Last week was my school’s spring break, and while I spent half of the time in Arizona, (where it RAINED for three out of five days), the other half was spent in Chicago with the boy that I dated all through high school.

Oh yeah, him. I can try to play it off as casually as I want, but this now single girl went through the entirety of high school being coupled. And having the boy that you dated for three years come to visit you in your new life is anything but casual.

FACT: I dated him all through high school, we fell in love and he broke my heart. Hardcore, he crushed my heart.

FACT: He has been apologizing for breaking my heart since last August, and I didn’t even respond for the first month and a half of his apologies. His persistence finallyconvinced me to respond once, and he later persuaded me into talking as ‘friends’ ever since.

FACT: I have been on so many dates and hooked up with many guys since we were over, and I have yet to find anyone that I was not comparing to him.

FACT: We have been talking and texting every day, talking on the phone or iChatting late into the night a few times a week since November.

FACT: I go to school in Chicago. He goes to school in Pittsburgh. I have zero faith in long distance relationships.

FACT: Whenever we are together, over breaks etc., things between us are just as they’ve always been. He knows me ridiculously well, and loves my quirks. Unlike other guys I’ve dated, he knows that I will never be on time regardless of how hard I try, that calculus will never be interesting to me, that I am the world’s biggest blanket hog, and that he has to cover my eyes if there are snakes in movies because otherwise I get nightmares about them.

FACT: I still love him, and at this point it feels like I probably always will.

FACT: We haven’t been talking much since he got back to school, because I told him I needed some time to clear my head.

FACT: We have no idea how to define the weird shape that our non relationship has taken.  I love having the freedom of being single and not technically being in a relationship. But now I don’t know what I want, or what I should do.

FACT: My brain is on overload right now and has no idea as to how to handle this mess of a situation.

A huge part of me knows that I really probably shouldn’t even be talking to him, that it is dangerous for me to be doing so, and will probably only result for more heartache for me in the end. Plus, seriously, I have nice guys that I don’t have any history with who live in the same city as me right now that I should probably be paying more attention to.

The other part just can’t resist the feelings that come back when talking and being with him. There’s something about knowing that a boy can still adore you even after such a long time that makes you feel comfortable in that favorite-old-sweatshirt kind of way. But it’s Spring – a time for cleaning…. maybe it’s time to toss the old sweatshirt?

I have no idea how I have managed to put off thinking about this whole mess of a situation for so long, but denial was apparently my coping strategy of choice. And it was working well. But I guess I had to face things eventually. I just wish I knew how.

And that someone can be anyone: a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a best friend, your dog. It just feels good to be loved.

I remember the first time my dad told me he loved me. We aren’t really one of those “I love you” families that shares feelings (unless making really sarcastic jokes at one another’s expense counts), so it wasn’t until I was off at college that I heard my dad say those words. At first I panicked, called my mom and asked if he was dying (true story). But when she told he was fine (“I’d tell you if he was dying, dear.”) and that he’d just been talking lately about how proud he was of me and how much he loved me, it just felt…good. Like I was warming up from the inside.

It bothers me that the focus of Valentine’s Day rests so heavily on “romantic love,” because there is just so much love out there that should be cherished. Whether or not you have someone to get naked with exchange chocolates with on Sunday, we all have a lot of love in our lives. And we can’t forget it. This week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share one moment when they really felt loved. If these don’t melt your heart (like the gooey chocolate on a fresh-baked cookie), I don’t know what will.

Ricki – University of Michigan: When my ex got back from Puerto Rico at 1am, the first thing he is was drive over to my house just to say goodnight and he missed me before going back home and crashing.

Rachael – University of Miami: For my 21st birthday, my friends did two amazingly sweet things: my closest friends, who live next door, secretly baked me a cookie cake the night before my birthday and came to my room about a quarter to midnight to surprise me and wish me happy birthday. A few nights later, a friend who I hadn’t been able to see on my birthday cooked dinner for me and two other friends. He went all out – amazing homemade curry, rice, and naan, a fresh salad, fruit, place settings, the whole deal. Just the fact that they put so much effort into doing something special for me made me incredibly happy, and was the best part of my whole birthday weekend.

Kim – Stanford: Freshmen year after only being at school for less than a month, my amazing new friends through me a huge surprise birthday party! I remember being shocked because I had only known these girls for about 30 days and I already knew they would be my best friends throughout college… and they still are!

Nina – Michigan State University: I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, and I’d been traveling all day so I could visit my boyfriend. The weather was crappy, and I just wanted him to hurry and pick me up. We were supposed to meet in a public square, so I was just standing there with my luggage, feeling annoyed that he was late. Suddenly he came from behind me with the most adorable smile I’ve ever seen and a bouquet of flowers. Bad day? Not anymore.

Carly – Grinnell: I am so loved, so it’s hard to pick just one thing. I think it’s a three-way tie. 1: Despite getting severe heat stroke and running out of water to drink, my mom stayed with my friends and I at an all-day outdoor concert when we were preteens just so we could see the Backstreet Boys perform at the end of the day. 2: My old boyfriend was visiting his family in India and swore he would have to miss my college graduation because he couldn’t get back in time. Then he booked a different flight to surprise me. 3: Sophomore year, my friends made a scavenger hunt for me for my birthday. They did HOURS of prep work and hid clues literally all over campus. It was the BEST!!

Hannah – Assumption College: Sophomore year a guy that I had just met from a different school called me on Valentine’s Day saying that he had something for me. He had come onto my campus with the gate guard telling him he had five minutes to find me. He showed up at my door with a single yellow rose for me. Yellow roses are my favorite and it was such a sweet gesture.

Sara C – Fordham: This may sound corny, but around last Valentine’s day I was very low on funds and generally surviving off cereal and pasta. For V-Day my mother bought me a beautiful green cardigan and told me that no matter what, you should always have some luxury because you should always feel beautiful. It was a simple gift but I still cherish it.

Leah – Ryerson University: My bathroommates made me a birthday “shrine” in our bathroom for my 19th bday.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I had to fly to Wisconsin for a week, and when I got back my boyfriend ran up the escalator just so he could kiss me sooner.

Jackelyn – San Francisco State University: The guy I was dating last year never showed any appreciation for me. I’m a hopeless romantic, so in the first stages of a relationship, I LOVED celebrating the monthsaries. He, on the other hand, didn’t. So when another monthsary came around and nothing happened, I was a bit disappointed. My best guy friend who understood what had happened came to my house later that night with flowers and stuffed animals for me! He wanted to make sure I knew that even though this guy didn’t get me anything, that I was still loved. Probably the sweetest thing ever!

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: Simple and sweet, a boy I dated in high school and I were sitting at lunch one afternoon. Lunch of the day: Chicken Chow Mein (ew). Regardless, fortune cookies were also on the menu.  My boyfriend (sitting promptly right next to me) opened his fortune cookie, looked up at me, smiled, and moved to the other corner of the table.  As a young high school woman and clearly in love, I was outraged. Um, hello?  Then, he handed me his fortune which said: Love is around the corner.   I melted in a puddle of adolescent mush.

Desiree – Columbia University: Before we started dating, my current boyfriend bought me an espresso brownie from Starbucks and brought it to my room at midnight on my birthday. He stuck a candle in it, lit the candle with a lighter that had my zodiac sign on it, and sang happy birthday. That was when I knew I needed to date him for real. I still have that lighter, too.

Charlsie – Hollins University: The most romantic thing my boyfriend has ever done for me was make a trail of Hershey Kisses from his car (with notes attached that said things like “I Love You”) to a hiding spot in the bushes. After following the trail, I found him where he was holding a sign that said “To me, you are perfect” (just like in Love Actually). That moment has been pretty unforgettable.

Christie – NC State University:For my birthday this year I had a plan set, but the day of it fell through. I was in my room crying, because I wasn’t sure what to do (I never celebrate my birthday and I had my hopes up for the one time I decided to), but my friends came up with a list of activities and taped them to my door with cheerful messages. It ended up being one of my best birthdays ever, and none of my friends were disappointed or backed out.

Brithny – Duke: He told me that he wanted me to meet his mom. And gave me an oatmeal raisin cookie she mailed over.

Emmy- Loyola University Chicago: One summer I traveled through Australia and New Zealand. My old boyfriend wrote me a bunch of letters for while I was gone, and I got to open up a new one every other day. He even drew me pictures and wrote me silly poems, and they were the most adorable letters I have ever received.

Jessica – Delaware: I haven’t dated the most romantic guys, but I have the best friends in the world. The nicest thing they’ve ever done is throw me an amazing surprise birthday party in my friends apartment. Some even traveled for hours just to be there!

College. Sigh. It’s unlike any other time in your life. It has its own set of rules, its own unique circumstances. And it’s not always easy to navigate. Everyone needs a little guidance now and then (or always) so we’ve pulled together a variety of perspectives (the does-it-all girl, the party girl and Ms. Study Lounge) to weigh in on your life conundrums and give you the best advice we can.

Every week they’ll be tackling your questions about college. From classes to keggers to keggers before classes, they’ll do their best to respond and be your Pez dispenser of collegiate wisdom. Got questions? Unsure of a decision? Not sure about class scheduling? Just wanna chat it up with some really awesome chics?

Hit them up in the comments or shoot them an email with the subject “College Q&A”!

Question:
I started going out with a guy right before I left for college. I really like him, but he goes to school in a different state and I feel like I’m missing out on a lot with my friends when I’m on the phone with him every night. He totally trusts me so it’s not like he’s annoying or anything, but this whole LDR thing is really taking up a lot of time. What do you guys think of long distance in college? Good idea or bad?

GPA Girl:
LDRs suck no matter how you slice it or where you’re at in life. If you really love someone, it’s awful to be far away from him or her. However, it’s sometimes worth it, especially if there’s an end in sight. I suspect this question is not really about long distance in college but about your relationship in particular. What I’m reading in between the lines is that you’re not head over heels for this guy and you kind of feel as if he’s limiting your options, whether those options be hanging with your friends or smooching other dudes. Is that true? Be honest with yourself. If so, I’d cut your losses and move on. If that’s not the case, you’ll know it and the idea of breaking up with this guy will seem ludicrous to you. Trust me–I’m in an LDR right now, and the guy I’m with is so amazing that I wouldn’t blink at dating him long-distance for years if I had to because it’s more than worth it just to have him in my life. Which situation is your relationship? You make the call.

Party Girl:
First of all, you shouldn’t have to miss out on any time with your girls just because of an LDR! Change your phone calls to morning or afternoon and maybe just go every other day. Night time is for friends and partying (and sometimes studying…but mostly drinking). If you feel burdened by this guy, just let him go. Maybe after college you guys can pick it up again, but now is the time to have fun! If you can’t see yourself breaking it off, then make the phone calls convenient for you and always make time for your friends. Some of the biggest benefits of long distance relationships is that you don’t have to worry about your boyfriend seeing you come home all sloppy from a frat party (unless someone posts Facebook pics…) and you can have girl time whenever you want it. If this LDR is impeding on those things, it’s time to switch things up. In the end, it’s your decision whether you stay with this guy or not, but this relationship should be making you happy, not stressed.

Busy Bee:
Unless you think that there is really good chance that you two will last for a while, then this LDR is a no go. I strongly believe that college is all about the experience – guys are just an accessory to it. You say that the LDR is taking up a lot of time, and that’s time out of your job, friends, late night fun, and crazy memories. You don’t want to look back on this year wishing you had ditched the phone for random dorm adventures, do you? I say, don’t cut him off completely, but keep it light and just as friends. If you guys still have a strong chemistry throughout the year, then try it out again in the summer. For now, I think you should focus on school, enjoying all the things your school has to offer (student groups, field trips, IM sports….), and, most importantly, what you can and experience see in front of you.

What do you all think?

We're gonna stay together forever...or until we get to college and grow apart/find better options.

Upon graduation, my high school sweetheart and I left for different universities in the same city, vowing to stay together, no matter what. “No high school couple lasts beyond their first semester freshman year,” someone told me, to which I replied with a scoff and an eye-roll. That kind of advice was meant for bicoastal couples separated by thousands of miles, and people who just weren’t committed enough to making it work. I resolved to survive the turkey drop.

But by the middle of second semester, I had unceremoniously ended a four-year relationship, citing midterms and the “different directions” in which our lives were headed. What was once was a comfortable refuge ultimately felt stifling, and the messy breakup regrettably tainted years of good memories for a long time after. But I had to do it and it was definitely worth it in the long run.

For those contemplating the High School Sweetheart Breakup (and those of you who are and just refuse to admit it), here’s why it might be better to shelve your boyfriend’s varsity jacket with the rest of your senior yearbook memories:

1. Long distance sucks.
You may have promised to stick together whether you were 30 or 3,000 miles apart, but the truth is, maintaining a long distance relationship is hard. Spending time together isn’t as simple as it used to be; now you have to drive across state lines or fly hundreds of miles every other weekend, cutting into the amount of time you have to catch up on homework, hang out with new friends, or simply explore your new settings. Plus, nobody wants to have to turn down potential weekend plans with, “Sorry, I’m driving to Ohio again to see my boyfriend.”

2. Your interests will change (and so will his).
The two of you shared a bunch of friends and dominated Wii doubles tennis together, so who’s to say you have nothing in common? Though not all high school relationships are affairs of convenience, many of them are, especially if your senior class was only 50 people big. College opens you up to a slew of experiences, and along with discovering you like volleyball and theater (who knew?), you’ll probably switch majors at least twice before you figure out what you really want. Ditto boyfriends. If your nightly marathon phone calls are dwindling down to awkward silences, maybe you guys have less in common than you thought.

3. You’ll be too busy for a serious relationship. No, really.
Between juggling 18 credit hours and trying out for the swim team and joining eight student organizations, free time is hard to come by for a college freshman. There will be many occasions down the road in which you will invariably use the excuse, “I just have too much going on right now to be in a relationship,” but this time, it might actually be true.

4. There are other fish in the sea, and other guys on the quad.
That said, you are going to want to date other guys. I repeat: you are going to want to date other guys. “No!” you protest, “I love my boyfriend, and we’ve gone through so much together.” That may be true, but there is something to be said for the appeal of (and conversely, the fear of) the unknown. Ask yourself frankly: Do you kinda maybe want to see what else is out there, but are afraid of being on your own after so long? Do you wish there were some sort of trial separation you could undertake without fully letting go of your boyfriend? Do you want your own crazy singleton stories? If the answer is yes, it may be time to jump ship (and go fishing).

5. He’s a boyfriend, not a security blanket.
Moving away from home and living on a campus with hundreds, if not thousands, of strangers is definitely daunting at first. That is, until you meet all the awesome people on the floor of your dorm, start exploring the local shops and restaurants, and figure out that the quickest way to get to your poli sci class is through the math building. Holding on to a hometown relationship can be the easiest way to seek stability amid the chaos of settling down in a new campus, but is that really a reason to stay in a relationship? Yes, there exists the rare person who marries his or her high school sweetheart and lives happily ever after, but if you’re only calling your “love” when you need a little comfort and consoling, you are not that person. Face it: it’s just cruel and selfish to stay with a guy only because he reminds you of home. If that turns out to be the case, in the immortal words of Liz Lemon, “shut it down.”

Where are all the guys?!

We were all sitting around eating Christmas cookies and gossiping at our last girls’ night before the craziness of finals began. As tends to happen at any girl session, the topic quickly turned to boys. Or on this particular night, it was the lack of available boys that seemed to dominate the discussion.

One of my friends was seriously fed up with the selection of college guys. “Seriously, there are zero boys that any of us would actually date here!” she griped while French braiding my roommate’s hair. (I know – it was pretty 7th grade up in there.)  “I’m asking for a cat for Christmas!”

While her complaints about the lack of datable boys might be a bit dramatic (there’s no need to bring cats into the picture yet!), I realized she was completely right. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time any of my friends met a single boy they actually liked.

With more girls than boys entering college these days, the national girl to boy ratio for college students is 60:40. And that’s boys total, including the ones with girlfriends, the creepsters, the d-bags and the weird ones who always smell like mildew.  If we’re just counting the eligible dudes, I’d say there’s only about 5. The numbers are totally stacked against us, making meeting a potential boyfriend damn near impossible. 

It doesn’t seem that way, of course. On any given Friday night (when you’re 2 sheets and 12 Miller Lites to the wind) you are surrounded by guys. Sandwiched between them, even. You feel hopeful as you strike up a conversation with the cute guy next to you (after he accidentally shoves you into a wall) and hit it off. “I finally found one!” you think to yourself.

And then he casually mentions his long distance GF who’s flying in in the morning. Or worse, a long distance BF.

Or maybe you find one that is single. And cute. And charming. So you let the vodka cranberries do the talking and follow him outside for a little make out sesh. “Cute and a good kisser?” you think as he takes your hand and walks you back to his place. “I think I’m in love.” Of course, he’s not thinking the same thing. In fact, the minute you retrieve your pants from under his bed in the morning he’s already forgotten your name and you head back to your room, mascara smeared across your face, still single.

And so it goes, weekend after weekend after weekend. And you keep trying because people always talk about meeting their boyfriends/husbands in college. But the result is always the same. It’s mentally exhausting. It’s expensive. And putting on heels every weekend to make your legs look good is wreaking havoc on your feet.

Going to school in the middle of Chicago, I never thought there would be a shortage of men. In fact, walking through campus and seeing all the boys scurrying off to class, I always expected my possibilities to be endless. But that is most definitely not the case. It seems that no matter how hard I try and no matter how many guys there seem to be, there really aren’t many fish in the college sea.

вопрос? Pregunta?

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I am currently in a long-distance relationship for 7 months. We dated for nearly 2 months before we flew home to our separate cities, and are keeping our relationship steady by phone calls, IMs and emails.

However, something has been bugging me a lot. I met my current BF on study abroad, and before we got together I was cheating on my then-BF with another guy. I made excuses to justify my cheating on my ex with this guy: he made me feel attractive in ways my ex never did, the excitement and rush of doing something wrong, and loneliness of being away from home. After all, he did pursue me aggressively, but I eventually broke down. I did not initiate the affair. Soon enough, I realized what I did, and was utterly disgusted with myself.

At that point, my current BF and I were starting to become more than just good friends. He’s different from the any guy I’ve met before because he is genuine about having a relationship and he took things really slowly. I was starting to have real feelings for him, and began to seriously reconsider what the hell I have been doing all this time with the cheating. I called it off with the guy I was cheating with and swore to myself that never again will I go back to him.

Several months have lapsed now. I am happy in my current relationship. My current BF never found out about this guy (even though the two guys have met before). But somehow I have this nagging feeling that I should let my BF know about this. I learned from my mistake and swore never to return to that again. But now that I’m again in a long-distance relationship I’m afraid that my current BF might cheat on me. I know there is no reason to think this way because I trust him more than anything and we have both flown more than 20 hours both ways to visit each other over the past 3 months. I’m afraid of karma. I’m hoping that by telling him it will relieve me of the burden of holding this secret inside me, and make me less guilty for what I did. Also, when my ex finally returns, I will also apologize to him in person, and hope to bury the past behind me.

Tuffy Luv, what should I do?
– Reformed but afraid of karma

Dear “Reformed,”
Girl, you should be afraid of karma because you got a whole lotta shiz coming to you for what you did.

Okay, first, before I unleash the Wrath of Tuffy, let me just say that I want to commend you on trying to make amends. It is admirable that you’re going to apologize to your ex, since you don’t really gain anything from that. So I give you credit for that.

But that’s about where my sympathies end.

To be honest with you, I don’t believe that you wouldn’t cheat again. First of all, it’s only been a little over half a year. You haven’t exactly been sober for long. I hope you continue on this path, because it sounds to me like you really do mean well, but so far you haven’t proven anything. So don’t go giving yourself a halo for 7 months of being cheat-free.

My advice to you would be to, yes, tell your boyfriend what happened. But, please, do it over the phone. Don’t do it in an email, where it’s easiest and most hurtful. And don’t wait till he flies 20 hours to see you. Frankly, he deserves to know this before he flies the 20 hours.

You haven’t done anything wrong to him. So, like, you don’t have to feel guilty for that. But you did start the relationship off on a very dishonest note, especially since he knows the other guy.

And, frankly, your “justifications” for cheating are lame. So I wouldn’t mention that to him at all.

If you want to try to keep this guy without entirely losing his trust, I suggest you come completely clean to him. But also tell him how much you care about him and that you would never cheat on him.

Of course, history speaks volumes, so whether or not he chooses to believe you is his choice.

Maybe I’m being too hard on you. After all, you know what you did was wrong and you’re trying to do something to right it. And really, I applaud you for that. But it’s this little line that really grates my cheese: “I’m afraid of karma. I’m hoping that by telling him it will relieve me of the burden of holding this secret inside me, and make me less guilty for what I did.”

Repeat after me: You will always be guilty for what you did, because you did it. Cheating is not the worst crime in the world, but it certainly doesn’t show great character. Learn from your mistake and don’t do it again, come clean to your boyfriend, and apologize to your ex–these are good things to do, and I’m proud of you for knowing that and for doing them. But please, don’t think it undoes anything. Everything has consequences.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Can we handle an open relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been talking about an open relationship. The distance between us (Boston to LA) is starting to get really hard and our relationship is suffering because of it. But we love each other and neither of us is ready to give up. We’ve tried everything to make this work and now we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with any suitable alternative to our current situation.

Since I decided against dropping out of school to become a porn star in LA (sorry to all my male readers), it looks like our best option at this point is an open relationship. We’d get what we needed when we were apart (attention, orgasms…) but still have each other when we were finally back together. Theoretically, I’ve never really believed that monogamy is human nature, or that being with multiple people means caring less about each one of them. So in an ideal world, an open relationship would eliminate our loneliness without affecting our love for each other.

Sounds pretty perfect. If only I were totally convinced that’s how things would actually play out in the real world…

Let’s break this down.

Ideal World: We remain completely in love, and anyone else is just a casual fling.
Real World: He meets a new girl and wants to pursue a relationship.

Ideal World: We are able to have casual sex with other people without any repercussions to our relationship.
Real World: One of us can’t handle the jealousy and it’s too late (and we’re too far away) to fix it.

Ideal World: There are no STDs!
Real World: He picks up gonorrhea from one of his ladies and gives it to me the next time we’re together.

Ideal World: Our families don’t find out, or are incredibly open-minded and support our decision.
Real World: His mom will forever think of me as “that ho who was sleeping around on her son.”

Ideal World: I meet tons of boys, but he’s too busy with work to meet any girls.
Real World: He’s on dates every Friday night while I’m at home making love to Ben and Jerry.

I’m stuck.
What do you guys think?  Ever been in an open relationship? Did it work?

Share your stories below. Please. I need them.

Dear Dude,

So, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for awhile now, and things are really great. We live an hour away from each other and he makes the effort to drive to see me every week for at least a couple of days at a time, sends me flowers at work, and calls me a few times a day at least. We have a very honest relationship, and share pretty much everything with each other. I really couldn’t ask for a sweeter boyfriend, or a better relationship.

Ever since we’ve started seeing each other, I’ve noticed something a little weird though. He talks about his exes, a lot. He’ll bring up random comments (“that house looks like ___’s house”) or just tell me stories when something reminds him. It’s mainly two girls that he talks about, that he was with for 3 and 5 years. Honestly, I really don’t want to hear these stories; I know everyone has a past and I’m okay with that…but I just don’t care or want to know about it. The relationships with these girls ended years ago. On top of that, I made a passing mention of my ex’s name once and he got so upset! He told me he doesn’t want to think about it, and that it upsets him hearing it.

Is he not over these girls, or was he just with them for so long that he’s used to bringing them up in conversation? What’s his deal!

- Keep It To Yourself

Dear Keep It To Yourself,

It is often helpful to think of men as dogs when regarding any relationship: we would do almost anything for bacon; we sometimes miss where we intend to pee; and, for us, 3 to 5 years is like “20″ in relationship years. You’re right- your boyfriend likely doesn’t realize how often he brings his exes into the conversation, nor how unbelievably annoying this may be. Men are creatures of habit…and sometimes our bad habits seem impossible to break. But don’t waste your time worrying about if your man has moved on from these women (or if he’s secretly still holding a torch for them)… the way he treats you (daily phone calls, kind gestures and generous long-distance efforts) shows exactly how much he loves you.

Nevertheless, this doesn’t change the fact that your boyfriend’s absent-minded “name dropping” habit is putting a damper on things. If you don’t bring this issue to him (openly, honestly and delicately), then you may find yourself burning your own huge torch of resentment pretty soon. So, sit down with your boyfriend and explain to him that you love living in the present with him (and feel so positive about your future), but you want to bring to attention how much he refers to the past.

Let him know that although you don’t want him to hide or repress his past, if he does want to go down memory lane with his exes, he needs to return the favor (and be ok with you mentioning former flames). Hopefully the idea can be discussed with an open-mind (without any fingers being pointed, defenses being raised or additional names being dropped), and you can move on from there on a more positive note. As long as your flowers aren’t addressed to one of these other women (or their names aren’t called out in bed)…try not to worry. In this case, his actions truly speak louder than words.

I think I’m done here,
Dude

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn't include asking him out; homeboy is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

Being in a relationship in college is not easy. It pretty much goes against the rules of nature. The college gods never wanted their late night cramming, pong tournament winning, vodka guzzling subjects to be holed up in their dorm rooms eating takeout and cuddling with their partner every weekend.

But that didn’t stop anyone, including me. And while all of us coupled peeps absolutely love our boyfriends, we can all admit that we feel pulled in two directions. “Our girls or our boyfriend” becomes a weekly dilemma we have to hash out, mentally listing the pros and cons of which we should pencil in to our planners.

What makes it even harder for me is that my boyfriend doesn’t go to the same school, meaning seeing him is a tad harder then walking across campus to his dorm. It means packing a duffel, getting to a train station, an hour and a half trip, and then doing it all over again Sunday afternoon to be back in time for classes.

So if there are hearts on the agenda for Saturday, chances are I will be missing from all the Facebook photos come Monday morning. There will be a slew of inside jokes that my friends will shout to each other all week, and as they crumble into giggling fits I will stand oblivious…because I was at home sucking face with my boyfriend Saturday night while they were painting the town (Smirnoff) red.

Then again, when I stay at school and devote the weekend to group shots in our pastel-color coded glasses, bathroom photo shoots and dancing to Britney, it never fails that I end up in bed on the phone with my boyfriend at 4 am, the room swirling around me, crying about how much I miss him. (Alcohol makes me overly emotional and overly loving…not a good combo after the girls call it a night and you haven’t seen your boyfriend in weeks).

It seems like there’s no perfect solution. Except when the two worlds collide every now and then. My boyfriend gets along great with my bff’s (thank god!) so when he can take the trip I can combine both worlds: pre-game with the girls (which may or may not include a Miley Cyrus playlist), be a part of all the inappropriate totally embarrassing pictures, then squeeze into my twin bed with my boyfriend (spooning totally makes the spinning room more bearable) and get lucky.

What do you coupled girls think? Do you find it hard to balance the two worlds?

Long distance relationships suck. End of story. But what about semi-long distance relationships? You know, the guys who live all the way on the other side of campus. Sure, it may only be a mile but that’s like having hoes in different area codes when you’re in college. There are different restaurants over there, different bars; it’s a whole new world.

I recently ended things with a guy who lived across campus. The whole thing was just so hard. Everything was such a process and neither of us ever wanted to go back to the other’s place just knowing how freaking long that walk home would be (or how expensive the cab ride). I tried to make it work but our combined laziness made it impossible. So I shipped him off to his side of campus and decided to look closer to home for my newest conquest.

And I found one who lived just up the street. Score! My life was now complete, right? Well, sorta. Turns out, dating a guy close to home has its own set of problems. And by problems I mean I never know when he’s gonna pop up on my walk home. From the gym. When I’m a hot, sweaty mess.

I’m sorta stuck at the moment on what would make the best no-strings-attached situation, so I decided to make a list weighing out the benefits of dating a neighbor vs. doing the cross-campus booty commute. Let’s see what we’re dealing with:

Neighbor: Easy, breezy and less embarrassing Walk of Shame in the morning.
Commuter: The WOS is longer, but you take in some great scenery on the way. And who knows? You might be able to fit in a few errands on your way.

Neighbor: Convenience, duh. Getting together is totally simple and plans can be made on the fly. Like, at 3am when you’re chowing down on a $1 slice and the urge for some dessert overwhelms you.
Commuter: You’ve got your own space. You can do your thang and not worry that you’ll run into him at inopportune times: when you’re picking up tampons, when you’re picking up Immodium, or when you’re coming home from Spin class and your hair is sticking to your forehead.

Neighbor: It’s so easy to get together, he’d rarely say no.
Commuter: It’s such a hassle to get together that when you do, you know for sure it’s not just cuz he’s bored.

Neighbor: Cheaper. No cabs. No buses. No making up excuses to get over to his side of town.
Commuter: Did I mention the whole “not running into him” thing? Cuz that’s key. Especially after you embarrass yourself and never want to see him again. Ever.

Clearly, there is no winner in either situation. Especially me. Either I have to fork over my dignity for a long Walk of Shame or fork over my freedom for a short one.

Or just find someone across campus with a car.
That might be the best option yet.