Look, people say lies serve no purpose and that honesty is the best policy. Is it? Is it even possible? Should it be the law of the land or just a nice ideal to attempt to live up to? I mean, there are some things you just don’t want to cop to, especially when you don’t know the person all that well. In the beginning, lying can be a way to tip-toe toward trust. Sounds illogical? What about life isn’t?

So the question becomes, what is it okay to lie about?

Criminal History
You don’t start a date with, “so I just got out of prison for taking an axe to my ex because she wouldn’t give me back my Battlestar Galactica blu-ray set. I mean, it was the COMPLETE SERIES! Do you want an appetizer?” DATE OVER! Unless her name’s Lumen and your name’s Dexter, keeping mum about your dark passenger might not be a bad policy until, maybe, date number 3? 30?

Your Number
When asked about how many people you’ve had sex with, are you always completely willing to reveal your vital stats? Too low and they might think you suck in the sack (and not literally, most likely). Too many and they’ll say goodbye wearing latex gloves (no matter the fact you’ve had more partners than Jenna Jameson and are completely STD free because you practice safely). Let’s face it, your number can be a badge of honor or a scarlet letter. Until you’re comfortable enough, play it close to the vest.

The Ex-File
When do you open it up? That’s a case by case basis if there ever was one. You don’t want to admit to being a stalker for that cowboy with the Jason Stackhouse abs, right? NO! Nobody wants to come off like the bad guy. You want to look sympathetic. So tweak the details a bit. Then when you’re ready you can swap stories of the shameful self-depreciating deeds.

“I’m A Millionaire/ I’m Broke”
Nobody needs to know all the details of your finances. Until you’re ready to open a joint account, give them a pre-nup, or asking for a signature on a loan. Then, yeah, okay, time to break out your ledgers.

Because You Have to Back Up Your Friend
Ever have a friend do something you really didn’t agree with but you feel like you have to back them up because they’re your friend and they’ve done it for you? I hate those moral dilemmas!

To Protect Your Friend After a Break-Up
Ever run into a friend’s ex and he asks how your friend’s doing? Did you tell them she was wallowing in pizza boxes and the Real Housewives of Orange County? If you did, you’re a douche.

“No You Don’t Look Fat in That Dress”
Call me a cretin if you want. I refuse to plummet into that Hell pit.

Speak Well of the Dead
Even if the person who died was an ass*ole, do you ever say that to their family? If you do, well, you’ve got some cojones. Being dead seems to wash away all of your flaws in the minds of everyone you ever came in contact with for at least 2 weeks.

“Bin Laden was my Daddy”
This is just to reduce a lot of complications to all forms of social engagements. I’m all for being proud of your heritage but ease someone into the familial skeletons in the closet. It’d be nice if people didn’t rush to judgment based on your family tree but let’s be realistic.

“You’re Nothing Like Your Mother”
You’re not. I swear.

Alright there they are. Lies we tell to spare ourselves and others. The little white lies and the big fat denials. We all tell half-truths. We all omit certain details. Generally, we try to make things easier for everyone involved. It’s a form of self-protection. Can you tell your dad you never liked his bologna sandwiches or that your mom’s got a control issue when it comes to setting the table? Lie and deny. Omit and submit. You pick your battles. You bide your time. You get to a higher level of honesty by carefully navigating the construction of trust. Lies are just some of the many shades of gray in this crazy mixed up world. And you know what, sometimes they’re damn necessary!

Trust me I’m The Doctor,

The Dude

1. “Size doesn’t matter”

It matters. We get it. Girth more than length. But it’s tough to perform if you don’t…”believe in yourself.” So, yeah, we try to pump up so we can pump with purpose. It ain’t easy bein’ teeny-weeny. Overcompensation galore, thanks for complex, Napoleon.

2. “I’m not going bald”

I know a lot of 27 year-olds with sunburn on their scalps who refuse to pick up a bottle of Rogaine when they should be buying stock in the f*cking company. Baldness is a basic security threat to all men everywhere. There’s a sense of failure, public failure at that. I mean, if we can’t hold onto our hair, how can we hold on to a relationship? (Yes, that’s completely unrelated and illogical but so is the fear of looking like Lex Luthor) The shaved head has given the balding a footing in gaining acceptance in a shelter of denial (“I’m not bald, I just shave”). But still there’s a stigma that girls and employers equate bald with bad.

3. “I’m a really good kisser”

We’re not all good kissers. And neither are all of you. If you lick teeth, you might be a bad kisser. If you try to swallow the other person’s mouth, you might be a bad kisser.  If the other person refuses to open their mouth when you enter the room, you might be a bad kisser. But try telling him that! When it comes to sex and all things sexually related, criticism’s tough to harden oneself up to. Speaking of which…

4. “I make her cum every time”

These guys just haven’t watched When Harry Met Sally…And those who have still say, “well, it’s never happened to me.” And it probably has. Or the girl didn’t even bother to fake it and just said, “I’m tired, are you done yet?” I’m paraphrasing, of course…And it’s never happened to me.

5. “I’m always ‘ready’”

A physical impossibility. Unless you’re Wolverine.

6. “If I had 3 Months and a personal trainer I’d look like Hugh Jackman”

No, we wouldn’t. 99% of us. This is how we rationalize not working out on a regular basis but denying feeling less like a man every time we watch X-Men and X2:X-Men United (I like to pretend the other movies don’t exist).

7. “I’ll stop eating fried chicken”

So many resolutions to eat better, exercise more, stop smoking, and lessen monthly amount of alcohol intake. After 25 I’ve known a few who’ve made good on this promise. But usually it becomes the truth after the first heart attack or breaking a scale for the first time.

8. “I can jump that”

Fortunately, most of us don’t try to prove this one.

 9. “I’m a writer”

What have you written? “Uh, I’ve got this idea for a screenplay.” Or “I’m an actor.” Where did you study? “Real actors don’t need classes.” Or “I’m an artist.” What have you made? “Macaroni necklaces.” Look, as we grow older and the dreams of youth become unfulfilled wishes, we still cling to the dream to deny ourselves the harsh truth: We haven’t made it and we probably never will. A lie that softens the blow.

10. “People don’t understand me”

Sure they do, you’re an asshole. You just can’t admit it because you’re also narcissistic.

11. “I’m a grown up now!”

Actually, I think this is a lie we tell other people. I don’t know if we ever feel like adults. And I’m not just limiting this to men. Thoughts?

12. “All girls like anal”

DAMN YOU, PORN!!!!!!! (And frankly, a lot of guys don’t like anal either once they’ve tried it. Giving or receiving, just to clarify.)

There they are ladies. A dozen lies many men use intermittently at different times of the year-I mean lives. Some of them we outgrow. Some we grow into. The really interesting thing is what happens when you try to point out the lie to the liar. Now there’s a risky experiment to try and we’ve all felt the burn of showing someone the light when they weren’t ready to come out of the sheltering dark. Now onward to the comments! What rings true? What did I leave out? What lies have your friends told themselves?

It was me who chopped down the cherry tree!

George Washington Dude

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my bf for two and a half years and I think it’s a good thing to be friends with his three guy best friends. Not in a way that says ‘I’m gonna be THAT girl and force myself into all of your conversations and hang out times,’ but they are a big part of my life. They aren’t going anywhere, they all grew up together, and I’m glad my guy has some really good friends who know him so well. My boyfriend is adorkable – he’s pretty nerdy but he’s not terribly socially awkward like his good friend … let us call him “C”.

After trying to help C land a girlfriend (I’m a good wingwoman), we’ve become close.  Lately, some friends have been hosting Saturday Drinking Nights every week or so at their apartment. My boyfriend and I meet up with C and go there to have a good time, play Circle of Death, important college type things.

At the first drinking night C kept insisting he put his arm around my shoulder so that I may function as a stabilizer. He was quite wobbly so I accepted that excuse. The next drinking night two weeks later, I was sooooooo drunk by the end. One of my friends said she swore he saw him start off leaning on me for support, then gradually put his arm around my waist and had been gradually moving his hands toward other places before he noticed her watching him like a hawk. I can’t verify with my boyfriend – he’d been out on a 7-11 run.

Three weeks later a dear friend of mine was over for dinner while my boyfriend was at a mandatory 3-day family reunion in another state. My friend brought some booze and we were drinking because it was her last night before she left. She got picked up, and I was alone in the house, sorta drunk and at 3 in the morning the dog started barking and growling. I’d never heard her bark in that way, so I thought someone was breaking in. So, being drunk, the first person I called was my bf. He said I should have C come check on me and the house.

So C came over and checked around the house for signs of a break-in while I freaked out a little. Then when he found none there was this awkward 27 minutes of us standing by the back door, me holding it open and him NOT LEAVING. He kept trying to check the windows, locks, curtains you name it. He kept hugging me and telling me it was okay and not to be scared, even though I had been thoroughly done with my mini-breakdown five minutes after he got there.

Then he kept asking me if i needed him to stay with me. At that point I felt very uncomfortable to be even that little drunk with someone who allegedly felt me up while I was too drunk to notice. So I lied and told him that I called a girlfriend before he got to the house and she would let me stay at her house if I was scared. He left very reluctantly, maybe after he realized I was not in the blackout stage and would NOT be taken advantage of. I haven’t talked to him since that night.

So after all this my question is: How the hell can I talk about this with my boyfriend without ruining their friendship? Is it possible?

Dear Stabilizer,
Okay, first of all, I love your use of the word “adorkable.” Coin that shiz.

On to your question:

Girl, stop flooping getting out of control drunk!!! GEEZ!!! Sorry, kids, but it’s just plain stoopid to get blackout drunk at a party. I mean, this guy who you’re supposed to be able to trust tried to feel you up. Imagine what a stranger might do.

Aside from that, though, you’ve actually got a problem on your hands.

I’m pretty sure C has decided he wants you for himself. This is SO not okay, but unfortunately guys are more flexible on that whole getting-with-friends’-lovers than girls are. I’m gonna go ahead and call C out for what he really is: a creep. Stay away.

But before you stay away, have a talk with him. Have the talk during the day and in a public place. AND NO DRINKING. Tell C that you feel his behavior has crossed a line. He will tell you, of course, that it has not. However, you MUST be firm and tell him that you feel it has. Be upfront and give him the details of what has made you uncomfortable. Look him in the eye the whole time and do NOT apologize for how you feel.

He will inevitably try to brush it off, but he’ll be listening. Stand your ground. Tell him that, whether or not he thinks it’s a big deal, it is absolutely a big deal to you, and, either way, you are giving him one chance. If he EVER acts inappropriately in this way to you again, you will tell your boyfriend. If not, then you two can remain distant (NOT close) friends.

There is, of course, the slight possibility that, to protect his own ash, he may turn around and tell a lie about you to your boyfriend. Be prepared for this. Actually, if it were me, I’d make him sign a dated contract saying that you two had this conversation (not that he agrees that he did it, but just that you talked about it). Don’t show the contract to your boyfriend unless C tries to backstab you.

Blech. Just thinking about this guy gives me the heebyjeebs.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

It’s not like you meant to be dishonest, but the words tumbled out of your mouth before you even had the chance to think about them. You’re not lying; you’re sparing her feelings. Does she really need to know that you think she completely overreacted or that no, you don’t think the reason he didn’t call was because he got run over by a truck? You’re just trying to be a good friend. But are you really? Not according to Lori Gottlieb, who believes that being one another’s “yes women” is turning our BFFs into our worst enemies.

I pride myself on always telling the truth, in friendships, in relationships, and at work. Always. Honesty is not only important; it’s necessary. It builds trust, gains respect, and keeps things simple. There is not a single situation that could possibly be made less complicated by lying. At least, that’s what I strive for, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I too have caved to the pressure of being a “yes women” on more than one occasion.

According to Gottlieb a “yes women” is a friend who tells you exactly what you want to hear. She reiterates your opinion right back to you, squashing your fears and reaffirming your beliefs. She makes you feel better about yourself, while also making herself feel better. If you’re right, then so is she. There’s safety in numbers. Misery loves company. We’re just helping each out, right?

Wrong. We think that by lying to our friends we’re helping them, when we’re actually doing just the opposite. Honesty is the best policy. It’s a tried and true cliché for a reason. Wouldn’t you want to know the truth? Isn’t it better that you have a BFF who cares enough to withstand your rage when she disagrees about your new boyfriend? Sometimes, the truth hurts. But that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

Granted, nothing is ever that simple. If the truth will do more harm than good should you still be honest? Your friend just finishes telling you about her horrible day. She woke up late, failed her Poli Sci pop quiz, and then had an argument with her boyfriend. The fight is over and done with and even though you disagree with the way she handled it, nothing can be done about that now. Ben and Jerry’s container in hand, she turns to you. “You think I did the right thing, right?” I applaud the women that won’t cave under that kind of pressure.

And even if you are one of the brave and blunt, that doesn’t always work in your favor. When someone asks for honesty, they don’t actually want honesty. At least, most women don’t. They want to hear you agree with them. They want to hear their own carefully crafted opinion repeated back to them. No one wants to hear “that dress makes you look fat”, or “yes I do think your boyfriend is cheating on you.” No one wants to hear the bad stuff. So on the off chance that your friend fesses up and tells you that the bright orange romper is best left on the sales rack, you probably won’t be particularly happy with her, either.

But maybe you should be?

When it comes down to it, it’s all about personal relationships. What do you want in a best friend? What type of person are you and who do you surround yourself with? Someone who will pat you on the back and tell you it will all work out, or someone who will tell you to stop whining and start dealing? Can you lie to your BFF to spare her feelings or are you always straightforward, despite the consequences?

It’s this ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective that Gottlieb’s article lacks. She makes interesting points, and offers what could be life changing advice. (Her article has been described as the He’s Just Not That Into You of female friendships.)  But she makes the mistake of assuming that everyone holds the same values that she does. With Gottlieb, everything is black and white, right and wrong. Everyone is exactly the same, and there is only one way to react to a situation. She generalizes, speaks for all women, instead of just herself, and doesn’t stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, there are exceptions to her rules.

What do you think, CollegeCandy readers? Do you want the truth and nothing but the truth? Or would you prefer the white lie and the spared feelings? What would a true best friend do? When is it okay to lie and when are you doing your friend an injustice?

Foolproof ways to tell if he’s lying.

Inside Emily Blunt and John Krasinski’s wedding soiree!

Hollywood dating trend: do it with your agent.

Gorgeous Stila palette…for only $10?!

Mel Gibson’s evil rants by the numbers.

Some funny photobombs to cure the Monday blues.

There are some unwritten rules of friendship we all know: Thou shalt hold her hair back when she is praying to the porcelain god after a long Friday night. Thou shalt never date her ex-boyfriend, brother or best male friend. Thou shalt never have to watch Say Yes to the Dress alone. Thou shalt risk your life to satisfy the drunken cravings of your BFF.

But that’s where the clear-cut rules end and where the giant friendship gray area begins.

How can you tell if you are in a toxic friendship? Do you know how to tell if your friends are talking about you behind your back? And that friend who always compliments a terrible outfit choice or lets you date jerk after jerk – does she understand that, despite your feelings, honesty is the best policy? That there are certain moments between friends that always require the truth?

And how do you know if you’re the toxic one in the relationship?  Think back to the last fight you had with your boyfriend, your mom, your boss, whoever – did every little detail end up on your newsfeed? Did you give them the ol’ “talk to the hand cuz the face ain’t listening”? Yeah, probably not the best course of action, right?

Friendship is sacred so don’t take advantage of the good friends you’ve got, and definitely don’t give your loyalty out to the girls who don’t deserve it. Pause, evaluate and move forward with your worthy BFFs.

[Tomorrow, Friday, April 30th, is National Honesty Day. We're all about telling the truth around here (often to a fault), but as one writer argues, sometimes honesty may not be the best policy.]

Whoever said that “honesty is the best policy” has obviously never been in a relationship, nor had a best friend on their period. Sometimes a girl’s best friend is a white lie. Trust me, I know from experience. Not only have I had a petition signed against me (yeah, really), but I’ve also gotten into many fights that could have been avoided by not being brutally honest.

I’m not saying that in every situation we need to lie. In fact, lies can lead to the end of many relationships. There are, however, times when honesty probably isn’t a good idea. Don’t know what I mean? Here are some situations when it’s best to just bite your tongue:

Probably not the best idea: “Sorry, mom; I look like crap because I’m hungover as hell and that dude that stayed over kept kicking me all night, dammit!”
Instead: “I had a late night.”

Probably not the best idea: “Not to be mean, but you are in desperate need of some Listerine. Seriously, what died in your mouth?”
Instead: “Want some gum? There are gonna be cute guys and we don’t want to smell like onion rings.”

Probably not the best idea: “Seriously? Shut up! All I asked you was how you are, not your life story. I don’t really care, I was just trying to make small talk.”
Instead: “Oh, well I’m running late for a study group….”

Probably not the best idea: “Honestly, your laugh is like nails on a chalkboard and I’d rather swap spit with a Golden Retriever than let your slobbery mouth near mine again.”
Instead: “Yeah, you’re a great guy, but things just aren’t working out. ”

Probably not the best idea: “Nice muffin top.”
Instead: “I’m not sure I love the way those jeans look on your butt. We can do better.”

Probably not the best idea: “You look slutty in that dress.”
Instead: “I like the other dress more.”

Probably not the best idea: “ARE YOU KIDDING? He’s clearly not interested in you so just move on already.”
Instead: “There are lots of guys here, what about that cute guy from your Physics lab?”

Probably not the best idea: “You’re the laziest mo-fo I’ve ever met.”
Instead: “Could you take out the trash today? Thanks!”

Probably not the best idea: “STOP STALKING THEM ON FACEBOOK! It’s creepy!”
Instead: Actually, no, that one’s OK. Someone needs to intervene.

In the long run, honesty generally is the best way to go. Lying will get you no where, as people will eventually discover the truth. I am not saying that we need to lie; I am just saying that sometimes being completely and totally honest isn’t appropriate. Sometimes you need to tell the truth in a much nicer way. When your boyfriend’s mother asks you how dinner was the first time he takes you home, tell her it was great. When your friend just got a horrible hair cut and comes to you teary eyed and depressed, do her make up and make her feel good about herself.

Honesty is about packaging. Know how to be honest, and use your discretion when deciding if it is appropriate.

It’s Wednesday, and in my book that means sipping the finest of boxed wines (and slapping the bag), watching Modern Family, and, of course, contemplating life’s strangest possibilities.

So let’s not waste any prime Franzia time and get right on down to business:

Would you rather have your nose light up every time you think about sex OR never be able to lie about anything?

Things to consider: that hot guy down the row at church, talking to your professor about missing class, writing your resume.

Vote and then share your reasoning below!

We all lie, in some form or another. We lie to our parents (it’s not a hangover; it’s a stomach bug), our teachers (I’m late because the bus was delayed, not because I forgot to set my alarm), our employers (it’s my mom’s birthday, not some girl in my hall’s 21^st) and our sexual partners (you’re the best I’ve ever had!).

Lying to someone you’re sleeping with is dangerous territory, though. By lying to them, you could be endangering their physical (or mental) health. Which lies are OK to tell, and what things do we have to fess up too?

Lie: I’ve never worn this lingerie for anyone else.

Verdict: OK. We all have a favorite pair of lingerie, and we’ve probably worn it with more than one partner. After all, good lingerie is expensive, and we shouldn’t have to throw it out just because a relationship ends. But your partner probably doesn’t want to know what you wore last time you canoodled with someone else, so it’s okay to keep that information to yourself, or fib a little if it comes up.

Lie: I never slept with [insert friend here].

Verdict: BAD. The truth will come out eventually, and it will not be pretty. How would you feel if you found out one of your partner’s close friends was actually someone they used to sleep with? It’s best to have this information up front.

Lie: Your family/friends are so much fun.

Verdict: OK. You might hate the way his best friend burps or her crazy uncle that gets way too competitive playing volleyball, but your partner doesn’t need to be privy to this information. These people are going to be in their life for a while, so you best learn to deal with them, or at least act like you have.

Lie: I don’t have a crush on my chem professor.

Verdict: OK. You don’t have to fess up to every little crush you have, as long as there is no chance of the crush leading to anything real. Although, if you do fess up to it, you can probably convince your partner to role-play it with you.

Lie: I’ve always used condoms.

Verdict: BAD. Lying about your sexual health is never OK. If you have had unprotected sex, fess up and get tested, to keep you both healthy.

Lie: I came.

Verdict: BAD. Faking orgasms only hurts your sex life. When you say you like something, you encourage your partner to do it more often. If you lie about having orgasms, your partner will keep doing what they think works, and you’ll suffer the consequences.

What are some lies you’ve told to a sexual partner?

I went to South Beach once. I ate really good sushi, stared into stores that I couldn’t even afford to walk into, and drunkenly slipped and fell on a stair leaving my entire left butt cheek so bruised I had to stand for the flight back to Michigan.  My trip would never have made good TV, which is probably why I am not on The City: too much ass, not enough drama.

The NYC kids (well, except Allie who was busy making porn in NYC) were sick of the dreary winter days so they decided to take a trip to Miami. Should be fun, right? Wrong. Obviously, drama follows these kids wherever they go and, obviously, Jay’s ex-fling (who he denies going home with that night after he and Whit started doin’ the dirty) happened to be at the same bar. Was it because she’s a total stalker? Perhaps.  A Coincidence? Perhaps. Whatever the reason, it turned the drama all the way up.

For someone who wants nothing to do with her and just wants to put the whole sitch behind him, Jay sure did get a bit jealous when he saw her with a dude. “Danielle’s over there with her f**king new boyfriend. But I don’t care. Really, I don’t…. I’m just gonna go over there and say hi.”

And what does he ask her to do? Clear the air with Whitney. This reminds me of the time when I accidentally broke my mom’s favorite ceramic tchotchke. I didn’t want her to know I did it and for the next week I kept saying things like, “I can’t believe that broke,” and “Gosh, I wonder who broke that.” See where I’m going with this? All that talking only made me look more guilty. Eventually, my mom figured it out…and withheld my allowance for a month.

When will Whitney start withholding “allowance,” huh?

Meanwhile, Adam is sitting in the bar chugging Patron from the bottle and hanging out with tons of bitches. Erin alerts Allie to this (even though I’m pretty sure calling from the bar is not the smartest idea), which brings the sh*tstorm back to NYC. Adam and Allie meet at a bar (even though they live together), they fight again and Adam begs her to let him earn her trust back.

Here’s an idea, Adam: stop acting like a manwhore. You can only regain this chick’s trust once (a week), so keep your d**k in your pants for once and stop acting like an ass when A) your GF’s friends are around and B) When MTV cameras are around. Do you really love this girl, or do you just need someone to split the rent with you?

When Erin returns from Miami she meets up with that other random friend for lunch at Bergdorf’s (standard) and immediately starts rubbing the whole trip in her face. The girl didn’t even have a chance to say hello before Erin jumps into how fun it was and how much drama there was. She doesn’t trust Adam:  “I smell a little ahi tuna…” she says. That’s her cute way of saying something smells fishy, but I think it may be the fact that she’s wearing a silk short-romper without any undies.

I’m just sayin….

The dramatic ep. ends when Whitney invites Jay’s bandmate’s GF out for a shopping trip….er…..”tell me everything you know about Jay” session. The girl confirms what we know and Whitney refuses to believe: Jay’s a lying bastard. Whitney has suspected this all along but, like most girls, has tried to push her doubts away and believe the best. Now, standing in an overpriced NYC boutique, her worst fears have been confirmed.

OMFG! What is she going to do now?

My guess? Go back to him, obvi. I mean, it’s not time for the season finale yet, is it?