It means, as a woman of the new millennium, you’re likely to date a guy who is (not to sound too demeaning) a few rungs below you on the ladder to lifelong success. As someone who has dated her fair share of men who lack any aspirations (my disapproving dad calls them slackers), I know a thing or two about these types of boys. I’ve learned many lessons, which I will now share with you if you’re at all interested in pursuing, or continuing, a relationship with one of these self-declared duds.

Let’s begin with the upside. Guys who aren’t busting their balls at work in order to get a better job or a higher wage are more likely to be attentive and available to you. (More time for massages? Count me in!) They tend to be calmer, more easy going, and, most likely, able to hang out more often.

Unfortunately, that’s about it in terms of the pro’s. So, let’s look at the downside and, more importantly, how to deal with it.

The first question you have to ask yourself is: why is he not interested in a forward moving career? He might be satisfied with the job he’s got. If it makes him happy and he earns a salary where you won’t be supporting him financially, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, if he’s not moving ahead in life because he’s lazy, this could be a terrible thing. Especially if you’re more of a go-getter. Guys can’t be fixed, it’s important to remember this if you’re a fixer like I am. No amount of pushing and prodding will motivate a guy; instead he’ll just get annoyed and you’ll just get frustrated.

One type of boy who you might assume is a slacker but might not be, is the college dropout. Keep in mind that just because a guy dropped out of college doesn’t mean he’s not motivated or a hard worker. I’ve actually met a few very successful guys who were dropouts. Many just didn’t find higher education satisfying, and instead pursued a different path, be it a career in writing, the arts, or even the restaurant biz (one guy I met was a pastry chef!).

All in all a relationship with a non-motivated boyfriend or a college dropout boyfriend is only a problem if it’s a problem for you. A little convoluted, I know, but it makes sense. If a guy who strives to be manager, CEO, or the next president of the United States is your type, then why bother with a guy who’s satisfied being an assistant? But if you’re in love and a dude who treats you well, makes you laugh, and makes your toes do that weird stretchy thing, then why throw it all away for someone else’s idea of success?

[Photo courtesy of flickr]

My friend Veronica (not her real name) is in the middle of such a slacker paradise. She’s temporarily living at home until she can relocate with her boyfriend to an as-of-yet unknown locale, she was recently laid off from a job she hated anyway, and she’s one of the only people I know who doesn’t freak out in a situation like this. But as someone looking on at her life and her relationship from a slight distance, I’m freaking out on her behalf.

Her boyfriend recently bought a Wii, that addictive gaming console that lets you bowl or play tennis by swinging a white remote around and looking like a moron. I love my friend, and I love that she’s so comfortable with her boyfriend that she can hang out with him in her pajamas, and I love that he finds her sexy even when she doesn’t shower. But I think there’s a fine line between being comfortable with your other and being stuck in a rut.

Veronica and her boyfriend have long been turning into the same person. First, it was their jokes, sometimes funny, sometimes offensive, as if they were nudging each other on. Now, it’s their attitudes towards life, a blasé, things-will-work-out-on-there-own attitude that seems to magnify the longer they are together. This may sound as if I don’t like them together, but that’s actually not true. He’s a good person and he treats her well, and I wish I could be as relaxed and go-with-the-flow as she is, but I’m not, so I worry.

The risk of the slacker dream is real. When you’re in college you have time apart literally built into your schedules. You have class time, study time, maybe lab time, apart. When you’re employed, this time triples, quadruples, to forty+ hours a week. The time you spend together is then more thought-out, more carefully utilized. Sleeping in together becomes a treat and dinners out aren’t an everyday thing but a date. While the sleeping ‘til noon life with your boyfriend might sound like heaven, it can actually be very unhealthy. I’ve been there.

When you spend all your time with your other, morning, noon, night, and happy hour, you lose all perspective. I spent a year and a half attached at the hip to a boyfriend. I drifted way from friends, put on five (okay, ten) pounds, and at one point even wore a ring on that finger. It wasn’t until a study abroad trip to Prague threw me back into reality (a very grey, post-Communist reality). I hadn’t entered into some loving, comfortable place with my boyfriend, I’d gotten stuck in the mud, and I hadn’t even noticed.

Now, I’m not suggesting you take a trip to Prague if you’re in the relationship mud (goulash and dumplings is really an acquired taste), but I do think you should take a mini vacation from your relationship. Not a break, not at all, but a few nights without him. Go to a bar with just the girls, rent a few cheesy romantic comedies, take a weekend trip to Las Vegas or Atlantic City and dress up in your finest glittery gold. What’s the harm? If he loves you than a weekend without you isn’t going to send him into the bed of some floozy. If the time apart gives you a new perspective on the relationship and you decide that it’s not working, then I’ve saved you the year of heartache I wish I’d been saved from. And if distance really does make your heart grow fonder, your relationship will flourish upon your return.

[photo from punchbutton.beloblog.com]