went on and got to know someone.

That one-worded text message your friend sent you after you said something that could have made her angry? You are your own person and the text message probably didn’t mean anything anyway.

The way your elbows are jiving back and forth making you look like a disoriented chicken on the dance floor? Dancing is SUPPOSED to be creative. And you look supa’ damn fly while you’re at it.

The Secret Santa gift you bought for your friend that didn’t amount to the rest of your girlfriends because you haven’t had a lot of money in a while? It’s the thought that counts and if you loved the gift–chances are she will too.

That $20 shirt at H&M you bought when you were suppose to be Christmas shopping? Go you. Gotta keep the shopper satisfied somehow.

That Friday night you spent working late and ended up missing out on a planned girls’ dinner? Life goes on, there will be more dinners and everyone will still love you.

That weird thing you said to a guy after you had a few too many Blue Moons? He probably thought it was funny and if he didn’t, it’s because it doesn’t remember.

The funny needy feeling you get when you’re alone and want someone there with you? Feel it, embrace it and good lord call up a friend and talk their ear off. Don’t apologize either.

The generic brand or the real stuff? Get the generic brand. It’s all the same anyway.

Obviously you shouldn’t live in complete ignorance. Self-awareness is one of the most important attributes out there and you want to care what others think (even though I wouldn’t mind eating Taco Bell every day and taking the world by storm in my sweatpants). But that’s one dramatic thing to another. Living a balanced life with minimal worries and very little second thoughts will make you the happiest you’ve ever been.

I need a focus adjustment. Let’s just say I’ve been a little on the negative side lately. At first, I tried blaming it on the crappy weather (like I usually do) and then I realized I could be dealing with a personal problem.

For example, whenever I’m about to do virtually anything, I immediately envision the worst possible outcome. From sending a text to a guy for the first time (i.e. he is going to think I’m clingy or too weird) to expressing my opinion at work (i.e. everyone is going to think I’m crazy, my boss is going to fire me and where will I live after that?)…it’s becoming a problem. (Okay, not a lot of my thoughts are this dramatic, I’m just trying to make a point. I need a focus adjustment.)

The good news is, I think the fix is pretty simple.

I need to focus on what I DO want to happen instead of focusing on what I DON’T want to happen. When I send a guy a text, I need to confidently believe that he is excited to hear from me. I need to have a crisp understanding that he probably thinks what I have to say is cute and endearing. When I want to express my opinions/ideas at work, I need to focus on the positive new opportunities I’m bringing to the table. I need to zero in on all of the great things that could come out of saying what I feel.

Positive thinking is the match that strikes every great success story. If I wake up with the thought something wonderful is going to happen that day (and I pay close enough attention) something magical will happen. Even if it’s something small.

For example, I experimented with my new philosophy just this morning. Instead of waking up and deciding I was going to be crabby because it was that time of the month, I woke up with a fresh face and a glowy attitude for no reason. It was the smallest effort EVER. I literally did not do anything different with my morning. BUT, the beauty of this whole entire (starting to sound lame) story was that I didn’t pinpoint anything negative that happened to me. Minor things (cars pulling out in front of me, people cutting in front of my path in Target, etc.) didn’t ruin my day. And I would go about my own 24 hours pretty happily.

It’s really very magical and focus-altering. Turning the teeniest negative thought into a positive one could change your (or someone else’s, depending how violent you are) day. And when your inside center is sharp, things will be so much clearer.

I’ve said it before 48,573 times and I will say it again. Life after college is a hectic whirlwind. And most of your time is spent trying to decipher if you’re happy with who you are, what you’re doing and where you’re doing it all. Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Does this make me happy? He loves me, he loves me not. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But what happens after that hump? How are you suppose to tell that you’ve finally reached that blissful element of contentment with your life?

I’m sorry if this is too deep for a Wednesday but I’m here to help because I have finally found an inner contentment in myself…nearly two years after graduation. Please don’t lose hope if you just graduated. It may not take that long for you to find inner quietness as it did me. Either way, it will come. And here’s how you will know…

1. Road rage will definitely be apparent (especially if you drive around hungry during rush hour), but it will be easily contained. A happy thought or a simple song will keep you semi-occupied during heavy traffic. Your mind will suddenly understand that a moment alone (even in traffic) isn’t really all bad. Side Note: I definitely still give angry glances during traffic, I’m not perfect.

2. Sleep is good, but my love/need for sleep isn’t as extreme as it was before. I used to sleep ALL THE TIME. Until the late hours of the morning. I would take frequent naps. I don’t know what it is now, but I pop up early feeling refreshed and eager to get things done. Side Note: I still sleep in, don’t get me wrong, but a sense of daily accomplishment is just as satisfying.

3. Let the pampering ensue. You will want to take care of yourself! I wasn’t a hoodlum before but I definitely was a lazy pile of sh*t sometimes, unable to find reasons to spend money on a new nail polish or face moisturizer. Now, I feel like I can treat myself. I deserve it. I deserve to spend five more dollars on a new toner or the fresh-squeezed orange juice instead of the Tropicana. Side Note: I still eat deep dish pizza on the couch and let my nails get a little stingy sometimes.

4. Dating becomes less needy. For the first time in a long time, I’m not chasing after anyone. No one is necessarily chasing after me. I’m not worried about a text/phone call and I don’t feel the tugging pressure to want any of it anyway. I’ve found contentment within myself, and amidst that inner satisfaction I don’t need someone to make it for me. Side Note: I’m not saying I like a little flirtatious bar banter from time to time.

5. Finally, self-apologies are minimal. When I STOP apologizing for something I’ve done day to day (that maybe made me feel a little off or “not myself”), I’m successful. No matter what, I never want to apologize for who I am, what I’ve learned, how I’ve learned and what I believe in. Because when I’m truly content with myself, I won’t be saying sorry about it.

Yesterday, I went out for a late night happy hour with one of my greatest girlfriends. We sat down in a booth, ordered up our California red wine, some pommes frites and got to talking. Happy Hour, might I mention, will be your favorite activity come real world. At happy hour, you discuss life’s difficult moments, relationships and friendships–all to the deepest degree.

Lately, I’ve been noticing something about these happy hours. I jump on them with all of my friends. New friends, old friends, friends from college, friends from high school, friends from work…and I realized something. My friend groups are slowly growing apart. Like a cell, they are pulling themselves away from each other and bouncing into two different worlds where they are altogether different.

In one group, are my college girlfriends. They were the lovely ladies I chose to spend the heftiest chunk of my four years in college with. They share drunken escapades with me, long stories of nights in the library, silly adventures sprouted from hunger, ambition and craved adventure.

In another group, are my newest friends. They are the lovely ladies I have chosen to spend my post-college life with. They share more recent drunken escapes with me, long afternoons in our favorite coffee shop full of recapping old college stories and new ones alike, silly adventures sprouted from a sense of eager ambition, craved adventure and a blank and exciting future.

They are pretty much the same relationships right? So you mean nothing really EVER changes? You guessed it, that’s totally not true. These new post grad friendships and the ones I held so dearly in college have evolved. My college girlfriends have all found men they plan on marrying. They talk about the cuts of wedding rings and their jobs in the office. They are busy and crazy successful, I’m proud of every single one of them. But since my life has changed, my college friendships have carefully drifted up up and away. I’m envisioning the scene in Titanic after the last bit of the ship went under water and Jack and Rose drifted apart in the ocean. They came back together of course, but lost each other for a fiercely cold moment in time.

I’m a flight attendant now. My week by week schedule changes as quickly as a young boy in puberty. I never know what I’m going to be doing day to day or where I’ll be. I’m single and comfortable with it. I have no idea what color my bridesmaid dresses are going to be, I’m not building a home with my boyfriend and, even though I totally know what cut my wedding ring is going to be, I don’t have anyone to share it with (quite yet). These differences have pulled me away from my college girlfriends but have brought me increasingly closer to a new group of girls I’ve found to love.

My post-grad girlfriends are all single, I met them through my new job and we have so much in common it almost freaks me out. We laugh in the name of marriage, love to go out and have fun. Finding this new group of ladies has fulfilled me with personal hope–that there are people out there (my age) that are still like me rooting for a single life out in the town, a hopeful future and lots of crazy stories and juicy laughs.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my college girlfriends. I will always love them with all my heart. But sometimes, I have to accept that my future may be going a different direction than theirs (even if it’s at a slower rate). And that’s OK. Because there are girls out there who share the same beliefs and stories as I do at this very moment. There are woman out there who want to live life and view the world the way I do.

College made life so easy. Seriously. I was effortlessly plopped onto a large mass of land with tons of people my age who had the same goals (AKA make it to class and survive finals week sober). Then, college provided all of us with a giant room to eat (cafeteria), a giant room to nurse a hangover and take naps on tables (library) and a giant neighborhood to spend our weekends guzzling weird combinations of booze and Juicy Juice (off campus housing).

College was a large Biodome for easy mistakes, debauchery, learning and living. And now that I’ve been out of college for a while, a few things have become irresistibly harder to accomplish without this grand ol’ biodome of easy living. I’ve dealt with the following combo platter of difficulties in the real world, and in every situation I contemplated ripping my hair out. They get harder to cope with, people! And I’m going to make up this silly excuse that it’s because I’m growing up.

Here are a few things I’m having a tough time dealing with nowadays:

1. Hangovers

ARE SO HARD. My body is no longer programmed to handle them by hitting the gym and sweating out vodka collins on the tread. Instead, I plop down on the couch and with every pulse, feel the rotting of death inside of me. It’s that bad. In college, a simple Vitamin Water would ease the pain. Now, I have to go through a series of healing tactics (googling pictures of hot men, chugging coconut water, calling my mom and crying, eating tons of pizza, taking walks and constantly complaining).

2. Naps

NEVER WORK. In my head, they sound amazing — especially those first five minutes at work. I sit and imagine lying on one of those blue mats they have in preschools and get queasy thinking about sleep. But if I actually try to close my eyes, my mind is a battle field of thoughts and worries. No sleep for the weary. To top it off, when I wake up from a 30-minute snoozer, I feel like DEATH. Maybe my REM sleep has gotten more intense, mystery behold. Whatever it is, it’s painful.

3. ‘No Strings Attached’ Relationships

CAN’T EXIST. Probably because they don’t begin at a college dive bar and end on a futon. If you try to have one, it ends up feeling desperate and ridiculous. When someone tells me where I can go to snatch up a casual bedtime relationship aside from CraigsList (with a risk of not getting murdered), please hit me up!

4. Natural Oil Hair Treatments

AKA NEVER SHOWERING. Try going to work with greasy hair and a bitter scalp scent. It’s not going to work. And you’re not going to work either once you get fired. In college, I went days without showering. Gross? No, natural.

5. Finding My Inner Self on Google

IS NO LONGER THERAPEUTIC. I remember the days when I used to spend hours on google…image searching hot men, searching myself, getting dirt/hair styling information from celebrities. Now, I just get stressed out by all of the things I should be doing instead. Ugh, real world problems.

6. Vodka Shots

CAN’T BE DONE. I have no idea how I used to cheers my girlfriends and tip back anything that remotely tasted like nail polish remover. Now, I see a bottle of vodka and get that feeling in my chest. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you need to go live with no regrets. Or have a lot of them and just accept it.

Either way, I’m proud of my college days–and won’t forget all of those moments when I could handle vodka, spontaneous hook-ups, long pointless hours on the internet, being dirty, in depth naps and Thirsty Thursdays. Keep it hush, hush — but it all still leaks into the post grad years. Things just get a little more difficult to endure.

The other day, my friend and I were driving to Hudson (Wisco) on a Sunday afternoon to buy some wine.  Yes, that calculation all together means we physically left the state we were in (Minnesota) and cruised controlled our way to Wisconsin so we could legally buy booze. On a Sunday.

Girls gotta do what a girls’ gotta do, okat? Even if that means taking a flashback ride to the high school days – when you would beg someone older to drive the healthy hour into a state where no one else had anything better to do than drink on God’s day o’ rest. Cheers.

Basically, while she sped east and I sat and ate my Uncrustable for breakfast in the passenger seat, we had a chance to get down to talking. And of course, that conversation was about boyz. I immediately assumed it was kosher that we were being desperate about booze and discussing the one thing we couldn’t ever seem to figure out. My roommate and I can relate, we’ve both been single for a while, we both like to go out and have fun and we both like to dish about it. Naturally, our conversation led to something a little sacred in the dating world. Sexay time.

It has been (let’s just say a while) since we’d been “intimate” (for lack of floozy words) with anyone. So we began comparing time frames.

“It’s been a year.”

“It’s been nearly two years.”

And then we looked at each other with the type of fear people save in the back files of their emotions and feelings for jail, court, car crashes, in-laws, and moldy bread combined.  It made a little sense; I had graduated from college a year ago and she, two years.  The time frame of our intimate encounters with men coincided brilliantly with our behavioral habits in school. Is this coincidence?  Or does this mean something more? While I was thinking this, my roommate laid it out into the thin, winter car air-

“Do we stop being so promiscuous during a small portion of our twenties?”

At first, this threw me for a total loop de loop. WHAT? We stop getting busy during the peak of our beautiful lives? We look great, our boobs are purky-purkerton, our skin is taught and soft, we have a thriving drive to reenact scenes in Ashton Kutcher romantic comedies. Sexually, twenty somethings are there. They are well aware of what they want and they will go out and get it. Look at the McDonald’s drive thru on a Saturday night. But are they really…there? Is there a small portion of confidence that isn’t in the stats of a twenty something? Is there a blockade that brims through their lives during a certain age that makes them balk from the possibility of misfortune?

What I’m saying is, I do think there is a small portion of one’s twenties where sexy time with men isn’t as appealing as it had been in say…college (right out of high school). We become more self-aware, we are presented with consequences, we foresee our future, our ‘wants’ blend with our ‘needs’ more efficiently. And sex is not the means we want to take to get there.

This all may seem far-fetched.  I know a ripe batch of twenty somethings having a lot of sexy encounters with men (especially the ones in relationships).  But certain things constitute the loss of action. Ask any single twenty something besides Chelsea Handler or Tucker Max  how often are you doing the dirty? and I bet a ton of them will say, “Not that often, compared to the time after high school when I wanted to explore the mountains of havoc in bed.” Trust me, I’ve seen this among many.

But why? Why aren’t people doing it at a fresh, young age? I won’t begin to compare twenty somethings to an un-ripe fruit, but I really want to. Twenty somethings are in the process of softening up. Unlike thirty somethings (and all the hot chicks in Sex and the City) twenty somethings face so many consequences and they’re not confident enough to sacrifice their undefined selves to make them. Lots of things happen during this time – we switch around jobs, boyfriends, diets…having constant bed favors throws us off. We can’t get pregnant at twenty-three, we need to find a steady job first. We can’t get married at twenty-three, we need to find ourselves first. Twenty somethings don’t hold the capacity of confidence needed to sleep around – without feeling crushed or used and confused. I’m not saying thirty somethings are sluts and dry hump everything that moves (including trees). But thirty somethings have different consequences. Getting pregnant wouldn’t be a complete doozie, nonetheless getting married. They’ve effectively defined themselves – therefore making self confidence and sleeping with people, less of an issue. They are a soft, prepared fruit. [Sorry...]

So…let’s hear what YOU think.  Is there a small portion during an individual’s twenties when they stop doing the dirty?  Now, seriously, I’m ruling out all ya’ll who are in a healthy and stable relationship.  So, let’s be honest this lovely Wednesday. If you agree with me, what’s the reason for stopping the sexy time?  If you think I’m totally off kilter, what’s your reasoning there? As a single girl out of that realm of hope between the sheets, I’m dying to know.

I have sad news. If you get a great job after you graduate college, you’re still going to be poor. Ok, cue the sad trombone noise. I can’t believe I’m being this depressing on hump day!

But, I’m being serious and honest. Even if you get a entry level job out of college, money is low, low, low, low (and you won’t be buying boots wit dah fur, if you catch my drift). A few months after graduation, I got a fabulous job — the one I had dreamed about all throughout college. And it was the real thing! I had a salary, benefits, Monday-Friday gig and a huge smile plastered on my face. My paychecks were strong and lovely and I could officially afford my own apartment.

Get ready for another sad trombone noise.

Unfortunately, making enough money to make a small living after college was an incognito reality check for me. After spending my life living on an hourly wage or no wage at all, making that much money made me greedy and unrealistic. I started spending my paychecks freely. I shopped a lot (and not in the clearance rack) and when I started having to pay loans, I hardly had any money at all. I’d cringe whenever I filled up my gas tank, curse when I signed my rent check and had a bad mood if I ever had to pay extra for utilities on my apartment.

Basically, if you get that big girl job after college and start making real money, you don’t have any money at all. In fact, I should have had the mindset that I was more poor than before. Because I finally had the means to pay off the four years I spent sleeping and taking pop quizzes.

With all of the spending I was doing, while paying loans, while paying rent, while paying for my cell phone/groceries — saving money wasn’t even an option. At least it didn’t seem like it was. I could never catch up. I could never have more money in my bank account than I had the month before. Nothing was working. I couldn’t even swear off the mall and save some dough. Having money seemed impossible! What is this real world business? I can’t even go to Pottery Barn and buy fun stainless steel utensils for my kitchen!

Stop the sad trombone noises and see the glimmer of hope. I have some advice. As a warning though, you may need to swallow some pride. Because not having any money is a huge ego check and a sign you need to make some sacrifices to save the ching ching.

My first bit of advice? Move home for a year. YES, it seems embarrassing and awful. It seems like you would never have a social life again. But you will. And I’ve heard from many different people that not moving home at a young age was the worst decision of their life. Their life! Think about it. After college, all you need to do is catch up with your bills and how is one suppose to do that when they are writing a $700 rent check every month? Besides, it’s better to move home now than in your 30′s when you’re hundreds of dollars deep in credit card bills? Just sayin’.

My second bit of advice? Put aside envelopes for saving money. Label the envelopes: Coach purse, Spring Break, Car Insurance. Every paycheck, take out some cash and put $10 into each envelope. Then, instead of spending freely, you will know the means of money that are available to you for each perk. Credit card payments, no more!

Finally, live within your means and be realistic. The first three years of our careers are the hardest ever for money. Just because we have real jobs, doesn’t mean we can live like we’ve had real jobs for ten years. It’s all part of growing up.

I was posted up in my cozy bed, leisurely reading a politically focused novel, my pillows stacked high behind my neck, while drinking chamomile tea with extra honey and a mini-spoon. And, as you can imagine, it was effing amazing. The next morning, I woke up naturally before my alarm (my favorite and most annoying thing ever). Then, I sipped coffee and read the headlines in the first page of the newspaper.

Amidst all of this old lady talk, I got to thinking…and not just about how simple my life has become. Actually, I’ve been so busy talking about how stressful and crazy my life has become since graduating from college all of this time, I haven’t even stopped to think about the serene course my life has taken as well.

I will compare my life from then until now with one word: extreme. EVERYTHING was extreme while I was in college.

Waking up was extreme: What, it’s 9:00 A.M. on a Tuesday and I have to OPEN MY EYES?

Eating was extreme: Hello, five meals a day, cafeteria binges and Sunday night hangover Dominos pizza orders.

Sleeping was extreme: Kosher nap at least twice a day?

Dating was extreme: AKA, pretty much non-exsistant

Drinking was extreme: Shots, mixing awkward and non-tolerable alcohols, boozing until 6 a.m…techno dance parties. The list goes on.

Social events/social scene…def extreme: If my eyes are open and I’m not doing something with my friends, does that mean I’m even alive??

That was college for me. Maybe it wasn’t for y’all, but I was in rare form 24/7. Everything was a big deal. When I was sleeping, I was SLEEPING. When I was drinking, I was DRINKING. I’m not saying I was passionate about all of these things, I’m just saying . . .I had a one track mind focus mechanism taking on my brain. But as you know, and as I expected, things have taken a dramatic turn to the not-so-dramatic. The extremities of college life have been turned waaaay down. The sea is a little calmer on the other side and life suddenly doesn’t feel so. . .personally dramatic anymore. Let me compare.

Waking up, eating, sleeping, dating, drinking, social events…they are all calm and normal. No longer do I feel the need to open my eyes and balk at the day in a selfish, dramatic college tantrum. No longer do I feel the need to dramatically pass out in the library because I got eight hours of sleep the night before instead of 10. No longer do I feel the need to go on one date per year and talk about it until it happens again. No longer do I feel the need to drink until I see only colors.

I’m not saying life gets insanely boring out of college, I’m just saying it gets practical. I think this new-found calmness is because the real world is less of a stage show. All throughout high school and college we’ve been dealing with proving ourselves education- and reputation-wise. Although we are still post-graduation, I think satisfaction becomes more personal. Less people are looking and more are cheering you on. Isn’t that a wonderful thing!? I think it is.

But sh*t, so are naps. I won’t rule that dramatic sleep tactic out anytime soon.

To me, saying I’m insecure sounds a little harsh. It sounds a little wobbly and flaky. It sounds dishonest and awkward. Sometimes, it seems like I’m a little too big for it, kind of like Alice in Wonderland after she ate that piece of crack bread and grew her arms out of a cottage. But I’m willing to believe actually admitting an insecurity of any sort is the first step to fixing it. And I’m very willing to believe that I’m not the only one out there feeling a little bit…emotional and unsure.

Of course there are a lot of things I’m positive and confident about. In relationships, the future, my friends, where my life is going…I am confident and positive that I love to write. I am confident and positive that I am treating my body like a temple (aside from the occasional Sunday morning after a night out at the bars). I am confident and positive that the Lady Gaga’s song called ‘Hair’ makes me feel THIS close to climbing a mountain wearing an 80′s outfit.  I am confident and positive that I deeply love my family, friends, horses, Jesus and Minnesota. I am confident.

But sh*t, I’m insecure too. I never know what I want with relationships. Do I want to make out with this guy at the bar, sleep over at his house and wake up like Sex in the City Samantha and walk out feeling like a million dollars? Do I follow a strict pattern of going on countless dates, letting the guy buy the first meal, wait for a second date, begin intensely dating and wake up for an early special and do it every morning to Maroon 5? Do I have a type? Am I not good enough for him/anyone just because one guy didn’t call me back?

I’m insecure about friendships. It’s hard to keep track of everybody after college — and I’m always worried I’m going to lose my friends just because I can’t communicate with them on a daily basis anymore. Even though I know deep down inside that probably won’t happen — I always catch myself checking up on a friend just to make sure they don’t forget about me/fall of planet earth/move to Africa.

I’m insecure about the future. Will I make enough money to live a comfortable life? Above all–will I look back when I’m 80 and feel fulfilled up to the very brim of my life coffee pot. Hot and steamy, with the giant satisfaction that I lived an energetic and rich life? What if I chose A instead of B? Does that make me any less of an ideal me?

In the thick of it, my insecurities ride from trying to define myself, in a way that I think is beautiful and perfect. I’m always striving to define myself one certain way. And it’s making me insecure. I can’t quite decide where I want to go with…everything. I’m always asking myself:

“Am I OK with this?”

I recently heard something the other day that flickered a little light on the subject of insecurities. Since they sprout from properly defining yourself in retrospect to others, I think it would help to understand something; what beauty means to you. Understand that a beautiful person is a sincere person. In the form of sincerity, it is important for everyone to be themselves in all its realness. Whatever it means to be you, be it! If you’re funny and shy, be funny and shy in all of its honesty. If you are clumsy and emotional and mysterious, be all of that and don’t look back.

Insecurities are things we don’t know about ourselves, to a point where we may not understand where we are going with personal defining. But when we know who we are, and are sincere about who we are, everything will seem more clear. I’m not insecure about that.