Valentine’s Day has a truly obnoxious reputation. In its most popular form, I find it a totally worthless and empty affair. Couples are expected to fall over themselves to celebrate this totally arbitrary day in February because that’s what’s expected. There’s all of this make-or-break pressure that is usually put on the guys to make it the most romantic day ever, and us ladies are supposed to be shrieking, superficial harpies desperate for blood diamonds, overpriced chocolate, flowers that will die in two seconds and a dinner that breaks the bank. Heaven forbid you’re single, then you are expected to be utterly miserable because your life obviously has no meaning. It’s a mess.

Therefore, I’m totally up for reclaiming this day and making it about sexy self-indulgence. That’s definitely something our society doesn’t value nearly as much as it should; and I mean, who isn’t in love with feeling sexy and sensual, whether it’s for a partner or for yourself?  I was given the incredible opportunity to review an array of sexy products. While a few of them are couple-centric, the vast majority are totally appropriate if you’re riding solo. Read More »

Everyone raise your glasses for I would like to make a toast!

Today marks the 140th birthday of our good and loyal friend, Vaseline.  Here is to all of those good times we’ve had when we’ve needed you most. I keep you by my bed, in my bag, and in the car. I pick you up, dip my finger in your gooey residue and primp and prime to my utmost pleasure. You’re cheap, you’re handy, and you’re my BFF.

Cheers.

Seriously, after finding out it was Vaseline’s 140th birthday today, I went to find my own container and rubbed that shiz all over my elbows in celebration. This stuff is the best and, like any cheap vodka, it’s a college girl’s BFF.

Why, you ask?  Let us list the ways.

1. It makes your eyelashes grow: As long as you aren’t shacking up with the cutie you’ve been studying with, lather Vaseline all over your purty eyelashes overnight and watch them thicken and grow like a Chia pet come morning!

2. To Soften your weines [pronounced: wee*niss]: Vaseline is a great pick-me-up for dry elbows.

3. To Pimp out your cuticles: Store a mini-Vaseline container in your purse and utilize for emergency dry cuticle moments. And if you just really want an excuse to not take notes in lecture.

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As we all know, sex doesn’t always happen like it does in the movies (especially of the porn variety). Here are some tips to help deal when things get a little less magical and a lot more awkward.

Mr. Mute
He hasn’t made a single sound since we started – what do I do?

1. Check to see if he’s still awake. If he’s sleeping (or passed out) roll over and pretend you passed out too. This will make things way less awkward in the morning. And don’t worry – it happens to the best of us. It’s not that your signature move was so boring it put him to sleep; it’s probably due to a little too much Natty Light. If he’s awake, proceed to step two.
2. Say his name and make some noises yourself. Hopefully he’ll feel more comfortable and speak up. Still not working?
3. Bite him really hard so that he yelps in pain. If he still doesn’t make a sound, he’s probably in some sort of hypnotic trance. Pride yourself on being so amazing in bed you stunned him, then get the hell out of there lest you be blamed when he ends up in a coma. Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like performance anxiety – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I just recently started having sex with my boyfriend. It always feels fine (great, actually) when we’re in the act, but everything just feels…weird the next day. It sorta hurts when I go to the bathroom (mostly when I’m…er…cleaning up), when I sit, and the muscles in my inner thighs hurt. And I’m just so sore down there that I need a couple days before I can even do it again.

Is that normal? Is it something I’ll get used to? Should I be worried?

A: Sex can be uncomfortable in a variety of ways, especially for women. What you’re describing sounds more like the result of a serious sexual workout than any medical condition.  Most people with sexual pain disorders, such as vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule) or vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the muscles in the vagina), experience pain during intercourse. The fact that you’re enjoying the act itself is good news.

If the muscles in your inner thighs hurt, it’s probably because you’re using them to cling to your partner during sex- and just like any workout, they can ache afterwards, especially if you’re using muscles you’re not used to using. Try taking ibuprofen (Motrin) or naproxen (Aleve) to help the aching you feel. And just like spin class or lifting weights, chances are, the more you do it, the less it will hurt. (Which I’m sure your boyfriend will enjoy…)

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Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

I’ve always been very hesitant to try anal sex. After all, that’s where poop comes out! And I always heard that it hurt like hell. So, while I knew I would try it at some point (I believe in trying everything at least once) I had no problem putting it off. I decided to wait until I was with someone I knew would love me even if I pulled a Zack-and-Miri and pooped all over them.

Well, I found him. And I tried it.

Any guide to anal sex (like this one) tells you to start small (i.e. with a finger) and be generous with the lubrication. So we did, and it didn’t hurt like I expected, but it was a really strange feeling, kind of like the feeling you get when you have to go to the bathroom but can’t find a toilet (not that girls poop, of coarse!).  Since the finger didn’t hurt, we decided to move on to the real thing. The real thing, however, did hurt (like HELL), and we barely got anywhere before I called an end to it.

The experience confirmed what I’ve always suspected: anal sex is something boys enjoy much more than girls. I can’t speak for all girls (one of my best friends claims she can orgasm from it), but I just don’t see how it would be pleasurable. Not that I’m swearing off anal forever, but I definitely think I need a lot more prep-time (both physically and mentally) before attempting to go all the way again. I’m sure some day it’s something I’ll be able to tolerate, but can’t expect to ever enjoy it, at least not the way I enjoy sex. I would enjoy the fact that I’m making the man I love happy, but I highly doubt there will ever be an orgasm in it for me. Read More »

I waited a long time to swipe my coveted V-card. It wasn’t like I was waiting for my Prince Charming – more like I was waiting for the right opportunity. The right guy. The right comfort level. I wanted it to be something I could look back on down the road without regrets.

And I don’t have any, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would be some really intense situation where I’d feel completely different after the entire thing was over. And maybe it would have been had it lasted longer than 4 minutes. Instead, the entire sitch was just….weird. And when it was done? I didn’t feel more connected to my partner – I just felt sore downtown and a little bit sweaty.

Everyone’s first time is different, but do we all feel the same way going into it? What do guys think of losing their virginity, and what do they think about taking it from someone else? Let’s find out… Read More »

Derrick* and I used to have great sex. We were both passionate, experimental, and great in bed (hey, confidence is a turn-on, right?). But lately we have been in a rut, and I blame it on lube.

But, you say, artificial lubricant is great for drunk sex, or extremely long sex, or sex with someone extremely well endowed, because it keeps you from drying out and damaging your goodies. Yes, lube is great in these situations. My problem with lube is that, for us, it has become a replacement for foreplay.

And that is not okay.

The first time it happened I was hanging out at Derrick’s after a long day at work and very tired. He wanted sex, but I was feeling lazy and just wanted to play Sudoku on my phone. “Please,” he begged, “just let me put it in; I’ll get lube, you don’t have to do anything, you can even keep playing Sudoku.” This offer was too tempting to pass up; imagine telling my girls later that I played Sudoku while having sex! I didn’t expect good sex, but figured it would be worth it just for the funny story. He put lube on and went at it. I ended up putting down the phone half-way through and getting a little into it, but it still wasn’t very good. Read More »

So the other day I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to have a little date with a speculum. That’s right, ladies! A gyno appointment! Vajayjay invasion before most people were sitting in their cubicles! Nothing says good morning like lubed-up metal and poking fingers.

The only thing that was worse than realizing some lady in pink scrubs got more intimate with me than a dude has in months was realizing just how many months it’s been — and having to say it out loud. See, for us single gals, going for your annual pap is a big, giant reminder of your past transgressions…or lack thereof. Have you slept with too many losers? Haven’t slept with anyone since the last full moon? Were you so drunk you can’t really remember if you used a condom or not? And how about your pubes…when was the last time you shaved or waxed?

I mean, all of those questions and more are answered when a girl goes to the gyno, and the answers aren’t always awesome. For instance, I realized I’ve been without sexy time for enough months to basically compile a year, and when the doc asked me when me last sexual encounter was, I let out this weird half-laugh, half-moan and cut my celibacy in half. I was embarrassed to tell my gynecologist about my empty sex life! Who am I? Read More »

Let me broach this very touchy subject with the help of my friend, Mr. Extended Metaphor:

Think about your body as a complex system of roads (sexy, curvy roads).

It’s easier to take the normal route “home”, so to speak, than that scary, deserted back road. After all, you’ve never gone that way, you don’t know what to expect and what should happen, heaven forbid, if your car breaks down?

But what if this mysterious new path is wonderful? What if it gives you the single best drive home of your life? Or even just one or two fairly pleasant trips? It would be a shame to miss out on this lovely new view because of fear or misconceptions.

Misconceptions like: anal sex is only pleasurable to men and women do it only to please their male partners. In reality, the anus is filled with nerve endings and as is says in the Guide to Getting it On (yes, I own a copy), “It seems that the wall between the vagina and rectum may swell when the woman is sexually aroused. This wall might tug on the same verve that transmits vaginal orgasms to the brain.” In other words, women have anal sex for the same reason they have any other kinds of sex (well, ideally): because it feels good. Read More »