Ask Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and maybe she will do you a mitzvah?

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and we were best friends for four years before that. (I know many people say it isn’t good to date your best friend, but when he officially asked me out he said he’d wanted to when we first met, but he stopped himself because I’d just come out of a rough relationship.)

I love him very much and I can’t imagine being with any other guy. But lately (read: the past year and a half) I have felt that he is slowly losing the feelings he’s had for me in the past. It’s just the way he acts when we go out. He seems to have a radar for girls with all the better versions of the things on my body that I’m self conscious about. I don’t know if that made sense. What I mean is that he checks out a lot of women in front of me, and it makes me feel more and more self conscious about myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I have my moments when all is well and I’m the hottest thing known to man. Every girl gets those amazing confident days. But more and more my confidence is shot to pieces, especially when we go out together (curse summer weather and the scantily clad women that come with it). Later he’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous (not in a negative tone of voice – more of the “That’s ridiculous, I love your body” sort of way).

I’ve talked to him about it, and I’ve told him that it seriously hurts me to go for a walk with him, or out to lunch and see him stare down some gorgeous girl right in front of me mid-conversation. He said it’s natural and that’s just how guys work. And believe me, I KNOW what it’s like to see some yummy Mario Lopez look alike jogging down the street, but I would never go as far as to gawk at every one that passes by, especially in my boyfriend’s company. I don’t know what to do. I feel really… I don’t even know. Hurt? Angry? But underneath that, I feel like I’m this unattractive obstacle to him and what he really wants/needs.

Sincerely,
Should I Buy Him Blinders?

PS: I don’t think he’s shallow, it’s just I think he’s lying to me and himself about what he finds attractive by being with me. Read More »

Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Why is my ex sending such mixed signals?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hey Dude,
I have issues with self-esteem. Even though I know I’m fairly attractive (5’9, blonde, tan skin, brown eyes, telling you this so you get a perspective on the issue) dress pretty well, and don’t have a problem getting guys attracted to me, I have no boobs. Yes, I’m flat, and it’s not like I’m super skinny so my body just looks way out of proportion. I have contemplated plastic surgery just so that I can feel completely comfortable showing off my body. I want implants because I worry about guys judging me on the type of body I have wayyyy too much. Now that I’m going to get surgery though, I’m scared that guys will just judge me more for going through with this than just staying with my size.

What is your take on a girl with fake boobs? I am doing it for ME, not for anyone else, but I don’t want to regret my decision when a boy is like “you were so insecure that you actually got implants? Wow, you are not the girl I thought you were.”

Looking forward to your reply,
-Oregon Girl Read More »

February is International Boost Self-Esteem Month, and I think it comes at a perfect time.  We could all benefit from a little (or big) boost of self-lovin’ when the holidays are long gone, the weather is cold, and school is starting to get stressful again.

Self-esteem is a major issue in our perfection-driven and celeb-obsessed society, and college-aged women are especially vulnerable.  There’s so much pressure to get straight A’s, pad your resume with extracurriculars, be a social butterfly and a dating expert, and look like a model while doing it all.  It’s so easy for our self-esteem to plummet when expectations for us are sky-high, but letting this happen can actually be dangerous!

Low self-worth puts you at a high risk for eating disorders (experts say that at least 1/5 of college girls suffer from one), and drug use, and can eventually lead to unhealthy relationships and problems in the workplace.  So this month, let’s stop with the self-deprecating and learn to love ourselves!

Need a little help? No problem. We turned to some experts to give us tried-and-true tips to boost our self-esteem. No cheesy mantras here – just real things you can do to make yourself feel better about…yourself. Read More »

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I am genuinely happy in my single-dom. I don’t find myself staring angrily (and jealously) at happy couples as they pass by or judging the quality of an evening out at the bar based on how successful I was with the opposite sex.

I don’t sit home watching romantic comedies and sobbing into my pillow as the couple lives happily ever after and all I can think about is how I am going to end up alone. With cats.

Quite the contrary, I have become quite taken by my current situation; I can do what I want when I want and worry about no one but myself. I have all the time in the world for my family, my friends, my work and everything else I want to devote my energies to. I am happy. Really happy.

Unfortunately, my best friend isn’t taking to her life as a single woman quite so well. She is where I was about six months ago; missing a previous relationship, feeling like the only single girl in the world and beginning to doubt herself as a person. Oh, and missing sex….terribly. Read More »