Only douchebags drink Ed Hardy Vodka

Here’s an analogy for you, try to channel those SAT study sheets. (Ew I know, worst memory ever.)

Intellectual is to Bookstore as College Student is to __________.

Yes, the answer is liquor store. On my weekly (OK, daily) visits I peruse the shelves searching for a hidden gem. A creamy liquor stuck in the back, a girly vodka that will be the life of Friday’s pre-gaming party session. I constantly find myself lost in the aisles emerging an hour later with nothing to show for it but a bottle of Smirnoff, because, let’s be real, a girl can dream but I’m on a college budget here.

But just like memoirs by celebs who have done absolutely nothing worth writing about (Paris Hilton anyone?) crowding Borders’ shelves, I find myself annoyed by the obnoxiously overpriced bottles of celebrity alcohols that have made their way into my serves-the-under-21-crowd corner store. As if infiltrating every other aspect of my life wasn’t enough.

Can’t a girl relax in a liquor store without having to fight her way through tacky advertising gimmicks and heart stopping price tags?

Apparently not. I think a couple of them are so obnoxious and unnecessary that they are worth a mention. And a cease and desist. And the winners are…

Dan Aykryod: Crystal Head Vodka

Oh goody, vodka in a crystal skeleton head!? I will definitely pay $50 for that. Not! I think I can get the same affect by stopping by the Halloween store pick up a couple plastic skeletons and dumping my $10 Svedka in it, thankyouverymuch. Read More »

Normally for the Weekly 10, I find myself counting down things that piss me off. You know, like phrases that suck and uninspired Halloween costumes. So I’ve decided to give you a mix tape for putting up with me airing my grievances Letterman-style.

However, this mixtape is extra mixy. I present to you: my top ten favorite mashups. Wikipedia defines a mashup as, “a song or composition created by blending two or more songs, usually by overlaying the vocal track of one song seamlessly over the music track of another.”  Basically smushing two songs together to make an even cooler one.

Yeah, I was inspired by last week’s episode of Glee; how could you not be? That show is so. damn. good.

Let me know if I missed any other greatness. Read More »

If my life was a movie, I’d look jaw-dropping-hot in a little black dress, and every college hook-up would involve a Freddie Prinze, Jr. lookalike leaning in for a kiss, while Six Pence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” plays in the background. But, since my life is not She’s All That, my spit-swapping stories involve a lot of liquor, and a lot of regrets. There’s a Now! That’s What I Call Music CD out there with Aaron Carter’s “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” on the track listing. I know this because it made up the soundtrack of a one night stand a few years ago. Yeah, that’s how my sex life goes down.

Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen. Read More »