Lesson 29: Get Out Of What-Could’ve-Been-Land

There’s a place I’ve been a few too many times, not nearly as sweet as Candyland or as sacred as The Holy Land and though it’s full of wonder it’s not nearly as wonderful as Wonderland. I like to call this place What-Could’ve-Been-Land. With every memory of my ex, I mentally transport myself, each time risking taking up a permanent residence in my love life’s own personal wasteland.

There’s a line between remembering and wondering what could’ve been. A stroll down memory lane, while sometimes painful, is healthy and crucial to learning from your past. Celebrating your anniversary solo a year after the breakup, however, is not healthy. Each time you wonder where you and your ex would be if you’d stayed together, you miss out on the life that’s actually in front of you, the one that doesn’t include your ex. You’re virtually robbing yourself of time better spent living your actual life rather than drifting off to What-Could’ve-Been-Land every time you get the chance.

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“College is the best time of your life.” If you are in college, you will indisputably hear this more than a few times throughout your undergraduate years. Being told over and over again that college is in fact, “the best time of your life” is kind of intimidating – especially after graduation, leaving questions such as “If these past four years have been the very best, then what will I look forward to in the future?” to pop up.

My personal M.O. was to toss that belief aside as I embarked upon this next stage of my life. Why dwell in the past just because I won’t have the security of undergraduate antics to hide behind anymore and it’s time to face the music of the real world? (Despite John Mayer warning us that there’s no such thing as the real world, just a lie you got to rise above.) Instead of idealizing college as many people do, I have taken the approach that it’s okay to look back fondly and smile, but to not hold it too close or else I’ll never let go. And who wants to be one of those girls in their mid-30s recounting their college days as if they just happened?

However, I am not always perfect at sticking to my plans. Read More »

With everyone heading back to school (yay!), there are so many things going through everyone’s minds. “Will that guy from last year still want to hang out?” “Am I going to survive living in an off campus apartment?” “What the hell do I do about choosing my major?”

And for incoming freshmen…it is only worse. They are entering a scary new world. They will once again be the babies. They are going to experience their first Welcome Week, their first oversized lecture, their first time being sexiled by a wild roommate.

We at CollegeCandy feel it is our duty to steer those college newbies in the right direction; it would be unfair for us to let them make mistakes (and take the same awful photos…) and miss out on great opportunities. After all, college only happens once, so we want to ensure everyone does it right.

This week, we asked our writers to share some advice with the lucky ladies who are still in school and the even luckier ones who are just beginning. We have learned a lot from our time in college, so listen up and heed our advice….

If I knew then what I know now:

Kelly – UMass: I would not have spent my entire 4 years in a relationship. I would have not trusted every single person I met. I would have taken some yoga and art classes and I would have definitely brought some more Lysol.

K – NYU: I’d have gone to office hours. For everything. Even if you hate freshman year calc and your professor says things like “There are going to be lots of flunks on this exam” and routinely asks if he is speaking English, my GPA would’ve been much more promising.

Sara – NYU: I would be less pretentious. I’m almost 24 now, and, looking back to when I was in undergrad, I can’t believe how seriously I took myself. God, loosen up!! Read More »