[I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going gal, and try not to sweat the small stuff. But sometimes (ok, maybe slightly more often) the general cluelessness, carelessness and overall stupididty of some things and or/people really gets to me. I find that venting is the most efficient way to rid myself of the stress that idiots, wrong meal orders, lack of cell phone ettiquette and cheese flavored products (that don’t even contain any freaking cheese!) induce. So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Hanson.

You guys were the opening act to my young and turbulent love life. Zac, you and I shared something so special (which you didn’t know about, but poor Robbie who sat next to me in second grade sure as hell did—my Mmm Bopping skills were not as advanced as yours, unfortunately.) You guys pretty much paved the way for one of my most important imaginary relationships with Lance, JC and Justin (obv) and I eliminated the need for my Mom’s Laura Ashley wallpaper using only creepy pictures of the three of you looking girlishly innocent (um, except for you Isaac; sorry you had to go through puberty in the midst of your stardom). Surely you all knew how important it was to uphold your fine musical talent and the pride you all brought to Tulsa, right? WRONG! A quick little ‘where they are now’: Taylor is married (has been since he was 19!) with three kids and expecting numero cuatro. My beloved Zac is also wifed up and became a Daddy last May . Isaac, ironically now the hottest by far, is also married, with children. While I am super upset that they haven’t maintained their pop idol status and never named a song after me (but managed to get around to Madeline and Lucy!), the boys are out doing good in the world nowadays; their Walk tour is to raise awareness about HIV/Aids and poverty in Africa so yes, Hanson you still make my heart melt (suck it JoBros!).

Proposition 8.

The ban on gay marriage that was voted for in California last week is disturbing as a representation of how certain Americans feel against other Americans. If civil marriage is a civil right, how does this ban not violate the underlying laws of humanity present in our constitution. I understand that our government is founded on Puritan beliefs. I understand that deeply religious people may oppose something they believe to be morally wrong. What I don’t understand is when religion overpowered basic conscience and why the hell those who don’t believe in same sex marriage give a hoot if they’re not the ones engaging in gay unions. “I just found out that my state doesn’t really think I’m a person,” said Rose Aplustill, 21 a citizen of California. Well Rose, darling, I sure as hell think you’re a person but I severely doubt the humanity of those who voted to alienate a basic right of their fellow citizen. The fight for equality needs to continue and when our generation holds the power in our government, I hope our children all share the same bewilderment that I do now as to what is so very “wrong” with civil marriage.

Drunken A$$holes.

Football season seems to give them myriad opportunities to crawl out of cracks in the sidewalk (or perhaps vacate their couches) to run amok and cause general annoyance among those of us who can respectably handle our keg stands. Ladies, do not sensually rub the chest of a man uncomfortably sending “Help Me!” signals to his girlfriend who is standing 4 feet away, not so amused. Gentlemen, please refrain from slurring “nice tits” at the closest thing in a tube top…and then proceeding to repeat it after she tries to politely yet disgustedly ignore you. If you can’t take the shots, get out of the kitchen and take that shiz outside where you’ll inevitably end up vomming later and leave the rest of the merry revelers in peace. Kthnx.

Speidi’s Ignorange, as per usual.

Not to beat a dead horse but, speaking of gay marriage and asshats, Perez has good ol’ Spence quoted as saying “Like I’ve always said: Heidi’s hair and makeup people are some of my favorite homosexuals on the planet, and if they want to marry each other, I’m not about to be like, ‘Don’t’. Perez gently corrects him by alluding to gay lawyers and firemen and appreciates Spencer’s embracing of equality “in his own Spencer way” but please Perez, pretty pretty please let him have it the next time he says something asenine and stereotypical.

Ok Lovelies, shout it out: What pissed YOU off this week?

Let’s get one thing straight; I am absolutely obsessed with Disney movies. But as much as I love watching them, the princesses walking around those movies always manage to make me feel terrible about my love life. They create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships all while maintaining a search for ‘happily ever after’.

So how does one attain this happily ever after? According to a Disney princess, by finding love! And how does one find love? With a song and dance, of course!

Gone are the days where meaningful conversation and actual chemistry are needed for a relationship, Disney princesses show that chiseled features and a great singing voice are all a girl really needs. Beauty and the Beast seems to be one exception as the Beast definitely ain’t no looker but Belle likes him anyway. The only downside to this love affair is that the Beast is holding Belle captive in order to make her fall in love with him so he can turn handsome again.

Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, has yet to speak to her man before claiming her love for him. She defies her father, runs away from home, and makes a deal with an evil sorceress to give up her voice, all in hopes of meeting this guy. But lo and behold, Ariel and the prince do meet and by the end of the movie they have fallen in love and are ready to live happily ever after. Maybe it was all the stimulating conversation the two had together that attracted him to her. Or the great pair of legs she traded her voice for.

Another idea that Disney princesses seem to instill upon us is that one day Prince Charming will just show up and make our lives better. But in the meantime we should probably be sitting around waiting for him. Look at Cinderella, for instance. Instead of telling her step-sisters to ‘f*ck off’ and then leaving the household to find a real job and house to support herself, she lets herself be treated like a slave to her step-mother’s whims. She is only let off the hook from this life when Prince Charming shows up and whisks her away to his castle. She doesn’t know him that well, but he has a ton of money and power, so I guess that equals out to a happily every after.

Instead of the cookie-cutter Disney Prince Charming, I’d rather go out and find a man with flaws. To me, that perfect Disney prince sounds boring. Every relationship needs a little disagreement and meaningful conversation, not just physical attraction. I think a relationship can have a happily ever after, but only if you’re realistic about it.

No guy is ever going to act perfect all the time like Prince Charming, nor are you always going to look flawless like Cinderella, but with the right amount of time and commitment, you two can make your own happily ever after. And If a guy still loves me even when I wake up looking like the Beast, that’s my idea of a Prince Charming.

What do you guys think? Do any of our relationships really turn into happily ever afters, or has the idea just effed us up when it comes to dating?

This weekend I met a guy. He is cute, funny, and 6’1″ – we exchanged numbers, and things were looking good.

Then at the end of the night as I was falling asleep, my phone chirped to inform me of a new text, from my new guy, “Great 2 meet u.”

Damn. And he had so much potential.

I know, I know, it is a sweet thing to say, but my problem is not with what he said, its how. I am the first to admit that I being extremely judgmental, but as an English major and someone who thoroughly enjoys words, I really hate to see them butchered.

Yeah, I’ve had people rationalize this texting style as faster, easier, whatever, but to substitute a single letter or a number for a word completely peeves me. Every time I see ‘4‘ in place of the word ‘for‘ or ‘c‘ instead of ‘see‘ or ‘2morrow‘ where there should be a ‘tomorrow‘ I cringe, I think of a junior high student, IQ points are lost, and a person suddenly seems extremely lazy- is it really that much harder to just type the extra two or three letters?? (The answer is no.)

Since my love life has been a little MIA lately, and aside from his bad text – etiquette I really thought he was a great guy I am not going to write him off (get it, write him off… since he doesn’t spell words right?) for lazy spelling. I’ll give him a shot, but I am just wondering, exactly how long do I have to wait before I can ask him to please expel the extra effort and use complete words?

I’m tired of talking to my friends about this ONE guy who has been haunting my love life, or lack thereof, since the fall. I’m sick of pretending like I don’t care when I talk to him, too. The fact of the matter, Travis, is this: Even my PARENTS know all about you and the sort of emotional mud you’ve been dragging me through. I see pictures of you and cringe. It’s time you received an open letter. And for once, I’m gonna go ahead and NOT care if your cute little girlfriend, who is, by default, an idiot, reads this.

Dear Travis,

I respect the fact that you refuse to cheat on your girlfriend of three years. You are a very noble man. In fact, I respect you for doing all that you can to avoid being in the same room as me these days. You and I both know that it’d be easier to get American troops out of Iraq than it would be to get your tongue out of my mouth if we were ever to, tragically, be left alone together.

I respect your ability to use your mind and step outside of this situation so that you can ascertain its importance in the long run. You have an impressive ability to weigh out your options, Travis. You should be a stock broker.

The only problem? Well, you’re a snakey asshole. Here’s what I DON’T respect about you:

You won’t cheat on your girlfriend but you WILL exchange porn with me during an AIM conversation about how much we’d like to have sex with each other. You tell this girl that you LOVE her all while telling me that you think I might be better for you than she is. When you send me text messages about how beautiful I am, are they sent before or after you kiss her goodnight?

You taunt me with the fact that you know I have a “thing” for you. A THING that you so carefully earned. You tell me that you can’t be around me because you know you would cheat on your girlfriend. You tell me that you want to kiss me every time you see me.

It’s true. In a way I do respect you for being able to recognize our sexual potential and act accordingly so that you can keep your girlfriend around.

But Travis, it’s clear you don’t love her. Quit being such a pussy all of the time. Break up with that barely legal, oblivious, worse-for-you-than-me mama. Then Man Up and call me when you’re outside. No matter how snakey you’ve been, I still want to jump your bones more with each day that this continues. ESPECIALLY if it’s anything like the movies you sent me.

Sincerely,

The girl you can’t be around because you wanna nail her so hard.

“Do you ever just chill out?” A friend recently asked me, as I checked my email on my phone during a lunch date. “I mean, we’re at a diner.”

“I need to make sure the email I sent in to my professor made it. And if my internship got back to me about possibly skipping Monday…” I could have kept talking about what I needed to do, but the waiter was setting down a delicious plate of hummus and stuffed grape leaves. I cannot deny a good stuffed grape leaf.

My diner friend isn’t the first person to point out how much I work, how busy I keep my schedule. Moving forward in my career has always been a giant part of my life.

But these days, it’s an even bigger part. Why? Because the moment I calm down is the moment I realize work is just about the only thing I’ve got.

I push myself in grad school, on the job, in my internship, and with outside work because it keeps my mind busy. The more I have to do during the day (and at night), the less time I have to realize my relationship life, my financial stability, and my overall comfort with my place in…society, basically…is much less than stable.

Right before I drift off to sleep (and by “drift” I mean “lie in bed for about an hour before I finally go unconscious”) is when my mind comes after me. There’s no paper to write, no phone call to take, no email to open, and so my insecurities are free to take over.

Why the hell can’t you find a dude to make you happy?

Probably, you could loose about 5 pounds.

Now, while I freely admit that I have the type of personality that thrives on being busy, I also freely admit that those midnight thoughts are a big reason I don’t spend a lot of time chilling out. Some nights, when I come home, dripping exhaustion and barely able to kick off my uncomfortable shoes and throw something together for dinner, I wonder if there’s anyone else out there who wishes people understood some of the vulnerable reasons why she’s so driven.

So…ladies…are you out there?

Do geeks make good boyfriends?

Because the internet is all expansive and all knowing, someone has already answered that question for me in a convenient, numbered fashion.

Many of the reasons are funny, and most make a lot of sense. Like number 6:

“[geeks] are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.”

Having never dated a tried and true Geek before (although I did have a brief fling with someone who was a closet nerd…which wasn’t the reason we broke up…as far as he knew), I’m not the biggest expert on socially awkward people in relationships. However, the guy geeks I’ve been acquainted with over the years do tend to treat their girlfriends with an amazing amount of care.

And yes, like reason number 11, the cause for this amazing amount of care seems to stem from the fact that actually having a chick dig their nerdly ways is enough to make them ready and willing to do just about anything.

So tell us, DO geeks make better boyfriends? Or will they always make you second best to that hot pixilated babe in EverQuest?