“Good girls always end up single because we don’t give it up.”

A tweet similar to this popped up on my Twitter timeline, and my first reaction was merely to roll my eyes and keep scrolling. But hours later, it continued to haunt me. This attitude that you have to be sexually available in order to get a boyfriend isn’t exactly new. I remember in middle school, the girls who always had a steady stream of boyfriends were always surrounded by the rumors that it’s because they gave blow jobs. Even now, I have friends who constantly attract male attention, and other women speculate that it’s because they’re easier to have sex with, and guys can pick up on this.

I understand how this idea comes to fruition. I don’t agree with it (slut shaming, general hatefulness, and completely ignoring the role men play in gender dynamics are three of my least favorite things), but I get it. Our society’s relationship and conceptualization of female sexuality is weird, at best. We expect women to be pretty, sexually desirable, and comfortable with engaging with sexual activity, but not “excessively” so. There’s also a strand of competitiveness that tends to creep into women’s interactions with other women, and so naturally, if we feel like we’re “losing”, we’re going to be inclined to bash our competition, which doesn’t really do anything for us. Because I mean, while we’re sitting here seething and hating on the girls who may or may not be dirty, slutty whores, they’re still out there, meeting and entrancing guys, while the good girls hang out on the sidelines.

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The word “diva” doesn’t have the best connotation. It’s often used as an elegant, tactful, refined alternative to “bitch.” Divas are lambasted for their nasty attitudes, their ridiculous demands, their lack of humility, their inability to play well with others…but I take another perspective on divas. A true diva is a woman who is talented and is determined to be successful, and if someone gets in the way of that, their wrath knows no bounds. Divas also possess a set of traits that I think every woman should have in her arsenal. In honor of Whitney Houston’s birthday, I would like to offer some advice on being the best diva you can be.

1. Find your talent and own it. 
Everyone has a talent. Whether it’s singing, dancing, writing, being a leader, giving great advice, etc. Everyone has at least one thing that they excel at. Once you find it, hone it. Dedicate a significant amount of your time to improving it. Take pride in it. Make it a part of your identity.

2. Don’t be afraid to get a little cocky.
Arrogance is generally not lauded in our society, but sometimes mere confidence is not enough. Whether you’re interviewing for a job, or making the best impression you can to your professors, the ability to effectively sell yourself relies on having (or at least projecting) high self esteem. That doesn’t mean you need to make every interaction with someone all about how fabulous you are, but when the opportunity arises, don’t be afraid to toot your own horn. Read More »

Starting tonight, Teen Nick is airing 90s nostalgia at midnight. Hello childhood. At first I was struggling to come up with reasons why staying up until 4am was justified but then I realized I could write this off as an educational experience. Not only did my favorite shows teach me valuable lessons as a youngin’, but these shows clearly just keep on giving to a 21 year old, too. Read More »

My Dear, Dear CollegeCandy Readers,

I graduated college with a degree in Secondary Education. Yes, at some point (probably after 12 games of beer pong) I thought it would be a good idea to spend my life with high school brats. You can imagine why that didn’t pan out for me…. After doin’ the whole graduation thang (for which I was horribly hungover and still wearing my outfit from the night before), I did what any lost/confused/depressed 22-year-old girl would do: I packed up all my stuff and moved to New York City to pursue my dream of writing.

My parents didn’t support it and, unlike the rest of my friends, refused to support me. But I didn’t let that stop me. I knew I would forever regret it if I didn’t at least try. The whole thing was crazy; I was moving to the most expensive city on earth with no job, no plan and no money. But the fear of failing (and having to prove my parents right) fueled me, and a mere 2 months later, I’d landed a job.

And not just any job. An amazing job.
I was hired right here at CollegeCandy.

For the past three years I’ve spent my days working with the most phenomenal college writers, producing the most phenomenal college content. My job requires me to read gossip blogs, to watch horrible reality TV and to share graphic details of my cursed dating life. It’s insane that someone has been paying me to have so much fun, especially when the rest of my friends work tirelessly for ungrateful bosses doing mind-numbing work.

But now it’s time for me to move on; to take the skills I’ve acquired and try something totally new and different. To put my passions into a new company in a new position. And so today is my last day as the Editor in Chief of CollegeCandy.

I am incredibly grateful for the time I’ve spent here (despite the many commenters calling me a whore, a slut, an insensitive a-hole, and a whole lot of other things I’d rather not list), not only because every day was an exciting new adventure, but for the many life-altering lessons I’ve learned. So taking a cue from Oprah, I’m going to use my last post to impart some great wisdom on you all. Below, the 4 biggest lessons I’ve learned at CollegeCandy:

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Before I got my first real job, I had really low expectations. Thanks to “The Office,” a job meant a cubicle, water cooler conversation, and the occasional casual Friday. And unfortunately for me, the stereotype matched reality. I began my work-study job  on campus at the beginning of the year, eager to make some extra cash. While having the extra money is great, the actual job isn’t so fun.

But that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been valuable. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned from my menial job that will help me out when I apply for my first real job:

Always look busy

If you have a boss who’s too preoccupied to notice what you’re doing at all times of the day, don’t look at it as a “get-out-of-jail-free” card. When things slow down, they will notice that your TMZ webpage is always open and that you’re texting at 85wpm. Even when you think there’s no one watching, put a little show on. There are eyes everywhere. Not to mention, the sounds of constant texting can drive a cubicle-mate crazy!

Take advantage of the freebies.

When I organize my office’s supply closet three times a week, I always notice the extra file folders, bags of paperclips and water bottles that don’t have a home. With permission, see what you can take home. We’re broke college students and we all know that every little bit helps.

Make new friends

From 9 to 5, your coworkers will be your only friends/enemies/frenemies in sight. Everyone doesn’t have a sparkling personality, so beware of the grouchy guys and girls in the office. But as my mom always says, you must give respect to get it. Organize a get together after work one day to bond — you’ll have new people to share your pain with at work. And trust me, there’s no better way to make new friends than go to a happy hour with cheap beer and great wings. While you may never hang out with your work friends on the weekend, it will make your life SO much easier if you have someone to talk to during the day.

Maintain your poker face

Yes, you’re bored out of your mind. But saving face and pasting a smile on will keep you from being pegged as “unenthusiastic.” There are many things in life that will leave us unhappy. Use all the downtime you have to practice looking like a cheerful worker…and maybe you’ll actually end up feeling like one in the end.

Skills, skills, skills

Sure, filing papers and getting coffee doesn’t equate to working in someone’s fashion closet or movie set. But there are many skills that you can take away from the most snooze-worthy jobs. Those phone calls you make to your company’s foreign associates and the parties you help throw could lead to a great human resources or clerical job after graduation. No matter what career path you take after graduation, you’re going to have to start at the bottom. Filing papers and knowing how to make lunch reservations is a universal skill. It’s pretty likely that your new job will have the word “assistant” after it, so knowing how to be an assistant, AKA knowing how to do all the mundane tasks that no one wants to do, will be invaluable on your resume.

So just like with the very first column I wrote for Surviving Senior Year, it’s taken me a while to figure out what exactly I want to write for this one. My very last one.  Actually I should say it’s “taking me a while” because I really have no idea where this one is going. So bear with me one last time.

When I started this column back in September I was just starting senior year.  I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of having just two semesters left of college, and now, two months away from the end of college, I’m just as excited and just as terrified. That much hasn’t changed. But a lot has changed.

I started this year with more responsibility and less time than I’ve ever had. And lots and lots of things that I wanted to accomplish, things I felt I needed to accomplish. Take the GRE. Write a senior thesis. Keep up my GPA. Remain involved in all of my extracurriculars. And on top of that I really wanted to make sure that I didn’t lose sight of my social life. I was determined to keep all aspects of my life in perfect balance. I was determined to figure it all out. I was determined to find answers, to figure out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to do it. But even though I accomplished pretty much all of my goals, I’m still no closer to knowing what’s going to come next.

I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now. I don’t know what path my career will take. I don’t know if and when I’ll go to grad school. I don’t know if I’ll become a writer or a wizard. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the perfect guy or the perfect pair of pumps. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to go to Greece…or if the closet I’ll get to that ancient city is watching Mamma Mia. Because senior year hasn’t given me the answers to my future. I don’t know any more about that than I did when I started. But I do know a few other things.

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Just last February, I was planning my 21^st birthday party. Now, I’m facing 22 (or as I like to call it 21+1) straight on. Even though the last twelve months have gone by, it feels like just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas. For my 21st. Because just yesterday I was indulging in jello shots and margaritas.

Looking back, though, much has happened in the past year. It seems I’ve learned a lot while Ke$ha put a dollar sign in her name and started brushing her teeth with a “bottle of Jack,” John Mayer proclaimed that he is on the search for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas,” and the Jersey Shore became a national phenomenon.

So here (in no particular order) is what I know for certain after turning 21. Perhaps you youngsters can take a few things from this:

1. Friendships should make you happy — not pissed off : Friends should be so much more than people you dance on tables with and dish about the weekend to. They should be there for you, and you should be there for them. They also should not steal your alcohol on your 21^st birthday and make out with the fraternity guy, all while puking as your boyfriend helps take care of them.

2. Raincoats are amazing: They are often understated and overwhelmingly overlooked when it comes to fashion. But even if they aren’t fashionable, really, you can’t complain when that slicker keeps your from frizzing. Without a rain jacket I wouldn’t have made it through the summer in London. And I think it actually kept me going to class this past semester. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? It doesn’t matter if you have a basic from Lands End or a super sexy trench from Dillards, just get one!

3. Go to the gym: Surprisingly enough, it is worth your time. Who knew? I sure didn’t, until I started going religiously with my boyfriend back in September. If you actually go to the gym and do more than hang out on the treadmill and elliptical for thirty minutes, you can see results. Plus, it teaches you patience on so many different levels.

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"Dear Freshman Me. Let me start by saying, damn girl, you look good! That being said, avoid the soft serve. For real."

Dear Freshman Self,

Live.  Wildly, recklessly, and with as much passion as you can muster. Make out with your RA during welcome week.  Accept one last drink from the cute guy working the keg.  Stay out after the bars close.  Make friends with the cab driver.  Lie in the middle of the street laughing with your best girls.  Watch The Notebook at 3 a.m when you’re all drunk and have a good cry over failed relationship attempts.  Curse the cute guys for being gay.  Get up on the damn stage and sing some freakin’ karaoke already.

Notice the true moments.  Wake up in the middle of the night for the first snow of the season and watch the city turn white with your roommates.  (During this, you might even want to put on John Mayer’s underrated, though classic, “St. Patrick’s Day” and sway arm in arm while singing along.)  Find “your” desk in the library.  Watch Grey’s Anatomy every week because you never know when a good thing can turn bad (hint: third season).  Sit on top of the washing machines and have life chats with that random girl from upstairs.  She’ll end up being one of your best friends.

Be careful.  Don’t use that fake ID you found.  You don’t look 28 and you’re certainly not a Pacific Islander.  Observe Cinco de Mayo, but be cautious of the tequila…that one doesn’t end well for you.  No private planes, no matter what.  Study.  All the men you’ll ever date will have the same name – run now from the first one in a curious line of many.  Get mad, but don’t stay mad.  Shopping isn’t always the answer.

Let yourself off the hook.  So you sleep through your first exam of college.  So you crush on a gay guy for an entire semester. So you have a blowout with your roommates.  So you eventually do sing on karaoke night and it’s a train wreck.  So you throw up Chipotle and Jose Cuervo on the basket of shoes under your bed.  So you spend all your money.  So you get a D+ in Italian. So you got on that plane.  So you dated him.

Go to class.  Call your mother.  You’ll be fine.

XoXo

Your Senior Self

What would your letter to your freshman self say? Share it below!

Life lesson #43298: What you think you should do is sometimes completely different than what you want to do – If only I could jump back to last summer to tell myself!

For what seems like forever, I have told everyone from friends, random people at parties, teachers, and family members that upon graduating undergrad, I would head off to graduate school to a M.A. or Ph.D. program in English literature. In fact, during my first year of college while my classmates were mostly concerned with figuring out their major requirements, I obsessed over taking the right classes designed for graduate school track students, finding the right internships, and doing everything the right way towards getting to graduate school – ruling everything out that did not fit in the perfect English grad school box I put myself in.

As you can imagine, it’s a rather rude awakening when everything doesn’t fall into place like you planned for it to.  Looking back, the moment I realized that my plans were not something I really 100% wanted to do anymore was during a conference meeting with my thesis advisor. She asked me why I wanted to attend graduate school. I was silent. I had no answer. I sputtered off some generic – the “I’d like to advance my studies in literature” excuse. But it felt so fake, so fabricated, and hearing myself say it bothered me. I didn’t like the way it rolled off the tip of my tongue. I didn’t like the way it made me feel about where I wanted to go in my future.

There is a huge problem when you don’t really have an answer as to why you are doing something major like applying to graduate programs, and this started the downward spiral of my graduate school plans. Another red flag was my honors thesis project. Like many seniors, I was completing a sixty-page thesis project (I was working in the area of girls’ fiction in children’s literature). I picked the topic myself, but not even a month or two into the project, I hated it. I wanted nothing to do with what I was writing and saying and researching. There I was working on something very similar to what I would be doing in graduate school, completely unhappy. Not good, right? Read More »