The war in Iraq has been officially declared over, which is great news. But America still has lots of soldiers abroad in Afghanistan and other countries all over the world. Chances are you have a friend or family member who is overseas serving in the military. Ever wonder what you can do for that military member and their family? Here are a few tips.

1. Send care packages to deployed soldiers. Baked goods that remind soldiers of home are a great idea, but simple, useful things like soap and razors are also handy.

2. Offer to babysit or help around the house. Families who have a parent or sibling overseas might need help with household tasks that their deployed family member would usually take care of.

3. Write lots of letters. The US military recommends writing short, frequent letters to keep your friend or family member in the loop. New letters will give them something to look forward to.

4. Use technology to your advantage. Many soldiers have access to email and skype now, so set aside time for a skype call or send off a quick email.

5. Buy them sex toys. RealTouch, a sex toy company, wants to donate toys to military families to help them keep their sex lives active while loved ones are abroad.

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month, Khalea gave up fried food. This month, Michelle is going to come face to face with stress eating. Can she stop the emotional ice cream binges? We'll find out....]

When I started writing this week’s post, I really worried about it sounding like a “Dear Diary…” kind of deal. Stress eating, and the reasons behind it, are so personal, for every single individual. The reasons I stress eat can be totally opposite from the reasons my best friend stress eats or the reasons my boyfriend stress eats. It’s so dependent on life circumstances, and personality, and, when it comes down to it, the way each and every one of us thinks. Which, I hope we all agree on this, is different for everybody. Thought is just not homogenous across humanity. Obviously, I’m not any kind of professional, and everything I write here is based around me and how I think these things through… but I hope all my fellow stress eaters will be able to get a little insight into their own lives from what I’m experiencing.

How’s it going?

The past few days haven’t been easy. I’ve found myself standing in my kitchen holding a bag of tortilla chips and teetering on the edge of, I am going to eat all of these. I’ve been able to (mostly) talk myself down from these moments by addressing how I really feel… but each and every time, I get this itchy, uncomfortable feeling about it. Feeling emotions, really feeling them, makes us all uncomfortable to some extent. Feeling sad, being angry, experiencing grief… they aren’t good feelings and we don’t like it. So if we can avoid it, why not?

I should probably confess something right now: I’m a cry-er. I cry a lot. Probably at least 40% of the time. I cry when I’m angry, when I’m hurt, when I’m frustrated, when I feel ignored, when someone is mean, when I’m annoyed, when I’m stressed… pretty much if it doesn’t make me happy, I cry about it. And sometimes I even cry when I’m happy. I’m a cry-er. It’s what I do.

And I’m an ugly cry-er, guys. Really. It makes my face muscles tense and hurt. My head starts to pound. My nose runs and I talk like I have an extremely bad cold. Crying sucks, but I do it all the time.

Sometimes, when I’m right on the edge of tears, I eat instead. Because I hate crying, even though I do it all the time. But there is another side to my crying habit. Sometimes when I cry, I don’t eat. Sometimes, when I really let myself feel things, when I cry for a few hours like my body wants to, I don’t eat. I’ll feel hungry. But I’ll be so sad, and my head and face will hurt from crying so much, that I don’t have the energy to eat. So what’s better: compulsively eating so I don’t feel the emotion… or feeling the emotion and being so drained from it that I don’t eat?

Girls, this stress eating thing is getting complicated.

So… what’s working?

Cardio recently has not been doing it for me when it comes to exercising the stress away. I still feel good when I get off the treadmill or the elliptical machine, but at the same time, twenty minutes later, I still have the feeling of missing my boyfriend or stressing about the fact that there are, literally, no young professional job opportunities in my area (for people with my training and degree). So what has been working? Circuit training. Strangely enough, doing a series of crunches, leg lifts, high knees and long jumps clears my brain in a way that cardio used to, and afterward, the burn in my muscles is almost cathartic. Plus, if I keep this up, I’ll have some amazing abs. So if you’re finding cardio a little humdrum, give yourself a break and try some circuit training.

Finding a new hobby has also helped me a lot. When I don’t have anything to do (and, frankly, without a job and with my boyfriend in a different state, my options for things to do are pretty limited), I tend to obsess over little things, get stressed, and then eat. I promised my boyfriend that I’d find “little projects” for myself every single day. This week, I received a Canon Rebel T2i in the mail… and haven’t been able to put it down. When my part-time writing work gets done by 2pm, I now have something to do: I go for a walk with my camera and my dog; I visit my favorite spots around my hometown; or I go for a long drive, just me and my camera. Having a hobby distracts me and lightens my mood, especially when I’m having a bad day. I’m not saying you should drop $1,000 on a new camera or any kind of new hobby… but picking up scrapbooking, sewing or sketching is a great way to fill up the times where you would obsess over the little anxieties and stress eat.

Final Thoughts

This challenge has given me a lot to think about. Whenever I’ve been stressed lately, and found myself holding a jar of Nutella or some other tasty snack when I’m not really hungry, I’ve made a few notes in my journal and then calmly talked myself out of making a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with Nutella. All of these notes have essentially added up to the question I started this article with: what is it about feeling emotions that I hate?

Is it that I’m a cry-er? And an ugly crier at that? Because I give myself headaches from crying? Or is it because I don’t want to address what I really, really feel? As an example: when I’m frustrated with my boyfriend for not texting me back, what am I really thinking? Does he not love me? Is he with another girl? Is he ignoring me? It’s all based in insecurity, which fuels my stress, which fuels my stress eating, which fuels my insecurity. So really, when I stress eat to not feel emotion, what I’m really avoiding is addressing the underlying issue: that I’m insecure.

It can be a never-ending cycle, girls. But it’s time with break it. When I think about it, my stress eating always goes back to my little list of insecurities: the things that I’m unsure of regarding my body, my personality, my entire life. My insecurity over my not-so-flat stomach, my insecurity over the job market, my insecurity over the fact that maybe I’m not a likeable person… all of these things add up to anxiety that I pretend is about other things. But it’s not. It’s time to address the insecurity we all feel, so we can break the cycle of stress eating.

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College introduced me to my best friends (who ended up not being my best friends senior year, but oh well), girls that compulsively wore Uggs and North Face jackets to class, stereotypes unknown in high school (hello frat boys), frenemes, coffee buddies, and classroom peers, and a few boys I wish I never met. Being in a university setting provides students with an ongoing fodder of new people – all from different walks of life. And through these chance meetings, you will meet someone (or many ones) that will truly impact your life.

I certainly did. Looking back on the last four years of my life, a lot of specific friends stick with me, along with a few classes and certain professors. However, one person truly means the most to me and that is my boyfriend of over two years. We met our first year of college (and couldn’t stand each other…), but near the end of our sophomore year, we both realized something was there. From that point on, we were inseparable.

Until now. Now, we’re in a long distance relationship (me in California, him in St. Louis, MO). I never thought I would be one of those long distance kinda girls, but with him, I’d rather be in a long distance relationship than to not have him in my life. Not only is he my best friend, but he truly is the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. But I’m not going to lie – it’s hard going from being so close to each other to being so far apart (we’re nearly two thousand miles away from each other).

While I’m happy to be able to talk to him on the phone and on Skype (and to visit him as much as I can), I realize how special that time in college was. It was so much easier back then. And that goes across the board with all kinds of relationships whether they are romantic or not. I know I’m not the only one struggling with this. College couples are dispersed across the United States, along with college best friends, roommates, and party buddies. I read the status updates all the time ,“Wishing I was in Denver with my boyfriend,” and Twitter updates, “Drinking …wish my college girls were with me.” All of those college relationships that become so much a piece of us are for the most part changed upon graduation. We all throw our cap and gowns, and then it’s like “bye” – sometimes forever.

And I think this is just one of those things that makes being a new post-grad all the more difficult. We’re moving on from college, and in this most difficult transition the people who mean the most to us aren’t here with us. And we need them. So, not only are we adjusting to not having those special people around us, but we are adjusting to everything else – on our own. Sometimes it feels lonely and scary, and sometimes it feels bittersweet. Regardless though, it never makes you stop missing the people you spent the last four years or so with.

I know I’m not the only one feeling this loss so, I’m wondering … how are you keeping in touch with your boyfriends (or maybe even your ex-boyfriends), your best friends, your sorority sisters, your lab partner from sophomore year, and anyone else that means the world to you? What are you doing to make it work? To feel a little more connected?

LDR’s have their pros and cons, but fighting is a definite con. Why is fighting so much harder in long-distance relationships, and how can we make it easier?

You Can’t See Each Other

A good percent of communication is nonverbal. Body language and facial expressions are essential to understanding another person’s intent. When you fight over the phone, as in an LDR, you lose these important aspects and things can come out much harsher (or nicer) than you intend. To help remedy this problem, speak clearly and honestly to make sure you both truly understand where the other is coming from.

The Silent Treatment Is So Much Easier

All you have to do is hang up the phone, or refuse to answer in the first place. It’s a tempting thought when you’re really upset, but you’ll never resolve the issue without communicating. The best advice I can give you is don’t hang up! It’ll just upset you both more (your partner will be upset you hung up and you’ll be upset if they don’t try calling back). Talk through the issue and refuse to cut off communication until some agreement has been made, even if its just that you’ll talk it out more later.

No Make-Up Sex

The only good thing about fighting is make-up sex, and it’s pretty much impossible in an LDR. After a fight, we usually need some sort of physical contact (a snuggle or a romp in the sheets, you decide) to reassure us that everything is OK. Without physical contact, the hurt feelings may not fade as quickly and the fight might not feel over, even if it is. The only thing you can do about this is reassure each other that you love each other (say it out loud!) and keep communicating in all the ways you were before.

Do you girls have any advice for handling arguments in an LDR?

As someone who’s spent a majority of their college career in an LDR, only spending summers and holidays with my guy, I consider myself an expert in the intricacies of the dreaded time apart. Are you thinking of starting one as you and your warm-weather fling get ready for separate schools next fall? Answer the following Q’s to see if you have what it takes!

Drinkin’
When you get drunk, is it impossible for you to keep the flirting to a minimum? Do your beer goggles often lead you to bring guys back for some late night noshing and nooky after the bars?

Do you think that “making out” with a rando is okay as long as it only happens once and you can’t really remember it the next morning?

BFFs
Are you jealous of your girlfriends who are in relationships? If your roommate was sleeping at her boyfriend’s house every night, would you wallow in depression knowing that your boyfriend was miles away?

Stalkin’
Are you a stalker? If your BF got tagged in a Facebook picture with a group of attractive and scantily-clothed girls, would you attempt to hack into his account to make sure that they were “just friends?”

Do you to think its okay to read your BF’s emails and Facebook messages? What about listening to his voicemails? (Be honest… we don’t judge!)

Jealousy/Paranoia/General Craziness
Are you a very jealous person? If your boyfriend didn’t call you for a few hours, would you assume that he was getting it on with his hot treadmill buddy from the gym?

Would you call him more than two times if he didn’t pick up? Have you been known to send out your share of passive aggressive text messages?

Talkin’
Are you bad at talking on the phone? Would you be bummed if you had to skip out on Sunday night dining-hall-binge-sessions with your friends so that you and your boyfriend could recap your weekends with a 60 minute phone call?

Peepin’
Does the thought of getting naughty with your computer’s camera make you uncomfortable? Are you too busy for frequent video-chatting?

Travelin’
Are you a far plane ride away from your guy? Would it cost you a lot of money to visit him as often as you wanted? Is there a time difference that would make everyday communication difficult?

If you answered “YES” to a number of these questions, I’d think twice before jumping into the LDR pool. After all, these are a bunch of fish in the sea, right? Sometimes it’s better to end things when they’re good then end up looking like a drunk crazy stalker who can’t go home alone at the end of the night…

In this digital age, we are never apart from the ones we love, at least not for too long.  With smart phones, texting, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Skype, and SMS updates, we are just a press of a button away.  We are closer to other people than we have ever been before.  Even long distance relationships don’t seem that long-distance anymore.

But between new couples and old, is all this technology really bringing people together, or is it driving us apart?

While new technology is an awesome time-waster (among all the other fabulous things it does), the fact that it makes everyone so accessible is a little scary, not to mention the lack of mystery, chase, and boundaries between us all. We’re texting/IMing/Gchatting guys before we go out with them. And before that, we already know their favorite books, movies, quotes, hometown and birthday. We know what they’re doing, when they’re doing it… without ever asking them.

Sure, it’s OK because it’s all out there for the taking, but take a step back for a moment. Would that be OK if it required you to camp outside their dorm in a windowless van and follow them to around campus?

Yeah, it’s creepy.

I know it’s tempting to cyber stalk your crush/BF (oh boy, do I know), but maybe it’s time to take a step back from the technology. Yes, step away from the computer. Try interacting in real life; you know, like they did in the old times (1999). Ask the boy questions, experience things together (and not on AIM) and discover everything about him as you go.

And let him do the same for you. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, sans the Bberry.  Otherwise you are just a 21st century version of that annoying couple that spends every last second together and becomes one inseparable entity. He doesn’t need to know what you’re doing at every second. What he does need is a chance to miss you. Let him miss you. And let yourself miss him.

It may be hard to believe, but relationships did exist and flourish before the Newsfeed. The question is, can the same be said for after it?

I love the fantasy version of dating where everything’s shrouded in a pink mist and it rains sunshine and daisies on you and your perfect mate. Music plays when you kiss, you’re wined and dined, showered with gift boxes from Tiffany’s… and everything’s fantastic because, duh, you’re in love. Or what Dane Cook refers to in many a sketch as “lerve.”

Clearly in Fantasyland there is no concept of money, which is the primary reason I would LOVE to move there and live happily ever after with Christian Bale.

Let’s face it, ladies, the dating game has gotten out of control with expenditures. If you’re doing distance, travel just to see the other person will cost you a small fortune. Between that, the upcoming holiday season, birthdays, anniversaries, Hallmark holidays and oh, remember the generic DATES you’re going on? Yeah those. They’re all costing you.

I admit, there’s nothing more fun than splurging a little on a date-night outfit, heading to a fancy schmancy dinner, going away for a weekend, or getting tickets to a concert or sporting event your new fling would die to see; it makes you happy to make other people happy, I get it. But frankly, unless you’re one of the those lucky bitches who have Mommy and Daddy as your personal piggy bank, odds are you’re young and broke. And more than likely – unless you’re dating up – so is the other person. (Note: Dating up would be the ideal way to do it if money is your concern… I don’t attract these guys, but if you have advice on how to do so, please comment away below. PLEASE.)

Sure, you want the great first impression to keep going, but is it worth getting yourself into debt to buy those Tory Burch boots for the perfect outfit, or box seats at that game? Hate to tell you, sweetie, but you don’t get reimbursed for cash spent while dating if you break up. And the bills really only make you bitter, which doesn’t make you too marketable for the next guy.

I’ve made the mistake many a time – seriously, just look at my credit history – and have a few suggestions for how to keep yourself and your credit card statements in check:

Chivalry is dead, go halvsies. Take turns visiting each other if you don’t live in the same place. If you do, have fun but spend within your means. My own record shows many a guy who had no problem letting me pay, which is fine if it’s for half, but I have yet to date someone who finds it necessary to pay my way all the time. If their situation is anything like mine, I try to appreciate that. Do what you’re comfortable with and what you can afford.

Start small with the gifts. I’m a huge fan of doing things we both can enjoy for birthdays, holidays, and the like. If you’re in the beginning of a relationship that might not be “the one,” well… it may not pay off in time, if that’s what you’re expecting. Talk with him about gifting and set a cap to your spending limit. It’s nice to do nice things for people, but, like your mom tells you, it’s really the thought that counts.

Do not, do not, do not try and buy his affection. He was attracted to you for a reason, so don’t think you need to buy him off to make up for a fight or to keep his interest. It’s not going to fix anything.

Level with him. Don’t play it off like it’s no big deal when you won’t be buying groceries for the next month after a really expensive date or weekend. If you really like this kid, tell the truth: expensive dates once in awhile are fine, but you’d love to keep it low key. It’s ultimately about the company you’re keeping, right?

Love is a many splendid (and expensive!) thing; spend wisely, ladies.

[photo courtesy of www.dating-weblog.com]

I’m the girl that was in an on-and-off relationship with a guy for eight years. Eight years. Eight long years of ups and downs, break ups, makeup sex, happy times, sad times, etc. He was my best friend. This year things changed a bit; I started college and he moved across the country. But we knew we’d be ok; we lasted this long didn’t we?

Before I left for school I visited him for three wonderful weeks. It was all lovey dovey and perfect. He was constantly telling me tat he loved me like he has for eight years, and we were going to get married, and blah blah blah.

When I got to college (about a month ago), I realized how much I disliked the school and told him how I wanted to go to New York next semester. He was really supportive and reminded me I could always transfer out there. Awww.

And then I didn’t hear from him for a few days. And then a few more days went on without contact. So I started to freak out. When I finally got a hold of him he told me we were fine, he missed me and loved me, and not to worry. So I didn’t; I figured we were back to normal.

But apparently we weren’t. No phone calls, no texts. He didn’t answer my calls or my texts. I was being ignored. I sent a long text explaining that he should want to talk to me because I was his girlfriend, and we needed to talk things out. I told him how I wasn’t mad (even though I was furious), and I just wanted to talk to my boyfriend. No answer. I got drunk (great solution to everything, eh?) and ended up calling fifteen times and sending four texts (according to my call log). Again, no answer.

I rarely get on Facebook chat, but I did on Tuesday night. This girl from my high school who goes to the same university as my boyfriend ex-boyfriend struck up a conversation with me. She asked if I was still dating the boy and went on to tell me about an interaction she had had with him:

He messaged her because she added him as her friend, and he didn’t know how he met her. She said that they had met at a party, he called her fresh meat, which wasn’t funny, and that she knew his girlfriend (ME.).

His reply: haha omg sorry that’s not funny but I am single.

WHAT. THE. EFF?!

My boyfriend broke up with me and DIDN’T. TELL. ME. Who does that? Who, after 8 years, is such a coward they can’t even be honest and up front? He told other people, but not me? And I had to find out via Facebook?

I have so many emotions running through me right now: anger, sadness, disbelief, embarassment. And it doesn’t help that I am at a school I don’t like without the comforts of my family and friends around me. I don’t know how to deal.

If you have any advice for me, I would truly appreciate it.

And please, don’t get discouraged if you’re in an LDR. Like I said before, I’m sure your boyfriends aren’t complete scum. And I’m sure there aren’t many guys who would leave it to Mark Zuckerberg to do their dirty work.

People say life is boring when you’re in a really long relationship, but who are they kidding? Personally, I’ve never been happier. I love my long-term relationship because:

1. I have a built-in best friend.

Probably not everyone is best friends with their significant other, but I think a lot of people in long-term relationships are. I don’t always think about my boyfriend in a romantic way—sometimes I just think of him as someone who I want to call and share my good news with or someone who I want to hang out with because I know for sure that he can make me laugh. He’s always there for me, and not just as somebody to love, but as a true best friend.

2. I don’t have to be perfect.

When you’re in it for the long haul, you don’t always have to put your best foot forward. I remember having first (and second, and third) dates with people where I felt like I had to try my best to be funny and pretty and all-around wonderful. Since I have been with my boyfriend for several years and countless dates, both he and I know that I’m not always that way (he isn’t perfect, either, of course), and we’re OK with that. Sometimes I’m grumpy or rude or not very good-looking, and he just doesn’t care. It makes me feel so happy.

3. I don’t have to search for guys or decode their language.

If I were single and wanting to be in a relationship, I’d always be evaluating guys in the back of my mind for how they might fit with me. That’s tiring and frustrating. I’d also have to deal with wondering if I should see somebody again if I liked him, but not that much, or if he had habits that didn’t really thrill me (fine, I’ll admit it, I’m picky).

4. I have somebody to take care of me when I’m sick.

My boyfriend and I are long-distance as well as long-term, so I can’t always have him around when I’m sick, but it’s a real luxury when I can. If you have food poisoning or awful cramps, it’s kind of awkward to call up someone you’ve only been going out with for a month or two and say, “Hey… I look like a hag and I feel like crap, but could you come over and be with me?” But because we’ve been together so long and we care about each other so much, my boyfriend will curl up with me even if I have a terribly nasty, infectious disease.

5. We have memories.

This seems obvious, but you build up memories if you’ve been with somebody for longer than a year or two. They’re mostly unspoken, but they’re always there between you. Just think about all the really unique and fun things you’ve done with your family, for example (if you like them… I love my family, so this is easy for me). Having all these memories with my boyfriend of places we’ve been and things we’ve eaten and worn and done is like having a gigantic pillow to fall back on if I ever need to just think about something happy.

I feel like I’ve probably caused at least half of my readers to gag and leave by this point, but if there’s anybody left, chime in! What are your favorite things about long-term relationships, whether you’re in one or not?

[Image courtesy of datingsiteportal.net.]