Yes, my friends, it’s finally time for Project Runway Season 7 to start!

While Project Runway’s first season on Lifetime was a bit of a bust, big changes were made to bring season 7 back to its former Bravo glory. The competition has left sunny L.A. and returned to its home at Parson’s in New York. And, thank god, Nina and Michael will return as permanent fixtures on the judging panel, as opposed to their less than consistent visits last season.

Having the team back together in addition to some pretty stiff competitors means that this season of Project Runway might just be as fierce as season 5, which produced none other than everyone’s favorite petite-designer (and hot tranny mess), Christian Siriano.

So, yes, I am more than excited to get this season started. I’ve got my fresh-baked brownies in my lap and my best friend by my side. As the beautiful Heidi Klum would say, let’s start the show!

10 PM: Yay! Welcome back to NYC. Janeane is already putting me to sleep. Snoozefest.

10:01: Wait, we’re one minute in and Janeane already started crying??

10:02: I think I’m in love with Anthony. “I don’t really care for Miss America.” This fag-hag is one happy camper.

10:03: OMG Jesse’s fulltime job is playing Pirate Jack Sparrow? I need him in my life. Apparently Jonathan does, too; they were totes flirting it up.

10:05: Totally misread Amy. She’s def not the bitch; she’s got some serious talent!

10:06: Why does Heidi look hotter and skinner than me when she’s PREGNANT? Girlfriend looks gooood in leopard.

10:07: Janeane – seriously, girl – I know it’s your first time in NY, but can you just try and act a little less small-town-girl-in-a-big-city? It’s not becoming.

10:09: FIRST CHALLENGE!! Designers have to race, elbow and fight for fabric to design whatever defines them as stylists. There’s nothing like watching drama queens fight for prints. At least they didn’t make them run a couple hundred yards like Season 4 when big Chris got stuck with the ugly stuff cuz he couldn’t move fast enough.

10:16: Hellloooo, HP product placement! Although, those computers are pretty sweet. I guess it’s better than the Macy’s accessory wall, the Garnier hair salon and Loreal makup room.

10:17: Why must the models always look like they haven’t eaten a carb since the 20th century?

10:20: Is Ping making a Snuggie with a matching swim cap?

10:21: Shocking, Janeane is making a boring, little black dress. And Tim doesn’t like it. And she’s crying again.

10:23: Did Tim choose his tie to match the workroom walls? Not that I’m surprised; that Tim is always thinking about the deets.

10:24: Jeaneane Cry Count: 4 times. 24 minutes (and that’s including a commercial break). Get it together, girl!

10:30: Jesus has cursed himself with confidence. Whenever designers say they are gonna be in the top three, they end up getting skewered by Michael Kors witticisms. Way to go, Jesus!

10:32: “Designers! 5 minuuuuutes.” How does Tim have that voice? I just don’t understand it. I can’t look at him and not think about Santino and Andre. “Andreeee, why do you have to embarrass me in front of my co-workers at the Red Lobsterrrr?”

10:36: Is it just me, or did that Chef Boyardee commercial look sorta good? God, I feel stoned right now.

10:38: Nicole Richie is a judge! Damn, she looks so much better with dark hair.

10:40: Why is everything ugly? Jay’s dress looks like the girl needs to do a little trimming downtown, Ping’s dress was….er…what the hell was that? Mila’s dress just walked out of Ann Taylor. At least Amy and Anthony can design. Their stuff was the only stuff that stood out.

10:44: I’m LOVING Anthony’s dress. Why are the designers being so mean? And why does it look like Nicole Richie hasn’t slept in weeks? Clearly something’s wrong with her since she loves that plaid, “punk rock” mess by Seth Aaron. It looks like it belongs at Hot Topic.

10:45: WTF is Ping saying? And why do all the designers like it? What? Nicole Richie claims she’d wear that? NICOLE RICHIE WOULD NOT WEAR THAT THING! What the hell is going on here?

10:50: Seriously, are these judges on drugs? How on earth does anyone think that Ping’s harem-panted-snuggie was one of the best designs of the night? What about Amy’s design? Hell, even Janeane created something more appealing than that mess. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.

10:56: Wait, really? Emilio won? And Christiane lost?! Seriously, what is happening here? Do I suddenly have terrible taste in fashion, or are you confused too?

Project Runway Season 7 kicks off tonight!

Along with our usual faves – Heidi, Tim, Michael and Nina – we’re getting a whole new batch of designers to cut, stitch and bitch their way to the top. But while the 16 designers are all fresh faces, I know that many of them will fill the typical roles of contestants in season’s past. (Except Christian – there will never be another Christian.) From the fabulously fierce gay guy, to the token wet blanket, the types of designers to grace the (Project) runway are alway the same.

So who’s who in season 7? I don’t know much about these fashionistas, but I do like judging people based on how they look so I decided to check out the latest batch of designers and try to figure them out based on their pictures and pictures alone.

The Bitch

Amy Sarabi

Maybe it’s that “I just ate a sour pickle” face she’s sporting, or the hand-on-hip-sideways-bitch-stance, but this girl has Workroom Bitch written all over her.

The Fabulous Gay Guy

Ben Chmura

Sure, the quasi-military haircut is throwing off my Gaydar a bit, but there’s just something fierce about a man in a sleeveless, vibrant, red, and collared tank. I’m loving this guy already.

The Weirdo

Mila Hermanovski

She may not be weird herself, but something about that severe haircut, the red lips and the way she’s penetrating deep into my soul with those dark set eyes that just makes me see some strange, avante garde designs in her future.

The Token Straight Guy

Seth Aaron Henderson

Would any gay man take a picture for Project Runway with hair looking that greasy? We think not. This guy is straight and he’s going to make sure everyone knows it. In every interview. As long as he may last.

The Overly Dramatic Cryer

Jesus Estrada

Did the cameraman already catch Jesus mid-meltdown? He looks about a nano-second away from the waterworks, and I have a feeling we’ll catch this little man leaving his trail of tears up and down the runway.

“Who Let This Guy On?”

Ben Chmura

Honestly, who gets on a high-end fashion reality TV show wearing a sleeveless polo? I doubt Ralph Lauren would even rock this look.

The Most Entertaining

Anthony Williams

One look at this man and I am convinced he is a barrel of LOLs.  Look at that smile, those creased brows; it looks like he is laughing at his own joke.  And it’s probably really funny.

The Boring One

Janeane Marie Ceccanti

Sigh. Even her name is boring. She’s probably a very good designer, but I have a feeling we won’t be seeing much of her generic face on the camera this season.

The First One Auf’d

Pamela Ptak

I dunno what it is about Pamela, but she just looks too suburban-yoga-mom-next-door to make it very far in this competition. Enjoy her now, because she’s gonna be out tomorrow.

The Winner

Maya Luz

Besides looking edgy and hip, Maya totally has that designer name I can see sewn into the back of some killer couture dresses. First celebrity client: Cristina Ricci. Mostly because they look like twins.

We’ll be live-blogging the season premier tonight at 10 PM EST. Grab a snack, watch with us and see if you can indeed judge a fashion designer by their reality TV headshot.

The Final 4. Plus two dudes who are lucky to be there.

That’s it. I am d-u-n-z-o with Project Runway. DUNZO! I love me some Heidi Klum and I think Althea is fantastic, but I refuse to support a show that I just can’t connect to anymore. If you haven’t watched this week’s episode (and you still care what is happening in this snoozefest they call Season Six) I would stop reading now. Cuz I’m about to get angry.

Ok, it’s pretty obvious that the girls are running the show this season. The judges got rid of the only guy with talent (Ra’Mon) a long time ago and it’s pretty much been a battle of the ugly for the dudes since then. Everyone knows Althea and (Meana) Irina will be showing a final collection sometime soon.  And the third spot will most likely be goin’ to Carol Hannah (and her annoying nervous laugh).

But the guys. Oy. Let’s break it all down for ya:

Christopher:
Yeah, I really thought he was the underdog/dark horse in the beginning too. Sure, I hated his facial hair and the weird rings he sometimes wears on his index finger, but I let it go cuz I figured he was using all his creative energy on his designs. But now I know he just has no taste. At all.

Bottom line: Christopher blows. Big chunks. Hard. And we’re standing there holding his neck beard back. He’s terrible and does NOT understand women at all. Especially in last night’s challenge:

“Yes, please put a lot of extra bulk around my thighs so I can’t sit in the dress and I look like one of Cinderella’s evil step-sisters. Awesome.”

He seems to think that he keeps sneaking by because he’s “meant to be there,” but the truth is, there’s just always someone there who does a little worse than him. And he should really give those people a big, fat thank you gift. Just not a dress; that would just be rude.

Logan:
He’s hot.

Ok, so Logan isn’t very good, but he’s mighty good to look at. Even in those silver pants. And, yeah, his design last night was pretty effing awful/so bad not even Tila Tequila would wear it, but worse than Chris’s hot leafy mess?

And this is where the judges and I disagree. And I get angry. Yes, angry enough to pause the DVR, walk into my kitchen, grab a few Reese’s cups and resume watching. I mean I get it – Logan was bad. Logan has never won a challenge. Logan is bow-legged.

But LOGAN IS HOT. Why keep the guy who’s always making big, ugly ball gowny things (and don’t forget the beard!) and get rid of the one reason I’ve been watching all season?

WTF, Heidi/Nick/Nina/Other chick? WHAT. THE. EFF?

I’m really at odds with the judges this season and I just don’t know how much I can care anymore. Poor eliminations, paired with that absurd outfit Heidi was sporting last night, really has me questioning their fashion knowledge and abilities to judge at all. We need Michael Kors back. BRING HIM BACK.

Oh, and one more thing: If Christopher and his 30 yards of crap are not gone next week we’re gonna have a coup on our hands. I’m talking to you, Heidi Klum (and your pink, ruffly shirt)!

Perhaps that’s why the producers decided to bring in Bob Mackie and Christina Aguilera last night. Maybe a little sequins would liven things up a bit?

Too bad it didn’t work. I mean, absolutely nothing about this challenge worked. The designers were instructed to take some inspiration from Mr. Mackie and go all out on a stage design for Christina Aguilera. CHRISTINA FREAKING AGUILERA. A woman known for her strong voice and her awesomely choreographed shows.

Not a woman known for living in a cave and tearing meat from dead animal carcasses with her teeth, Logan.

And not a woman who is currently retired and heading to the Assisted Living Annual Ball, Jordana.

I’d like to think that in a subconscious homage to their good friend Epperson, the designers misunderstood Tim Gunn’s assignment. Maybe they were struck dumb by all of Bob Mackie’s brilliance and instead of hearing “Christina” they heard “Junior Prom in the Midwest”? All that sparkle. All that glitz. Seriously, I walked away for a minute to grab a snack during the show and missed the part where the designers got their assignment. When I came back in and saw what everyone was picking up at Mood, I thought this was a crossover event with TLC’s Toddlers in Tiaras.

It was just bad. Almost as bad as Irina’s bitchy attitude. Almost. That girl is one big biznatch. And that ice skating costume she made? Hurl.

Considering the star power on the judging panel (and the fact that Nina Garcia was finally back!), one would think the runway would be spectacular, over the top and amazing. But what did we get? Dresses. A lot of dresses. Long dresses. Dresses that would be good for the MTV VMA red carpet… or the ice-capades. Not dresses that Christina would rock on stage during her international tour. While I loved some of the designs (mainly Althea’s and Nikolas’s….even though that “man” drives me insane) I didn’t really see Christina on stage in any of them, including Carol Hannah’s winning design. Was it beautiful? Absolutely. But could Christina sing “Candyman” in that thing? No way.

At least we all agreed that Shirin’s dress was a piece of crap. If it were a little shorter, it might be able to pass as some sort of sexy French Maid get-up, but as is stands, it just looks like a clearance item at David’s Bridal. And that is not a good thing.

Honestly, the only thing worth watching on this episode was Christina. Not because I love her, but because she totally messed up a common saying and no one could correct her. Because she’s Christina. It’s “A for Effort,” woman. Giving an E for Effort isn’t going to make weepy Christopher feel better about those sequined booty shorts.

My dog was put to sleep.

I had a feeling the time was coming – my little Bichon was 15 years old – but hearing my mother tell me that my childhood pet was gone was shockingly painful. And unfortunately for me, none of the hundreds of people that I saw as I walked from the library to my apartment could hear what was happening on the other side of the call…and only saw me sobbing/wiping snot from my face with the palm of my hand.

When I finally did make it home, I was numb. People were calling to check in on me, offering to take me out. I really wanted nothing more than to sit on my couch and cry into a box of tissues, but then I realized I only had paper towel and after a few rounds of sobs into that sand paper, I realized I needed to get out of the house. I needed to distract myself and the only thing that could do that was TV. Reality TV. Project Runway.

So, I met up with a friend for martinis and some quality PRW. I knew that Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and Epperson could cheer me up, or at least keep my (now hazy, thank you martini!) mind off of things.

Yeah right. Fast forward 53 minutes to judgment time and I’m sobbing once again.

Last night’s challenge was to design a costume for a Hollywood film. (And, obviously, that weird L’Oreal Paris guy was there to pimp his makeup.) The designers had to choose from a few different film genres and create a character, a story and a look within that genre. Tim pulled names out of that little velour (of course he’d have velour!) bag of his, which decided what order designers could pick their genre.

One by one the genres were nabbed up. Last to be picked: Western. It was like the fat kid on the kickball team at recess. (Read: me.) Poor Western, no one wanted it. But it got its vindication later when both Shirin and Epperson created some kickass costumes.

Some of the designers had a really difficult time with this challenge, and rightfully so; for the first time they were being asked to be more costume-y instead of dialing things back. I can only imagine how hard it is to think of things on that level. Others were more successful. It all came down to quite an interesting and exciting runway show. Only, once again, I was left questioning my own taste in fashion as the judges made some shocking and horrifying decisions (that sent me reaching for the tissues/vodka once again).

First of all, Carol Hannah totally get robbed from a top spot this week. Her look was hot and fierce, and definitely better than that white mess of Nikolas’. In fact, Nikolas’ win was what got my tears re-started in the first place. Ok, so it was alright (minus the whole “jizz in her hair” thing), but the judges were ranting and raving about Christopher’s dress. It was gorgeous and he lost to some ice princess with frozen leaves on her shoulder?

But fine – let Nikolas have a win. Let him get all cocky and mess up somewhere down the road. I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with, and what completely and utterly shocked me to my core and did not help lighten my mood, was the decision to send Ra’Mon home.

Yes, his dress looked like an ugly swamp thing shedding her skin during mating season. Yes, he could have done a lot better with the sewing. I get it. But this is Ra’Mon! He’s the most talented designer on that show! He made one mistake and we’re going to punish him for it? We let Johnny stay around for 4 episodes before giving him the boot! And Michael Kors has been making mistakes for years and he’s still charging $800 for a dress at Neiman’s. WHAT THE HELL?

Seriously, this reminds me of the time my friends wanted to take me to a movie to cheer me up after a bad boy situation. So what did we see? Monster’s Ball. Yeah, only the loss of Ra’Mon was more depressing. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I lost my dog and my designer in a single day.

TGIF. I need a drink.

But more on that later.

First let’s discuss Tim Gunn in flip flops and Wayfarers. If that’s not the best moment in Project Runway history, I’m not sure what is. I just wanted to pinch those little cheeks. But there was no time for that, what with the surfwear team challenge!

Oooooh.
Aaaaah.

Everyone knows that team challenges are a disaster and a half, so I had a feeling this episode was going to be pretty delicious. I immediately began placing bets (with myself) as to who would work together best, who would go up in flames like a Sambucca shot, and who would just sorta coast through the challenge and get zero camera time.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that Ra’mon and Milk Dud the dud that is Mitchell would be a whole lot of hot mess. Especially after Mr. Mitch declared that he chose Ra’mon so he could “carry him.” I normally love me an adorable gay man, but this guy is just too much.

And how does he welcome his partner to the team? By criticizing Ra’mon for picking out “some pretty ugly things.” You know what, Mitchell? Ra’mon might have an eclectic taste in fabrics, but at least his clothes look good. Yours, on the other hand… well, we’ve all seen your crap coming down the runway (and the nipples exposed beneath it). And so did the judges, which is why you haven’t made it out of the bottom two yet!

Ooooh, SNAP!

Moving on to other drama, because there was other drama. Mostly involving a – SURPRISE!! – second look that each team needed to make. Somehow, all the teams pulled a second look together (some more successfully/less sluttily than others) and everyone sent something down the runway. Even Ra’Mon, who pulled his look together with only 25 minutes to go.

He did so well in fact, that he indeed carried Mitchell into the top two, along with Team Johnny/Irena. I am not sure why either team took that coveted spot (I personally think Althea and Louise totally rocked that runway), but it did make for quite an interesting discussion with the judges.

Mitchell, not the brightest fabric in the store, revealed to the Max Azria and Rachel Bilson (adorbs) that Ra’mon did most of the work even though he was the team leader. He made sure they knew he did the bathing suit – that no one saw – but told them quite boastfully that Ra’Mon did “everything else.”

Insert sound of crickets chirping.

What? You came on this SHOW and didn’t do one thing? You, Mitchell, are like that kid in the class that sits back during a group project and lets everyone else do all the work… and then you get the same A as the rest of us (because my groups always get an A). I hate people like you.

But it’s OK, because in the end everyone got what they deserved. Ra’Mon took home the trophy and, finally, Mitchell got some Heidi stiletto in his ass. Later, Mitchell. We’ll miss you.

Pause.

Not.

In honor of tonight’s Project Runway return (a full 5 hours of it!), I decided to take a trip down PR memory lane. God, I have so many great memories with my Project Runway friends. Like the time I paused the TV for 4 minutes just to see what the hell Jeffrey Sebelia’s neck tat said. Or all those times I asked Andre why he constantly had to embarrass me in front of my friends at the Red Lobster.

It’s difficult to choose my favorite moments from my long term relationship with Project Runway (how can you choose when you’ve got season after season of people like Kayne, Blayne and that weirdo lady who spit on her dress?!), but here are some of the best.

Let’s just hope season six can live up to these distant memories:

Santino Does Tim Gunn

It’s A Mother F**king Walkoff

It’s Fierce

Suede Discusses….Suede

Stella Loves Her Leatha

Project Runway is finally coming back tomorrow night. They’ve kept us waiting for-freaking-ever and now it’s all coming back in a MAJOR way.

…with a few slight changes.

The show will still have supermodel Heidi Klum, fashion designer Michael Kors, and Elle fashion director Nina Garcia returning as judges, as well as the additional guest judge each episode. But after five seasons in pedestrian-friendly New York, the hit reality competition for aspiring fashion designers has moved to both a new city, car-jammed Los Angeles at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, and a new network, Lifetime. And now that the lawsuits between the Weinstein Company, NBC Universal (owner of Bravo), and Lifetime are thankfully over, we can enjoy our fashion porn in peace once again.

Like most, I was a little peeved when PR left Bravo, but the new star-studded L.A. setting has provided some amazing new opportunities: major guest judges such as Christina Aguilera, Eva Longoria Parker, Rebecca Romijn, and Lindsay Lohan and some fresh inspirations for new challenges. As Michael Kors has hinted, ”L.A. can be the most laid-back and the most glamorous. It’s the land of bikinis and gowns.” As such, this season the designers will take on challenges centered on the beach and the red carpet, and also create garments as a tribute to movies and Hollywood.

I am still not quite over the fact that I have to watch Lifetime (the same network my mom boasts as her fav), but I gotta say: I’m really excited to see what this new season has to offer.

Like the brand-new spin-off called “Models of the Runway,” which will air after the show. Unlike seasons past – when the model competition was complete BS – we’ll be getting a behind-the-scenes look at the fashion competition from the models’ perspective. The show will follow 16 models competing to be paired with the winning designer of “Project Runway” for a $25,000 cash prize from L’Oreal Skin Genesis and a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine.

But wait, there’s more! In honor of the big return, there will even be a 2 hour all-star challenge, featuring previous Project Runway contestants competing for a big-ass prize, airing before the season premiere! Do you miss Jeffrey Sebelia? Santino Rice? Uli? (God, I miss Uli!) You can get them all in one place for a delicious 120 minutes of goodness.

Yeah, that’s like 5 full hours of Project Runway heaven. In one night. After a full year with nothing but reruns. Talk about making a comeback. Let’s just hope this binge goes better than my first kegstand after 3 months without drinking… Seriously, as I grabbed onto the sides of that barrel of Keystone, a little Tim Gunn appeared over my shoulder and said “I’m concerned.”

God, I missed him.

Join Brithny every Friday morning as she breaks down all Project Runway drama. Auf Wiedersehen!

The French will protest anything!

Relax with some aromatherapy.

Project Runway coming in August!

Are bisexual guys “in” right now?

Justin Timberlake jumps on the reality show bandwagon.

As the Backstreet Boys song says (and yes I am actually quoting them) “My Love is All I Have To Give.” So with that throwback, here are this week’s list-worthy things…]

1. Michael Kors Gold Watch- While it’s not the cheapest thing on the block, its definitely a cheaper option as far as gold watches go. It’s Chunky, it’s cute and it’s made by my favorite Project Runway personality. Now if only I could get him to design me a one-of-a kind gown…

2. Did you ever wonder what you would look like with blonde hair? I did. When I was studying abroad in Florence and thought it would be a GREAT idea to surprise everyone by dying my hair blonde. Had I known about Taaz, I would have saved myself some money, and more importantly, a whole lot of embarrassment. Because as it turns out blonde hair – especially when done by dark-haired Italians? – so not my look. Taaz is a virtual makeover site. Upload your photo and see for yourself if you can pull of the Katie Holmes Bob or the Jenny Humphrey shag.

3. Flip Camera Designable. The Flip Cam was the best thing that came into my life in 2007. I’ve shot countless videos at the bar, on the street, and laughing with friends. And now, it’s even sleeker, making it easy to drop into your clutch to catch only the funniest and best drunken moments to embarrass everyone with in a senior-year slide show.

And what’s even cooler is that you can design your own Flip Cam, either by uploading a photo or choosing a design to go on the cover! Genius.

4. Michael Seasons Snacks. Imagine your favorite potato chips, soy chips, or salty treat. Now imagine it not making a pit stop on your thighs and making your jeans feel 10 sizes too small. Well, thanks to Michael Seasons you don’t have to imagine that any longer. All your favorite salty snacks, only all natural and healthier. There is a spot for this lovely, lovely man in Heaven.

5. Twelve by Twelve line. Forever 21′s version of a bit more chic and a bit more pricey (and by bit more pricey, I’d say still running between $30 and $70 dollars for a piece) fashion line. I love, love, love this dress. It screams one-of-a-kind but comes to you at a lovley mass-produced price ($36.00). Hol. ler.