Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I love my life. I’m really happy. Everything is great. I go to a good school and I’m doing well. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love. I have great friends who I hang out with all the time. The problem is my roommate. She doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve done my best to be nice with her but she just doesn’t like me.

It started about a week after we moved in together. My best friend and I were supposed to live together in the dorm we lived in last year, but she was on the waiting list for a study abroad and she got it at the last minute over the summer. So I moved in and met my new roommate, let’s call her T, and at first we got along fine. But it seems like the more we live together the more I get on her nerves. She studies a lot so I try to be quiet, but I live here too! When I come in late at night, I’m always quiet, but she says just the door opening wakes her up. She wakes me up in the morning when she gets up really early, but I’m not complaining!

She also has a problem with my boyfriend coming over, so I try to only have him over if she’s not going to be around. But we made a deal at the beginning of the first semester that he could crash at our room one day a week if it was on the weekend. I have never had him stay over more than one day of the weekend and sometimes I just crash at his place to avoid it all together. But now she wants to change it so that he can never sleep over.

She seems to think I’m some out of control party girl, but I think I’m just a regular college student. I go out at night and I have a boyfriend but I definitely have never slept around — been with the same guy for 2 years! — and I am a good student. I’ve tried to be nice to her, and I’ve even tried to hang out with her to try to get to know her better, but she just doesn’t like me and it’s making everything really uncomfortable in my own room. What should I do?

Bad Roommate

Dear Bad Roommate,

Girl, you have been more than reasonable. This bloop needs to get a clue. You are BOTH paying to live in the dorms, right? I mean, she isn’t paying for your half, right?!?!?! RIGHT?!??!!

Now, if you were being totally unreasonable and having the BF stay over constantly against her wishes, I would have told you you were being unreasonable. BUT!!! The two of you (very maturely) made an agreement at the beginning of living together that it was okay if he stayed over as long as it was only once a week on weekends. And you say that’s what you’ve been doing. So…what’s her problem?! She can’t rewrite the rules now!!!

And this business about how the door wakes her up if you come in at night — too flooping bad!!! I’m sorry, but you both live there, and, as long as you’re being quiet when you come in, I don’t see how she has the right to tell you what time you have to be home.

I do not get this girl. I do not get her at all. Well, no, that’s not true. I GET her. I just don’t LIKE her.

Seems to me she wants to be judgmental of your lifestyle because it isn’t hers. And that is never, ever cool. I think you need to sit her down and have a talk. Explain that you’re following the rules the two of you set up, and you’d like to be as considerate of her as possible without completely changing your lifestyle. Hear her out. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable and you guys can hug it out.

But, frankly, I doubt it. She’ll probably be uptight and nasty, in which case I urge you to say: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. I hope we can be civil and get along well enough to live together. If not, maybe you’d like to switch rooms.” And that’s that.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I moved in with my childhood best friend five months ago. He’s great and I love him as a friend. But he’s had feelings for me in the past and we’ve talked about it. I told him I’m not interested. He said he understands. And we’re still really close friends.

When we moved in together I was having some money problems and he offered to cover the extra costs so I could afford to move in. So he’s been paying $300 more than me every month, and I really appreciate it. The deal was that if I cook and clean, he’s happy to pay for it.

Our other friends all think it’s really weird and they are convinced I’m sleeping with him, but I’m not. Anyway in the past two months I got a promotion and now I can afford the rent but he offered to keep paying the larger amount as a favor to me. I agreed because I thought it was really nice. And now he’s started buying me little gifts and even doing the cooking.

I’m not going to lie, it’s a pretty great life. But I know he’s doing it because he has feelings for me. But at the same time, is it so wrong to keep accepting his favors, since I keep telling him I’m never going to date him and he still wants to help me out?

Sort of Conflicted

Dear SOC,

SMASH. Yes, you shoop, of COURSE it’s wrong!!! Your words say no, but your actions say yes, yes, yes!!!

You may not mean to (we’ll get to that later), but you are totally leading him on. This sweet but incredibly stupid friend of yours has deluded himself into thinking that you’ll come around because he’s courting you with all this crap. Money don’t buy love, honey. Unless you’re a ho. So…

Look. You can afford the rent now, so stop accepting his cash. Pay equal rent. That is your first and most obvious step. After that, when he brings you gifts, tell him, “Thank you so much, but you’ve been getting me things so much lately! I just can’t accept another thing.” Yes, it’s rude. But it is NECESSARY to STOP THE MADNESS.

Doesn’t it bother you that he is trying (fairly successfully, by the way!) to buy your love?!?!?!?! ARE YOU A FRIENDSTITUTE?!?!?!?! It’s so messed up of you to take advantage of someone like this. It’s even more messed up that you’re taking advantage of your childhood best friend. Do you not care about him at all?! Or do you just think you deserve more than him? Is that it?! Do you think you’re more entitled to his money than he is?!!?

Oh, and back to that, “you may not mean to.” Yeah, I think you mean to. I think you’re more than happy to take advantage of this dude. And gross of him to think you’d go for it. But also gross of you TO go for it. Gross. Gross. So 1892. Geez. Woman up.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Hey there Dude,

(Sorry my email is so damn long)

I wrote to CC earlier this year and got a lovely reply from Tuffy Luv.

I am now writing to you because my current question definitely needs a dude’s advice. How do I convince my man to move in with me when he’s not on tour? Except I’m asking in terms of what can I do to better myself and my life so that my man looks at me and goes, “My girlfriend has something I want that’s missing in my current awesome life, and I want to be with her every second that I’m not on tour.”

First, a bit more background situation. Our long distance relationship has been working out really well. I have no more worries (usually!) about if we’re going to make it or not. My concern now is how we are when we’re together for a long time.

Over summer, we both had time off and I lived with him at his dad’s house. (Sounds weird, I know but his dad was totally fine with it.) It was kind of…not that great. I had been freaking out a good month before hand over lots of nothingness, building things up in my head like I wonder if he still likes me, things seem so different, blah blah blah. I was dealing with a crappy bout of situational depression, school was getting intensely stressful, I wouldn’t leave my house for days, I wouldn’t reach out to my friends, I wasn’t telling my boyfriend anything really, communication wasn’t good, life wasn’t good. I thought once summer began, everything would be magically fixed with me, but that definitely didn’t happen. A large part of the problem was I had no life whatsoever of my own when I was living with my man. I was still depressed, and the fact that our living together situation wasn’t all super happy was making me even more stressed out. If I was away from him even for an hour hanging out with one of my girl friends, I couldn’t really enjoy myself and I just wanted to go back to him, even though we weren’t super happy. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely had good days, and we started communicating a lot more after we both realized something was really wrong, had lots of good long talks and cries, and we made it through summer without breaking up.

After summer, I moved back home and wasn’t able to talk to him for a month because he was country hopping, and it was actually really nice. I became my happy independent self again, we wrote super cheesy cute emails to each other (my parents even went to one of his shows on the other side of the world!), we missed each other, we had our own lives again, he apologized for being a jerk and making me cry, I apologized for smothering him, we were in love again and wanted to be with each other again. We made it over the dreaded relationship rut! He even talked about maybe staying with me when he wasn’t on tour.

Since then, he’s had time off and stayed with my for a couple weeks. And it was a lot of fun. And then I got to go on tour with him for 5 days, and that was a ton of fun, it was so natural.

Ok so back to my question. Sometimes my man is lovey dovey and hypothetically talks about wanting to stay with me, and other times (especially when people ask him when he’s moving in with me) he’s wishy washy and says he doesn’t know, or that he wants to move to another country, or some crap like that. I mean, I get it. He’s never really home, there’s not much where I live for him, but there’s nothing back home for him either because his group of best friends moved over the past month to a place that he has no interest in moving to. Last time he was in the process of moving near a girlfriend, she dumped him. And he HATES thinking about the future. The boy makes NO plans whatsoever. Which drives me nuts because I’m a planner. We’ve been together over two years and I want him to move all of his stuff in with me! I don’t think a simple “Hey boyfriend, why don’t you move the f*ck in with me!” will work (though I haven’t really tried that yet…because what if he says no!). I think it’s gotta be a lifestyle change on my part. I want him to know I’m never going back to the needy, depressed, no life of my own girlfriend phase. NEVER. I refuse. I want to do something that says “my life is the shit so you can either join it during your time off or be lame and move back in with your dad.” Except then I feel like I’m trying to impress him too much every time he visits.

So any ideas? Is this all too much to expect from a man who’s home one week every 2 months? What would make you want to live with a lady you love? Garrrr. I think I dwell on these things too much.

Sincerely,
Musician’s Ladyfriend

Dear Musician’s Ladyfriend,

So, you want to do something to convince your boyfriend, of two years, that he should move in with you for one week out of every two months. But you’re not trying to impress him or anything.

POP. That’s a foreshadowing of what I’m about to do to your bubble.

There’s nothing one can do to make someone move in with them. Either you agree it’s the best thing to do or it’s not. Kathy Bates couldn’t convince via a sledge hammer during a snowstorm with a crippled James Caan. So, don’t put so much pressure on yourself to facilitate a desired action from him. Ask him if he wants to. Tell him you want to. Make it clear you think this is the next step in your relationship. And then go through all the benefits of it, emotionally, financially, and psychologically. If he says no, well, go out and make a few bad decisions, a few right decisions, and move the f*ck on.

Here’s my question to you: Why do you feel this need so strongly? Is it to prove your relationship is secure and he won’t leave you for the road? Is it because you’re scared its become stagnant and want to reach a new level of intimacy? Is it because you want some help with the rent? Identifying what’s driving this need will go a long ways in determining if it moving in together is the right thing for YOU (eliminate him from the equation for a minute).

There are a lot of reasons to and not to move in together. I moved in with someone because we were together 7 nights a week after a year. It felt like the right time, we saved money, we could afford a bigger place, the location worked out well, and we both agreed it was the next step. We did it together. All I did was ask her what she thought about it. Was she nervous? Yeah. Was I? OH, HELL YEAH! We talked it through, found a compromise, and moved forward together.

But let’s get this straight: it shouldn’t be done out of obligation. Moving in together isn’t something you HAVE to do just to prove you’re in a healthy relationship (I’m speaking now more in general than to your specific situation). It should be done because both partners agree to it for complimentary reasons. Forcing it on someone never goes well. Do people fight the fear when it comes to moving in? Yes. Are their fears justified? Not always. So, you talk them through and come to a compromise. Because that’s how you know your relationship’s on solid ground. The fact that you can get on the same page when you’re both thinking in terms of a different chapter.

One other thing I want to address is what sounds like an unrealistic expectation on your part. You had a relationship rut. You made what you feel are mistakes and you hated the person you felt you were who was making those mistakes. Now you will NEVER become anything like that person again? Not likely. Oh, you may not become that EXACT form of yourself because, hey, you’ve lived and learned. But we’re all going to make mistakes. We will all go through periods of being depressed, overwhelmed, and out of those miserable moods we’ll do things that we’re not proud of. We’ll even probably hurt people we care about. And you know what? That’s okay. That’s part of living through the ups and downs of the game of Life.

Ease up on yourself. The harder you try to hold onto something, or make something happen, the more likely you are to sabotage yourself. Be careful, and mindful, of your motivations and of your expectations, for yourself, him, and your relationship.

All you need to do is ask the question, tell him what you need, why you need it, and then listen. If he says he’s not ready, listen to why he’s not ready. If he says he never wants to, then throw him off that bridge when you get there. Until then you don’t need to do anything except be who you are, the girl he’s been with for over two years, and if that’s not enough for him then he’s not enough for you.

Trust me.

“Because I’m the goddamn  Batman Dude!”

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years and although I don’t really believe in soul mates, I can honestly claim that he is mine. I try to think reasonably and tell myself that this can’t be real love but after all this time I still believe that there will never be anyone as right for me as him and that he is the man I want to have a life with.

I never wanted anything serious with the guy. I was only turning seventeen when we started going out and never expected for the whole thing to go so well. Even though I noticed that I had a connection with him that I’ve never had with other guys, I always thought that we could break up over some stupid thing and I never thought ahead as far as our relationship went. But then came the “I love you,” and the first time (for the both of us), and we got accepted into the same college and things kinda got serious. Those were the happiest two years of my life – we have never had big fights, only insignificant quarrels and I can’t see a single thing about him that would drive me away. Now he wants us to move in together next semester and I realize that I want to live with him, too.

There’s just one problem. I used to be a real shut-in in high school and didn’t really get around as much as others my age. I only ever had one boyfriend before him and am not exactly very experienced in these kinds of things. Now that I’m in college and I’m a lot more outgoing, adventurous and, well, hotter than I used to be, I find myself wishing I was single just so I could try all this stuff college girls do – go on dates, have one-night stands, you know, things like that. I’m just a huge romantic and I used to dream of exploring new emotions and having a little drama in my life, because that’s what college is, right? I feel like if I stay with my boyfriend, I will grow into an old woman years before other girls my age and will always wonder what life would have been like if I had broken up with him.

I guess in this particular case it really isn’t him; it’s me that’s the problem. I just don’t want to lose the nicest, smartest guy I know who happens to adore me, but I’m afraid after a couple of years I might start hating him for making me lose the best years of my life. If there is such a possibility, should I risk it and end it now, or should I leave things the way they are now?

Sincerely,
Stupid Heart

Dear Stupid Heart,

NO. BAD GIRL.

Don’t be stoopid, okay?! If you find yourself becoming interested in another guy or finding the boyf is getting in the way, then–yes, THEN–you should break up with him. But for now, you love him, he loves you–what the floop?! You know how many people would kill for this?!

I have to tell you, life does NOT end with college. I know a ton of women in their late twenties and even early thirties who are still going out and having wild nights all the time. But here’s a little newsflash:

Do you know why people are HAVING crazy experiences like the ones you’re worried about missing out on?! Because they’re trying to FIND what you already HAVE.

Yes, having Crazy College Funtimes is good. I mean, you’re young, it’s good to go out and have fun (SAFE SEX ONLY PLEEZ). But if you’re already happy, why the floop fix what ain’t broke?!

Instead, have fun experiences WITH your guy. Go do new things TOGETHER. But also make sure you have the space to go out WITHOUT him, with your girlfriends, so you can have the standard crazy experiences–just without the sleeping around part. That’s really the less fun stuff anyway. Ask everyone in their 20s.

You can absolutely have insane nights out and still be faithful to the man you’re in love with. Honey, seriously!!! You can have it all here!!! Please don’t break up what sounds like a wonderful relationship just because of what you’ve heard college is supposed to be.

Who knows. Maybe Soul Matey and you will break up after you try living together. Hey, you’re young, that happens, and that’s fine. But don’t do it just to have experiences you may or may not even want. Go and have the wild and crazy nights, and come home to your lovepants. Okay, yes, you won’t be able to have sex with other men. But you WILL have adventures and you’ll STILL have the man you’re in love with. And that’s just beautiful.

Seriously, life is so hard and heartbreak is so unavoidable–can’t you just let yourself keep the happiness you already have?

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

[What do you think about Stupid Heart? Get your discussion on below. Oh, and get more Tough Love right here. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.]

Every week, I write a list. Not a to-do list (I feel like they’re always mocking me) or a grocery list (because “Jimmy John’s” isn’t really a list) or even that list (lord knows I wish I was updating that thing weekly….). No, my list is on whatever hard-hitting issue I find relevant at 11p.m. on Sunday night. And you know it doesn’t get more hard-hitting than Back to School season or awful summer “blockbusters,” right? Today’s big topic: living with the BF. Alright, ladies; stay with me.

About 90% of the time, I heart my boyfriend. He’s so great to me, he’s adorable and it’s just an all-around nice time being in a healthy, normal relationship. I love him. I love him. I really love him. (I just want to make sure I’m clear here.) I love him so much we’ve taken the big step to move in together, which made sense considering how much time he was staying over my apartment. So for the past few months it’s been me, him and my roommate (who’s one of my best friends from college) living in one two-bedroom apartment.

Most of the time, it’s awesome.

But sometimes it sucks.
Really, really sucks. Really, really, really sucks. And here are 10 reasons it isn’t always rainbows and butterflies when you’re living with the boyf:

10. Can’t be a slob-ka-bob

I’m admittedly not the neatest person in the world, but now that I share a bedroom with someone, I have to try and pick up my clothes, makeup, magazines and more clothes strewn around my room. Do I do it? Well….I try?

9. Sayanora, TrueBlood, Real Housewives and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami

There’s nothing that gets my bf more worked up than my “stupid shows” that I happen to love. So now that he’s around all. the. time, my roommate and I can rarely sit through a 30 minute show on E! without getting an earful from the boy. Ugh.

8. No more late-night weeknights

Who doesn’t love going out on Mondays? Or staying out too late on a Thursday?

7. The Toilet Seat

It’s never, ever down. Which also brings us to…

6. 3 people, one bathroom.

Enough said.

5.The mystery is gone

My boyfriend is my roommate – he’s seen me roll out of bed at 6 AM, curled up on the couch when I’m sick and whining, and all of my underwear. Which aren’t all cute thongs from VS, btw.

4. No more ice cream for dinner

He is so judging me.

3. Sharing Expenses

While it might have seemed like an awesome idea at the time to lower rent and monthly payments, talking and sharing money can cause a lot of headaches and tummy aches (but that might’ve just been the ice cream for dinner).

2. Less QT

Believe it or not, it feels like I spend even less time with my boyfriend now that we live together. No more cutesy date nights when we could easily just watch a movie at home!

1. Never get to sleep alone again

Awww, actually that’s one of the reasons it rocks.

There are a few certainties in college.

You will study.
You will dress up in costume at least once.
You will eat more Easy Mac than you have ever eaten before. And sometimes you will eat it on a cookie slathered in cream cheese.
You will have a roommate at some point.

Yes, roommates and college go together like SoCo and Lime. They’re good goin’ down, but sometimes things can get ugly very quickly.

You may come from a home with tons of siblings, or you might have enjoyed bunking with a girlfriend on a week-long camping trip, but nothing is quite like living with another person in the tiny hole we call a dorm room. While having a roommate has its challenges (hello, you’re sharing a tiny room, you’re bound to disagree at some point…most likely over the TV) it can also be fun. That is, if you do it right. Here are 10 little nuggets of wisdom to ensure your roommate experience is a great one.

1. Be honest and clear from day one.
Don’t lie to the poor girl and tell her you “don’t mind a little mess” if the thought of a dirty sock being on the floor makes you cringe. Do you snore? Are you uncomfortable with people being in your room until 4 am? Are you just not a morning person? Let your roommate know these things about you, even if it’s your BFF from last year. It isn’t fair to just expect them to know little quirks or preferences about you unless you verbalize them. Communicating these preferences is one of the best ways to eliminate roomie mishaps in the future.

2. Address problems as soon as they happen.
Talking to your roommate about things that bug you immediately keeps you from holding it in until you finally go on a rampage a month later. Trust me, this happened to me this past year. Little things bothered me until one day I cracked and the grumpy-running-on-4-hours-of-sleep-because-of-exams me came down on our suite like a tsunami. Next thing I knew I was cursing, slamming doors, and glaring at everyone who came near me. Save yourself the frustration and stop being passive aggressive; just address the issue at hand. It’s the adult thing to do.

3. Do not steal your roommate’s stuff.
Do not steal your roommate’s stuff.
Do not steal your roommate’s stuff. I can’t stress this enough.

4. Be considerate when bringing people to the room.
No one enjoys being sexiled when they have a paper due in the morning. No one likes walking back from a long day of exams to see the room filled with people. Again. For the fifth time that week.

5. Lock the door.
Just because you trust that no one will go into the room and steal your stuff doesn’t mean it can’t happen. How would you feel if your roomie’s laptop was stolen because of you?

6. Try to have an open mind.
Your roomie may be the complete opposite of you (different religion, from a different town, likes different music) but try to be open to experiencing something new. Part of college is being pushed out of your comfort zone, and that is also true of your roommate. Who knows, you might end up having more in common than you would think.

7. Be open to change.
As the year goes on, new preferences might come up. Try to be flexible. That includes setting new rules, and possibly rearranging the room.

8. Don’t expect to be best friends with your roommate.
Don’t get me wrong – it could happen, but don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Unless you have awesome luck, chances are your roomie will be just that: a roommate. Yes, two of my friends randomly got assigned to room together and they got along so well they’ve roomed together ever since. But that’s not the norm. Most of the time, you simply can’t be best friends with someone you share a hole-in-the-wall room with. Little habits will annoy you, no matter how much you like the person. Lower your expectations about roomie-bonding and find other friends with more in common with you than the room you sleep in.

9. When problems arise, address them calmly.
That doesn’t mean leaving sticky notes in the room with a demand and ending it with smiley faces (honestly that just reminds me of Diddy in Get Him to the Greek, but I digress). Try to keep things from turning into a Jerry Springer episode and calm yo’self before confronting your roomie.

10. The Golden Rule.
This is the best advice I can give to roommates. Treat your roommate as you would like to be treated. No matter what your relationship is at the end of the year, at least you can look back on the year and know you treated them with respect.

The part I’m least excited about (besides having to turn off my CrackBerry until the flight attendants tell me I can turn it back on) is leaving David behind. Alas, he doesn’t get to accompany me on my awesome trip (it’s for business) and all week I’ve been getting ready to leave him all on his own for 5 whole days.

As he’ been so lovingly, gently reminding me all week, he is in fact a full grown man capable of taking care of himself. He did it for 20 years before he met me, and according to him he’s still got the hang of that. While I do realize that he’ll be fine while I’m gone, after living with him and taking care of our home (and his dirty laundry…) I can’t help but think (OK, hope) he’ll feel just a teeny bit lost whilst I’m gone.

After all, this will help him come to the realization that I’m totally indispensable, which has been my master plan all along. But, I don’t want to leave him high and dry, so I did fully stock our freezer full of a weekend’s worth of man-food (aka microwaveable and artery clogging). And I am leaving him a “HoneyDew” list, both because I freaking love the name of it and because it’s got all kinds of unpleasant things I’d rather not deal with on it. Hopefully, I’ll come home to a clean home with new air conditioner filters, a newly installed printer and no more laundry to do.

In all actuality though, David will be totally fine without me (and probably won’t get much on that list done). I’m seeing a lot of ESPN, absence of pants, farting, Bud Light and PS3 Bro extravaganzas in his future. So while he’s bummed he can’t go on an awesome trip, I’m pretty sure he’s looking forward to turning our house into a giant man cave for 5 days.

But seriously, when did I get so protective of him? I’m not his mother, and last semester I had to fly to a different conference or leadership convention every other weekend. I guess living with him has made me a little bit crazy, but it definitely feels weird to worry (just a smidge) about leaving him on his own for such a short amount of time. Whaddya think? Am I insane for being anxious about leaving him? Or do you know what I’m talking about?

"I love....how much money we're saving by doing this."

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like lingerie!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Even though I keep hearing the recession’s over, those of us on a student budget are still tightening our belts (and not because it makes us look thinner). A lot of innnovative ways to save have popped up in the last few years, but one of the most life-changing is the idea of moving in with the significant other to save on rent.

There are some good reasons girls are doing this, no question. First and foremost – money! Splitting your payments with a roommate makes the payments easier on all, but more over, by splitting with the BF your money (and his) is actually going to the place you’re both spending time. Most couples tend to spend most of their time at one person’s place (usually the one without the creepy or obnoxious roommate/that weird cabbage smell) so it makes sense to pool the money into that place’s rent instead of splitting it up between two different apartments when one barely gets used.  And the money crunch can be a good excuse for moving in – like, say, if your parents are a little less than thrilled about your relationship turning all grown up – if it was something you had planned on doing anyway.

The move in can also help you get to know someone in a way nothing else will – an important step if you’re thinking about a long-term future.

But that’s also a problem with moving in, isn’t it? Liking someone, even loving with them, is way different when you don’t have to find their dirty underwear on the living room floor. Even though you may spend most of your time together as a couple, most people reserve a few private behaviors for being alone in their own place (remember when you were scrubbing your face with baking soda? A little more awkward with the guy watching you). Even if you’re really, really comfortable with each other, there are certain things that have to be worked out when you live together: who’s turn is it to clean the bathroom? Where’s my dinner, man?

And then there’s all of those little habits that you put up with over at his place. They were cute then, but they may start to grate when you spend almost every minute of your private time together.

Also, we shouldn’t ignore that moving in with somebody is big thing, so making the decision because of money can be a bit risky. Like hooking up with a guy you really like after a night of tequila shots (oh god, do I know that story!) – sometimes it all works out for the best, and sometimes it leaves you nauseous and crawling for the door.

So, what do you say, ladies? Would moving in with you-know-who make your life easier? Or would it just lock you into a relationship? Would you move your stuff to save cash? Or would you rather shell out a little more for your privacy?

Duke. It. Out.

While trying to figure out a topic for this week, I thought about all of the questions people ask me, the relationship girl:

Did you come to college looking for a boyfriend?
Do you not like dating or hooking up?
How did you know he was the one?

Personally, my relationship isn’t very clear cut. We still don’t really know when our anniversary is. It all started out with the girl living across the hall from me freshman year asked if she could set me up with one of her friends from high school. He came over and we watched a movie with a bunch of our friends.

The night ended with me and him making out on our mutual friend’s bed.

We hung out a few times that week but he ended it by informing me that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t see or hear from him for 3 months after that! But once I did see him again, we became friends with benefits (for lack of a better term). Neither of us wanted anything serious, and I was perfectly fine with it. I liked kinda/sorta having a guy, but I also liked the idea of not being tied down in college.

But then something happened that neither of us really expected. We went to our respective homes for the summer after freshman year and we talked every. single. day. I even drove 6 hours to spend a weekend with him. We really missed each other! We both kinda realized at the same time that not seeing each other was harder than expected. Once sophomore year rolled around, we were both skittish about broaching the subject, but he (finally!) asked me to be his girlfriend.

Flash forward to now, and we’re living together in our junior year of college. In all honesty, the dating and getting to know one another part of our relationship technically happened before our relationship. Once we became official, we dove in head first! Some might say it’s fast, but I like being young and in love.

With everybody and every relationship, that point where you realize you truly love someone is different. For me, it was noticing that my day just wasn’t complete without seeing or hearing from Matt. For others, it may be when you first say “I love you” or when he sees you without makeup and calls you beautiful. Sometimes you see it coming from a mile away, other times it hits you when you least expect it.

It can be scary because you’re taking yourself off the market; I hated the idea of not being able to flirt with guys at parties anymore! But at the same time it’s comforting because you know you have someone who loves you very much. And when you have that, you realize it’s better than any party makeout session any day.

Ah, interruptions during sex.

Everyone hates it, but in college, it seems unavoidable.  Maybe college students just don’t have the decorum to realize that if the door is shut, locked, and the person inside is yelling and pleading for you to go away, you should just walk away. Or perhaps since most college students are used to sharing everything from computer labs to showers, they think trying to walk in on their roommates sexy time is a-ok.

Seriously, whenever my boyfriend and I are trying to have some alone time, one of his three idiot roommates ruins the moment. It is usually like clockwork. If one of them isn’t sliding pennies under the door (yes, this happens. It’s strange, I know) to get my boyfriend’s attention, it is his annoyingly pompous roommate knocking to “inquire” about a bill. Oh, and my personal favorite is when they need to borrow my boyfriend’s stapler. It’s 1am on a Saturday, why the hell do you need a stapler?

If we wanted them to join, I’m sure we would leave the door open. But we don’t. And I don’t get it. If we just said goodnight twenty minutes ago, why are you sliding pennies under the door? What is it that makes people so oblivious to the need of alone time with a significant other? Maybe human beings secretly enjoy ruining the moment for someone; a little satisfaction knowing that a simple interruption can make a couple lose the desire for the moment. Or maybe that need for the stapler really is that imperative.

We’ve tried everything: Post-it notes that read “Do not disturb,” even a hammer on the door signifying that “hammer time” (as one of his roommates calls it) is happening. Seriously, what more can you do when you’re duct-taping a hammer to the door in hopes that you will be left alone for a couple hours?

I’ve heard that some people just leave the door unlocked and open, in hopes that the noises and the action going on will defer any interrupters, but does it have to be that extreme to have some intimacy in college? It seems like getting rid of privacy is the only way to get rid of the incorrigible intruders, but since sex is something that should be private it seems like the boundaries are truly being crossed.

Those times when interruptions don’t happen, well … those are times to be relished, but they really are few and far in between.

I know I’m not the only one with knocks coming from the other side of the door. So, what is the most awkward or persistent sexual interruption you have experienced? And what is the best way to stop the nonsense behind the door?