While trying to figure out a topic for this week, I thought about all of the questions people ask me, the relationship girl:

Did you come to college looking for a boyfriend?
Do you not like dating or hooking up?
How did you know he was the one?

Personally, my relationship isn’t very clear cut. We still don’t really know when our anniversary is. It all started out with the girl living across the hall from me freshman year asked if she could set me up with one of her friends from high school. He came over and we watched a movie with a bunch of our friends.

The night ended with me and him making out on our mutual friend’s bed.

We hung out a few times that week but he ended it by informing me that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t see or hear from him for 3 months after that! But once I did see him again, we became friends with benefits (for lack of a better term). Neither of us wanted anything serious, and I was perfectly fine with it. I liked kinda/sorta having a guy, but I also liked the idea of not being tied down in college.

But then something happened that neither of us really expected. We went to our respective homes for the summer after freshman year and we talked every. single. day. I even drove 6 hours to spend a weekend with him. We really missed each other! We both kinda realized at the same time that not seeing each other was harder than expected. Once sophomore year rolled around, we were both skittish about broaching the subject, but he (finally!) asked me to be his girlfriend.

Flash forward to now, and we’re living together in our junior year of college. In all honesty, the dating and getting to know one another part of our relationship technically happened before our relationship. Once we became official, we dove in head first! Some might say it’s fast, but I like being young and in love.

With everybody and every relationship, that point where you realize you truly love someone is different. For me, it was noticing that my day just wasn’t complete without seeing or hearing from Matt. For others, it may be when you first say “I love you” or when he sees you without makeup and calls you beautiful. Sometimes you see it coming from a mile away, other times it hits you when you least expect it.

It can be scary because you’re taking yourself off the market; I hated the idea of not being able to flirt with guys at parties anymore! But at the same time it’s comforting because you know you have someone who loves you very much. And when you have that, you realize it’s better than any party makeout session any day.

It was big and complicated and hush hush. If I was watching a movie with my parents and the PG rating went just a little too far, my mom would start talking loudly – signaling that whatever was happening onscreen wasn’t for my eyes. My Catholic priest would stand on the pulpit every Sunday, telling me that God was always watching, and every time I did something (or thought something) not good, He would know. Sex was probably bad – why else would my mom get so nervous? – and so if I even thought about it by accident, I was gonna have God to deal with.

Then, sex was something to be in awe of.

Junior high whispers. High school high-fives. I would listen to friends and friends of friends talk about it like it was Vegas and Heaven combined. Those who had it were admired. Those who didn’t were ignored. I so desperately wanted to know what all the giggling was about.

After that, sex was something to be good at.

Sharing stories, trading secrets, impressing my long-term boyfriend. It was a way to feel adult, to feel confident, to hook into society. It was my connection. To everything.

All to soon, it was a weapon.

A way to get back at the long-term boyfriend who ended our 4 years together with heartbreaking speed. A way to use men. A way to abuse myself. A way to forget how bad everything sucked, how lonely I was. I checked off conquests to ease my bruised ego, my sad self-esteem.

Later, sex was strange.

Hooking up as a true adult, with men 5, 10 years older, in my own apartment and with my own rules, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was I proud? Was I ashamed of the number who had rushed in the door at midnight and stumbled out at 3 AM? Was this how the rest of society lived? …And, was God still watching? Did he even give a sh*t?

Now? Sex is whatever I make of it.

It’s scary. It’s awe-inspiring. It’s fun. It’s dangerous. It’s weird. Most importantly, it’s always evolving. People and society may attempt to put labels on those of us women who enjoy it, but no matter what they try, they’ll never be able to convince me my sexual thoughts are anyone’s business but my own.

Women’s sexuality tends to force us into boxes, into personalities or labels, but if we refuse to acknowledge those labels, there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it. CollegeCandy’s Personal Sexual Revolution day is about busting open those labels with beautiful and funny honesty. There’s only one way to change the way people think about sex – and that’s with personal truth.

So please, join the discussion. Your voice deserves to be heard.