[Welcome to Celebrity Chic on the Cheap, where our style guru takes a celebrity look and breaks it down for you, our poor college fashionista. What does that mean? It means that while the celebrities are spending $5,000 on an ensemble (even a lazy Saturday outfit), you don’t have to. All you have to do is click on the goods and - boom - you can buy the entire look. For cheap. Yes, we know - there is a spot for her in heaven.]

I don’t care for Katy Perry that much. I only like every other single that she releases, I think her taste in men is beyond questionable, and I thought it was highly ridiculous to claim that as a Christian, she was highly offended by Lady Gaga.

Yet, I cannot deny that I am completely fascinated by her style. She’s fearless, experimental, and not afraid to switch things up. She’s the only (non-Gaga) woman I can think of who is as comfortable wearing a bra made of cupcakes as she is dressed down and looking like Zooey Deschanel’s doppelganger. And I love that.

You know what else I love? This stunning polka dot number Katy recently sported on a stroll through London town. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Dress, Brooch, Heels, Belt

I adore this look because I am completely infatuated with nearly any ensemble that could be construed as “vintage,” and a polka dot dress totally falls into that category. Dresses are my favorite item of clothing – they make you look polished and style-conscious, even if you just rolled out of bed 5 minutes and a Gatorade swish ago. A belt breaks up the pattern a bit and accentuates your waist. I absolutely love, love, LOVE the red brooch – it adds a bold flash of color and draws attention to the flirtatious-but-demure scoopneck of the dress. Heels add that extra bit of ferocity, but flats are just as acceptable., and if you’re in one of those lucky places where early September actually equals cooler weather, throw on a black, red, or white cardigan and you’re good to go!

For those going abroad for the upcoming semester or planning a trip to Europe anytime soon, here are some helpful tips to get you around:

You are from Canada: Let’s be honest – Americans like to think they rule the world, and sometimes that holier than thou attitude rubs Europeans the wrong way. Don’t go overseas acting like a stereotypical American (you know, the ones that yell loudly when speaking to someone that doesn’t understand English as if the other person is deaf…) It may be hard when adjusting to culture shock, but the best way to get past it is to simply embrace it. If you can’t … just say you’re from Canada and all the questions will go away.

“Tap Water is For The Prisoners”: When I was thirteen, I went to Europe for two weeks on a guided school trip. The tour guide told my class that only prisoners drink tap water, so we shouldn’t order it at a restaurant. Forget that, live like a prisoner. Unlike in the states, restaurants just don’t bring out water for you. They tend to bring out bottled water, and after walking around Amsterdam all day, finishing off one of those babies happens fast…as does racking up a huge bill. Unless you really have a problem drinking tap water, order it. Not only will it save you money, but it will be cold. Most restaurants will serve you room temperature bottled water, but if you want something icy cold … tap water is the only way you’ll get those extra ice cubes. Free, cold water? No complaints there!

Transportation made easy: With an abundance of train services, ferry boats, and cheap flights (EasyJet and Ryan Air – however, beware of extra fees), traveling from one country to the next is affordable and a must for any European experience. If you shop around for the best deals, you can save lots of money hopping from Belgium to France in one weekend. Although taking the train may seem foreign (trains are rarely utilized in the USA as a form of fast, easy transportation), it is the best way to see Europe. Really, how can you complain when you’re on your way to Paris for the weekend with countryside outside your window?

Hold the Anchovies: I ordered a ceasar salad expecting just you’re standard plate of lettuce and ceasar sauce, but instead, I got a plate full of anchovies (complete with their eyeballs still intact) and a mayo sauce. Make sure when ordering at a restaurant you are as specific as can be or else you may be surprised. Also, if you like your meat cooked a certain way, tell your waiter or else you’re “well done” steak may come out bloody and pink. However, if you can get past some food differences, indulge yourself in as much cultural foods as possible, i.e. when in France, live off of croissants and macaroons!

See the sights: While a lot of my study abroad group got wasted every night, a good amount chose to see the sights. You are abroad, so why are you blacked out outside of Big Ben? A big mistake that a lot of abroaders make is mixing culture with fun – they think they can’t. You paid a lot of money to go abroad, so it is important to see everything that you can. No one wants to come back from Europe to say “I skipped out on the Mona Lisa because I was hung over” or “I couldn’t climb to the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral because I was puking in a pub instead.” Party and have a great time, but prioritize what you are going to see. If you can schedule your days ahead, you can save a lot of time for partying and pub crawls later.

Be a local: Instead of eating at restaurants you are familiar with or sticking to simple tourist destinations, expand your travels and pretend you are a local. Ask opinions of the receptionist at your hostel of where to eat. Find out what shopping areas aren’t as famous and go see what you can dig up there. Try new foods and drink. For example, you can’t leave London without at least trying their fish and chips once. Don’t just stick to the same old path everyone else is, explore the beaten path and you will have a much more rewarding experience of culture and understanding of the area along the way.

Happy Traveling!

As long as “elsewhere” isn’t on a bus.

In the UK, a porn star has been threatened with the proverbial pink slip if she doesn’t quit her night job. The reigning ‘Miss Nude Belgium 2009′ recently passed all her exams to become a bus driver and had just started working when she was called to human resources to explain some racy photographs. Turns out, you can’t show your nips and drive people around town.

Now, I see the issue with driving around town while showing your nips, but what is wrong with a dedicated young woman trying to hold down two jobs to support her family?  Sure, bus driver and porn star don’t usually go hand-in-hand (or DO they?…more research needed), but I’m thinking the bus company can only benefit from having a hot erotic star driving for them.  I sure would appreciate seeing a ridiculously sexy person driving my bus instead of the broken down shells of human beings that I usually get (no offense, but they look like they gave up on life about three years before I was born).

And besides, with all these bus drivers crashing into things while texting (and probably looking at porn…), aren’t there bigger issues than a few erotic photos?

OMG. I am afraid to admit this, but I actually yelped at the end of tonight’s episode of The City. I also may or may not have jumped out of my seat and given Whitney a “You go, girl!”

Ok, I definitely did. Our secret?

I know that most of this show is scripted and it’s all a bunch of crap, but the scene between Jay and Whitney really tugged at my heart. I can’t even tell you how many times a guy has treated me like utter crap and I’ve immediately turned around and rolled out the red carpet for him to do it again.

Not Whit, though. I don’t know if it was finding out that Olivia stole her London gig, the conversation with Lauren, or the sage advice from DVF herself (we’ll get back to that later), but Whitney was not about to let Jay run her life and her emotions.  Even if he performed the grand gesture of flying back to NY and calling her from the street corner. Looking hot. In a suit. Mmmm.

Whitney finally stood up for herself and took her NY life into her own hands. And for that, she gets a standing “You Go, Girl” from this girl.

But Jay isn’t the only one Whitney stood up to; she finally (attempted to) confront Olivia about her stealing all the credit for Whit’s work on the Vogue cover. Not that it did much. No words can melt an ice princess like that real-life Blair Waldorf.  Olivia ended up stepping  on Whitney’s perfect little body as she climbed her way onto the plane to London. Amazing considering the girl can barely read.

But there is one thing Olivia didn’t get and that is some one-on-one time (and a thigh rub) from the one and only Diane Von Furstenberg. Now, I don’t have my own MTV “reality” show so I have never had the luxury of working for one of fashion’s greatest designers, but I’m pretty sure most lowly PR girls don’t even register on the designer’s radar. How is it, then, that DVF knew about Whitney’s boy troubles? And, seeing as she just put on a runway show, why would she care to sit down and give some young chick dating and love advice? I mean, the advice was great (and now I love that woman even more), but  I imagine DVF has better things to do than talk love and fires with Whitney Port.

Finally, on the complete opposite side of You-Go-Girl-ville, we also witnessed Ali take back her pathetic yet totally smoking hot boyfriend. After Adam went sh*t nuts on Erin for getting up in his business (while taking off and immediately putting back on his jacket), Ali went to talk to him and immediately fell for his “I love you, I wanna wake up next to you, tell me what I can do to fix this” BS. Because we haven’t heard that before.

Somehow, Ali buys into all of it (I imagine she is delirious do to the lack of nutrients in her frail little body) and returns for another dose of douchebaggery that is clearly right around the corner. I can’t wait until next week when the whole cycle starts over again. Maybe Ali needs a little sit-down with DVF. And also with some KFC, but that’s a whole different issue.

At my school, Americans who were enrolled in degree programs were labelled “Degree Students,” while Americans who were specifically there for a semester or two were labelled “Study Abroads.”  So, while I was an American sewing my wild oats just like you might be, there were some major differences.  I moved to the UK when I was 18, fresh out of high school.  I’d never had a keg party experience, I’d never lived in a dry dorm, and I’d never been to a major college sporting event.  Though I wasn’t always on my best behavior, my best friends were from all over the world, and I could see through their eyes how Americans earned bad raps as being obnoxious, immature, and annoying.  Make the most of your experience. Don’t make these mistakes.

1.  Do Know That Your Accent Says It All.

Have you ever heard an English person swear? I don’t care how “sodding” pissed off they are, it sounds so much nicer than an American politely asking, “Whaat tye-am is etttt?”  Most natives of whatever country you’re in won’t be instantly appalled by your accent, but they will know approximately where you hail from.

2. Don’t Get Wasted and Yell Things That Would Be Funny at Home.

As I just stated, your accent gives you away.  Which can work to your advantage… or not.  Screaming your school’s sports chant– P-I-T-T Let’s Go Pitt!– is not only loud and obnoxious, but do you really think the residents of Queensland, Australia give a f*** about the University of Pittsburgh?  Singing bar songs (American or otherwise) will also make everyone, including fellow Americans, want to punch you in the face.

3.  Do Be Polite.

You’re bound to get lost.  Or at least need to ask directions.  Be nice about it.  If you don’t understand the public transportation system, ask a station attendant, but be nice.  When I was in London, I would ask politely, “Do you know when the next train to [random borough] is coming?” And if I was cordial, they might ask where my final destination was, and then give me a better route that no guidebook could ever highlight.

4.  Don’t Get Angry Because Their Systems Are Different.

Screaming, “God, the T is so much more efficient” on a train or bus isn’t going to welcome any assistance.  Getting angry because the subway (or whatever they happen to call it over there) doesn’t run 24 hours a day isn’t going to get you home.  And if you ask a stranger for help, and they don’t know how to point you in the right direction, blatant rudeness is just uncalled for.  Getting frustrated because you can’t understand their language/accent also isn’t going to encourage them to be patient with you.

5.  Do Learn the Customs.

Immerse yourself in the culture any way you can.  If you have a work Visa, get a part time job.  You’ll meet the locals, or other study abroads from other countries.  I worked at a freaking Starbucks, and helped a Chinese coworker with his verb agreements.  He gave me a paper art Tiger.  I also befriended several English students, who explained the concepts of A-Levels, and years later, we are still close.  They also brought me to the bars and clubs that no other “Study Abroads” had stumbled upon.

If you can’t work or if you don’t waste your time behind a cash register in a foreign land, try to befriend the waitress at the cafe you go to every weekend, or attend as many community events as you can, just to take it all in.

6.  Don’t Insist on Sticking to Your American Ways.

How do you know that German delicacy won’t whet your palate? Just give it a try.  Don’t insist on shaking hands when the customs of your new country are to bow.  Sure, things may seem awkward at first, but eventually, they’ll grow on you.  Why not stay in the states if you’re going to cry over the difference in plumbing systems?   Being narrow-minded will only mean you’re missing out on a culture that could change your life.  Oh, and though it might be okay to shack up at a frat party, keep in mind that in some parts of the world, our American ways can be shocking.  You don’t have to censor yourself necessarily, but just be smart.

7.   Do Travel.

If you’re studying in a European country, you can get a cheap flight to so many other parts of the continent, on the cheap.  Check out Ireland, Italy, Spain, or France.  Check out a place you’ve never heard of (the Canary Islands are to Britain what Cancun is to the U.S.)  If you’re in a big country, like Australia, China, or Africa, check out another province.  Even if it’s just for the weekend.  Once you’re back in the states, these place won’t be so accessible.

8.  Don’t  Be Too Impulsive.

If you buy the first token souvenir you see, you may regret it later.  You might find find a better deal five minutes later (or you might get screwed over the first time around).  Take your time to learn about the trends of the country, and buy something more sentimental than a “J’Adore Paris” t-shirt.  You don’t have to do it all in one day– you’ve got a few months to learn the ropes.

9.  Do Enjoy Yourself.

Don’t cry every night because you miss your family.  Don’t rack up a phone bill calling your boyfriend in the States.  Take in all of the little things, whether it’s a tiny coffee shop or a local park.  The days of your study-abroad will fly by.  Make it count.

10.  Don’t Feel the Need to Take Unnecessary Pictures.

Imagine you’re in Times Square in New York.  You know that gaggle of people taking pictures of Planet Hollywood, who take up the whole sidewalk and won’t let any pedestrians pass until they’ve gotten their group shot? Ugh.  Asking the coffee shop attendant in Amsterdam to pose for a pic of you and your first space cake is cliche and annoying.  It’s okay to document all of the new sights you encounter, but there’s no need to objectify the locals for your own personal scrap-booking needs.

11. Don’t View a Lower Drinking Age as an All-Access Party Pass.

In countries with more leniant drinking laws, students your age have been raised to drink in moderation.  It’s not such a big deal to get into a bar without being carded.  So, if you’re studying abroad and you’re not 21, take your newfound legality as an opportunity to learn about how certain wines are made, or how hoppy you like your beer.  Try all of the “real” Sangria, Sake, Mojitos, Caipirhinas, and Ales that you can, but learn to appreciate a nice drink, rather than play the “how many beers can I pound in an hour” game.

Angelina is looking freakishly plastic in London.

Check out Justin Bobby’s band on MySpace.

Out of the limelight and into the sunlight: Sarah Palin sunbathing.

Wacko sports traditions!

The perils of fashionable footwear.

Some really creative answers to the question, “What have you been smoking?”

Instant bug killer and other unconventional uses for your shampoo.

A cup size bigger for just $19.99?

Scarlett claws back at Lindsay.

Gag gifts for the holidays!

It’s rainy. It’s windy. You haven’t seen sunlight in days, you didn’t do so hot on today’s pop quiz, and you really don’t feel like reading about the Enlightenment for history class. What better way to beat the dreariness and procrastinate than by having a comedy movie marathon to boost your spirits and make you laugh?

When fall settles in and it’s not as much fun to walk through campus on a chilly, dismal day, grab a bunch of kids from your hall, pop some warm, buttery popcorn, and veg out in flannel pj’s and sweats. You’ll feel better, you’ll have fun, and best of all, these movies sure as hell beat anything that sprung from the Enlightenment!

1. Happy Campers

I stumbled upon this little gem in college, and ended up being charged an arm and a leg in late fees when I couldn’t bring myself to return my new instant-favorite to the video store. Starring Brad Renfro, Dominique Swain, and Jaime King (credited as James King), this black comedy follows six mismatched camp counselors through the trials and tribulations of summer camp.

All of the typical stereotypes are present in the counselors who have to fend for themselves and control their coming-of-age campers after the director of the camp is struck by lightening. If you’re thinking this movie is just as cheesy as such camp movies as Camp Nowhere or Heavyweights, think again. Do those Disney flicks feature scenes in which the “slutty” counselor tells her charges that semen tastes like salty pancake batter? I didn’t think so.

Bonus: Summer movies might be the only chance of seeing sunshine as the days get longer and darker.

2. Grandma’s Boy

This Happy Madison production does NOT feature Adam Sandler, but if you’ve seen Big Daddy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and the rest of Sandler’s flicks, you’ll recognize the featured cast (Kevin Nealon, Peter Dante, and Allen Covert), as well as Rob Schneider and David Spade, who make hysterical cameos. Co-written and co-produced by my future husband, Nick Swardson, this movie wraps excessive marijuana use, Dance Dance Revolution, karaoke, a ninja monkey, and the nerdy guy from Dodgeball (dressed in pleather) into one gut-busting hit. Did I mention Doris Roberts from Everybody Loves Raymond also plays a major part?Bonus: This movie is totally guy-friendly, so you can make a coed movie night out of it!

3. Mean Girls

Come on — this movie is the staple for a snuggly night in. No matter how many times Lindsay Lohan says “Grool”– you know, when she meant to say “cool,” but then she started to say “great”– Mean Girls gives you something new to notice and laugh at every time around. Maybe that’s because the script is written by funny woman Tina Fey, of Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock and Baby Mama fame. There’s plenty of eye candy, plenty of velour jumpsuits, and plenty of Rachel McAdams portraying the ultimate Queen Bee. What’s not to love?Bonus: Save money on rentals — it’s pretty much guaranteed that someone on your floor already owns it.

4. EuroTrip

Just because Spring Break is months away doesn’t mean it’s too early to start planning. What better way to get some fab SB plans than by watching the ultimate collegiate European adventure? Three guys and Michelle Trachtenberg jetset to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Bratislava, Vatican City, and more, partaking in plenty of deviance along the way. So what if you’re stuck inside a dorm room, bored out of your mind? Escape to the world of French robots, football hooligans, Absinthe, and crass Nazi jokes. Forget Miami Beach — this movie will make you want to dust off your passport and head to Europe this spring!Bonus: Look for the cameo by Matt Damon — just be careful not to get his catchy jam stuck in your head!

5. Sorority Boys

When three guys are unfairly kicked out of their the KOK fraternity house, they do what any dude would do in this situation: dress in drag and pose as pledges for the DOG sorority. Obvi. Of course, as the film progresses, Barry Watson and his crossdressing cohorts learn life lessons, make valuable friends, fall in love, and outcon the enemy, with lots of sexual innuendos and biological puns along the way.Bonus: You don’t have to think. At all. Just sit back and enjoy Harland Williams’ antics.

This included me when I was underage. I used to rant continually to any listening ear around me about how hard it was for me to get into bars. I despised the injustice of the photo ID and the fact that I had to constantly verse myself in the full name, birthday, and address of the older friend I was always pretending to be while out on the town.

I had a boyfriend in London and HE was allowed to drink already. It drove me, as he would say, mad. However, now that I’m a few years past the drinking age and a few years wiser, I have come to understand how detrimental a legal drinking age of 18, for instance, could have been to my life.

If I had been drinking (legally) when I was 18, things would be different for me now, I reckon:

I would have been able to deal with the anxiety of living at home better and perhaps I would have never moved out.

I would have been drinking my first year of college and may or may not have made it through that first difficult year after throwing hangovers into the mix.

I would have spent a hell of a lot more money on drinks at the bar vs. bottles in my room.

I certainly would have lost my virginity before 19. Alcohol makes sex so much easier. And desirable. And “OhmygodIneeditnow!”

I wouldn’t have had to flirt/exchange numbers with the massive bouncer at the bar to let me in every Thursday.

I would have thrown up all over my freshman year roommate, who was a total b*tch.

I would have left the privacy (read: hiding spot) of my dormroom to drink.

I would have drank things other than Vodka and Fresca, or “Whatever I Could Get My Hands On” and Diet Coke

I would have, likely, calmed down with my drinking by the time I was 22 and I would already be on my way toward a more neutralized, commonplace life.

Yes, I was drinking regardless of the law by age 19. However, drinking has never (and probably will never be) as fun as it was then – when it was still illegal. You under-21-year-olds won’t believe me, but being able to get tanked legally isn’t really as fun as you think. There is something to be said about the thrill of using a fake or chugging from a flask in a bathroom.

Savor your opportunity to partake in criminal behavior, I tell you! Savor it! Before you know it, you’ll be sipping on martinis at happy hour after work, too tired to keep your eyes open, and wondering how you used to have the energy to drink and dance all night.

(Photo from: telegraph.co.uk)

But whatever, I’m so over Benji and I am totally hearting Chris now. Nicole can KEEP Benji all to herself now.

My new boyfriend like OWNS MySpace so he can help me redo my page so that way if I wanted to really run for President, he’d make it so that the whole country can vote on my page instead of having to go to those polls. Those are probably like really far and out of the way for everyone. But whatever, the election is like next year so that’s plenty of time. I bet we’ll be married by then!!

I don’t normally like to get so serious – but Blackberry, I’m lonely. Like sure I have sex with any guy who gives me the *look* but I don’t have any girls to call to tell them about my sex or if it burns when I pee. LA is too full of jealous girls whose boobs are bigger than mine so I decided that I’m going to go to London to find my new best friend. I think that it’s in France so that means that we can shop there together and everything.

It’s been a hard summer but with my new gray haired boyfriend and finding my new best friend, I think that this fall might be okay. For realzies!

Okay, I’m gonna get ready for this Hamptons party. Maybe I’ll find another boyfriend there. Chris will be totally cool about it, I’m sure.

Kisses,

Paris

“Sure!” (Insert a little drooling)

And then the worrying begins.

I know, I know, grabbing coffee is totally innocent. Yada yada. But, years of motherly concern, “What time are you going to be back?”, “Be careful when you drink”, have been totally ingrained into my thinking. I mean, I’ve been on the streets at two at night. Alone. In some of the roughest parts of London (yes, I’m a Brit), but those worries don’t stop flying around my head. No matter what.

Okay, so being alone at 2 AM, not exactly the wisest decision, but hey, it had to happen at some point. In big cities like London, being street smart is a must. And I, blessed with other things (none of which I can think of right now) was not given street smarts. Luckily, the guy I met for coffee didn’t turn out to be an axe murderer. Or a serial rapist. Or even a weirdo (believe me; I know a lot of them). He was actually a really nice guy. A nice, hot, French guy. Yum (No, I didn’t get his number, and yes, I am still kicking myself).

So I didn’t meet my demise that night. BUT, and here’s the big question…was my initial paranoia valid? With all the news reports of muggings, attacks and knife crimes etc. on the rise, can you ever be too careful?

Probably not. Hot guys can be murderers too, you know (actually, it helps if they’re hot…What?! It’s true!). So, here’s a tip, right off the streets of Bangalore (possibly the least safe city for woman in the world, according to The Times of India) pepper spray. And a big bag.

So, tell me what you think. When does worrying become an unfounded paranoia? And what are your tips for staying safe?