Ew.

I think I may have a serious problem, and I don’t think I am the only woman to have it.

No, I’m not pregnant. No, I don’t have any sort of STI.

I am just romantically challenged.

I literally repel romance. For some reason, if a guy comes around with flowers, or gushy text messages with emo lyrics, or, heaven forbid, shares his feelings, I don’t know how to react. I’m either shocked, freaked out, or just plain confused.

One of my ex’s is a guitar player and I loved going to his shows around town. All was good and fine when I was just a common spectator enjoying his music. But when he wrote a song for me and played it for me, I thought I was in a bad-romance-novel-turned-even-worse-movie that would never end. I didn’t know where to look or put my hands. Should I smile? Do I fake a tear? Do I saw awww while he continues to strum away on the guitar and spew out lyrics about love? I had my own personal Jack Johnson and was turned off by him.

But why? Shouldn’t I be happy, joyous, or even giddy? Doesn’t every girl want a boy to bring her flowers for no reason and tell her how he feels?

Well, the idea of it sounds wonderful to me, but in reality it kinda makes me queasy. I mean, why do we have to hold hands all the damn time? Read More »

I was pulling for Tina Fey. Damn.

Michael Phelps is a(n angry) stoner.

The ultimate love song.

Washington University fraternity busted for drugs.

Going home for break? Some tips for adjusting to life back at home.

Fruit is so….sexy.

So, Hilary Duff is not a virgin?

Pete Wentz is so romantic.

Penis cleavage is all the rage.

Kanye West: A total male fashionist-o.

50% off grad school!

Ew. Don’t eat any of these 5 dirty foods.

I fancy myself quite a connoisseur of romance. I am a girl who has seen nearly every romantic comedy in existence, whose reading materials of choice consist of happily ever after type articles and books, and who is able to read a romantic undertone into nearly every song she hears. I suppose to say I am a romance connoisseur is an understatement; I am a love-junkie.

It can, and has been argued that the fine line between the real-life reality and expectation of romance, and the “fiction” type I hold on to seems to be a line I have blurred—possibly to an unrecognizable point. To put it simply, I think I might have a problem.

My name is Rory and I am addicted to romance. I am addicted to the idea of romance—the indestructible, all consuming passion for another person. I have fallen in love with every romantic gesture, declaration, and scene from every romantic comedy, I have swooned at every love song written, and I have melted with every romantic note or Hallmark card I’ve seen. I have used romantic comedies, sitcom relationships, happily ever after ending stories and love songs to develop my idea of love that is, well, completely and utterly unrealistic. Read More »

You know how it is; you’re in the gym and, even though you’ve forgotten your iPod, the radio station that’s playing has a pretty good range of songs and you have a good beat going. Or maybe you’re in the car, driving along and blasting the stereo as high as it can go. Or maybe you’re not even moving. Maybe you’re just chilling in your room. But, inevitably, that one song some comes on.

You know precisely what I mean. THAT song. That song that you just can’t stand. That song that makes you want to storm out the room or change the station or maybe even kick the stereo system. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, and all you want is for it to end. Yet, you know all the words, even though you hate admitting that to yourself. Somewhere in the deep recesses of your brain – and you would never admit this to anybody – you want to sing along.

Everyone has their own flame list. This is mine.

10. Warrant – “Cherry Pie“: Why is a song about pedophilia and incest so popular? Why is it a classic? Why is the video so creepy? Why am I so awesome at this song on Guitar Hero? Questions that may never be answered.

9. Timbaland (feat. One Republic) – “Apologize“: This title is misleading, because the word “apologize” never once comes into the song. “Pologize” does come into the chorus pretty often. I think it may be a synonym for self-pollinating your garden. Read More »

Ah, February 14th. The day Russia was liberated in 1943. The day Teller of Penn and Teller was born back in 1948. Two months after my birthday. Oh, right, and Valentine’s Day.

This whole concept of celebrating Valentine’s Day with my significant other is new to me, you see, so forgive me for not really remembering that it exists. In the past, I’ve always spent Valentine’s Day with the people I loved, not the people I was in love with. So I figure that this Valentine’s Day really won’t be all that different from all the rest, save I’ll spend a little more time with one person and a little less time with the whole gang.

Still, that whole sappy romance thing just doesn’t cut it for me. Don’t get me wrong; roses and chocolate are all well and good, but I need a little more variety than that. I need to have fun. Ridiculous, outrageous, hilarious, entertaining fun. So, for those who are spending their Valentine’s Day with their beau, their best buds, or both, I present a companion piece of sorts.

1. Drive-thru dining: Get some cardboard boxes. Big boxes. Try a furniture store, or you could even get a nice set of moving boxes. They need to be big enough for you to actually walk around in, though. You’ll see why. Get together one or several friends, sit down with some crayons and markers, and draw yourself a car. Read More »

Who says you need to be bilingual to woo the object of your affection in another language?