As probably anyone will tell you, one of the biggest dangers to a relationship is infidelity (and maybe weekly Real Housewives marathons). We all know (or have dated) the total skeez-bag frat boy who only cared about scoring with chicks and the only person he was faithful to was the guy who sold him his Keystone Light. Obviously, that guy had red flags all over him, but what about the less obvious offenses?

I think one of the biggest problems in a relationship is that many people don’t really have the same idea of what constitutes “cheating.” So what the boy might see as just a harmless night out with his guys, the girl might freak out that her boyfriend would go to a strip club and look at another girl naked!

So what is cheating?
Is it flirting with someone else?
Hanging out alone with someone else?
Dancing with someone else?
Kissing someone else?

Cheating is different for every person and every couple, and it’s something that every couple needs to figure out for themselves. It’s all based on your personal beliefs and those of your partner and it’s something that must be discussed so everyone is on the same page.

For me and Matt, well, I’m perfectly fine with him having a glance at a beautiful woman. I’m secure enough to know that it’s just a look and nothing else, and I’m also mature enough to acknowledge the fact that there are women out there who are sexy and beautiful and, well, who wouldn’t look? Matt knows that I believe cheating is when someone in a relationship acts on feelings for someone who is not their significant other. And he agrees. So we both know that thinking “my government prof is hot” is totally fine but “my government prof is a really great kisser” is not.

And that little understanding goes a long way in terms of trust and communication in our relationship.

I know not all guys are comfortable talking about cheating, but if you two can sit down and set up boundaries, neither of you will have to worry about what will and won’t get you in trouble.

So what to you is too far for you?

Red Flag.

Peace out, playa.

He seemed a little peeved and surprised that I was no longer interested in “gettin’ out of here” with him. Um, hello? You used to hook up with one of my sisters!

On my chilly, wobbly and lonely walk home, I started thinking about the whole situation.Why was this guy surprised at my sudden complete lack of interest? Moreover, why wasn’t knowing that I knew his ex a big red flag for him, too?

We gals seem to take our friendships pretty seriously, which is great, especially since we are generally pretty sensitive. I know that I personally want to stay away from any guy that a friend has hooked up with (not the one night random make-out sesh, but rather the quasi-dating, every Friday night, constant hookup). If there is any kind of girl-relationship in question, I just back out. It’s just not worth the potential drama that could ensue, and friendships are far more important.

Even if the girl doesn’t care, or says she doesn’t care, it comes down to a loyalty and respect issue. And, basically, there’s just something kind of skeevy about getting with someone’s throw-away. If you hooked up with my best friend last night, I probably don’t want your lips on my lips…or anywhere else on me.

So why don’t guys feel the same way or, at least, understand and respect that girls do? I think it may be because guys value the competition involved in picking up a girl on a night out, so they don’t particularly care who she has been with, even if it’s the guy he eats breakfast with every morning. And maybe it just comes down to the fact that guys don’t care about dating history – not the guy who used to be with the girl or the guy who is with her now.

Well, maybe that is all good for the guys, but it just seems a little wrong to me. Where is the loyalty? Where is the respect?

What do you CC readers think? Would you hook up with a guy that your friend has seen? Do you think that guys don’t abide by the same policy?

I’d like to start off this post by apologizing for my absence last week; I was not home for the live broadcast of The Hills and when I returned I found out that my DVR didn’t record it. Because it was recording a rerun of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. That I had already seen…twice. Embarassing, I know.

But one thing I am not sorry about is the fact that I got to catch last week’s episode tonight and it was like Pop Up Video! Seriously, I am not sure I can ever watch the show live again. The pop up comments from viewers make the whole thing so much more entertaining!

Although, last night’s ep. didn’t need any witty comments from college girls to entertain me. The drama was out in full force when the cool kids decided to pack up Doug’s jet and head to Cabo for the weekend. Why Cabo? Well, obviously they needed to get away from cold and dreary L.A. to find sand, a swimming pool and endless amounts of alcohol!

Unforch, the beautiful scenery did nothing for Justin Bobby and Audrina’s “relationship.” (Looks like getting nakey in the pool last week didn’t help much either.) After the boys do a little homo-erotic hot tubbing where JB finds out about Audrina’s other boy toy, Justin Bobby decides that he is finally free, yada, yada, yada, and something about a Hall Pass.

He just kept talking about this Hall Pass. Am I the only one who doesn’t get what that is?

What I do get is that Justin Bobby is just like every other D-Bag on the show. He is not the pensive, thoughtful, deep and mature dude MTV wanted us all to believe this season. He is an insecure L.A. boy who can’t seem to grow up, even if he is showering these days.

And as long as we are talking about people that we really hate and would do anything to see dead, let’s move back to L.A. for the scandalous dinner between Steph’s new BF (who somehow already knows all the Cabo boys) and Spencer, an uncanny look-alike for Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.

I know what it is like to be cranky when A) people show up really late, and B) I have very little food in my system, but I don’t believe that any of those reasons justify Spencer’s behavior at dinner. Or in life, in general.

There is nothing more to say about him because I have said it all – week after week – but I just couldn’t help but (literally) SCREAM at the TV when he had the audacity to talk to Steph about loyalty towards her family. He did just force Heidi to kick her sister out, right? He did tear Heidi away from her family to be with him, right? Ok. That’s what I thought.

Poor Stephanie finally found a guy who was willing to go out with her (and who must have been late because it took him 40 minutes to find an old t-shirt and a ratty hoodie to wear) and her lame ass brother is going to ruin it for her.

Poor girl can’t get a break. Except, of course, for making friends with LC and getting onto this show where she makes like $10,000 an episode.

And, finally, did anyone else have issues with the fact that the song from the new Nano commercial was playing during the ep? I was seriously waiting for Steph and Heidi to poop paint.

No? Just me?

Obviously, they are doing it for a reason.

Got a younger dude? Friends making fun of you for robbing the cradle?

Ignore them and keep that boy around! Here are 5 great reasons why:

1. More energy.

Okay, so this isn’t true for all younger guys, but they generally DO have more energy and enthusiasm than their more aged counterparts. That means they’ll usually be happy to try new things, they’ll expend a lot of energy doing things to impress you, and they won’t necessarily be as quick to complain as older guys will.

2. Youthful exuberance and enthusiasm.

Remember: to a younger guy, you are “the older woman.” Even if they deny it, the relationship will always be a little bit like The Graduate to them. They’ll be happy to have you, and they’ll brag to all their buddies that they’re dating you. Instead of being just another girlfriend, you’ll be a point of pride.

3. You can take the lead.

Sometimes, it’s true that the older you are, the more experienced you are. You can take that in whatever context you want, but it’s true for a variety of things. If you’re a college graduate and your guy is still in his senior year, you can give him great grad-school or job-searching advice. Basically, the lead is there for you to take in the relationship.

4. They’ll be loyal.

This is also an arguable point, but especially if you’re a lot older than the guy (say, five years or more), you can bet he’s not dating you just for kicks. Odds are, there’s something about you (yes, the essence of you—not your looks, and not your cash or job security) that he likes, and that’s important for building loyalty in a long-lasting relationship.

5. They die later.

Is this morbid? Because it’s true. If you’re dating a younger guy and you feel like there’s a possibility the two of you might stay together for a long, long time, you won’t necessarily have to worry about being a widow at the age of 50 because your dude was 20 years older than you. Women live longer than men. Date a younger guy. ‘Nuff said.

In reality, we’re all very disturbingly gross, incestuous lovers. Not only do most of my friends know the guys I date, but most of the guys I date know the other guys I date. It’s really fun, let me tell you. But I’m not the only one jumping through these intertwined romantic hoops. Many a friend of mine, actually, has dated another friend of mine. It seems to be the way the world works.

This is all fine and dandy until the couple starts paddling down good ol’ sh*t creek. It starts with a complaining IM message, email, text, or phone call. One friend is coming to you to have a heart to heart about what friend number two did wrong to hurt his or her feelings. And just like a Los Angeles smog, awkwardness starts seeping down from the sky and choking the entire room.

What am I supposed to say in these situations? Which friend am I more loyal to? What the f*ck?

Recently, two of my friends met at a party of mine. Their relationship kicked off with a sunset on the beach and was followed by 4 weeks of hot love-making and puppy-dog glances. But then my girl friend, Marie, had a reconnecting visit with her ex and didn’t really want to be so smothered by my boy friend, Pete. Which has forced me into the middle as Pete has been IMing me daily about Marie.

And this same situation has happened so many times.

My theory on it all?

If both people are my friends, then they are my friends. I’m going to be loyal to both of them. I’m going to be fair and honest with each friend without saying or doing anything to hurt the reputation or happiness of my other friend.

So when Pete asked me about Marie, I simply said, “I’m not sure what’s going on with her, but give it time, I’m sure the dust will eventually settle.”

The key is to not choose sides. That’s not fair. Be loyal to both of your friends in these situations – at least that’s my opinion. What do you think?

Girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl’s like is clearly unrequited. Friend hates boy, friend grows to like boy, friend and boy go out.

And boy, did the stinky brown substance hit the fan.

Rudge from The History Boys defined history as, “one f*%king thing after another.” This can also be applied to the demise of this relationship. One argument turned into some petty fight. Over a boy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but back then, when they had a bust up, to a girl like me who’d always held the Hoes over Bros rule golden, this was sacrilege.

No, there are no happy endings, and no, they never made up. Yes, I am bitter and disillusioned, and yes, this is exactly why I don’t believe in hoes over bros anymore.

On Gossip Girl, Serena did the unforgiveable and slept with her best friend’s boyfriend. And sure, her best friend was angry and wanted revenge, but ultimately, she took her back. On One Tree Hill, Peyton nabbed Lucas’s heart, while her betrayed best friend, Brooke, was hurt. The scenario with my two friends, certainly didn’t end up like this. Three years of friendship and somehow a boy was still more important.

Hoes over bros is a nice thought. Really. But, you and I live in the real world. The one where sometimes people do what they like regardless of the consequences, and sometimes, where people take unreasonable stances.

Sure, it’s easy to say that you’ll never end up feeling the slightest bit of attraction to your friend’s boyfriend, but again… real life. It likes screwing with us. I mean, I’ve heard of situations where best friends and boyfriends grow close, and it’s only natural that if and when the friend and boyfriend break up the best friend would want to hold onto their friendship.

After all, they’re close.

And sometimes, that can lead to more.

If that is what they want to do, fine; but this is one of those instances where you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You want the boy? You gotta get rid of the girl.

I have never heard of a situation where the friend has been happy for the other two in the love triangle. I mean, fake enthusiasm for a canoodling couple can only be faked up until a certain point. Just watch My Best Friend’s Wedding. The person will avoid the happy couple, until the couple sort of moves on and does couply things. If interaction happens, the scorned friend will put on a smile and pretend. But even though everything seems fine on the surface, the friendship is changed. And on its way to being over.

There was this TV show (God, I watch a lot of TV) ages ago, and someone said something like, “Ultimately, I’m selfish, because I care more about me than I do about you.” Apart from thinking, “What a jerk!”, I thought that he was onto something. How much would you be willing to give up for friendship?

Love or friendship? Ho or bro? That is the question…and you must choose one.

Well, you’re not alone, CC-ers. Story of my life.

Growing up, I always had friends; guys, girls…a whole lotta them. We’d all play, hang out and have fun with each other. As I started to get older, in high school, then in college, my circle of friends got smaller and smaller. My tight knit posse went from 30 people to 20 to 10 to 4. It’s not that I had fights with my friends that caused us to become distant, but the phone calls, emails, nights out and shopping trips all seemed to dwindle as our lives progressed.

I even started college with a large circle of people. As the four years came and went, my group, again, got smaller and smaller and now, fresh out of college, I keep in contact with three people, out of the roughly 50 I used to party with at school. Why? Is it because of something I’m doing wrong?

The answer is no. While, yes, I’d like to have more close friends, I learned that quality over quantity is what deems relationships everlasting. My three best girlfriends, two from high school and one from kindergarten, are still the people I laugh with, cry with and trust with anything and everything. Some people are not meant to have lots of close friends and – I have learned – I am one of them. It was a difficult thing to learn, but, finally, I am okay with that. I’d rather have three great friends, then massive piles of casual friends.

I’m not saying you can’t have 100 best friends; for some people that’s possible. But if you aren’t one of those people who get along with everyone, that’s completely fine, too. At the end of the day, your true friends will always be there…whether there are two of them or two hundred.

How many close friends do you have CC? Do you wish you had more?

The truth is though, even as we get older, leave high school behind, go to college and move on with our lives, those type of girls will always be there.

Seriously; I am 23 years old and know girls, to this day, that cannot leave the high school drama behind when it comes to growing up, getting over the past and creating lasting bonds with people that are real, genuine and sincere. High school was 5 years ago!

When it comes to friends – and in various other aspects of my life – I believe in quality over quantity. My best girlfriends to this day are my girlfriends from when I was 14 years old. We’ve grown up together into adults who continue to treasure our friendship. The three of us have all experienced times where girls have latched onto us, gotten close, become our “friends” of sorts, then moved on when they felt the time was right.

It sucked at the time, but we don’t miss them now; we have eachother.

Being that I truly value my friends above all else, I just do not understand these conniving social climbers. These girls who love ‘em and leave ‘em on a monthly basis. How can someone be friends with someone else who said horrible things about them? How can they trust someone who slept with their then-boyfriend? How can anyone consider that a friendship?

I don’t do this; my friends are my friends. People change and move on, yes, but there’s a difference between growing apart and being fake. I almost feel bad for these girls for not understanding what true friendship – loyalty, trust, true connection – really feels like.

Almost.

The truth is ladies and gents: those girls, that drama from high school, may never go away. My friends and I still see these girls when we go out and they walk by as if they are God’s gifts to creation. Unfortunately, what they don’t realize, is that we walk by already knowing they’re not. And knowing that, by next week, they probably won’t be seen together again.

[Photo courtesy of Photobucket.com]