Being in a relationship in college is not easy. It pretty much goes against the rules of nature. The college gods never wanted their late night cramming, pong tournament winning, vodka guzzling subjects to be holed up in their dorm rooms eating takeout and cuddling with their partner every weekend.

But that didn’t stop anyone, including me. And while all of us coupled peeps absolutely love our boyfriends, we can all admit that we feel pulled in two directions. “Our girls or our boyfriend” becomes a weekly dilemma we have to hash out, mentally listing the pros and cons of which we should pencil in to our planners.

What makes it even harder for me is that my boyfriend doesn’t go to the same school, meaning seeing him is a tad harder then walking across campus to his dorm. It means packing a duffel, getting to a train station, an hour and a half trip, and then doing it all over again Sunday afternoon to be back in time for classes. Read More »

Long distance relationships suck. End of story. But what about semi-long distance relationships? You know, the guys who live all the way on the other side of campus. Sure, it may only be a mile but that’s like having hoes in different area codes when you’re in college. There are different restaurants over there, different bars; it’s a whole new world.

I recently ended things with a guy who lived across campus. The whole thing was just so hard. Everything was such a process and neither of us ever wanted to go back to the other’s place just knowing how freaking long that walk home would be (or how expensive the cab ride). I tried to make it work but our combined laziness made it impossible. So I shipped him off to his side of campus and decided to look closer to home for my newest conquest.

And I found one who lived just up the street. Score! My life was now complete, right? Well, sorta. Turns out, dating a guy close to home has its own set of problems. And by problems I mean I never know when he’s gonna pop up on my walk home. From the gym. When I’m a hot, sweaty mess.

I’m sorta stuck at the moment on what would make the best no-strings-attached situation, so I decided to make a list weighing out the benefits of dating a neighbor vs. doing the cross-campus booty commute. Let’s see what we’re dealing with: Read More »

My boyfriend and I had our first fight the other day and it was harsh. I’m not any good at fighting; the second I sense confrontation I shrivel up inside. But what made this fight SO hard was the fact that it was done long-distance.

LDR’s have their pros and cons, but fighting is a definite con. Why is fighting so much harder in long-distance relationships, and how can we make it easier?

You Can’t See Each Other

A good percent of communication is nonverbal. Body language and facial expressions are essential to understanding another person’s intent. When you fight over the phone, as in an LDR, you lose these important aspects and things can come out much harsher (or nicer) than you intend. To help remedy this problem, speak clearly and honestly to make sure you both truly understand where the other is coming from.

The Silent Treatment Is So Much Easier

All you have to do is hang up the phone, or refuse to answer in the first place. It’s a tempting thought when you’re really upset, but you’ll never resolve the issue without communicating. The best advice I can give you is don’t hang up! It’ll just upset you both more (your partner will be upset you hung up and you’ll be upset if they don’t try calling back). Talk through the issue and refuse to cut off communication until some agreement has been made, even if its just that you’ll talk it out more later. Read More »

Question for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for the answers of your dreams. Or, perhaps, public humiliation. It depends.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved to the US from Africa in Spring 2006 for college. I had a boyfriend when I moved and we had been dating for over a year by then.We stayed in contact everyday via email, phone, facebook, video messaging and I always went back at least twice every year and spent about 2 weeks with him each time. Everything was fine until summer ‘07 came around and I started to have friends and go out more. I met this guy that reminded me so much of my boyfriend (talk,act and even smelt alike). We started getting pretty close until he found out I had a boyfriend. We kinda drifted apart after that but every time we saw each other (like at a party) sparks start to fly again.

I finally got intimate with him 1 year after we met, but stopped seeing him after my boyfriend found out 2 weeks later (we are continents apart and he still found out). My boyfriend broke up with me and it took months of begging him over the phone and a $2,000 airplane ticket to get him back. I was genuinely sorry and I stopped all contact with the other guy. But then I go home this summer and we start to run into each other again. It started off with us locking eyes across the room to little flirts until I found myself in his bed again. Read More »

I have never been good at being alone. For me, loneliness = boredom = depression. I like to be surrounded by people, whether they’re friends, family, or my boyfriend. But right now, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the country, my friends are all home for the summer, and my family is hours away. And I’m starting to realize that being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.

If you’re finding yourself alone a lot lately (maybe you moved to a new city for school/work, just went through a break up, fought with your friends, whatever) here are some tips to fight off the loneliness.

Read
Get lost in a good book. My favorites this summer have been The Time Traveler’s Wife, God-Shaped Hole, and Never Let Me Go. Books can be expensive, so find a library, put in a long list of holds, and make it a goal to read each book before the next one becomes available. Read More »

I figured this is a great time for a relationship self-help post. Summer is coming to a close and with that comes the end of summer flings. Maybe it was the extreme heat or all the margaritas, but, you REALLY believed that it would last with that fantastic guy. And now, one of you is going back to school and even if you promise to stay close, long-distance can be tough.

So, I’ve found a book for all you victims of the summer fling.

Often, relationship self-help books focus on clever ways to meet men. You know, the art of the wingman, etc, etc. However, for most of us, the problem is not meeting men – it’s meeting NICE men. And maintaining a relationship with these nice men. And that’s where JM Kearns steps in.

His first book “Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You” was of the typical relationship self-help type and focused on meeting men. But, with his next book, he steps up his game and goes to a place few relationship self-help experts are willing to go. First by healing your broken heart… then, after you’re feeling good, telling you what you’re doing WRONG.

The book is written in two parts. Part one is titled “Repairing the Effects of the Breakup.” No matter how long a relationship is (even one week – ya, I’ve sadly been there), the breakup hurts like hell. Even if you cant admit it, you’re ego is damaged and recovery is necessary! Kearns maintains that before you can start a new relationship, you’ve got to nurse your heart and build up confidence. And when you’re ready for step two, you can move on and learn from your relationships. Read More »

Ah, the LDR . . . it’s one of the most talked-about relationship types ever, and for good reason—there’s just so much to say about it. Should you do it? Shouldn’t you? For some people, it’s not so bad, and for others, it’s absolutely never going to work. But if you find the right person and it just happens to be the wrong time in your life to physically be in the same place, is an LDR worthwhile? Here’s a breakdown of the pros and cons:

ADVANTAGES

Be a total pig: If you’re not exactly Mr. Clean, your significant other never needs to know unless he or she comes to visit, in which case you can do a total sweep of the house in time for the arrival. In fact, it’s easy to cover up a lot of bad habits if you’re in a long-distance relationship. As long as you can hold off pounding down the Cheetos or compulsively biting your nails for the short times when you do actually see the person you’re dating, you can otherwise freely indulge in your vices.

Time for yourself: This is a biggie. If you still like to hit up the bar with your friends or spend all your spare time watching college football games, there’s no boyfriend or girlfriend to stop you in an LDR. In a way, it’s the best of both worlds—you get to date a great person while still enjoying one of the biggest benefits of being single: time. Read More »

I try and live by a “don’t knock it till you try it” attitude. I’ve tried the relationship thing, so now I can knock it.

And I find the single life superior.

I know a lot of people that are perfectly content in relationships, and I commend them for that — but that doesn’t mean I want one. I enjoy the single life — heck, I don’t even mind the dating stage, but there are so many reasons why I don’t want a boyfriend.

First off, there’s the logistics of it. I spend 8 months of the year on one side of the country, and 4 on the other. Seeing as I don’t believe in long distance relationships, this makes it near impossible to have a boyfriend. I know, some people would probably say that it wouldn’t be so bad if I meant the right person, but I don’t want to! I have trouble keeping in touch with my friends long distance, and definitely don’t want to worry about a boy.

Secondly, there’s the whole title thing. I hate the word boyfriend. It feels very possessive to me, and seems to complicate things unnecessarily. I’m generally super independent, but when the titles come out, I become this gross clingy person I don’t like. But these are just specific to me. There are lots of other, more general reasons why I don’t want a boyfriend. And while you can call me selfish, I’m sure lots of other single ladies will agree. Read More »

Let’s be honest – we all like to get some on a fairly regular basis. But what’s a girl to do when the one she wants it from is a little too far away? It’s not like you can call up a guy who lives four hours away, tell him you’re horny, and expect him to deliver. You can bet that you probably would have taken care of it before he even got on the freeway. Thus, I decided to compile a little list of quirky ways to tide you and your guy over until you see each other in the flesh.

Phone Sex: This is the classic way to get your jollies when away from your lover. The upside? Feeling a little more desirable than just flying solo. The downside? Having friends and/or hear your various noises permeate through the walls. Could provide for a veryyy awkward conversation soon after.

Webcam Fun: With the invention of iChat and Skype, face-to-face action is becoming more popular than ever. However, be sure that if you do decide to have your own little “digital get down” that you lock your door. I can tell you (sadly, from personal experience), it is quite embarrassing to have your friend walk in on you half naked playing online strip chess with your boyfriend. Whoooppss. Read More »

Last time you heard from me, I was telling you all about the pros and cons of Goodbye Sex. Well, as promised, my boyfriend and I reunited….in the bedroom.

Here’s part two: The Pros and Cons of Welcome Back Sex!

Pro: Happiness to have them back

It’s a wonderful feeling to see them again. And touch them. And kiss them… It’s easy to get swept away in that happiness, and it feels amazing once you get to lead them into the bedroom…or the couch…or the kitchen table….or – well, you get my point.

Con: That happiness wears off

Just as soon as that happiness hits you, it wears off. Once the “festivities” are over, you get right back into the routine of things. It’s as if they were never gone at all. I’ll let you decide if that’s a good or bad thing.

Pro: It’s wild

You’ve both been deprived and letting your imaginations run wile, so there’s some lost time to make up for. It was some of the most passionate, hottest sex I’ve ever had. It’s amazing to just let loose.

Con: It can get TOO wild

I can’t lie; there were some injuries. While getting into the heat of the moment has it’s benefits, take it easy. Getting too rough leads to pain. And in some cases, embarrassing bruises/red marks that you don’t want to explain later. Read More »