The phrase “Shaken, not stirred” may no longer accompany Bond’s signature martini order. The iconic 007 martini will take a backseat to a beer…Find out which here. The deal is said to have made the Bond franchise $45 million. But can you put a price on James Bond as a character? He doesn’t drink just any old beer. This is James Bond!

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Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Email Aunt Tuffy at tuffyluvCC [at] gmail [dot] com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m fat. I hate my body. Now what?

Fatty

Dear Girl,

That’s right. I refused to call you Fatty. Because–what the floop?! Girl, you have got to address these issues now before they eat you whole–literally. Look, sometimes people gain weight. But people also lose weight, right? Right. So here’s what you do:

Figure out what’s making you gain weight. Is it the types of foods you’re eating? The amount of food? Or are you not exercising enough?

If it’s a food issue, start reading up on what’s healthy and what’s not. If you know what is good for your body, you’ll want to give it food that makes it run better. Vegetables, whole grains, lean protein–these things can be prepared deliciously, and they’ll make you feel great.

For amount of food, think portion control. At the beginning, weigh your food. I’m not kidding. Read up on portion sizes (from nutritionists and health experts, not crazos) and weigh it until you know what the right amount looks like. Limit yourself to eating only that amount. You might feel hungry at first, but within a week or so, your body will adjust. Most of us are used to overeating–you’ll feel much better when you’re actually eating the right amount.

Exercise is good for everyone. You want cardio AND weights. Find something you like to do (dancing, running, whatever) and make a schedule that has you doing it four times a week. And then stick to it!!! And do NOT reward yourself with food–reward yourself with the knowledge that you’re taking good care of yourself and starting better habits for the future.

And in the meantime, girl, seriously lay off. I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful just the way you are. It is not healthy to be significantly overweight, but that doesn’t mean you should feel unattractive for it!!! Lots of men like a little extra meat. Don’t slim down for that; slim down because you’ll feel better, and you’ll have fewer health problems as you age. Do it for yourself. And in the meantime, always, always love the body you’ve got. Because that’s you, baby!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock]

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Although it may not feel like it (what up gloves in March), but summer is coming. And with summer comes tank tops, short shorts and bikinis. You know you want to start getting in shape for all those beach photos, but you also know you’re not ready to cut out all your favorite snacks. After all, what is life without ice cream or cheese? What is a night out without beer followed by the drunk munchies.

Here are some suggestions on how to make your favorite and most unhealthy foods a little bit healthier. Although it’s not exactly the same, these options are still tasty AND they don’t include that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach when you wake up the next morning spooning an empty pizza box. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself in June, when you’re feeling totally fabulous in that new string bikini.

You don’t need to give up your favorite junky foods while you’re trying to slim down — just keep these tweaks in mind and you’ll be cutting down on a lot of unwanted calories!

People can be monsters, and I don’t mean in the Lady Gaga sense. They can be downright vicious to others without even realizing the irreversible damage they cause in the process. Though I keep it hidden away in a corner of my mind, I have a lot of memories of this kind of often subtle ruthlessness. I spent most of my young life as “the fat girl.” This is what I remember.

I remember the rough cobblestone steps leading up to my grade school. I sat on them clinging my green vinyl lunchbox for all of recess when my classmates didn’t want to play with the fat new girl.

I remember how my first grade teacher would scowl and scrunch up her dark eyes when she watched me trying to tie my shoes. “How you struggle!” She sneered. She didn’t realize how much.

I remember how other kids in the school would pass me in the hallway and say, quite simply, “You’re fat.” Cue my self-consciousness forever.

I remember how my teachers would pass out school pictures to the class when they came back from the photographer. I knew I was about to get mine when they tightened their lips and dropped their eyes. Then they’d hand my pictures to me with the clear cellophane window face-down. They were that bad.

I remember how I would bury those pictures in my Jansport backpacks and sneak them in my bedroom. I’d hide them under my bed. So many times I suppressed the urge to tear them to pieces; I would think of how my mother paid for them and feel guilty. Then I would feel guilty that my mother didn’t have a pretty daughter who she could proudly pass pictures of to friends and family.  A couple weeks later, she would find them, a little crumbled up compared to when I got them. I don’t know where most of them are now.

I remember my mother taking me to Sears for new jeans to wear to my fifth grade dance. They were one of the only stores that sold Girls’ size 18.  I remember she bought me a swishy purple top that changed color in the light. Some eyeshadow and lip gloss to match. I remember feeling the excitement that only naïve little girls experience, before their hopes get dashed.

I remember the only boy that danced with me that night — his chaperoning mother made him. He shimmied next to me a few times, always scooting further and further away across the dark gym floor.

I remember the magic of being at my first dance suddenly died.

I don’t remember going to anymore dances after that. They never seemed like fun to me.

I remember I hated clothes shopping.

I remember being  11 or 12-years-old and going to Fashion Bug with my mother. Anytime I tried on anything sleeveless or with tiny sleeves, I’d slide back the lock on the dressing room door hesitantly. “That would look good with a jacket over the top,” my mother insisted. That was her way of telling me my arms were too fat.

I remember just about breaking into a sweat the week before doctor’s appointments and how I counted down the days with dread. I hated stepping foot on the scale.

I remember that my doctors never addressed my problem. “Eat right,” they told me as I slid off the paper on the exam table. Highly effective, to be sure.

I don’t remember how young I was when I tried fad diets like the Hollywood 48 Hour Miracle Diet and Herbal Slimming Tea, but it was too young. Any age is the wrong age for that stuff.
I remember that they didn’t work. At all.

I remember being 5’5” and 199 pounds when I entered high school. I wasn’t big enough to be antagonized by classmates, but I was big enough to be completely invisible.

That’s not entirely true. I remember being in a study hall, trying to help someone with Geometry homework, when I suddenly became conscious of some of the grungy-cool boys making fun of me in the back of the room. They were pretty terrible to me. No one defended me, not even the skinny, preppy teacher. I felt like a trapped animal.

I don’t remember a day passing after that where I felt completely safe or comfortable in school.

I remember for the rest of my high school career I walked through the halls with my head down, fearing everyone’s reproach. I remember how badly the popular people and the badass boys scared me after that encounter. Whenever I heard any snickering whatsoever, my heart went into spasms.

I remember having “friends.” They usually weren’t the other fat kids. They were skinny kids who wanted a fat friend to make them feel better about themselves. Or they were kids who wanted to take advantage of a straight-A student.

I remember pouring my heart into friendships, always generous with gifts, goodwill, and limitless gratitude. I remember most of my friendships ended when I was no longer useful in some way. Then I would be invisible again.

I remember how that would mess with my mind and my heart.

I remember looking at beautiful fields filled with blue skies and tall trees. I wondered how someone as ugly and unwanted as myself ended up in such a place. Why? I asked myself. Why did I continue to exist when everyday people better loved than me were dying?

I remember asking myself that question a lot. In the car. In bed at night. In classrooms filled with whispered conversations and spastic giggling. I didn’t get an answer for a long time.

I remember hating gym class. I wasn’t fast or agile or a jock. I got very red very easily and it was embarrassing.

I remember I would never change in the locker room in front of other girls. I would go hide in a shower stall or a bathroom stall. I imagined how they would harass me as they stood in their sports bras and boxer shorts. To me, everyone’s body was better than mine.

I remember how I tried to change my body from the outside in. I stuffed myself into multiple body shapers, sports bras, and camis before I put on my clothes. The red grooves they would leave on my body day after day were terrible.

I remember when I tried to change my body from the inside out my senior year of high school. I remember I succeeded. Everyone thinks that getting skinny is the fat girl’s happy ending, but it’s not; it’s the second act of a tragedy.

I remember trying on my first pair of Size 1 jeans in front of the mirror. I still thought my arms were too big and my hips were too wide.

I remember all of the people at home who assured me, “You never had to change,” after I lost 80 pounds. I wanted to spit in their eyes.

I remember meeting new people at college, far away from home.

I remember one of my new friends — a fashion major — telling me, “You have a great body.” I almost cried. Whether out of happiness or anguish, I’ll never know.

I remember new friends expressing their jealousy of my size. That never made me feel good.

I don’t remember the exact day I realized using a girl’s weight to extrapolate anything else about her is ridiculous, but I assure you it is.

I remember releasing my forehead to my mat in yoga class and offering up my weight turmoil to a higher power. I couldn’t grapple with it anymore.

I remember when I stopped watching every morsel of food I put in my mouth. A little bit of cream cheese was less detrimental to my health than all of the anxiety I created about being skinny was.

I remember realizing there is so much more to life than worrying about food, but I think the questions of when to eat, what to eat, and how much to eat will recur throughout my life. I don’t think my old anxieties can ever go away entirely.

I remember realizing being skinny didn’t matter to me anymore, but being healthy did. Then I realized they are not one in the same, but that I never wanted to go back to the way I was before. That wasn’t healthy, either.

I remember a healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body, and I let myself put a few needed pounds back on.

I remember when I realized I was beautiful, and even if I didn’t have a flawless body, I had a totally functional one. I liked that better.

I remember when I finally realized that I have the power to make my own happiness, and I haven’t stopped since.

I remember finally getting the long-awaited answer to the question of why I am privileged to live in this world: it’s to tell you that you, too, are beautiful. Never let anyone get into your peace of mind. It’s incredibly difficult to get them out without destroying it.

Though the people that caused my anxiety over the years probably don’t remember what they have said or did, I can never forget. What sort of memories are you leaving behind?

Always looking for new ways to curb your appetite and shed those stubborn pounds? Now that bikini season’s among us (or at least among those of us that don’t live on the East Coast, where it’s been raining for about 10 days now), finding a way to cut calories and look good on the beach is on everyone’s mind. Enter Sensa: tiny edible granules that, when sprinkled on food, are supposed to enhance the smell and taste of your meal and send olfactory messages your brain that make you fuller faster. What’s more, they release hormones that are supposed to suppress your appetite so that you’re not a member of the “clean plate club” at every meal.

A recent article in the New York Times quotes Dr. Alan Hirsch, the maker of Sensa, who says that you become full when your brain senses that you’ve smelled and tasted something. Basically, you’re tricking your body into thinking it’s satisfied before you get the chance to overeat. So I can sniff that glazed donut, maybe take a few bites, and feel no need to eat the rest? No more burrito binges?  No more digging into my pasta face first?

Where do I buy these magical crystals?!

According to the same New York Times article, there are tons of products out there that offer similarly amazing services. SlimScents are aromatherapy diet pens filled with various odors that you sniff before you scarf, the Aroma Patch releases a vanilla odor and can be worn on your hand or chest (it’s adhesive), and Peppermint Happy Scent spray can be tossed in your purse for an on-the-go hunger decreaser.

There are critics of Sensa and other smelly diet products that argue that there isn’t enough proof that messing with your senses will make you eat less. In addition, there are doctors and nutritionists who fear that people will stop their exercise routines or quit eating healthfully if they think that these special granules can solve all of their weight problems. I, however, am quite curious. And although I might get some weird stares as I sit at a restaurant sprinkling fairy dust all over my penne a la vodka, I think it’s worth a try.

So I finished the month.

And while I think the 4-Day Diet has its positives and is a great eating plan for people new to the health/weight loss game, I realized why I don’t succeed on programs like this:

I become obsessed with food.

I stare at my food list 12 times a day and spend the rest of my time constantly thinking about my next meal or snack. Result: I think I’m hungry (always) when I’m not. And that’s not the best feeling when you are trying to lose a few pounds, eh?

The thing is, I know how to eat healthy and I know what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I personally did not need someone to tell me what kinds of foods are good for me and what are not. I just needed to stop eating the crap I knew was bad.

And this program definitely helped with that. What it did do was remind me that the little things I eat add up big time. A few bites here and there add up to a few pounds here and there and, before you know it, I’m breaking a serious sweat squatting and lunging my way into my jeans.

I also learned that I eat often out of boredom or stress, something I know most of you can relate to. So this month I learned how to combat my fake hunger. When I get a craving or think I’m hungry, I envision eating a healthy meal (like carrots and bell peppers). If that sounds good to me then I know I’m truly hungry. If all I want is a McFlurry, then I know hunger is not the real issue (and PMS/boy trouble/an addiction to M&Ms is). It’s a great tip and it will keep you from giving in too quickly to the temptations in the dorm cafeteria, at work, or at the lib.

Overall, I’m happy I gave the 4 Day Diet a try – I learned some new tips and tricks to keeping healthy and, more importantly, learned more about myself. I also learned that when a diet tells you that pizza is OK, eating an entire pizza is not.

Just a thought.

So imagine my own surprise when I found myself buying a copy of Dr. Ian Smith’s new “diet” The Four Day Diet last week.

Fact is, these past two years, I have been in a constant fight with my weight. It goes up 5 pounds it goes down 4 it goes up 3 it goes down 1. It fluctuates more than Christina Aguilera’s voice on any given song. I can’t seem to successfully lose and keep off these last couple of pounds. Even though I do eat pretty healthy. Even though I workout 5-6 days a week. Even though I know the importance of complex carbs. And lots of veggies. And fiber. Oh boy do I know about fiber. I’ve read it all – I know the spiels.

So after realizing that complaining about the lack of results doesn’t do me any good and just makes those around me more miserable, I decided that I wanted to do something to give my body (and my metabolism) the real kick in the ass that it needs. Something to get back on track, clean my act up a bit to start seeing progress again. I know it’s cliché to start some sort of weight loss resolution in January, but here it goes. I’m trying it out. And blogging about it for you here.

The 4 Day Diet drew me in because it seems simple. And it’s just that- only 4 days. Well, 4 days at a time. There are 7 modules each lasting for only 4 days. Surely I can stick to something for 4 days! It works out perfectly: just when you get sick of eating one way you switch it up.

The 4-day modules are:

Induction (detox/cleansing)

Transition (to reintroduce all food groups)

Protein Stretch (to avoid plateaus)

Smooth (when you can have some formerly forbidden foods like pizza and French fries)

Push (the sprint just before the final stretch, back to a stricter eating plan)

Pace (a comfortable module for you to catch your breath)

Vigorous (the final module to lose those last few pounds)

The whole point of the program is to work on specific tools to build a lasting weight loss. The diet is based on clean whole foods (no calorie counting) and changes up your food and workout routines to keep your body guessing. And unlike most weight loss programs, the first 7 chapters are dedicated to getting your mind in the right place.

So here I go again… I’ll be updating every week as I move through the various modules. Hopefully I can help you (and me!) to get motivated, get inspired, and to share your own trials, tribulations and sucess stories as well.

According to telegraph.co.uk, The University of Wisconsin-Madison recently did a little study about food consumption. The study required participants to take pictures of their food before eating it, which  would have sounded ridiculous 10 years ago, but let’s face it – digital cameras and Macbooks make it easier than ever to take pictures on a whim. After reviewing their findings,  researchers at Wisconsin-Madison concluded that photographing meals does in fact aid an individual in losing weight.

Do I think you should literally photograph all of your meals before eating?  I mean, not unless you’re compiling some sort of ironic food-on-the-table coffee-table book.  But I do think that you should take a mental picture of the things you eat before you eat them.

Ask yourself how the picture would look.

Would it show that your portions are too big? Would it show that you eat food that is essentially trash for your body?

Learning to adopt this habit before putting anything in your body will help you to really take pride in what (and how much) you put into your mouth. A lot of times we eat mindlessly and compulsively. This little trick is bound to help if you’ve got that problem.

[photo from: about.com]

I was never a heavy person, but at 14, I was 5’8’’ and 160 lbs. Sounds big, I know, but I was a competitive swimmer and full of muscle. I used to eat whatever I wanted; I swam seven days a week so I had a good balance…I wasn’t heavy, but not stick thin, and I was happy with the way I looked. But when I abruptly quit swimming as a rebellion against my father, I realized that my eating of whatever I wanted had to come to a hault. I couldn’t snack on McDonalds Chicken Nuggets if I wasn’t spending two hours a day in a pool.

It started gradually…not sitting with my parents at the dinner table because I was upset, throwing lunches out that my mom made me at school, and making subtle attempts at lessening my food intake. Eventually, I narrowed it down to eating one single Pop-Tart or small sandwich a day…any single item with enough nutrients to get me through.

I also started stationary biking every day as a way to add exercise to my already starved body. I biked around 8 miles a day and did 400 crunches, so any food intake I did have was quickly wasted away by burning these calories. If I needed a boost to keep myself going, I’d pop a few sugar candies.

In three months, I dropped from 160 lbs, a healthy size 10, to 120 lbs, and a very unhealthy looking size 2. Still, at a size 2, I thought I was fat; I would constantly study my body in the mirror, picking out all the imperfections, seeing all the flaws and not paying attention to my good parts. No matter how many times people would tell me to eat, that I was too thin, that I was underweight, that I didn’t look normal, I kept pushing myself harder, eating less and less. This continued for about a year.

The epiphany came when I saw a picture of myself and noticed how horrendous I looked. My head was ginormous, my face was sunken, pale and gaunt and my body looked like I was a flat, underdeveloped 10 year-old. It hit me in a way that I can’t describe (plus, seeing a therapist for my parents’ divorce helped me put the pieces back together) and I knew I had to make a change.

I started to eat on a healthier, more regular basis. I’ve never been a compulsive snacker, but I had to get used to eating normal, balanced meals again. My metabolism was all messed up; I gained weight back twice as fast and twice as much.

Now, in my mid-20’s, I have a healthy relationship with food. I still work out; I’m a runner who works out 4-6 times a week, but I eat whatever I want, within reason. My metabolism is back to normal, and so am I. At a healthy size 6, I know how to treat my body, respect its right to be hungry and allow myself to indulge.

Eating disorders are much more prevalent than a lot of people think. Have you ever been through something like this?

[image from jupiterimages]