Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Note To The Kids: I get several emails a week asking me to respond personally on email. I won’t do it. Stop asking.

Now back to your regularly scheduled column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@CollegeCandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I recently graduated from college and moved back home because I got a job offer. Around the time college was ending, I was casually seeing this new guy. We currently live about three hours away from each other and are in very different situations; I have moved back in with my parents and have a serious job, whereas he still lives with roommates and works hard but parties a lot harder.

The status of our relationship is very unclear. At first, I just wanted things to be casual…a sort of “I’ll see ya when I see ya and we’ll do it” type of deal. But now we talk every day and he’ll say things like “I miss you,” which are not very casual activities. Every time I try to pull out of the situation he insists that “I’m his girl” and we should just see where it goes. I know where it’s going….nowhere!! We live too far and I’m afraid that his party boy ways are just too much for me to handle. I’m constantly worrying that he’s going to find another girl and is just keeping me on the back burner.

How do I tell him that he needs to commit or let me go? He says we don’t know each other well enough to commit but doesn’t want to let me go because he insists we’re building a new relationship. Am I just being played for a fool?

— Not So Casual

Dear Not So Casual,

You say: “I know where it’s going….nowhere!!” I love you for this.

Girl, you know exactly what’s going on. I am absolutely sure that you are just writing to me for confirmation. And I’m gonna give it to you:

Boy doesn’t know what he wants. Well, he does. But he won’t admit it.

What he wants is to have a comfortable but not serious relationship with you, all the while having the freedom of hooking up with whoever he wants. He really does like you, but he’s not sure if he loves you, and he wants to keep you around in case he decides, after sowing his wild oats and shoop, that he does. This is not an unusual guy thing. I mean, it’s basically The Male Dream. And, hey, it’s totally fine if that’s what you want too.

But it’s clearly not what you want. You guys are branching off into different paths. You’re starting your career, and you’re ready to start your adult life. He wants…to still be in college. I don’t think telling him you want him to commit or get off the pot is going to work out. He’s just gonna keep telling you what he’s already told you.

And that’s because, well, he’s actually being quite honest with you. He IS building a new relationship with you–just not the kind you want. He DOES like you a whole lot–just not enough to give up his partying.

My advice to you is to tell this guy you like him but you’re not interested in a long-distance casual relationship. (And I’m with you, girl–what the floop is the point of the agony of an LDR if it’s not even likely to work out?! Not fun AND not sustainable–and therefore, not cool.)

He’ll probably be really bummed out and try to keep convincing you to “just see where it goes.” But, like you said: “I know where it’s going….nowhere!!” (SERIOUSLY. I love this. Totally why I chose this question. It should be SOOOOO many people’s mantra.)

Dear Dude,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, and with school and work starting, it feels like the “honeymoon” period is finally over. The thing is, I don’t understand why the honeymoon period has to be over and what’s so great about the next phase. Is it supposed to be better that he doesn’t do/say cute things anymore because he doesn’t have to show or prove his feelings and he has me secured as a girlfriend? What’s the line between being taken for granted and trusting that just because the honeymoon is over doesn’t mean the feelings are gone?

What is so great about not being in the honeymoon?

I’m also worried that this is part of something bigger. We live a little farther away now that he’s graduated and working, and I understand that he doesn’t have to be giddy to talk to me all the time, but I feel like we already have not as much time to see each other or talk – shouldn’t he be more excited when we do get a chance? He still has done nice things like taking me to dinner and letting me know where he is, but I can’t seem to appreciate it the same way knowing that I’ll barely see/talk to him during the week. Also I wonder if he’s only doing it out of obligation – obviously I don’t want him to do things for me if the feeling’s not there. At times I’ve also felt like I should only talk to him when he’s not too busy or it’s a better time. I guess I’m just wondering – is this normal in the post-honeymoon phase? Does having the honeymoon over mean that I can’t expect lovey-dovey cutesy things? Am I just being totally paranoid or how do I know that this is a relationship worth keeping?

- Wanting the Honeymoon Back

Dear Wanting the Honeymoon Back,

Change being the only constant in life dictates that nothing can stay the same. This goes triple, quadruple, hell, call it bagillion, for relationships. Hence why every couple’s so-called “honeymoon” must phase into something else. In your case, it sounds like you’re in the “soon to be separated” phase…

I’m not even placing the blame on your boy. You are setting up your relationship to fail. That’s right, I said it! If you’re looking for something to be wrong then something’s already wrong as far as you’re concerned. And that something has to do with your not being sure this relationship is “worth keeping.” To me, it sounds like you’re looking for permission to end a relationship that you’re no longer happy with. I say do it. I’d never tell anyone to stay with something in hopes it would magically get better.

Notice the word I used, “magically.” That’s because the “honeymoon” isn’t what a relationship should be for the next 20 years. Neither one of you would ever grow and evolve, the intimacy wouldn’t deepen, and your lives would be stuck in routine. Make no mistake about it, the intensity of the first six months can’t last and isn’t meant to last. That’s called real life.

Look back on my column “Where’s the Intimacy” and you’ll see that you’re going through a similar transition. He has a life that includes you but doesn’t revolve around you. Nor should it. Nor should yours revolve around him. He does have other obligations like making that money, money, yeah, yeah so he can pay rent and have a career where he’ll also find emotional growth. You’re one part. Albeit, you’ve got to feel like an important part and if you don’t then remove yourself from his life and focus on your own.

No one should feel ignored in a relationship but it does happen. If you can’t address it with the person then your relationship has a clear expiration date. The only question is: who is going to throw it away?

First of all, you shouldn’t expect “cutesy lovey-dovey” things, you should expect as much as you give. Expectations are cancer for almost every relationship in the history of ever. “Expecting” someone to act a certain way or to do certain things is the biggest kind of assuming there is and you know what happens when you assume? Right, you make an ass out of you. By expecting you’re abandoning the necessity to communicate to each other what you need, want, feel is missing, or feel is fantastic. Mind reading’s a great fantasy but you’re not Sookie Stackhouse and neither is he (whether he’s got Jason’s abs or not). By expecting you’re placing your relationship on probation and setting yourself up to look for parole violations. Which it sounds like you’re finding.

And what’s so great about moving beyond the honeymoon?

1. You don’t feel like you have to be perfect all of the time.

2. You don’t expect the other person to be perfect all of the time.

3. You’re confident that your partner isn’t going to run at the first sign of trouble.

4. You’ve noticed the other person’s “flaws” and have started to realize that that’s the good stuff.

5.  You can be secure that your relationship isn’t just based on sex but intimacy.

6. You can be an individual instead of half of a couple.

7. You no longer feel like you have to prove how much you care through constant showing of affection.

I could probably add another 43 reasons but that’s another article for another time. For now I’ll leave you with the sensational 7.

Baby, you’re the greatest,
The Dude

[Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

Dearest Dude,

So, basically my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We met in college, and after spending the first year and a half together at the same school he (due to unfortunate circumstances) has had to relocate and go somewhere else. We get along pretty well, although it’s been pretty hard for me to be back at school this fall without him here and all of those reminders…blah blah blah..

Anyways, the thing I’m most bothered about recently is our communication from day to day. Yes, we usually talk every day, but sometimes it’s not even until night time online and/or texting or something. I wonder if girls are different than guys. Do we like to keep in touch more than guys? Do they think nothing of it if they only talk to us at night or at any given point during the day? I’ve just felt like I like to keep in touch more with the distance because my day goes by quicker with a few texts here and there, but he seems content some days just waiting all day to answer a text, or to even initiate conversation. Is this weird? Lately, I’ve been trying to wait around for him to say stuff so that he doesn’t think I’m needy or that I can’t live without him, but it’s quite frustrating to not hear anything all day and wait until I’m on AIM or something at night. Even if I’m going to class or working or whatever, I’d still do my best to talk to him, so why isn’t this the same for him as a guy?

– Seriously Confused & Agitated

Dear Seriously Confused & Agitated,

Let’s pump the brakes, just a bit.

Two people separated by state lines, hundred of miles, sixty dollars worth of gas, and up to three hours of time difference run on completely different schedules. When it’s tough to be in the same place and at the same time, keeping the connection as strong as it was when they stayed over every night feels like organizing a space shuttle launch. Is it a feat of space exploration engineering?

One person’s always better at staying in touch than the other. Maybe it’s because of personalities or it might just come down to there only being 24 hours per day. Talking once a day instead of texting five times between two midnights doesn’t necessarily mean he’s losing interest. It might just mean he’s really busy or he’d rather talk to you when he can sit down and focus on just you. When you’re sprinting from Acting Shakespeare to Introductory Neurology, you’re likely to not look at a text or put off answering it until your brain is fully functioning again.

A quick text to say “I miss you” will take approximately 28.7 seconds (max!). So, why can’t he fit it in? He probably can. He may not feel like he needs to. Perhaps he’s totally secure in his feelings for you and yours for him. He thinks it’s no big deal and he can wait until he can spend an hour before bed putting off his Organic Chemistry work. On the other hand, maybe it’d be a constant reminder of how much he misses you and is trying to keep focused on the practical stuff. There are plenty of possibilities. There’s only one way you’re going to find out which one is right.

When in doubt, ask. After a year and a half, don’t worry about him judging you because you’re bugged by something. You’ve got to trust him.  If you explain you’re nervous or concerned, even over something you’re not sure is that big of a deal, you have to trust he’ll respond to what you’re saying and that you’ll work it out. The fear of bringing it up to him is the bigger concern. If he doesn’t realize it’s a big deal, then point it out. If he still won’t take it seriously…well, you’ll cross that bridge then. Remember, “kids swallow quarters all the time…if he craps two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying.”

We all wish upon a star for a relationship that’s 50-50. Then we wake up from our Disney dream. The most we can get is a shifting 60-40. Sometimes you’ll be the 60 and other times he will be. Some people are better at keeping in touch than others. Same way some are more comfortable with PDA, doing laundry, or cleaning the shower curtains. We can’t expect people to change just because the circumstances do. They have to be aware that a change is necessary, or at least appreciated. Once the choice is given a chance to be made, then you know what the situation actually is. Take the first step before you jump off the cliff.

Don’t freak out,
The Dude

[Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

Gots a question for Tuffy Luv?! Ask it at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m writing to you because I just can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before.

To start out, I go to a conference center/camp in Maine every summer, which is about eleven hours from where I live in Philly. Five years ago, I met a guy named Toby there who was kind of dweeby, but a nice guy and a good buddy. Then three years ago, he started working at the camp, and I met him again. This time he was very different – he had grown several inches, put on a lot of muscle, and gained a lot of confidence. And, unfortunately, a girlfriend. Even so, there was a lot of tension between us because the attraction was clear, and we got very close, although never cheating. This continued the next year, with my emotional tie for him lasting the entire twelve months apart, despite some dating in between. This past summer, I also worked at the conference center, meaning we were both working and living at the same place for three months. He and the girlfriend had been rocky for years, and my presence ended up being a catalyst for their break up – Toby’s decision, and not mine. I was careful never to push my feelings on him while they were together. Only three days after that, we got together, and things got intense quickly. I slept over his place every night, lost my virginity to him, and had all the conversations that serious couples have about the future.

Now I’m back at school in Pennsylvania and he’s at school in New Hampshire. We decided to stay together, and for the first few days it was miserable being apart from him. But even more than that, back in spring, I met a guy named Alden, who I found adorable and sweet and funny and extremely attractive. We only hung out for maybe two weeks before school ended, but we spent most of the summer texting back in an innocent but fun way, which Toby knew about. Alden had a job he hated and spent most of it being bored and texting me, so there was a lot of interaction. Back at school this fall, almost all of my friends have graduated, so Alden and I have been spending a lot of time together. I mean, A LOT. As in, several hours a day, every day. And it’s no longer as innocent as I thought. We fell asleep hanging out on my bedroom floor, and sort of cuddled. And then we watched The Ring in his room and cuddled and held hands (because we were scared?) and when I was too scared to walk home he invited me to stay over and he would sleep on the floor (I didn’t). When we’re not together, we’re texting. We text as much as 100 times back and forth in a day.

So here’s my problem. I love Toby, and our friendship is very important to me, as well as our relationship. He’s planning on coming to visit me in October. I feel like I’m kind of “out of sight, out of mind,” because the more we’re apart, the less I think of him. Alden is becoming more and more a central figure in my life, but I have no idea if he feels the same why. At the same time, the fact that I’m even wondering that makes me nervous about my relationship. Am I being a terrible girlfriend? Do I break up with Toby now, or do I wait until after he visits? Am I being completely unfair? Should I break up with Toby now, or wait to find out if Alden feels the same way? (That feels awful though.) How do I negotiate this?

Oh my god help me,
Emotional Cheater

Dear Emotional Cheater,

Yeah, break up with Toby.

Sorry, girl, but this one’s easy. You are so not Long Distance Interested in Toby.

See, Long Distance Interested is very different than Easy Access Interested. When you’re Long Distance Interested, it means it’s easy to avoid temptation–and, in fact, there IS no temptation. The closer guys just don’t appeal as much as your Long Distance Guy. Unfortunately, in this case, your Long Distance Guy is not nearly as important to you as he would have to be to make the whole Long Distance Deal worthwhile.

Do you dig?

In other words, kid, you’re not romantically interested enough in Toby to bother with being long distance. My advice to you is explain to him that it just doesn’t seem like a workable thing right now but that you’d like to stay friends and keep the possibility of future romance open.

In the meantime, date this Alden guy! You’re obviously much more interested in him. I’m not saying you have to marry him or shoop, but you may as well get to know him since, you know, you’re with him all the time anyway. And I think it’s safe to say he’s interested in you too.

Um, yes, by the way, to answer your question, you ARE a terrible girlfriend. But you know this already. You even call yourself an emotional cheater. GIRL!!! It’s because you don’t really want to be with him. Yes, you had a good time with him this summer, and, yes, he’s your first so he seems sort of important. But you can be friends with him, you know? You don’t have to string him (and yourself!!) along pretending you love him–because if he’s “out of sight, out of mind” so quickly, I’m sorry, but you don’t. I’m sure you DO care about him, however, so do him a favor and let him down easy.

So: DO NOT cheat. That’s effed up. But DO break it off with Toby before he comes to visit. What the floop is the point in continuing on with this charade of a romance? And making him spend money on a plane/train ticket only to get dumped? You’re way more interested in this other guy, and Toby’s not around anyway. Easy ash choice.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Want even more of Tuffy’s tough love? Get it all right here.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ll start off this email saying you must get hundreds of these, but even if this isn’t featured in the site, I really would just love advice. I’ve heard people say that asking for advice is just asking for someone to tell you a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, but I honestly have no idea what to do.

Questions for Tuffinski can be emailinskied to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and shoop.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend has recently gone on a study abroad trip for the rest of the summer.  He’s only been gone a week, and already I’ve noticed how drastically our relationship has changed.  For the first half of the summer, he always called many times a day and we visited each other every few weeks because we live in different states.  But now that he’s overseas, between the time difference and his busy schedule, there is no time for me! The trip he is on is with a huge group of his friends and is very party-oriented and it’s hard for me not to get jealous.

A big problem is that his phone does not work overseas so the only way for us to talk is for him to send me an email saying that he’s available to Skype, which goes to my Blackberry, and then I rush to a computer.  So I’m totally powerless to get in touch with him.  I end up getting really upset all the time just waiting to hear from him… which has only even happened once!! I really love him and when we’re together we never have problems and are very happy. But I don’t know what to do! Please help! Should I just wait it out and be miserable for the next month? I don’t want to send him anymore nagging emails about it because he says it makes him feel guilty and I can tell it’s not helping.

What should I do?

— Abandoned in the Eastern Time Zone

Dear Abandoned,

Okay, I gotta be honest, I got red flags all up and down my spine reading this. But Tuffy is a suspicious beast, so let’s come back to my concerns.

I can answer the surface part of your problem in two words: Phone date.

He can’t be reached, right? And then you’re totally at his whim?! No way, rosé!!! You guys just need a schedule.

Set times that will fit both your needs. He wants to go out partying with his friends at night? Great! Phone dates can be set for lunch breaks, or for breakfast time, or for whenever. Make sure you set enough phone dates a week so that you feel satisfied (let’s say, at least 4) and not so many that he feels stifled (um, no more than 7, please).

This doesn’t mean you can’t call each other at other times. By all means, if he’s available and feels like talking, he should give a call! But the phone dates are times that you are OBLIGATED to be available to one other. Think of it exactly as you would a regular date. Standing the other person up is really not an option and is actually quite shoopy.

So, phone dates. That’s pretty easy, right?
But Tuffy Luv gots her some concerns, too.

Why has he only called you once? I understand that he’s busy and having fun and all that, but ONCE?! That seems like an awful small number.

I don’t think it’s anything to get alarmed about. But if he puts up resistance to the phone date idea, I’d have a little talk with him if I were you. You’re being so considerate of his feelings. The least he could do is be a little considerate of yours. Still, judging from your letter, I have a feeling he’ll come around. Something tells Aunt Tuffy your boy just got a little caught up in the fun. He just gots to remember–you’re fun too!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

OK, I’ll admit it, I love me a man in uniform. It’s patriotic, it’s manly and it’s down right sexy. Whether he’s in blues, fatigues and a white tee or the full Marine garb, there’s just something in it for me that I can’t even put into words. However, when it changed over from wide-eyed gawking on my weekend trip to Annapolis to stressing and pacing next to my computer until I got an email response, I knew I’d gotten myself into trouble. A long distance relationship is one thing, but a military relationship is a whole ‘nother.

I know I love the kid, but sometimes it just plain sucks.

1. He’s far away. You’re probably thinking “UMM duhhhh”, but just knowing he can’t be there to hold your hand or sit next to you on the couch (let alone any other physical need/want…) really sucks sometimes.

2. Time difference. Whether he’s in Iraq, Japan or just in boot camp in Alabama, there’s bound to be only a very small frame of time you can make any form of communication at all. And there’s quite a difference between a video chat/phone call and having an email waiting when you wake up.

3. He’s like an old man. I’m going to be a little bit selfish here, but I hate that my boy has to go to bed by 9pm in order to wake up for duty at 5am. I’m up for another 5 hours usually (time difference included…) Not only does this cut off our chatting time, but sometimes hearing from him right before I go to sleep is the only thing I wanna do!

4. No time at home. To counter my selfish #4, I hate that he doesn’t have time with his family. Being a very family oriented person myself, I miss my family and dogs and I get to see them once a month! I know that if it’s putting a strain on me while he’s gone, it must be putting a major strain on his fam too.

5. S-t-r-e-s-s. This should probably be number one, but making sure he is safe, healthy and doing okay stresses me out to no end. I know there’s nothing I can do either way, but that makes it so much worse! I definitely have that very stereotypical need to nurture my man, and getting bad news and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it really hurts sometimes.

6. Guilt. Whenever I mention the great time I had with my friends, how we got drinks at the bar and we stayed out all night and skipped class the next day, I immediately realize how much I suck for even mentioning it. He’s always happy that I’m happy, but I feel guilt for the fact that I can go out, have a good time and shirk on my responsibilities when he can do none of the above.

7. Frustration. I had to say it. Sure, its annoying to have a dry spell, but its straight frustrating when you know you can get some, but you physically can’t. Back to delay-timed sexting and day dreaming for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of and grateful for what I have, but I know I’m not the only one out there with the same whining voice in my head day in and day out. I’m in love with one of America’s heroes and it’s all at once a great feeling and a giant pit in my stomach.

How does everyone else deal with their boys (or girls!) being away for what seems like forever? Any other nagging complaints? Let it out!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So here’s the deal. Exactly three months ago I met this guy. We are both Seniors in college. We figured we would date and keep things casual and just have fun these last couple months of college but there’s a problem: we fell in love. We both tried to ignore it but one drunken night we admitted this to each other. In about two weeks I will be flying back home 3,000 miles away. I have to come back next semester for a few courses to finish up my degree so I will only be gone 3 months, the length of our relationship thus far.

I have always believed that long distance relationships, especially this long of a distance, would never work out, but I am willing to fight for him and what we have. We had a discussion the other night and he is willing to fight for it too, but seeing as neither one of us has experience with an LDR his next question was “how do we make this work?” and I had no idea how to answer that question since I never even slightly considered an LDR until him. So I come to you, Tuffy, begging and pleading on my knees as to how do I hold on to this extremely special guy I found when I wasn’t expecting it?! I know it’s going to be hard work and I know that it seems impossible and might not work out, but there has got to be some way to hold on to what we have just a little longer. I find myself lost in the movie “The Holiday” and want so badly for a happy ending like theirs. I know it’s most likely unattainable and totally fictitious but I’m just so happy when I am with him.

Tuffy, how do we make this work?

From,
Head Over Heels

Dear Head Over Heels,

Well, chances are, it won’t work. You’ve only been together for three months, so you don’t really know him well enough yet to know if you even SHOULD be together long-term. Let’s face it: Most relationships end. But, girrrrrrl!! You are just the sweetest strawberry in the patch. You seem so sincere. I wanna say, if anyone can make it work, it’d be someone like you.

So here are a few things you must keep in mind.
And here are some tipsies! (Use them well!)

(1) Set Phone Dates!
Hold each other to specific times that you will be on the phone together. Make an actual calendar–for example, “Monday – 6pm; Tuesday – 10pm; etc.” Tuffy’s a fan of Google Calendar–you can share a calendar and just plug in the times you’re gonna talk, and even set up reminders. This way, you’ll be guaranteed to speak at least when you’ve set up these times. And, of course, feel free to call each other whenever you just feel like it, too.

(2) Don’t Talk (Much) Online
This is a false step that a lot of long distance couples get caught up in. They start chatting online–and never stop. When you chat endlessly, you run out of things to say. We’re all familiar with this little conversation:
GIRL: Hi
GUY: Sup
GIRL: Nm, you?
GUY: Nm. Miss you.
GIRL: You too.
GUY: BRB
Don’t fall into this trap!! Chat only when you gots somethin to say. Otherwise, call and have a real conversation. It will MUCH benefit your long distance (or any) relationship.

(3) Mail Each Other Stuff
Find little articles or poems or pressed flowers or even small gifts that remind you guys of each other. Mail those suckers!! It’s so exciting to get mail these here days, and, anyway, it keeps you guys thinking of each other! Make it a goal to each mail something at least once a week.

(4) Set Clear-Cut Rules
Make sure you both understand the conditions of the relationship. What’s okay and what isn’t? What are the boundaries of the relationship, now that it’s long-distance? Are you allowed to dance with other people at a club or is that not cool? Make sure you both know the rules.

(5) Don’t Linger Endlessly on the Phone
When you run out of things to say, say I love you and call it a night. Don’t drag on conversations just to stay on the phone. Talking will start to feel like a chore.

(6) Don’t Fight
It’s very stressful to disagree long-distance. You can’t read the other person when they’re not physically in front of you, EVEN if you’re video-chatting. And you certainly can’t kiss and make up after. Try to remember that you’re both going to be more on edge and that things may not be as bad as they seem. If you start to fight, try to calm down and bring it back to a level of conversation and then, once it’s resolved and no one’s angry, don’t stay on the phone. Sending a little “I love you” text couldn’t hurt.

If you’re lucky (and, honey, I have a feeling you are), Tuffy Readers will weigh in with some thoughts of their own on how to survive a LDR.

Good luck, girl!
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Going abroad for the semester is full of new sights, new sweets and new stories to tell, but the abroad experience does not have everyone’s name on it.  Some apply for the passport while others just pass all together on the international experience.

But what happens when our friends go abroad without us?

How do we possibly survive when our closest pals board those planes and we are back in the states being red, white and totally blue?

Let’s put those old words into practice and let the distance make our hearts (and friendships) grow stronger through these simple ways to survive the semester apart.

My best friend Skype: We thought Jefferson was pretty clever with the light bulb, but this innovation blows electricity away. A free service that allows people to communicate through web cam, this handy messenger has changed the face of long distance relationships and is easy to use as well. Grab a cup of coffee and make a date with your friend abroad to catch up face to face.

Traveling pants and other random belongings: Sewing the gap between countries can be so much easier when you form a common thread; a journal that you pass between friends, a shirt that gets mailed from person to person… all of these things can be mailed back and forth to one another in order to keep in touch with something tangible. Currently, my best friend and I purposely leave juicy stories out of our emails and write them in a journal that we mail back and forth to each other. It makes for something exciting to look forward to in the mail.

Growing closer by growing apart: I took for granted the fact that I could call my best friend at a second’s notice to meet up and talk on campus. Now that she is gone I realize the amount of time that I have on my hands, no longer filled with coffee dates and shopping excursions. Instead of wallowing over the open gaps in the planner, fill those slots with new and exciting things you have always wanted to do. Go out and do things that will make those emails to your abroad buddies even more interesting. Salsa dancing, blogging, pottery painting, meeting new people – the possibilities are endless.

They are off seeing the world, not stopping ours: Seeing your friends off to the airport can be brutal, but as they go off to find some new adventures it is important to carry on and find our own adventures. Don’t stay stationed at that computer waiting for the Skype call or constantly refreshing your inbox to see if a new email awaits. Get out there and enjoy that semester! You’re on a college campus, not in jail! No matter where you are, be it twenty thousand miles away or in the same place you have been for three years, each day holds an immense amount of potential for great things to happen.

It is no shocker, the distance is tough. Some days will hit harder than ever as you wish your friend was there to pick up the phone when you call or meet you to sort through a midterm break down. But let’s pick ourselves up, cheer our traveling friends on and seek our own adventures. With letters and emails and a little care package here and there, our friendships have the potential to go above and abroad.