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Note To The Kids: I get several emails a week asking me to respond personally on email. I won’t do it. Stop asking.

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Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@CollegeCandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently graduated from college and moved back home because I got a job offer. Around the time college was ending, I was casually seeing this new guy. We currently live about three hours away from each other and are in very different situations; I have moved back in with my parents and have a serious job, whereas he still lives with roommates and works hard but parties a lot harder.

The status of our relationship is very unclear. At first, I just wanted things to be casual…a sort of “I’ll see ya when I see ya and we’ll do it” type of deal. But now we talk every day and he’ll say things like “I miss you,” which are not very casual activities. Every time I try to pull out of the situation he insists that “I’m his girl” and we should just see where it goes. I know where it’s going….nowhere!! We live too far and I’m afraid that his party boy ways are just too much for me to handle. I’m constantly worrying that he’s going to find another girl and is just keeping me on the back burner.

How do I tell him that he needs to commit or let me go? He says we don’t know each other well enough to commit but doesn’t want to let me go because he insists we’re building a new relationship. Am I just being played for a fool?

— Not So Casual Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and with school and work starting, it feels like the “honeymoon” period is finally over. The thing is, I don’t understand why the honeymoon period has to be over and what’s so great about the next phase. Is it supposed to be better that he doesn’t do/say cute things anymore because he doesn’t have to show or prove his feelings and he has me secured as a girlfriend? What’s the line between being taken for granted and trusting that just because the honeymoon is over doesn’t mean the feelings are gone?

What is so great about not being in the honeymoon?

I’m also worried that this is part of something bigger. We live a little farther away now that he’s graduated and working, and I understand that he doesn’t have to be giddy to talk to me all the time, but I feel like we already have not as much time to see each other or talk – shouldn’t he be more excited when we do get a chance? He still has done nice things like taking me to dinner and letting me know where he is, but I can’t seem to appreciate it the same way knowing that I’ll barely see/talk to him during the week. Also I wonder if he’s only doing it out of obligation – obviously I don’t want him to do things for me if the feeling’s not there. At times I’ve also felt like I should only talk to him when he’s not too busy or it’s a better time. I guess I’m just wondering – is this normal in the post-honeymoon phase? Does having the honeymoon over mean that I can’t expect lovey-dovey cutesy things? Am I just being totally paranoid or how do I know that this is a relationship worth keeping?

- Wanting the Honeymoon Back Read More »

Dearest Dude,

So, basically my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We met in college, and after spending the first year and a half together at the same school he (due to unfortunate circumstances) has had to relocate and go somewhere else. We get along pretty well, although it’s been pretty hard for me to be back at school this fall without him here and all of those reminders…blah blah blah..

Anyways, the thing I’m most bothered about recently is our communication from day to day. Yes, we usually talk every day, but sometimes it’s not even until night time online and/or texting or something. I wonder if girls are different than guys. Do we like to keep in touch more than guys? Do they think nothing of it if they only talk to us at night or at any given point during the day? I’ve just felt like I like to keep in touch more with the distance because my day goes by quicker with a few texts here and there, but he seems content some days just waiting all day to answer a text, or to even initiate conversation. Is this weird? Lately, I’ve been trying to wait around for him to say stuff so that he doesn’t think I’m needy or that I can’t live without him, but it’s quite frustrating to not hear anything all day and wait until I’m on AIM or something at night. Even if I’m going to class or working or whatever, I’d still do my best to talk to him, so why isn’t this the same for him as a guy?

– Seriously Confused & Agitated Read More »

Gots a question for Tuffy Luv?! Ask it at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m writing to you because I just can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before.

To start out, I go to a conference center/camp in Maine every summer, which is about eleven hours from where I live in Philly. Five years ago, I met a guy named Toby there who was kind of dweeby, but a nice guy and a good buddy. Then three years ago, he started working at the camp, and I met him again. This time he was very different – he had grown several inches, put on a lot of muscle, and gained a lot of confidence. And, unfortunately, a girlfriend. Even so, there was a lot of tension between us because the attraction was clear, and we got very close, although never cheating. This continued the next year, with my emotional tie for him lasting the entire twelve months apart, despite some dating in between. This past summer, I also worked at the conference center, meaning we were both working and living at the same place for three months. He and the girlfriend had been rocky for years, and my presence ended up being a catalyst for their break up – Toby’s decision, and not mine. I was careful never to push my feelings on him while they were together. Only three days after that, we got together, and things got intense quickly. I slept over his place every night, lost my virginity to him, and had all the conversations that serious couples have about the future.

Now I’m back at school in Pennsylvania and he’s at school in New Hampshire. We decided to stay together, and for the first few days it was miserable being apart from him. But even more than that, back in spring, I met a guy named Alden, who I found adorable and sweet and funny and extremely attractive. We only hung out for maybe two weeks before school ended, but we spent most of the summer texting back in an innocent but fun way, which Toby knew about. Alden had a job he hated and spent most of it being bored and texting me, so there was a lot of interaction. Back at school this fall, almost all of my friends have graduated, so Alden and I have been spending a lot of time together. I mean, A LOT. As in, several hours a day, every day. And it’s no longer as innocent as I thought. We fell asleep hanging out on my bedroom floor, and sort of cuddled. And then we watched The Ring in his room and cuddled and held hands (because we were scared?) and when I was too scared to walk home he invited me to stay over and he would sleep on the floor (I didn’t). When we’re not together, we’re texting. We text as much as 100 times back and forth in a day.

So here’s my problem. I love Toby, and our friendship is very important to me, as well as our relationship. He’s planning on coming to visit me in October. I feel like I’m kind of “out of sight, out of mind,” because the more we’re apart, the less I think of him. Alden is becoming more and more a central figure in my life, but I have no idea if he feels the same why. At the same time, the fact that I’m even wondering that makes me nervous about my relationship. Am I being a terrible girlfriend? Do I break up with Toby now, or do I wait until after he visits? Am I being completely unfair? Should I break up with Toby now, or wait to find out if Alden feels the same way? (That feels awful though.) How do I negotiate this?

Oh my god help me,
Emotional Cheater

Read More »

Question for Tuffy Luv?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ll start off this email saying you must get hundreds of these, but even if this isn’t featured in the site, I really would just love advice. I’ve heard people say that asking for advice is just asking for someone to tell you a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, but I honestly have no idea what to do.

Questions for Tuffinski can be emailinskied to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend has recently gone on a study abroad trip for the rest of the summer.  He’s only been gone a week, and already I’ve noticed how drastically our relationship has changed.  For the first half of the summer, he always called many times a day and we visited each other every few weeks because we live in different states.  But now that he’s overseas, between the time difference and his busy schedule, there is no time for me! The trip he is on is with a huge group of his friends and is very party-oriented and it’s hard for me not to get jealous.

A big problem is that his phone does not work overseas so the only way for us to talk is for him to send me an email saying that he’s available to Skype, which goes to my Blackberry, and then I rush to a computer.  So I’m totally powerless to get in touch with him.  I end up getting really upset all the time just waiting to hear from him… which has only even happened once!! I really love him and when we’re together we never have problems and are very happy. But I don’t know what to do! Please help! Should I just wait it out and be miserable for the next month? I don’t want to send him anymore nagging emails about it because he says it makes him feel guilty and I can tell it’s not helping.

What should I do?

— Abandoned in the Eastern Time Zone Read More »

I’ve always admired those in the military, but when I found out that my boyfriend was going to be one of them, I have to admit that I wasn’t exactly thrilled. Sure, being in the Air Force seemed really intriguing, but for someone else. Someone I wouldn’t have to miss at dinner or on the couch.

OK, I’ll admit it, I love me a man in uniform. It’s patriotic, it’s manly and it’s down right sexy. Whether he’s in blues, fatigues and a white tee or the full Marine garb, there’s just something in it for me that I can’t even put into words. However, when it changed over from wide-eyed gawking on my weekend trip to Annapolis to stressing and pacing next to my computer until I got an email response, I knew I’d gotten myself into trouble. A long distance relationship is one thing, but a military relationship is a whole ‘nother.

I know I love the kid, but sometimes it just plain sucks.

1. He’s far away. You’re probably thinking “UMM duhhhh”, but just knowing he can’t be there to hold your hand or sit next to you on the couch (let alone any other physical need/want…) really sucks sometimes.

2. Time difference. Whether he’s in Iraq, Japan or just in boot camp in Alabama, there’s bound to be only a very small frame of time you can make any form of communication at all. And there’s quite a difference between a video chat/phone call and having an email waiting when you wake up.

3. He’s like an old man. I’m going to be a little bit selfish here, but I hate that my boy has to go to bed by 9pm in order to wake up for duty at 5am. I’m up for another 5 hours usually (time difference included…) Not only does this cut off our chatting time, but sometimes hearing from him right before I go to sleep is the only thing I wanna do! Read More »

Question for Tuffinski?! For a chance to be featchad  in dis heah column, email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So here’s the deal. Exactly three months ago I met this guy. We are both Seniors in college. We figured we would date and keep things casual and just have fun these last couple months of college but there’s a problem: we fell in love. We both tried to ignore it but one drunken night we admitted this to each other. In about two weeks I will be flying back home 3,000 miles away. I have to come back next semester for a few courses to finish up my degree so I will only be gone 3 months, the length of our relationship thus far.

I have always believed that long distance relationships, especially this long of a distance, would never work out, but I am willing to fight for him and what we have. We had a discussion the other night and he is willing to fight for it too, but seeing as neither one of us has experience with an LDR his next question was “how do we make this work?” and I had no idea how to answer that question since I never even slightly considered an LDR until him. So I come to you, Tuffy, begging and pleading on my knees as to how do I hold on to this extremely special guy I found when I wasn’t expecting it?! I know it’s going to be hard work and I know that it seems impossible and might not work out, but there has got to be some way to hold on to what we have just a little longer. I find myself lost in the movie “The Holiday” and want so badly for a happy ending like theirs. I know it’s most likely unattainable and totally fictitious but I’m just so happy when I am with him.

Tuffy, how do we make this work?

From,
Head Over Heels Read More »

It goes without saying that there is an enormous difference between being two doors down from someone and 2,000 miles apart. As junior and senior year of college approach, destinations like Italy and France begin whispering into the ears of undergrads, luring them into the idea of studying abroad.

Going abroad for the semester is full of new sights, new sweets and new stories to tell, but the abroad experience does not have everyone’s name on it.  Some apply for the passport while others just pass all together on the international experience.

But what happens when our friends go abroad without us?

How do we possibly survive when our closest pals board those planes and we are back in the states being red, white and totally blue?

Let’s put those old words into practice and let the distance make our hearts (and friendships) grow stronger through these simple ways to survive the semester apart. Read More »