An Open Letter to Katie Holmes (in hopes that one day she’ll see the light)

Dear Katie,

Remember when you used to smile? I mean, really smile. Not that Tom-Gets-Mad-If-I-Don’t-Grin smile. Remember when you dressed your age and actually spoke?

Where did those days go? Has Tom done something to your brain? He hasn’t lobotomized you, has he? I wouldn’t put it past that guy to have a complete lobotomizing room in his basement. Has he given you shock therapy? I know he wanted to buy his own ultrasound machine at one point, maybe he just had them throw the shocks in for free?

I was looking as some pictures of you recently, and I’ve noticed that all the joy has seeped away from your face. I’ve also noticed that you’ve started to dress like my mom—if my mom was super rich. This unsettles me because I’m pretty sure we’re the same age. Read More »