I used to be pretty anti-anal. The idea of a foreign object being inserted into my butt held less than zero appeal. I was worried about the pain. I thought it was only for gay men and that most straight women only did it because their boyfriends kept begging for it. But as I became more experienced and open-minded (and started voraciously reading sex blogs), anal started to become more and more intriguing and less intimidating. Anal play is not relegated to small niche subsets of the population – many women actively enjoy anal play for a variety of reasons.

1. Some of us are submissive. We enjoy relinquishing control in the bedroom and being dominated by our partner. Anal sex is generally considered one of the most vulnerable sex acts, and for many women who enjoy exploring their submissive nature, giving access to their rear entry is one of the strongest expressions of their desire to please their partner (though this in no way means that submission means ignoring your own wishes and setting your own boundaries).

2. Some of us crave a lot of spice. We all have default positions we fall back on because they never fail to get us off. But at the same time, sometimes it gets a little stale. Throwing in a scandalous position occasionally breaks up the monotony. Read More »

Got a health question? Don’t trust those “Doctors” at the University Health Center? Are you scared of Web M.D. because it always tells you you’re gonna die? Ask a real doctor, like our friend Dr. Lissa Rankin. She’s here every Thursday to answer whatever you throw at her – like performance anxiety – so ask away. Leave your question in the comments or send it over to us. Don’t be shy; she’s waiting for ya!

Q: I just recently started having sex with my boyfriend. It always feels fine (great, actually) when we’re in the act, but everything just feels…weird the next day. It sorta hurts when I go to the bathroom (mostly when I’m…er…cleaning up), when I sit, and the muscles in my inner thighs hurt. And I’m just so sore down there that I need a couple days before I can even do it again.

Is that normal? Is it something I’ll get used to? Should I be worried?

A: Sex can be uncomfortable in a variety of ways, especially for women. What you’re describing sounds more like the result of a serious sexual workout than any medical condition.  Most people with sexual pain disorders, such as vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule) or vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the muscles in the vagina), experience pain during intercourse. The fact that you’re enjoying the act itself is good news.

If the muscles in your inner thighs hurt, it’s probably because you’re using them to cling to your partner during sex- and just like any workout, they can ache afterwards, especially if you’re using muscles you’re not used to using. Try taking ibuprofen (Motrin) or naproxen (Aleve) to help the aching you feel. And just like spin class or lifting weights, chances are, the more you do it, the less it will hurt. (Which I’m sure your boyfriend will enjoy…)

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Sex is great (OK, great is an understatement, but let’s move on), but what do you do when it’s not? Pain during sex is surprisingly common and can happen for a number of reasons. This week, I’m going to break a few down of the most common causes so that you can get back to screaming from pleasure, not pain.

Vaginal Dryness
Vaginal dryness is probably the most common cause of painful sex, but it’s also the easiest to deal with. Vaginal dryness can be caused by the pill or antidepressants (both lower libido) or by inadequate arousal. To remedy the problem, indulge in more foreplay before the act (easy enough) and use a water based lubricant.

Vaginal Infection
If pain is severe or you feel itchy and irritated down there, it could be an infection (like of the yeast variety).  If you think you have an infection you should see a doctor. Over-the-counter medicine like Vagisil can help with itching or pain.

Vaginismus
Vaginismus is involuntary tightness of the vagina due to contractions of the pelvic floor muscles. If penetration is regularly painful enough to make it nearly impossible, it’s time to see a doctor. There’s no known cause or quick cure for vaginismus; according to Google Health, “treatment involves extensive therapy that combines education, counseling, and behavioral exercises. Such exercises include pelvic floor muscle contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).” Read More »

I’ve always been very hesitant to try anal sex. After all, that’s where poop comes out! And I always heard that it hurt like hell. So, while I knew I would try it at some point (I believe in trying everything at least once) I had no problem putting it off. I decided to wait until I was with someone I knew would love me even if I pulled a Zack-and-Miri and pooped all over them.

Well, I found him. And I tried it.

Any guide to anal sex (like this one) tells you to start small (i.e. with a finger) and be generous with the lubrication. So we did, and it didn’t hurt like I expected, but it was a really strange feeling, kind of like the feeling you get when you have to go to the bathroom but can’t find a toilet (not that girls poop, of coarse!).  Since the finger didn’t hurt, we decided to move on to the real thing. The real thing, however, did hurt (like HELL), and we barely got anywhere before I called an end to it.

The experience confirmed what I’ve always suspected: anal sex is something boys enjoy much more than girls. I can’t speak for all girls (one of my best friends claims she can orgasm from it), but I just don’t see how it would be pleasurable. Not that I’m swearing off anal forever, but I definitely think I need a lot more prep-time (both physically and mentally) before attempting to go all the way again. I’m sure some day it’s something I’ll be able to tolerate, but can’t expect to ever enjoy it, at least not the way I enjoy sex. I would enjoy the fact that I’m making the man I love happy, but I highly doubt there will ever be an orgasm in it for me. Read More »

[Wanna ask Tuffy Luv a question? Shoot her an email at tuffy@collegecandy.com and get an answer. Tuffy Luv is posted every other Tuesday. So emmmmaiiiiillllll!]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m dating this guy who is really great in (almost) every way. He’s cute, my friends all like him, and he’s a lot of fun to hang out with.

The only thing is, we’ve been going out for almost six months now and he’s never gone down on me. I’ve gone down on him at least ten times. I asked him what the deal is and he said he “doesn’t like the smell,” not of me, but of all girls.

What do you think?

Deprived Of Oral

Dear Deprived,

I think the boy better suck it up and be a man, that’s what I think. Read More »

Let me broach this very touchy subject with the help of my friend, Mr. Extended Metaphor:

Think about your body as a complex system of roads (sexy, curvy roads).

It’s easier to take the normal route “home”, so to speak, than that scary, deserted back road. After all, you’ve never gone that way, you don’t know what to expect and what should happen, heaven forbid, if your car breaks down?

But what if this mysterious new path is wonderful? What if it gives you the single best drive home of your life? Or even just one or two fairly pleasant trips? It would be a shame to miss out on this lovely new view because of fear or misconceptions.

Misconceptions like: anal sex is only pleasurable to men and women do it only to please their male partners. In reality, the anus is filled with nerve endings and as is says in the Guide to Getting it On (yes, I own a copy), “It seems that the wall between the vagina and rectum may swell when the woman is sexually aroused. This wall might tug on the same verve that transmits vaginal orgasms to the brain.” In other words, women have anal sex for the same reason they have any other kinds of sex (well, ideally): because it feels good. Read More »