I am in the most amazing, secure and satisfying relationship I have ever been in but there is just one so-called “problem”; after nearly a year and a half, neither of us have said, “I love you.”

Now I know what this probably sounds like to some, or possibly even most, of you. (Believe me, I see it in the facial expressions of concerned friends and hear it in the tone of their strongly worded reactions.) There is obviously a clear issue here, right? Well, actually, I’m not so sure.

Now, to be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me (the part that sometimes, uncontrollably slips into this cliché, fairytale, chick flick inspired way of thinking that all love stories have basically 1 of 3 plots) at times wishes one of us would just find the courage to come out and say it already. I mean, it’s been long enough! And the pressure from friends and family who act like this is the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, only adds fuel to this flame.

However, my usual, more sane, more rational and level-headed reaction to all of this is, “Who really cares?” Is actually saying that phrase really as significant or necessary as everyone our age makes it out to be? I mean, isn’t it true that actions should speak louder than words?

We are currently in a world where nearly every word in the “relationship dictionary” is rapidly being redefined. Take the word, meaning and supposed “sacredness” of marriage, for instance. It’s being entirely altered by things like the exceptionally high divorce rate (and the never ending publicity about celebrity divorces and adultery in the press). Or what about the many different names have we come up with in the last decade to define the new, modern, complicated relationships that keep arising: open relationship, no strings attached, friends with benefits, just hooking up… the list continues. Who even knows what the proper meaning and context of monogamy and love is these days.

It seems silly that no one would take a step back from all this to take the time to redefine the word love in its modern sense. I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable to think that with everything that’s going on in today’s world it’s practically inevitable that the word and definition of love is taking on a very different meaning as well. But it doesn’t seem people view it that way. It is still constantly being used, seen and heard by everyone, everywhere: in the songs on the radio, on television, in movies, and in real life, of course. I find it troubling when everyone throws the “L-word” out there so quickly and carelessly in their relationships; it makes it hard to take the word seriously anymore.

I think young people need to wake up and realize we’re not in high school anymore. Love should no longer mean the same trivial thing as it did then, a time when I too used the word so frequently and freely in all my silly little relationships. I’m no longer calling my boyfriend at all hours of the night, trying to convince him to sneak out to be with me or sending him passive aggressive texts about his rude and standoffish behavior. Instead, there is respect, trust, mutual understanding. It is obvious that we care a great deal about each other. I’m not sure I’m ready, or that it is necessary, to use the word love so loosely as I have in the past. I don’t need it in order to feel closer to him or to try and make our relationship stronger or more serious. I am completely satisfied with where we are in all those areas. So, if it is as monumental of a word as everyone makes out to be, then I don’t think it’s wrong to assume that choosing to wait a long time in order to exchange these precious words with your significant other—choosing to not make that substantial of a promise and commitment so quickly and easily—may not be such a bad thing. Perhaps it could even be considered advisable to some.

So help try and clarify something for me here; I must be missing something. Does using and exchanging this phrase help to somehow legitimize the relationship to both the participating members and its observers? And if so, why? Should that really be the case?

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

When I dream about my perfect relationship, it always looks the same. My boyfriend is a Jewish Bradley Cooper look-alike with that sexy shaggy hair and the perfect blend of intelligence and wit. He’s constantly surprising me with over-the-top romantic gestures, from randomly bringing me chocolate chip granola pancakes in bed (“just because I love you”), to showing up at my house in the middle of the day because he “just had to see me.”

He’s always there when I need someone to lean on, but never around when I need an “eat cereal out of the box and watch 4 hours of ‘Say Yes to the Dress’” alone-time kinda night. He uses just the right amount of tongue when we’re kissing and always makes sure I’m satisfied between the sheets before he spoons me as we drift off to sleep.

And when we wake up, my hair has perfect waves, my breath is minty fresh and my eye makeup hasn’t slid down my face in a way that makes me look like Adam Lambert doing the walk of shame.

Yeah, I said it was a dream.
A very good (and sometimes naughty) dream.

In real (awake) life, I’m not asking for much. I’m not waiting for a knight in shining armor to ride up on some white horse in a white BMW to sweep me off my feet and wine and dine me in the middle of the Bellagio fountain (thanks for that great dose of “reality,” Bachelorette producers). Because a great relationship doesn’t always need all that big stuff.

All I need, all most ladies need, is the little stuff that goes a long way. So while I’d love to snuggle up with my Bradley Coopervitz and the homemade chocolate dipped strawberries he whipped up for me (naked), here are the 6 little, easy peasy things guys can do to make us girls happy in a relationship.

1. Notice something. Say something. It’s so easy to get comfortable in a long-term relationship and for the most part, it’s awesome. There’s nothing better than that moment when you realize you can be 100% yourself and you don’t have to try and impress someone anymore. But just because we’re comfortable doesn’t mean we can get lazy, so be a doll and remind me that you love me. That I look beautiful. That I’m sexy. That these jeans make my ass look good. That you love it when I wear my hair curly. Do it enough and maybe we won’t have to deal with #4 too often…

2. Enough with the farting. Look, I know we’re comfortable together. And I know that you know that I think fart jokes are funny. But that doesn’t mean I like it when you fart, and that sure as hell doesn’t mean I like it when you purposely fart on me. It’s hard to find you even remotely attractive when I can’t get that smell out of my head/sheets.

3. The smallest gestures go a long way. Pick me up some Sour Watermelons when you’re at the drug store. Knowing that you know they are my favorite makes me feel special. Or just send a text in the middle of the day to say hi. It makes me feel good inside when I know you’re thinking about me.

4. If I’m not in the mood, get over it. Making me feel guilty about it (“But it’s been 3 days!”) or negotiating with me (“How about just an HJ?”) isn’t going to change my mind. In case you didn’t know, pleading isn’t sexy and coercion isn’t a form of foreplay. You need it that bad? You’ve got a hand; do it yourself.

5. Show me a little PDA. Please note: I said a little. I don’t need you nibbling on my neck in class, but putting your hand on the small of my back when we’re at the bar? I dig it. Everyone loves to feel loved…and to have other people (like that skank in the mini-dress giving you the eyes) know that they are loved.

6. Just let me vent, K? I know you probably don’t care about the stupid fight I got into with Stacy when she borrowed my favorite jeans and stretched them out, but I don’t care about that time that kid fouled you during that basketball game and the ref didn’t call it. You know what the difference is? I let you get it all out, I didn’t try to solve anything, and I scratched your head the way you like it until you felt better. Care to return the favor?

BTW, returning the favor is always a nice gesture. Just sayin’.

See? Pleasing a lady really isn’t that hard. Sure, we’ve got our fantasies, but we’re realistic and rational creatures, and it doesn’t take much to please us. Of course, over-the-top romantic gestures are always nice. And I’m sure if you come through with one, well, you’ll get repaid. Generously. In a way that will blow. your. mind.

So now that we’ve got all that cleared up, let’s see what easy things guys want from us. See what he says on CoedMagazine.com.

The thing with sex is that you can’t always tell when it’s just a rut or when you’re sexually incompatible. I mean, at first glance they both look similar — lack of sex, frustration, etc. — but there are a few differences. So before you make any rash decisions, ask yourself:  is the sex just getting boring (but fixable!) or are you and your partner sexually incompatible?

You might be incompatible if…

It’s never been great.
Pain and a lack of chemistry are a couple of good indicators that it’s more than just boring. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy sex if it’s painful (unless you’re into that), and sometimes an off-kilter penis-to-vagina ratio can cause more than a little discomfort. If you never went through a “honeymoon period” where the sex was incredible but eventually died off — or if that period was disappointingly short (I’m talking a week), then perhaps incompatibility is the issue, not a lack of excitement.

You’re fighting about frequency.
It’s normal for one partner to have a higher or lower sex drive than the other, but if that difference is so great that it’s causing nightly arguments, it’s probably not something that can easily be fixed. The problem with hugely different sex drives is that it leaves one partner feeling constantly rejected and the other constantly annoyed. There are other ways to solve this — offer a “loving assist” during masturbation, for instance — but if the biggest issue in your relationship is the infrequency of your sexy time, it might be a sign that you’re just not sexually compatible.

On the contrary, you might just be in a rut if…

It used to be great, but now it’s becoming a little lackluster.
I have some good news — this is completely normal. Remember that chemistry analogy I used before? It’s the same thing. After doing the same thing consistently (even if it’s super fun) it can still get a little boring and predictable. Even more good news is that this problem is completely fixable; all you need is a little excitement. Get out there and have sex in places you haven’t, try new positions, or introduce some toys. Sometimes a change of scenery is nice — but a change of sexy routine is even nicer.

It might be a little boring, but it’s still great.
If you’re compatible with your partner and legitimately enjoy having sex with them, the fact that it’s boring will become a bump in the road rather than a huge problem. If all parties involved are GGG and willing to try new things, your sexual rut will most likely pass — sometimes we just need a reminder of how much we enjoy having sex with our partners to really appreciate it.

Dear Dude,

My long distance 3-year boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been dating from his sophomore year in college until now; I had stayed home and he went to school 3 hours away. I would visit whenever I could, and he would come home for breaks. We became really close and honestly the relationship was really easy. He never cheated and he always called and texted. And I thought waiting for him to come home was right. Yet, 3 years later, we are both 10 min away from each other and he decided to break up with me 7 days before V-Day.  He said he was sorry because he should be feeling more confident about our relationship. He doesn’t think he’s ready for the seriousness that a 3-year relationship means. I am his second girlfriend, and he feels that he cannot become more serious until he dates other people.

Now my question is, if he broke up with me to date other people then WHY is he still acting like we did when we were dating? Instead of going out on a Thursday night with his guy friends and picking up chicks he is at my house watching TV. He texts me constantly, and is writing on my Facebook more now than he did when we were dating.

I confronted him today and asked him what was going on but all he could say is that he was so sorry and he didn’t know what he wants. I cut him off from my Facebook, and deleted him from my phone but something just doesn’t feel right. This is the first guy I have ever been with that I wanted to fight for, but I don’t see how that is going to help. I don’t know what my next steps are from here, and being out of school and stuck at home I have no rebound to consider. DO I try and be friends with him? Or cut him off and just move on?

Help me,
Confused

Dear Confused,

3 years, s’long time to be a champion girlfriend (first person who gets that reference, write in and I will personally send you a prize).

A long distance relationship for that amount of time can sometimes be seen as more of the CZ or Splenda to the real deal. A lot of people use long distance over a long period of time as a safety net from putting themselves out there. It becomes a protective bubble. This avoids the possibility of getting hurt and dealing with the complexities/intricacies/intimacies of a face-to-face relationship.  Then, when the distance disappears, the bubble bursts.

I’m not saying all long distance relationships are BS. Not in the least. I’ve known plenty where the two people involved came back together and re-discovered each other. They also discovered that how they’d grown while apart didn’t exclude them from growing together from that moment of reunion. However, I’ve known a bunch that was more like the ones described in the paragraph above. Based on what you’ve told me, yours seems to fall into the “category” of the former.

The old saying that girls mature faster than guys, well, it’s true. There’s this idea put into a guy’s head, or so it seems, that if he doesn’t have sex with at least a half dozen women or is involved in less than five relationships then there’s no possible way he can be ready to settle down into something meaningful. Now that is BS.

When you find the right person, been together for years, grown together for years, fill voids, and challenge each other into becoming the best version of yourself you’ve ever known yourself to be, then it’s right. I don’t care if that’s your first girlfriend or your hundredth. But your boy seems to have drunk the convoluted “manswer” Kool-Aid.

I think you’re on a good path. You can’t sit idly by and twiddle your thumbs while he figures out what he wants. You’ve got to determine for yourself what you want. If that is him, then by all means fight for him. If he’s not worth the crap he’s making you go through, then move on.

I’m a believer in having and making choices. No matter the situation, one’s always there. Just because right now you feel like you don’t have a rebound and you might be depressed about being back with your folks after school (which millions of college kids are doing these days, so don’t feel ashamed about that) doesn’t mean you have to take him back.

It can feel like your options are limited. It can seem like there’re only two paths and neither is appealing. It might be the reality or it might, in part, be your own judging of yourself. But you can still choose. Don’t choose out of default or feeling trapped. That will limit your possibilities and that will take away your confidence in being able to make decisions for your life.

So I say reevaluate your options, come at it from a fresh place with as fresh a perspective as you can. It sounds like you’ve already taken great steps to get there. Once you’re there, make the choice. My choice would be to move on. But only you are you. So only you can make the best choice for you.

Letting it bleed,
Dude Jagger

[He's good, right? Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

I am in the most amazing, secure and satisfying relationship I have ever been in but there is just one so-called “problem”; after nearly a year and a half, neither of us have said, “I love you.”

Now I know what this probably sounds like to some, or possibly even most, of you. (Believe me, I see it in the facial expressions of concerned friends and hear it in the tone of their strongly worded reactions.) There is obviously a clear issue here, right? Well, actually, I’m not so sure.

Now, to be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me (the part that sometimes, uncontrollably slips into this cliché, fairytale, chick flick inspired way of thinking that all love stories have basically 1 of 3 plots) at times wishes one of us would just find the courage to come out and say it already. I mean, it’s been long enough! And the pressure from friends and family who act like this is the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, only adds fuel to this flame.

However, my usual, more sane, more rational and level-headed reaction to all of this is, “Who really cares?” Is actually saying that phrase really as significant or necessary as everyone our age makes it out to be? I mean, isn’t it true that actions should speak louder than words?

We are currently in a world where nearly every word in the “relationship dictionary” is rapidly being redefined. Take the word, meaning and supposed “sacredness” of marriage, for instance. It’s being entirely altered by things like the exceptionally high divorce rate (and the never ending publicity about celebrity divorces and adultery in the press). Or what about the many different names have we come up with in the last decade to define the new, modern, complicated relationships that keep arising: open relationship, no strings attached, friends with benefits, just hooking up… the list continues. Who even knows what the proper meaning and context of monogamy and love is these days.

It seems silly that no one would take a step back from all this to take the time to redefine the word love in its modern sense. I mean, I don’t think it’s necessarily unreasonable to think that with everything that’s going on in today’s world it’s practically inevitable that the word and definition of love is taking on a very different meaning as well. But it doesn’t seem people view it that way. It is still constantly being used, seen and heard by everyone, everywhere: in the songs on the radio, on television, in movies, and in real life, of course. I find it troubling when everyone throws the “L-word” out there so quickly and carelessly in their relationships; it makes it hard to take the word seriously anymore.

I think young people need to wake up and realize we’re not in high school anymore. Love should no longer mean the same trivial thing as it did then, a time when I too used the word so frequently and freely in all my silly little relationships. I’m no longer calling my boyfriend at all hours of the night, trying to convince him to sneak out to be with me or sending him passive aggressive texts about his rude and standoffish behavior. Instead, there is respect, trust, mutual understanding. It is obvious that we care a great deal about each other. I’m not sure I’m ready, or that it is necessary, to use the word love so loosely as I have in the past. I don’t need it in order to feel closer to him or to try and make our relationship stronger or more serious. I am completely satisfied with where we are in all those areas. So, if it is as monumental of a word as everyone makes out to be, then I don’t think it’s wrong to assume that choosing to wait a long time in order to exchange these precious words with your significant other—choosing to not make that substantial of a promise and commitment so quickly and easily—may not be such a bad thing. Perhaps it could even be considered advisable to some.

So help try and clarify something for me here; I must be missing something. Does using and exchanging this phrase help to somehow legitimize the relationship to both the participating members and its observers? And if so, why? Should that really be the case?

I’ve been looking for a cure for my problem for months.  Why can’t I just relax, sit back, and enjoy? What can I possibly do to block the free-flowing thoughts and get into the moment?  I know there is nothing emotionally wrong with me; I’m a normal girl and just like every other girl out there, my mind is riddled with thoughts.  Mine just happen to reproduce like a cluster of horny bunny rabbits whenever I get nakie and start doing the nasty.

Luckily, there is always a solution to my problems!  And this time, altering my mind may have a little something to do in altering my position.

A little back story:
While hiding from the Black Friday crowds in an empty bookstore last week, a certain title caught my eye. And that title was “Spectacular Sex Moves He’ll Never Forget.” I ducked down in the aisle and began flipping through, intrigued by the yoga-turned-sex moves I discovered. That night, fueled by some leftover wine, my boyfriend and I tried one out. And it was a night neither of us will soon forget.

Since then, we’ve been toying around with many fun and interesting new sex positions (which I’m sure will be even more fun when we’re no longer crashing in my parents’ basement) and I have to say, my sex life will never be the same. If you’re like me and tend to stick with the more traditional approach to sex (“I lie, you do all the work”), take it from me: it’s time to crack a book and get a little more adventurous between the sheets.

Why? I’m glad you asked.

It Brings You Closer Together
Because we were both nervous to try out a rather complicated new position, it was rather awkward for both of us.  Especially when I accidentally kicked him in the groin when my foot cramped up and he hit his head on the wall. But we fell into buckets of laughter together. Once that was out of the way, we were both free of any insecurities and I was free of the intrusive thoughts that usually get in the way of actually enjoying the moment.   It was embarrassing at first, of course, but we were both vulnerable and we worked together to accomplish something intimate and exciting. The barrier was broken and eye contact, free thoughts and comfort were welcomed with open legs arms.

It makes a long term relationship exciting again
Let’s be honest: when you’re in a long term relationship, sex can become boring and can even feel like a chore sometimes. But adding something new and different gives you something to look forward to and makes sex lively and fun again.

It’s a fun couple challenge
Beyond spicing your love life up, it’s fun to challenge yourself as a couple and try to master a brand new craft. Together, you can go above and beyond and take sexy time to the next level.  I’m always more satisfied when I feel like I’ve accomplished something and when you accomplish something as a team, more power to you.

It burns more calories
There’s no way lying there in the missionary position does much in the calorie burning department.

It makes sex more enjoyable
Since you’re out trying new things, chances are you will find a position that you like even better than all that stuff you’re used to.  Imagine that!

Like En Vogue once sang, it’s time to ‘free your mind.’  And I’m willing to believe switching up sexy positions will help you let go.  For me, it was easy to release some nervous energy with my partner, experience new things together, get a workout, spice it up, all the while enjoying a pleasurable, extravagant experience.  That’s better recognition than getting an apple sticker on my 5th grade spelling test.

So, get out there!  Crack open Spectacular Sex Moves He’ll Never Forget and try some new positions.

Hey Dude,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of more than 6 months (who keeps count these days anyway?), and it’s been a rough time. Mostly, I think, neither one of us wanted to break up but we had been growing apart for sometime. New changes in his life prompted him to cut the cord, and we went our separate ways…kind of. In reality, as soon as things were officially over (I’m talking next day here), he and I went back to normal. We started texting nonstop again, calling a few times a day just “because this song reminded me of you,” or because “you’re going to die of laughter when you hear about my dinner mishap.”

Aside from the fact that we were no longer together absolutely NOTHING had changed… It’s as though all of the pressure of a formal relationship was suddenly off and we were that fun and exciting couple again…minus the couple.

I think you should know that we haven’t had to face the issue of hooking up yet because he lives in a land far far away (but really only like an hour and some change) so I don’t know how that little taboo will work out when we next see each other.

Now, I never wanted us to break up, I just wanted us to take some time to cool off and reconnect. So, as you can imagine after how well things have been going, I want us to be together again. Is this silly, is it time to start getting over him or should I continue to cling to the hope that it’s all going to work out?

-Ex-girlfriend

Dear ex-girlfriend,

You ripped off the labels, removed the expectations, and what do you know? All’s well that ends well. I wonder though…has anything actually ended?

There’s nothing wrong that you’ve got hope it’ll work out. Hope’s a marvelous thing. It can’t keep you warm but it can take the edge off of the cold. Hope can be a crutch, tease, or delusion but what it needs to be is a lifeboat. We have to find a way to keep afloat. Having hope makes us human. Just be careful that your hope isn’t only an air-filled balloon.

From the sounds of it, you’re enjoying the freedom of not having to be perfect all the time. 6 months is usually around the end of the honeymoon period. And then the relationship kicks into gear. OH NO! A RELATIONSHIP!  Get the escape hatches ready!

You’re probably right. NOTHING’S CHANGED. There was a reason to break up. Hence, you broke up. Those reasons don’t magically disappear when you get out of the his/hers mentality. You grew apart? Meaning? Did it come down to fundamentally different wants and needs? Because if it was, there’s little reconciling that the next morning.

In answering a question of this sort, the grand thing is to reason it backward. You used a heck of a word in your question: Normal. You said that after you broke up things went back to normal. If I were to Sherlock your letter, I might deduce an idea that being in a relationship makes you feel abnormal. Meaning that in your relationship you didn’t feel like yourself. For sake of argument (and because letters are a “speak the speech” one-at-a-time form of communication) let’s say I’m mostly right. Why don’t you think you could feel like yourself in a relationship with him but you can when you remove the title? Elementary, dear girl!

People crumble under the pressure of being in a relationship because they don’t like what they think a relationship means. Consequences. Obligations. Expectations. Inconvenience. Putting someone else’s needs before your own. Being hurt. Losing someone you care about. Fading passion. Boredom. Being trapped. Well, Hell, when you put that much weight on the bond of two individual entities, how could it not crack in half? If being together becomes more about what  you’re “supposed” to do and not about what you “want” to do, then there’s no way you’ll stay together happily.

Your medicine: Some self-analysis. Why did you break up? What is your definition of a relationship? Would anything have changed if you got back together with him tomorrow? If the answers of the first and second questions lead to the answer of the third being NO, then it’s time to hope for something else…a rebound.

It’s easier to know it, than to know why you know it.

Dude Holmes

[Isn't he wise? Don't you wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. And this month Meredith is giving up junk food. Yes, really. Her first week was good. Great, even. Then life got in the way. This week, she's turning things around.]

I ate mozzarella sticks. And I’m not ashamed.

Not much has changed since my tough week last week. I’m still adjusting to the single life, which I love more and more every day.  The nausea is the only thing that has really persisted, which means that I will unfortunately probably have to see a doctor just to make sure that nothing is medically wrong with me. Though I’m convinced it’s nothing more than the residual effects of Lady Gaga’s meat dress. Ew, I don’t even like thinking about it. Even if she was wearing a lean protein.

So finally on Tuesday, I felt up for a late night snack at the dining hall. The good news is the mozzarella sticks smelled like heaven. The bad news is they definitely did nothing for my post-breakup bouts of nausea. I could have sworn that they would have healing powers, that I’d take one bite and instantly feel happy and free and content. But alas, I woke up the next morning as sick as ever. I’m definitely not mad at myself for eating them, though. If everything this month had gone according to plan and I was eating like Jillian Michaels every day, then I probably would be pissed at myself for eating disgusting fried cheese mid-month. But, that’s not the case and if anything, I needed the calories.

Of course I knew that I can’t continue to barely eat because I feel like I’m going to puke and then chow down on junk food when I finally feel up to having some food. That seems to totally contradict what I set out to do this month. So on Wednesday I took a trip to the grocery store. The goal was to get some healthy food that I loved, but were bland enough to stomach. Now my dorm is fully stocked with rice cakes, wheat bread, celery, and Cheerios. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re living like I am right now, always having food around for when I can eat is very important.

It may sound like I’m not making progress, but I am. I’m eating much more than I ate last week and I believe that trend is going to continue. But, because this whole month is about challenging myself and meeting goals, I’m going to set specific goals that I want to meet by the next time I write about this, and I want you guys to hold me to them. (Well, as much as you can from wherever it is you’re reading this.)

So here goes: by next week, I want to be eating full meals complete with protein, whole grains, and vegetables. This means no more slip ups, no more mozzarella sticks, no more excuses. I wrote at the beginning of the month, “The idea is to do more than merely give up junk food, though; it’s to adopt a generally healthier lifestyle.” I really want to work on that this coming week.

Wish me luck!

Role playing is ESSENTIAL in any long-term, monogamous relationship.

And it’s just plain fun in any other situation.

Role playing allows us to live out our fantasies in a comfortable, safe situation, and adds some much needed variety to our sex lives. But as fun as it is to be someone else for a bit, it can also be really nerve-racking. We’re not all professional actors, and pretending to be someone else, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable, can be hard.

If you’ve never done it before, do it. And if you’re not sure how, here are my answers to a few questions you probably have:

Q. How do I tell my partner I want to role-play with seeming like I’m bored with him/her?

A. “I’ve always thought it would be really hot to sleep with a professor. Can I call you Dr. ______ tonight?” Most partners will be happy to help you fulfill your fantasies.

Q. What are some good role play scenarios to try?

A. Anything that turns you on. My favorites are situations where one person has to talk the other into sex because it’s “forbidden.” Something like teacher/student or boss/employee can be really hot, and you can alternate who does the convincing (i.e. naughty student or pervy professor).

Q. What do I say? How do I act?

A. Don’t try too hard or over think it; just say what comes naturally. In a “forbidden” scenario, the conversation is practically written for you (“I’m not sure about this.” “Don’t worry, no one has to know.”). For other scenarios just keep it basic in the beginning. Doctor/nurse – talk about the hospital you work at, firefighter/rescued person – talk about how scared you were and how thankful you are. It’s good to throw in some sexy stuff, but don’t force it. “I’ve wanted you all semester” is much hotter than “I’ll suck your D for an A.” You get the picture.

Q. What if I get tired of it halfway through?

A. It’s totally fine to use role playing as foreplay and then go back to your normal self when the sexing gets really hot. Not everyone can keep up the façade when they’re under so much intense pleasure. You’re partner will understand.

Q. Do I have to dress up?

A. No, but it might be fun. We’re college students, so we all know how to work a theme party. Feel free to apply the same ideas to the bedroom.

Well, there you go. Now you’re ready to start experimenting with new roles to play in the bedroom. If you have any more questions, leave them in the comments!

I had a vision in my head for how this month would go. I would give up junk food, be healthier, maybe slip up once or twice, but succeed overall. I would end the month being skinny, beautiful, and confident. My life situation would remain the same; it would be ME that changed.

I made a very big lapse in judgment. As Knocked Up taught us, “life doesn’t care about your plans.”

My boyfriend and I broke up Saturday night. I WOULD publicize all of the fun details, but Destiny’s Child put it best when they said, “You know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet, cause my momma told me better than that.” Now, before you start to pity me, don’t. I am much happier and I have so many amazing people around me constantly. I adore being single again (some think maybe even too much…).

But I do have a confession. My friend and I ate some ice cream on Saturday night. The truth is that it didn’t make anything better, obviously. We ended up walking four miles that night on our quest for lots of fresh air, which, in my opinion, cancels out the ice cream. Judge for yourself. I immediately was junk-food-free again on Sunday.

I wanted more than anything to be a good example of giving up junk food and taking on a healthier life, but unfortunately I’m caught in a very bad cycle. My current lifestyle is far from healthy. I’m not sure whether it’s due to the breakup, my dad’s impending wedding (which I now have no date to), or the excitement of trying to meet all of the boys on my floor, but I have been having a physical reaction to all of the commotion. Namely, nausea and insomnia.

I drink about four caffeinated beverages a day to offset the sleep deprivation. In addition, most anything with flavor makes me want to puke, so I have been sticking to salads and rice cakes.

For a long time, I was really upset with myself, because I couldn’t write about the awesome, healthy meals that I have been eating. I was sad that I couldn’t give you suggestions as to how to avoid the temptation of junk food, because I have no interest in eating it when I feel this sick and generally disinterested in food. But, the more that I thought about it, I grew less disappointed in this setback. Mostly because I’m a human, and I want to show that. If I could go through this month without any problems, it would be abnormal and unrealistic. Maybe everyone initially thought that the setback would be me slipping up by eating junk food; that’s certainly what I thought it would be.

I’m going through some of the most human problems that any of us could have: a break up, a change in family structure, and a general adjustment to a new lifestyle. A big part of my inability to sleep and eat is the excitement of it all, but my body needs to catch up with these modifications. I know that it will.

I truly do apologize to those of you who were looking forward to an article about resisting junk food temptation, but believe me when I tell you that this was a tough one to write.