I used to think Lindsay Lohan’s line of leggings were a joke. I mean, leggings? Really? Another famous bitch trying to design clothes?

But, now I realize how wrong I was. Leggings with built-in knee pads? Brilliant! Fashion AND Function.

Has Lindsay Lohan turned Miley Cyrus into a promiscuous devil child?

Perez 1, McCain, 0

Those Real World kids continue to make our generation look like idiot douchebags

Early reviews of Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight: Fabulous and Frightening

What if dudes didn’t exist?

A cross wearing Bible-thumper…dealbreaker?

Jay-Z likes his watermelons to look like Beyonce’s …well…melons

I will never put my dog on Prozac. End of story

Sleeping around via Cragislist

Dear New Yorker: That cover was stupid. Just admit it

Okay. This needs to be said. The time has come.

Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.

I repeat: Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.

Yesterday, Gawker (a site usually so snarky and cynical they probably wear American Apparel clothes just to be ironic), posted an article about how the Lilo / Ronson lesbian affair might really be the real thing, and listed all these points that kind of prove the two are in a relationship. Their biggest piece of evidence? A picture on Sam’s MySpace page that shows her and Lindsay “kissing”.

See how I put the word kissing in quotes? That’s because the picture is pretty much the weakest thing I’ve ever seen. I have more passionate kisses with my Christian Bale poster that’s been in my bedroom since 8th grade. There’s more heat in a handshake than in that picture.

Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.

What she is, is media savvy. Read More »

I’m starting to feel bad for Lindsay Lohan. I know, I am like some evil bitch because it took me two years of watching this girl spiral out of control to hop on the sympathy train, but it is really hard for my to care about someone who has every single bag I’ve ever wanted. And all those awesome clothes! I can’t feel bad for her when I hate her so much.

(And people say I’m materialistic. Pshaw.)

Anyways, the time has finally come for me to feel for this girl. Not because her mom is sh*t nuts. Not because her sister is being whored out on TV for monetary gain. Not because she allegedly has some secret half sister lurking somewhere in the Midwest. Not because she needs to become a lesbian in order to find someone to trust. Not even because she is a lesbian with some creepy looking skinny dude-ish girl.

I feel bad for her because she really has no one she can trust. Read More »

Happy Saturday, ladies.

While I sit on my couch watching TV, checking my ex’s status on Facebook (being a douchebag, as usual) and trying to convince my mother that I am not hungover (what can I say; I’m a multitasker), I just got some rather frightning news. Like Paris Hilton wants a child news. Or Kevin Federline was named father of the year news.

It appears that LiLo has a secret (well, not anymore) half sister!

Kristi Kaufmann, a former fling of Michael “I’m a Preacher” Lohan, is claiming that he is the father of her 13 year old daughter, Ashley. According to Kaufmann, she and Michael had a little tryst during (and after!) a short separation from Dina back in the day. Scandalous!

Michael has confirmed the validity of this claim, which – I imagine – can mean only one thing for this attention whoring family: another Lohan reality show!

I am just waiting to see:

A) How Mama Lohan responds to this

B) The I-Have-A-Sister-That-I-Didn’t-Know-About Bender Lindsay goes on

C) The hot mess this little 13 year old girl is going to become just being associated with the Lohan crew.

Both the Huffington Post and the New York Times have recently gotten really interested in girl-on-girl action (but don’t worry, this has nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson. Absolutely nothing. Seriously. Nothing). They’ve gotten so interested, in fact, that they’ve dedicated whole columns to trying to figure out why it seems like chicks dig other chicks.

Let me break it down for them (and you, if you really don’t know): chicks dig chicks because we’ve been taught to dig chicks.

Why do women seem to have a more fluid sexuality than men – at least that anyone will admit? Because since we came shrieking out of the womb, we’ve seen images of women in every stage of undress – including naked. Advertisements for razors with long, leisurely shots of legs. TV shows that have a mandatory wardrobe of tight clothes and short skirts. A bajillion movies where tits and ass flash across the screen so often that we eventually forget guys even have body parts. Music videos full of bling and boob. Reality TV where hot tubs are as mandatory as microphones. Porn (who could forget porn?). I mean, it’s not an old argument that the media is saturated with the female form.

So why are we all puzzled that girls get a little aroused when they see other naked or semi-naked girls? Read More »

In this episode, Ali finally experiences the price she’ll pay for being “just” like her sister. Dressed like a Firewoman stripper, Ali goes to a block party in LoLand and is severely creamed. Shaving creamed — minds out of the gutter! Dina gets a call from the school guidance counselor telling her some serious harassing went down at escuela, they agree it’s best for Ali to stay home for a few days.

First of all Ali, if you are serious about becoming your sister, I have some advice:

Lindsay would not have taken that shiz! One false move and that’s a Grey Groose martini down the front of your Betsey Johnson.

Ali asks Dina if she can be home-schooled, but Dina’s only advice is that she’d love to see Ali on stage…at graduation. Dina goes to other members of the LoClan for help. Nana (yes!) suggests that Ali needs to stand up to these mean girls. Michael Lohan Jr. (I didn’t know he existed?) adds that every girl has to cope with a few megabitches throughout life, but it’s just part of growing up.

Dina ignores both of them and continues to baby Ali and give her special attention, like in dance class. Dina found IMPACT online and thinks it’s great. Ali thinks IMPACT is “STUPID”. I can’t tell if this is just a typical weird mom idea, or an attempt to showcase Ali’s multi-cultural appreciation. And then Dina gets down while Ali watches embarrassedly. I love her more and more every episode. Read More »

You pulled an all-nighter yesterday, and I’m not talking about the studying kind, and now it’s time for that dreaded walk of shame back to your dorm room. You managed to find your bra, but your low-slung jeans and barely-visible top couldn’t look more obvious as you wobble in your heels across the quad, and the eye makeup that looked smoky last night now looks like a finger painting. You knew this might happen, but short of bringing your backpack filled with your overnight kit to a bar, you didn’t have a choice.

Now, thanks to handbag designers like Rebecca Minkoff, you don’t have to choose between looking chic the night before or the morning after, instead, you can be prepared like a boy scout while not losing your mystique.

Rebecca Minkoff’s Morning After Bag was seen on the arm of Lindsay Lohan, a girl who takes her walk of shame not just watched by the morning joggers, but by tens of paparazzi and millions of tabloid readers. The bag comes in black mesh and black patent or tangerine (a favorite of Vanessa Hudgens) and is roomy enough for a change of shirt, face wash, maybe even a breathalyzer. $595.

For a more affordable option, check out the Urban Expressions Peterson Tote. The sleekly structured bag has front pleating, braided handles, and gold-toned hardware accents. The bag comes in tan, black, and brown, and at only $58 (currently on sale for $32), you can buy two or all three to match different outfits. Read More »

I knew today was gonna be a bad one when I looked outside and saw the gray skies and rain pouring down. But, I wasn’t aware that the world was coming to an end. It’s a good thing I indulged in some tasty summer cocktails yesterday, because after finding out that K-Fed was being honored as Father of the Freaking Year, I know there I won’t get many more chances to enjoy ‘em.

Even better, this isn’t the first time he’s received the honor.

First Dina Lohan and now this?

Who is behind these “awards” and who the hell are they comparing these dead-beats to? R-Kelly? I wonder what these meetings are like.

“Well, K-Fed doesn’t sleep with 13 year old girls and the babies’ mama is sh*t nuts, so he is lookin’ pretty good right now.”

I am just waiting until next week when MADD honors Lindsay Lohan with the “Safest Driver” award, or DARE puts Amy Winehouse in an anti-drug commercial.

[Photo of Big Daddy courtesy of People.com]

The MTV Movie Awards. No other awards show makes me cringe as much as this one. And no, it’s not just the awkward “realness” attempted by everyone from the hosts to the stars (Kim Stolz never seemed this wooden on ANTM…) Typically, the MTV Movie Awards is where fashion goes to explode and then die. Sometimes, celebrities get it right, but mostly, explosion and death.

Here are some of the good, bad, and just plan horrible fashions from last night.

As we see from this photo, Heidi Montag has finally completed her transformation from human to the blond, big boobed, skinny hooker robot she always wanted to be. And Spencer, her giant-faced pimp, standing weirdly over her in an expression of faux-love. Everything seems about right here. Read More »