You got a question for Tuffy?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and maybe get yourself some answers!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend and I constantly fight about sex. He’s my first boyfriend and I was a virgin when we met. After about a month of being together we had sex and in the five months we’ve been together we’ve only done it a few times. He wants it but whenever we do it, it still hurts a little and I don’t really feel anything. It makes me feel empty inside and I find myself wondering what all the hype is about.

We’ve tried taking breaks and now I feel that I’m truly ready so we tried again and same thing. He says we just need to do it more so that it gets better and that our love for each other should be enough to make it feel good but for me it feels better when we make out. I’ve tried getting him to understand and thought maybe we should wait a little longer before trying again because I also think he just wants it a lot (right before our first time he told me I’d have sex with him if I loved him and like an idiot I did it). And whenever we hang out it usually leads to something physical.

Am I getting played? I never thought I’d be one of those naive girls who lets a guy take advantage of her. I’m wondering if maybe I should break up with him. I do love him but we constantly argue about sex and I’m making all these sacrifices to be with him but when it comes time for him to wait to have sex he’ll do it but he’s complaining about it. Should I break up with him? Are there any other options?

– That Stupid Girl

Dear That Girl,

You’re not stupid. But, yeah–you should dump that mothapooper.

This is not a nice guy, That Not-Stupid-But-Perhaps-Somewhat-Naive Girl. This is someone who coerced you into having sex. Could you have said no? Of course you could have. But he made you feel that, if you said no, you were saying you weren’t into him. He manipulated your feelings, girl. And that just ain’t nice.

In terms of the actual sex, well, okay, there are two sides to this. At a certain point in an adult relationship, sex is expected. If you don’t plan to have sex with someone even in the long-term, you should tell that person really, really, really early in the relationship. Sexual needs must be met, so, if the needs vary, partners should know upfront so they can keep from wasting their time.

However, you clearly were not ready to have sex when you did. You don’t say your age, but I’m gonna guess you’re pretty young. Please, kids, don’t have sex if you’re not ready. It’s not gonna be fulfilling. It’s only gonna make you question if sex will ever be enjoyable.

The good news is, it WILL be enjoyable. But with the right partner, That Girl. Not some douchemonger who wants to have sex every time you hang out. Not some poopstick who doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure.

We all deserve good sex, kids. Use a condom and keep it real.

So, okay. If, for some reason Tuffy just cannot imagine, you are really intent on sticking with this guy, tell him you wanna wait on the sex and that first you wanna do the stuff that accompanies sex. You guys should play around with oral (CONDOMS!!! No one up here want the herp!!!) and fingering. And, really, just get to know each other better. When you’re both more comfortable with each other intimately, then you can try sex again. But only if you’re ready.

But, honestly, That Girl, this kid just ain’t worth it. Dump his sorry shoop and get yourself a new boy who won’t try to manipulate you into having sex. And this time, do us all a favor and take it slow, okay? If the relationship is meant to last, then what’s the rush?

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

"This'll teach my boyfriend to call me naggy!"

People have all kinds of reasons for engaging in casual sex. To our generation, casual sex is a college staple, much like after-caf diarrhea and late-night Adderall binges. To youth of the 60s and 70s, casual sex was an act of rebellion and a representation of a new way of life. To the generations before them, casual sex was the devil’s playground and giving away free milk.

I’m not going to debate the morality of casual sex. Everybody has different reasons for “hooking up” and everyone experiences different consequences. There are some reasons for having casual sex, however, that really are just bad news. I know this because I’ve tried most of them… So I decided to put a list together so you guys don’t have to make the same mistakes I have, or some I haven’t.

10 Bad Reasons For Having Casual Sex:

1.    Because you’ve run out of ideas for your weekly sex column. Who, me? Never…

2.    Because the boy you like doesn’t want a relationship. Many girls fall into a friends-with-benefits arrangement hoping the boy will eventually fall in love with them. He won’t. Move on.

3.    Because you’re not sure how to say no. You’re making out with a frat boy in his room after the party has died down. He starts feeling you up, but that’s OK. Then he moves his hands down to your nether-regions. You feel slightly uncomfortable. He starts taking off your underwear and you know what’s going to happen, and don’t really want it to, but aren’t sure how to stop things. You don’t want to hurt his feelings or be a tease or end up in a really awkward situation. It happens to many girls and there’s a simple answer: STOP! Think of how much more awkward you’ll feel during the sex if you don’t really want to be having it.

4.    Because you need to pay your tuition bill and the man from Craigslist seemed nice enough. Or maybe this is a good reason, I haven’t quite tested it out myself…

5.    Because you’re friends are on your case about your recent dry spell. Yeah, it’s nice to share funny hook-up stories the morning after, but it’s not your job to provide them.

6.    Because you’re desperate to get rid of v-card. These days you can auction your virginity off for millions of dollars, so don’t go giving that shiz away for free! But seriously, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. Wait to have sex with someone you feel comfortable with and it will be much more enjoyable.

7.    Because you’re trying to forget about your ex. Casual sex won’t erase those feelings, it’ll just delay them a bit (if anything). The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can move on. And just think about how awkward it will be when you start crying during the deed. Just wait.

8.   Because you’re mad at your friend and her ex boyfriend is pretty cute. You’ll regret this in the long run, trust me.

9.   Because you’re mad at your boyfriend. “I cheated on you” has never been shown to help resolve an argument.

10.    Because you’re ready to have a baby, goddamn it! It may be cheaper than a sperm bank, but can you live with the guilt?

Have you guys ever had sex for any of these reasons?