Yeah, yeah yeah. We have all heard it a thousand times – “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” Sh-aah, If even- whatever. I hate to be the bearer of bad news for you dudes out there, but it’s the SIZE of the boat. C’mon, deep down you knew she was only trying to make you feel better.

OK, here’s the deal. It’s not the middle that’s the problem, it’s the low and high end of the spectrum that has something to worry about. The fact of the matter is, we are just not designed to accomodate a horse, and likewise, an angry inch just won’t cut it. I found some testimonials on utterpants.com that will hopefully set the record straight. Take a look.

Amy, 32, said, “I should at least be able to feel some kind of penetration. Either the ruler he’s using has shrunk even more than his dick or he was too busy playing with himself when he should have been learning how many inches there are in a foot. If he’s eight inches then my Nissan Micra is a bloody BMW!

Does Size Matter?

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The creators of the “sac-relig-a-riffic” Pope John Paul II – Commemorative Thong with Matching Camisole are most certainly going to hell for this one, but they will be looking fly on the way down.

I mean c’mon, what better way to canonize the glorious life of the late, great PJP2, than with some dope-ass unmentionables from Dope Pope Wear.

Oh, this is so VERY, VERY WRONG.

Wow! I stumbled upon this gorgeous little audio clip on PharmaGossip.com and OMG- this will absolutely kill you.

The long and the short of it is, This guy is about to propose to his girlfriend of 4 years, when he finds out she was caught giving some “oral dictation” to her Boss in the bathroom stall at the company Christmas Party. So, instead of breaking up with her in person, he recruits some help from a local radio show.

The result is painfully cruel- Gorgeous, I tell you.

In the past 2 weeks I have gone home from the bar with 4 different guys.

But my inability to meet a man worthy more than a few hours of awkward conversation and a long walk of shame (among other things….) is not the point of this rant. The fact that all four guys had one major thing in common is. What do they have in common, you ask?

No, not an oversized bald spot (only one had that). Or small packages (I wouldn’t know after one date…I am no hussy! Ok, maybe I do know, but I will not be sharing that here.)

The element that tied them all together: an obsession with American Idol. That’s weird, isn’t it? I mean, what guys want to watch a show where people sing cheesy love songs? Shouldn’t they be watching basketball…or porn?? Read More »

Cheating on your boyfriend with his best friend and the secret has your stomach gurgling-a-fire? Or better yet, do you just get off on listening to other people’s closet-ed stories of deception? Well then Girl, do I have a website for you.

PostSecret.blogspot.com is the most brilliant site I have ever seen, EVER! Here’s the premise:

A bunch of average nobodies anonymously write their own secrets down on a postcard and mail them to a blogsite to post. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just secret after secret. Lie after lie. It is absolutely gorgeous. Really.

Yeah, yeah, I know you must think I am an incredibly shallow and morbid person- And maybe your right, but it takes one to know one, and I guarantee once you go there, you will be there for a while.

Dare ya.