One of the hardest parts of being a friend to someone is actually being a friend to someone.

It’s not like when we were little we were taught how to be a friend outside the realms of “sharing is caring.” There are certain sticky situations, like dealing with a friend in a bad or abusive relationship, where no how-to guide can instruct us how to be a true friend.

Standing by as a friend suffering through an unhealthy relationship can be confusing, frustrating, and often scary. How do you support a friend without doing them an injustice? And at what point do you draw the line between supporting and enabling?

One of my best friends is in a horrible relationship that resembles a really bad re-run episode of Degrassi.

I’ve tried to be there for her through it all. I’ve listened to her, offered advice when she’s asked for it, I’ve been her shoulder to cry on, I’ve been her tough love when she needed a reality check, and I’ve supported her by telling her to make her own decisions.

But nothing has worked and I’m still standing by as I watch her suffer. Her boyfriend is hot and he’s cold (and not in the catchy Katy Perry kind of way) and is all around bad for her.

But after watching her cry and complain so many times, I’m really starting to get sick of it. I want to support her, but I’m tired of having the same conversations with her when she keeps making the same mistakes and refuses to making any changes to get out of the relationship.

If she isn’t willing to leave the relationship (as its way past the point of repair), I don’t know if I can just stand by and watch.

As a friend, I don’t want to just give up on her. But at the same time, shouldn’t I let her make her own decisions and support them? After all, friends are supposed to support one another through everything. Or, in doing that, am I enabling her toxic relationship by letting a boy treat her like she’s worthless and not doing anything about it?

If she won’t take my advice and concern for her seriously, what else is there to do? Anyone else have this problem? Please help!

My first Valentine’s without a boyfriend, I found myself alone with only Ben & Jerry (and maybe Jose Cuervo) to comfort me. I watched Kate & Leopold. I watched A Walk to Remember. I watched The Notebook. To top it all off, I ate half of my body weight in chocolates that my mother sent me. DE-PRESS-ING.

So after three consecutive Valentine’s Days cursing happy couples and dressing like Marilyn Manson, I figured there had to be a better way to “celebrate” and vowed to never be the bitter, depressing, single girl again. And for the past three years, I have had the happiest and most fun Valentine’s Days ever. And I’ve been single for every single one.

I can truthfully state that, as a single girl, Valentine’s Day is now my third favorite holiday (after Christmas and Super Bowl Sunday, of course).

My other single girl friends (all my single ladies!) and I made a pact to treat Valentine’s Day differently and make it better than the good ‘ol days when we had boyfriends to buy us jewelry and roses. We all spend the day together; we even go out in public (we’re brave) with all the happy couples holding hands and glowing with the aura of young love.

We make our Valentine’s Day special and spend it with people we love – like a traditional Valentine’s Day – we just spice it up with a bit more fun and a lot more estrogen.

First we play Secret Cupid (just like Secret Santa) and each draw a name from a hat, and then buy that person a gift (for under $15). Then on the 14th, we all get gussied up, go out to a fabulous dinner, where we treat ourselves to cocktails and desserts, and reveal our Secret Cupid and hand out the gifts. After, we go see the latest chick flick release that corresponds with the holiday. This year, we can’t wait to see Valentine’s Day and the ensemble cast that includes Taylor Squared. (FYI, Taylor Lautner is finally 18 on February 11th, so we can all be legally attracted to him now!! Unfortch, we still have to wait a little longer on Justin Bieber).

Not only do we benefit from the Valentine’s Day restaurant specials (there are some awesome deals out there!), but we get presents and get incredibly tipsy while having a fabulous time. We’re straight out of a scene from Sex and the City, except not as old and we aren’t trying to sleep with the waiter. Well, most of us….

It’s a drama free night with zero expectations. We don’t have to make declarations of our love to each other (although we do!) and don’t have to have any DTR talks about what stage of the relationship we’re in. But we do get the same benefits that couples get on Valentine ’s Day by spending the holiday with people we love… we just have a different soundtrack. Rather than Marvin Gaye on our iPods to get us in the mood, we blast Beyonce’s song and scream about our singleness.

I am single. I am single. I am single and I love Valentine’s Day, and I am not afraid to say it!

As humans, we have inner demons that can only be quieted by indulging in our uncontrollable desires. Take the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. Depending on your beliefs or interpretations, you may agree that we have a natural inclination towards these temptations. For example, I totally lust after my boyfriend’s six pack, I greedily horde my money, I’m a glutton for any sort of frozen yogurt, and I envy Megan Fox’s…everything.

Being the crafty marketing team they are, America’s consumer industries are exploiting our desires to indulge in these Seven Deadly Sins (and are getting filthy rich because of it!). Hey, maybe if we all sinned a bit more, we could nix this recession like Cain did Abel! Ready to be a bad girl? Hit up these industries to silence your inner, money spending demon:

Lust – While the recession has taken away many things, at least it’s bringing sexy back! Erotic industries, such as sex toy company Babeland, have seen a 25% increase in sales. Makes sense: The less hours you’re given at your job, the more quality time you have to spend with your brand new Mini Pink Leopard Vibe! The best part? Babeland is always having sales to keep you “cumming” back for more. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Gluttony- Did your latest paycheck leave your pockets feeling empty? At least you can still fill your tummy with greasy, affordable goodness! Americans appreciate the cheap convenience of fast food, so we keep hitting those drive-thrus and saving our money. It’s a trade-off, because we sacrifice good health for a good deal, but no one wants to shell out big money for the organic aisle at Walmart. And thanks to that logic, Ronald McDonald’s painted-on, red smirk is widening by the fiscal year.

Greed- Hit up Vegas recently? Despite declining tourism in Vegas, I’ve noticed that the casinos in my area of Northern California (including Reno and Lake Tahoe) are still emptying pockets like nobody’s business. Our insatiable, greed-driven thirst for money and power is continually fed by these casino industries. They are doing so well, in fact, that my town’s closest casino has drummed up enough income to begin construction on a swanky resort hotel. Because nothing says a good time like driving ten minutes from your home to check into a hotel and throw your money away at the craps table.

Sloth- Psh, if I were the embodiment of a sin, Sloth would be my name and Lazy would be my game. After finally deciding to get some Dish Network up in the apartment I share with the boyfriend, I chose to shell out the extra deuce for DVR. You don’t get any lazier than “I’m too tired to even flip through channels. Where’s that Little Couple episode I recorded last night?” You girls all gotta admit you would/do pay extra for the convenience of being lazy via your boob tube.

Wrath- Personally, I don’t get down with the emotion of anger. You can say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But tell that to the Hooters that has men spilling out of their doors and windows just to watch the UFC fight and chow down on some chicken waaangs. Granted, it doesn’t hurt that there are some hot mamas providing this service. But by these guys living vicariously through cauliflower-eared, sweaty men beating the hell out of each other, they are perpetuating the sin of Wrath. And Dana White is sinfully wealthy because of it!

Envy- The Green-Eyed monster can be found in almost any industry. Particularly those in which sales rely on the fact that girls are constantly in competition with each other. We buy magazines just to drool over the bodies we are jealous of, the ads for shoes we could never afford, the articles about overachievers that make us feel unsuccessful in comparison…and we just end up more envious than we did to begin with.

Pride- Taking pride in your appearance is vital to social acceptance and self-confidence. But you gotta admit that with plastic surgery, celebrity emulation, buckets of makeup and clocking hours in the mirror, we take vain to the next level. With our persistant focus on our outer appearance, industry big-wigs like Dr. Rey and M.A.C. Cosmetics are riding high on our hard earned dollars.

So, yeah, you may be feeling guilty for giving into your sinful consumer ways. But consider your participation in our economy a good deed. Don’t let your buyer’s remorse or shopping guilt get you down, my Angelic American. Because sometimes, it just feels good to be bad.

The stereotype is that it’s always the guy who initiates sex and the girl who turns him down. Well, contrary to popular belief, not every college guy is looking for some sexy time. [Yes, these mythical beings do exist and, as luck would have it, I got stuck with one.] Seriously, my boyfriend has the nerve to call me a “hornball” for all my honest efforts to get him laid.

Case and point: Everyone knows that home movie nights are the best times to get a little groping action going on, but my attempts at playful fondling always end with a humiliating, “Why don’t you ever just want to cuddle and watch the movie?”

I do want to watch the movie, you idiot. It’s called multi-tasking.

I just don’t get it, it’s not like he’s gay. He’s not a prude either. We’ve done it in a public park, for goodness sakes (a story for another time). And he definitely isn’t saving himself – a little too late for that one, bucko. So I’m forced to chalk it up to a lower sex drive, which seriously sucks for me and my libido.

Plus, do you know how seriously damaging it is to your ego when you’re scantily clad in lingerie and your man turns you down? Talk about humiliating. I love him but, dammit, a girl’s got needs.

What about you? Would you date a guy with a lower sex drive? Is love (not the physical kind) enough to satisfy you?

[Photo courtesy of parduephotos.com]

Before I had sex for the first time, I always wondered what it would be like.  Would it be special, like in the movies and teen dramas on the CW? Who would it be with? When would I know when I was ready? My first time was far from special, and then it was over, and I was no longer a virgin.

Since then, I’ve gone through additional partners, some serious boyfriends and some one-night stands.  I’ve had good sex and bad sex.  I’ve had some freak-outs, too.  Here are some things that I really wish I had considered before that not-so-steamy night in the backseat of a Pontiac Sunbird.

1. Just because you’re putting out, sex does not guarantee an orgasm.

2. Sure, your guy is likely to get off, but will he always wait for you? Hell, no.

3. “Sex” and “Commitment” are two entirely different entities.

4. “Girlfriend” is not a synonym for “F**k Buddy.” Likewise, “F**kbuddy is not a synonym for “Girlfriend.”

5. There’s no way to tell if a one-night stand will turn into something more. Cosmo has done articles saying, “Make Him Wait,” and “He Won’t Like You Less.” There’s no formula to figure it out. So if you’re afraid you went too far too fast, there’s nothing you can do but wait and see what happens next.

6. There’s no way to tell 100% if you’re going to be sexually compatible with someone the first time around. Some bodies just weren’t meant to mesh, no matter how strongly either party feels about the other.

7. Once you’ve crossed the sexual threshold, it makes saying “no” a whole lot harder.

8. Sex isn’t always ripping-your-clothes-off-each-other lust. It’s actually easy to fall into a mechanical routine with your partner.

9. If you’ve been high and dry for too long, you may start surprising yourself by the men you’ve been fantasizing about. The deli clerk? The cabbie who couldn’t speak English? Hey, it’s hormones.

10.  All the V-card business is really over the top.  Did you lose it too early? Did you hold on to it for too long? Who cares? It’s your body, and your decision, so deal it out as you see fit.

Okay, okay. You found your fling. But classes are about to begin again, and you’ve got to pack up, move out, and put your scholar-face on. What are you going to do about the amazing hottie you picked up over the break?

Well, that all depends. What do you want? What does he want? How much do you really think you click? And by “click,” I do NOT mean another work that ends in “-ck.” Because if you’re going to make it work, you’re going to have to jive beyond the boundaries of physical attraction.

Take into consideration the fact that you’re going to have a college workload, assignments, deadlines, and the usual university-sponsored (or bar-sponsored) social engagements. If he’s in school, he will too. Sure, it was easy to escape when you were both visiting your parents, but what about when you’ve got your uber-fun roommate and a dorm full of friends every night of the week? If you still think he’s worth it, read on.

Next, ask yourself what you want from him. Do you want a boyfriend? Are you willing to be exclusive, even if it’s long distance? Or, do you really just like his company and want to keep him in your life? Depending on the category he falls into, your relationship could go in many different directions. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, continue.

Before breaching the “Let’s Keep in Touch” convo, see if you can read him. Does he seem like a player, or does he do sweet things for you even though you’re leaving? Do you only have heated holiday sex, or do you actually enjoy each other’s company? If you two are on totally different levels, your idea of how the fling should continue might clash with his idea of how the fling will end. You think he feels the same way? Proceed.

Keep it casual. Don’t put all of you eggs in one basket when you know that long-distance relationships can be difficult. Exchange numbers, emails, Facebook accounts, whatever. The truth is that you probably won’t be able to see each other for a bit, but you can keep in casual contact.

This will simultaneously allow you to see if the relationship is worth hanging on to, and let you get closer to the guy in a friendship-way. Sure, you had crazy sex for a week or two, but let’s face it- it’s not so convenient anymore. You need to decide if you can handle being “just friends” if it means you get to keep him in your life. If you can’t, it was officially a holiday fling.

If you can, there are a number of routes the relationship could take. I fell in love in Europe several years ago, and I am visiting the hunk in a couple of short weeks. Am I excited for his company? Absolutely. Do I hope we can get it on? Definitely. Will I make the first move? Certainly not. I’d much rather keep him in my life than be a forgotten sex toy.

Make your decisions wisely.

The student-teacher relationship gets completely morphed once college hits. Lecturers can be more laid back– the “hip” teachers wear jeans to class and drop curse words to express their points. In many cases, students and teachers can work closely, whether it be during office hours or on a collaborative research project. But, when it comes to student-teacher relationships, how close is too close?

Most of the “hot” teachers in college are probably shrouded in urban legends revolving around steamy love affairs in class. The profs who really connect with the students and relate to us on our level are targets for schoolgirl crushes. And once in a while, a professor comes along who takes full advantage of that. There are obvious taboos regarding student-teacher interaction in high school, thanks to some of the pedophilic educators who have made headlines over the past ten years, but in college, there are many shades of gray.

First of all, college students are of legal age to give consent. And the age gap is much smaller, especially when you throw TA’s into the picture, some of whom may still even be undergrads themselves. Still, can a romance between a professor and a student really blossom in college? Here are some factors to consider:

1. Who Makes the First Move?

It’s awkward enough following up with the cutie whose number you scored at Saturday’s Graffiti Party. If you are crushing on your professor or TA, you cross more than just the ‘friendship’ line by making a move. If he really was just giving you extra attention because you really needed extra help, then you’re going to get derailed by a freight train of anxiety after he turns you down…plus, you’ll still have to look him in the face for the rest of the semester.

The prof making the first move can be just as awkward: is he some kind of perv who hits on all the undergrads? Is he trying to use his status as your superior to his advantage? Keep in mind that a teacher hitting on a student is pretty much sexual harassment, so if Dr. Dreamboat actually makes a pass, he’s risking more than just mortification: he’s risking his job.

2. Are you on the same level?

Professors have way more life experience than we do. To be a university professor, they have to hold PhD’s and be published regularly. Not to mention have more than a few years on you. They’ve gone through the college party circuit; you haven’t. Can you really be on the same page about your torrid love affair?

You see him as older, mature, and booksmart sexy. But are you sure he doesn’t just see you as a naive, innocent schoolgirl?

3. If the Relationship is Outed, There WILL be Consequences.

Simply put: his career will be jeopardized and your academic integrity will be questioned. Who’s to say you earned those A’s, when you’ve been getting extra credit in the bedroom?

4. There May be Tension in the Classroom.

You hit on your prof and he turns you down – awkward.

You have a one night stand, and come Monday morning, you have to sit and listen to him lecture about how Eliot’s The Wasteland is a marvel of modern British Lit – awkward and boring.

You have to take notes, but all you can think about is scratching your nails down his back as he thrusted away last weekend – a little hot, but you need to focus on the notes!

You thought he actually liked you; he sees it as a one-night stand to be locked away with the other skeletons in his closet – a bruise to your ego, AND he still gets to grade your exams.

5. There are Plenty of Fish in the University Sea.

There’s a lot of wrenches that can be thrown into your education if you’ve hooked up with your professor or TA. You can’t go on public dates with your professor, or bring him to Lambda Chi’s keg party, or even cuddle with him in your dorm. So why risk all of the above by trying to be that girl? I admit, it’s a little different when you’re talking about a TA as opposed to a faculty professor, especially if the age gap isn’t too wide. But if you really feel like there’s a connection, why not wait until the semester is over, and see if anything blossoms?

In “normal” relationships, we often take things slow, so what’s the big hurry to jump in bed with a teacher? Just to play out a fantasy in real life?

I’ve had some pretty cool teachers in my life, but never pursued anything past intellectual conversation. Why? Because I liked that those professors appreciated my intellect and the hard work I put into their class. When it was time to grab some stellar reference letters, I knew I had never jeopardized my reputation with these professors, which was a plus. On the other hand, I’ve been a TA, and taught students only a couple of years my junior. Some of my students were cool as hell, and we sometimes let office hours discussions segue into semi-personal conversations (e.g. favorite music, politics, or other PG topics). Still, I never thought of them as anything more than my students, and if I continued to correspond with them after class ended, it always remained strictly platonic.

The student-professor love affair has been romanticized in books, TV shows, movies, and via word-of-mouth. Still, some things are better left to the imagination. I recommend sticking to your peers, rather than pursuing your profs.

Are you one of those girls with a problem with strip/burlesque clubs? If the answer is YES, please proceed to paragraph number 1 and then read 2. If the answer is NO, please proceed to paragraph number 2.

1. Well, alright. I get it. You have respect for a woman’s body and sexuality, right? Watching men drool over a woman’s body with whom they have no personal, let alone emotional, connection with whatsoever is sickening, right?

Something about the placing of a dollar bill in a thong makes you want to barf. And the idea of your boyfriend/husband/love interest being the guy with the dollar bill is just thoroughly intolerable, right? After all, if you two are involved, he should only think about and see your body sexually, right? He should not be involved with the chauvinist society of strip club going men. That would make him much more like a slime ball than the perfect guy you THINK you’re dating.

But THINK is the key word here, ladies. I beg of you to place yourself in the mindset of the girls who have proceeded directly to paragraph 2. Suspend your opinions at least momentarily if you can.

2. Girls who are OK with strip clubs seem to all agree on a few things:

A. Strip clubs are not degrading. Rather, they’re kind of exalting of the woman’s body if anything. These girls are making so much money for a reason: they are harnessing their sexuality and empowering themselves with it.

B. All men have a percentage of pig in them. If you’re going to go ahead and believe your man when he tells you that a gorgeous, naked woman dancing in front of him is not arousing; then you’re an idiot.

This is what I call an animal instinct. It’s there, it’s natural, and it has NOTHING to do with whether or not he loves you. Strip clubs do bring out this element in men. But if you keep trying to repress this, you might as well go date the woman you’re trying to turn him into.

C. We all know that confidence is what’s sexiest of all. Having had friends who have been and are strippers, I can tell you one thing for damn sure: A girl who hates stripping doesn’t last more than a few nights…if even one.

Strippers today, in a world where women can get any job of their choosing (even without a degree, they could choose something besides stripping if they wanted), are confident. They are not being forced into a bad, dark place where they have to take off their clothes as their only means to eat. Instead, they have actually embraced their sexuality on a professional level.

I must admit, if I had been reading this blog, I would have had to go straight to paragraph 2. Having once had a serious issue with porn and strip clubs and all other outlets of “inappropriate” sexuality; I have finally learned that sex comes in many levels…but primarily: Lustsex and Lovesex.

If your lovesex with a gentleman is truly lovesex; lustsex poses no threat to you. Remember, confidence is what’s sexy and there’s nothing more unsexy than a girl whining about the guys wanting to go to the strip club to celebrate something some Saturday night instead of coming to your tea party. If this is you, again, I beg you, just please go date the woman you’re trying to turn him into instead. (But let me warn you: she’ll probably be into hot chicks being naked, too. I’m just sayin’…)